Getting up in the morning became a battle. It would have been so easy just to stay in bed and give up. I was so on edge the entire time I was at school. I kept wondering if I was even doing any good. While things hadn't gotten worse, it hadn't gotten better either. It didn't seem like anything was going to change. People still treated me like crap.
But worse than how they treated me was how they treated Ayden. I was afraid that he would break down. Honestly, I probably would have. He would walk through the halls to be pushed around and then get called out of class to go over every agonizing detail of the night his mother killed his father with the detectives over and over again. He would sometimes cry in his sleep and it worried Mom to the point that she didn't even try to enforce us sleeping in separate rooms. Ayden kept surprising me with his strength. I knew Kitty and my mom all thought I was the brave one, but really, it's him.
I was trying to be strong about everything, but I was a bit hurt that no one at school seemed to care I was off the football team. It's not like I expected them to miss me, but I'd still kind of hoped they would. I really did love football. It was hard to drive by the field every day while the team was out practicing. I missed it a lot.
I think my mom was the most shocked about me being off the team. She had called trying to confront the coach, but he used the excuse that I had quit using my own free will. The entire coaching staff was pretending nothing unusual had happened. She was in a rage at dinner that night and she was certain that the student handbook said something about discrimination. She investigated and saw that the discrimination policy didn't mention sexual orientation.
That doesn't seem right to me. I think that adding sexual orientation would help a lot of kids. It would certainly help us now. I mentioned it to Ayden and he said, "I'm not surprised."
"Don't you think it should change though?" I asked.
"Well, yes," he said. "But how would we do that?"
It didn't escape my notice that he said we and I really loved that it wasn't even a question. He was with me on this. As far as his question, all I could say was, "I have no idea."
So I did what I always did when I didn't know. I called Kitty.
***
I was nervous about seeing the principal that day, but I'd spend the good part of the past few days thinking about it and I really wanted to go through with it. Kitty's suggestion had been to go to the school board, but she'd also pointed out that there would have to be support from the students and faculty.
I doubted that was going to happen, but Ayden knew what I was trying to do and he seemed so hopeful. I just hoped that I would get some signatures, besides my own, Ayden's, and Kitty's. I knew I would have to do this the right way, so I needed the principal's permission to be asking for signatures during school hours.
I sat in the little waiting area while the secretary finished a phone call. It felt like forever before she asked, "What do you need, honey?"
I told her, "I need to talk to the principal."
She smiled at me and picked up the phone. After a short exchange, she said, "It'll be a few minutes."
The secretary's name was Ms. Wells and she was in her fifties. She was the nicest lady you'd ever meet and all the students had a lot of respect for her. Often, the only reason anyone was afraid of being sent to the principal's office was because they would have to face her. I found myself wondering what she thought of me now.
"Josh, honey..." she said. She glanced around. "How are you?"
"I'm alright," I said.
"What are you in here for?"
"Asking about a petition," I said. I explained to her what we were trying to do.
She nodded until I finished. "Can I sign it?"
I was shocked that she'd said that. I handed her the signature sheet and she scribbled out her name. "Dear, I don't care what the Bible says. People shouldn't be treated the way your little boyfriend was."
I grinned and hoped that she wouldn't be the only one to feel that way.
The principal seemed a bit distant. He said, "It's a shame you quit the team."
I felt a little angry that he seemed to be ignoring the fact that I'd gotten the crap kicked out of me, but I kept my cool. "That's actually why I'm here, Mr. Brewer. Do you know what led me to quit?"
The principal squirmed. "That's an issue between students. I can't really get involved."
"That's the problem. No one wants to get involved, but someone has to," I said.
Mr. Brewer gave me a patronizing look. "Joshua, there are some matters that it simply isn't wise for me to get involved in. Do you really think it would be wise for me to become a referee for every little issue between students?"
"It's not just some little issue!" I stood up and snatched a picture from his desk. "This is your son, right? If you knew he was going to school every day getting beat up and ridiculed, what would you say? You would want someone to get involved. If Ayden was your son, or if I was, you would want someone to do something. You can't keep ignoring this. We all know that I was attacked on school grounds for being gay."
"Boys fight. There's no point in making this into a big deal when it isn't. Will you return my picture to my desk and leave?"
I slammed the picture frame down. "You know, I really hope your son never has to face anything like this, but if he does I want you to think about what you just said to me."
"Joshua, watch how you speak to me," he warned.
"I'm going to pass this petition around," I said.
"I didn't give you permission to do that," he said.
"Fine, try to stop me," I replied. I knew I was loud enough that anyone in the office could hear me. "It's just an issue between students though, and you shouldn't get involved."
"Close the door and sit down," he ordered. "I'll suspend you."
"Go ahead," I replied, still loud. "If you do, I'll go to the radio stations and the news until someone listens to me. I'll tell them all about it."
Mr. Brewer looked like he really wished he could hit me. "If you cause a problem, you'll be expelled."
***
Mom had been called away on another business trip. She assured me that after this one, she was going to request less travel. I kind of hoped that she could stay because there was a football game about to start that I should have been getting ready for it.
Ayden and I ordered a pizza and started watching movies. I tried not to think about the game and how I'd probably never get to play football again. Instead, I focused on how Ayden rested his head on my chest and laughed at the movie.
I guess I knew the moment we started kissing that this was the night. There was something more to it, I guess. I could feel he was holding me tighter. There was a moment when I felt like I could have cried. I guess that sounds weak, but it's true. I could feel how much he loves me in how he held on to me.
We turned off the TV and went to my bedroom. I laid him down on the bed and looked at him for a while. I kissed his forehead. I really like doing that. It makes me feel like he's mine.
His eyes were watering a bit and he wiped at them. "I'm sorry. I just...I...I didn't think I'd ever be loved this way," he whispered.
I pushed his hair out of his face and kissed him. His arms wrapped around my neck and his legs around my hips. We broke apart for a second and I pulled my shirt off. We started kissing again and I worked at the buttons of his shirt until it was open. I took my time running my hand over his body as I undid my pants. I played with one of his nipples until he gasped and arched his back. His reactions are always beautiful to watch.
