Josh's Journal

I avoided Ayden the best I could when he came down to the lobby to eat. There was no way I could make small talk, not after I'd watched him masturbate. The more I think about it, the more certain I am that he didn't seen me. I'm not sure if that's good or not. At least if he did know, I would have a reason to switch rooms. As it is, it would just seem like I was being a jerk. For some reason, I really didn't want him to think that about me. He just looked so sad and little, sitting there by himself with a bagel.

Chelsea was really in her element during breakfast, smiling and laying on the fake, sugary Southern charm thick while still showing off to the other girls that she'd won. She had the captain of the team. I guess I should have been showing her off to the guys too, since she's the sexiest cheerleader. I just didn't feel like it though. My head hurt.

I finished up my eggs, bacon, sausage, and biscuit fairly quickly and spent the rest of the time before training drinking black coffee.

Chelsea leaned over, resting her huge rack against my arm. She took my coffee cup and sipped it, wrinkling her nose. "Oh mah gawd," she said. "That's so nasty!"

I just shrugged and took the cup back from her. I took a sip and set it down. I didn't really feel like playing along.

"How can you stand that?" she asked, playfully hitting me on the chest.

I shrugged again.

She made a big show of shuddering and making the gross face again since I wasn't game for an overly cute conversation.

I looked at the clock and it was time to go out to the field.

It was fucking hot this morning, and humid too. So there was no way to keep avoiding Ayden. I took the water bottle from him without saying anything and handed it back.

He looked really out of place, out there on the field among all the sweaty jocks. He was wearing those tight pants again, and a T-shirt from some band I'd never listened to. He had a bunch of those rubber band bracelets on and when I looked at them I couldn't help but picturing his fisted hand on his cock the night before.

I started to turn around. Being first in line to run suicides was better than standing there thinking about what I'd seen.

As I turned around though, some of our other players went to get a drink. They took the bottles from Ayden and stood around him while they drank. He looked so small compared to them. He was probably about five foot four. There were cheerleaders bigger than him.

The other guys tossed the empty bottles back at him. Ayden didn't move to catch any of them, just let them hit the grass. "Pick 'em up, faggot." "Come on, little emo bitch, do your job."

Ayden stared at them for a moment before slowly bending to pick up the bottles. Cameron caught Ayden by the neck and forced the kid's face into his crotch while Tex and Kendall spat mouthfuls of water on him.

That was just uncalled for. The kid was out there in the heat, making sure we all stayed hydrated while we try to get better so we might actually win a game. There's no reason for them to mess with him during practice. I went over and told them that.

They laughed at me, made comments like: "Did that little cocksucker do you a favor or somethin'?" and a few others but I didn't pay attention. I gave each of them a shove and made them go to the line to run drills.

Ayden was on his knees still at that point, grabbing the bottles and putting them back in the plastic thing he carried them in. He said, "Thanks," but he didn't look at me. I kind of felt bad for walking off because either they had gotten water on his face or the kid was crying. I really hope he wasn't crying.

:::::::::::::::::::

I practiced hard today and I'm not in the mood to sneak off to any parties, but Chelsea is all dressed up and she just came my door. She has on this short, short, short skirt and a slinky top and I can tell no bra. I'm willing to bet no underwear either. I wonder how she got away with that.

No straight guy with eyes can resist that. I told her I needed to come get ready, but the thing is I really feel more like staying in. I think it's this headache.

:::::::::::::::::::

I took some ibuprofen before I left, but it didn't really help. My head was still pounding and I couldn't think straight. Everyone that was inclined to drink was drunk by the time Chelsea and I got to the frat house. Someone handed her a red cup and she raised it up and let out a loud, "Yee-haw!" It just made my head pound.

There wasn't anything without alcohol in it to drink except Coke, which was alright. What I really needed was a Gatorade or something. I'm sure that practice was just wearing on me.

Chelsea and I danced for a while. More like she grinded her ass on my crotch to a beat. I don't really know how to dance so I just sort of stood there, occasionally putting my hand on her back or moving my arms a little. It was awkward.

She led me up the stairs after the song was over. I think she could sense that I wasn't that into the party or, truthfully, that into her. She had me sit on a bed and started making out with me, but I just couldn't get into it. She was grinding on me, grabbing my hands and pressing them to her huge tits. She was moaning a lot, but I think it was more so everyone else would hear her than because of anything I was doing.

She told me, "I love you, baby."

I just sort of grunted out, "Love you."

Chelsea made this sort of squealing sound at that and started making out with me more. She stopped at took of her shirt, taking both my hands and rubbing them all over her boobs. "I love you, Josh," she declared again. She slipped my class ring off my finger and on to her thumb. "Baby, we're gonna be together forever," she said.

I just let her keep the ring because I didn't know what else to do.

She undid the button and zipper and started to suck on my cock, but I wasn't all that hard. Her grinding had done a little bit, but not much. I started getting nervous, thinking about what would happen if I couldn't get it up.

My mind just sort of wandered. I tried thinking of porn videos I'd watched, seeing if that would do it, but it didn't. I thought about my headache which led to thoughts of practice that day. And that took me to thoughts of the bullying I'd witnessed. I remembered the jokes about Ayden sucking my cock that everyone had been making.

I guess not worrying about it is what made me able to finally work it up. Chelsea wasn't really very good but I could tell she thought she was. She was raking her nails across my balls and licking all over the place, everywhere except where it actually might have felt good. I tried to help her out and eventually I was able to come and get it over with. I'm glad she didn't expect me to return the favor. I just wanted to get back here and sleep off this headache.

I came back and kind of overheard a conversation between Ayden and his mom. It made me feel a bit bad for him.

"Mom, I bought groceries before I left," he said. His back was turned to me. He sat on his bed and hunched over while he listened to his mom.

"I know it wasn't a lot, but..." He was interrupted. "Mom, there's no money in the account right now, I haven't deposited my check yet."

His mom was shrieking so loud I could vaguely hear her. I couldn't figure out what she was saying, but I bet it was bad.

"I'll get some when I'm done with my school trip," Ayden said. He hung up the phone and threw it on the ground. He flopped back on his bed. I was still standing awkwardly by the door when he saw me.

I felt really awkward so I said, "Hey."

He gave me sort of a half wave and put his forearm over his eyes.

"Is...is your mom alright?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, without further explanation. He rolled over and went to sleep.

Hearing his mom yell at him over the phone made me want to talk to my own mom. While I don't always see eye to eye with her, she'd never yell at me like Ayden's mom did at him. I felt like I would be a crappy son if I didn't call her.

I told her I was dating Chelsea and she seemed pleased at that. I'd spent all summer single and she worried that I was isolating myself. One of her parenting magazines told her that sometimes children of divorced parents don't have faith in relationships. She asked if she could meet Chelsea and I said maybe.

I don't really want to take Chelsea home to my mom. That would make things seem a little more permanent, and even though Chelsea has my class ring right now, I don't see us lasting long.