-Glossary included at the end-
***
"I'm gonna fucking rape you faggot!" Odie yelled. I threw a beer can at him and he winced as it hit him in the face. "Jesus, calm down Marcus!"
"Watch your language, cocksucker!"
"You're just mad because I'm about to kill you and rape your corpse, dork!"
"Not before I fuck your wife and daughter and - oh hey Devon." I grinned as our nerdy flatmate appeared in the doorframe. He frowned at us.
"What are you playing?" He peered at the screen. I grinned at him.
"Mario Kart. You in?" He looked tempted, but he sighed.
"I gotta study."
"NERD!" I yelled and chucked a beer can at him. He caught it clumsily and bit his lip before throwing it back.
"Maybe later." I sighed as he slunk back to his room. Devon was always studying. I don't know why. He was passing easily, straight fucking A student and all. I scrape through. I learned in first year exactly how little you have to do to get Cs and I pretty much had my degree sorted from there. I turned back to the game a little reluctantly. It was always more fun with more people. And we liked to try to make Devon blush with our filthy language, he was such a prude.
"Cunt sucker!" I swore as Odie beat me again and I woke up from thinking about Devon. He laughed.
"I like that. That's new."
"It's what your mum calls me." We frowned at each other as we tried to work out if that was an insult or not and started laughing.
"Anyway, you lose, you gotta make dinner." I sighed. I hate cooking. But fair's fair.
"I'll see if Dev wants anything in particular."
I got up and headed to Devon's room down the corridor. Five of us live here: me, Odie, Devon, Lucas and Riley. All of us knew each other except for Devon, we needed him to fill a room. We all agreed we'd made an excellent choice in our flatmate- he was quiet and nerdy as hell but he never complained about us being too loud, or smoking too much weed. He was so neat and tidy he never even needed to say anything about how messy and gross we were. We felt just bad enough to keep it together for his sake.
I knocked on his door and gave him a second.
"You can come in." He called. I opened the door and leant on the doorway. His room was so clean. It smelled like pine and he always had the curtains open so it was light and airy. I opened my mouth to ask him what he wanted for dinner when my eyes fell on something he was half heartedly covering with his hand. A drawing. A SEXY drawing.
I reached over his desk and grabbed it.
"Hey!" I held it out.
"Holy fuck!" I replied. "Jesus, that's hot as hell!" It was a pen and pencil drawing of some medieval chick with impossible proportions. My mouth fell open as I stared at it. "Weird porn dude, but I totally get it!" Devon laughed as he was turning pink, and took the paper off me.
"It's not porn! It's for my..." He cleared his throat and blushed even deeper pink. "Dungeons and Dragons campaign." He muttered
"Oh shit, you drew that?" I looked at the picture again. It was well done, for smut, although he really didn't have an understanding of female anatomy. "So is that you?" I sat on his bed and leant on his desk as I talked to him. He laughed.
"Na... um... here..." He shuffled through his desk and handed me a picture of a dwarf in shining armour with bulging muscles... and a bulging something else. He laughed at my expression.
"Compensating." He joked. I laughed a little, although I couldn't help but think about the fact that he really didn't need to compensate for anything. I'd seen him come out of the shower by accident once. Maybe it's because he's so tall and thin. Maybe if he had a regular body like mine his cock wouldn't look so obscene... "My muscles..." He said slowly, almost as though he'd followed my train of thought. Oops. My turn to blush.
"That's so cool!" I tried to refocus. "So you all draw up these characters and then what, it's like a board game?" I could see him roll his eyes, just the tiniest bit.
"Uh... not really. It's like... more like Skyrim I guess? Only just pen and paper and dice."
"Sweet!"
"You wanna... Come? We could play a one shot to see if you're into it?" He suddenly looked away and cleared his throat. "Ha ha, sorry, you're probably really busy with school and-"
"Losing Mario Kart? On that note, what do you want for dinner? Couldn't get out of it. You know my repertoire is limited but basically any pasta and pasta sauce out of a jar related cuisine is all yours." He laughed and looked at his monitor. He swallowed.
"You want me to teach you how to make sauce not out of a jar?"
"You're fucking with me. You can do that?!" He laughed and stood up.
"Come on, dipshit."
--
Turns out pasta sauce not out of a jar is actually really easy to make, and fucking delicious.
"The guys have to know about this!" I said excitedly as Devon made me try it. I got them all up out of various weed, video game, study, and wanking related activities and sat them down at the dinner table.
"Lads. Today is a momentous day. We give our thanks to Devon, Lord Devon of Italian Cuisine for introducing us to the way of pasta sauce not from a jar. Huzzah!" We clanged our beer cans together and I threw one at Devon.
"Could you just... hand that to me like a normal person?" He grunted as he fumbled the catch.
"Lads, Lord Dev has spoken. He says to stop throwing shit like barbarians while at the dinner table." Riley said, and we burst out laughing. Dev looked a little pink and I squeezed his thigh, just so he knew we were laughing with him, not at him.
--
His door was partially open when I got home from Uni a few days later. I dont know what the fuck possesed me. I think he just fascinated me- he was so different to us. So composed. So freaking smart. I walked into his room and stood in the middle. I wondered if he had a rough side, a gross side... he had to, right? He was only human. Geeks aren't that different from bogans, really. I tentatively opened a drawer. Books. I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself. His walls were lined with books. I opened the next drawer down. Briefs, boxer briefs, socks, and...wait what the fuck was...
"Need a hand finding anything?" Devon raised his eyebrows in the doorway. I tried to lie but I just started laughing instead. I hid my face in my hands as I choked on my own laughter.
"Dev! I'm so sorry!" I whined. "I'm so nosy, honestly it's gonna get me into serious trouble one day. You should go through my stuff, it's only fair." He caught my laughter and shook his head as he sat on his bed and folded his long legs up underneath him.
"I can't think of anything less appealing than going through your room."
"That's probably smart. It's just empty beer cans and cumrags." I was only half joking. Dev grinned at me. He had braces which I only really noticed when he smiled like that. They were oddly fascinating. Oddly... hmm.
His face fell into a frown as I looked at him.
"You ok Marcus?" I cleared my throat.
"Na dude. I'm dying of embarrassment." I glanced around his room and slowly sat down next to him. "What was that one shot thing you were on about?"
"What, D&D?"
"So I can be any character I want?"
"Sort of... there's um... here..." He fumbled around on his desk and managed to pull out a giant sheet of characters and classes and races. It was pretty cool- he must have drawn it up himself, it was all in his style. I studied it as it rested on our knees.
"Half-orc barbarian." I said after looking at it. Devon laughed. "What?!"
"That's the least surprising thing I've ever heard." I rolled my eyes with a smile.
"So theres heaps of murder and rape and pillaging right?" Devon shrugged.
"Sure, but your team might hate you."
"Aw man, this is a team thing?" He cocked his head to one side and looked at me.
"We're meeting on Thursday if you're free?" I thought about that. I was definitely free, and this could be kinda fun. Probably more fun than sitting on the couch by myself. And Devon would be there and I never got to hang out with him because he was always studying. What's the worst that could happen?
"Sure thing, dude!" I grinned.
