Jonah

From Chapter 2: "I kissed Phillip because I like him. I am a dry sponge of a soul ready to give myself to all who show me affection and acceptance. I never meant to hurt you, Jonah. I never will again." For those interested in my 'momentary lapse' vs 'betrayal'...here is the backstory to fill in all the details of where we all went wrong.

Part 1

We met at the first meeting of the singing group that I attended. Jonah instigated our initial conversation, as a kind of test regarding the direction my desires might take. As hot as Phillip was, I reassured Jonah that he had nothing to worry about. I may have been wrong.

"Tell me something, Ben." Sure Phillip, what?

"If you had not met Jonah before me..." I raise my hand to cut off the trajectory of his thoughts. No, Phillip. This can only lead nowhere for all of us. Jonah and I are boyfriends; and you are our friend - close friend, really.

"How close am I allowed to be, Ben?" Phillip. Please stop. Now. As he moves away and disappears down the corridor, I watch his every step. How hot is Phillip? He is a scorcher...and I do not want to get burned!

Phillip and Jonah Talk -

Come on in, Phil. Grab a beer and have a seat.

"Thanks, Jo. You know why I'm here, right?" Jonah looks his friend in the eyes and gives a slight devilish grin. I do. You want Ben. You're pissed that I saw him first.

"Not pissed, Jo. I see the way the two of you have connected over the past few months. I respect you too much to have just made a pass at Ben ...but I..."

Spit it out.

"I want him for myself, Jo. Can't stop looking at him. Can't stop thinking about him. If we weren't friends..."

But we are. I know you too well, Phil. You would never go behind my back with Ben, and I love you for that. I can't give him up. He perks up around you, I've seen it. There's a glint of desire in his eyes when you talk with him. I can feel that. I can also feel that you're here to make me an offer, right?

"He's not up for bid, Jo. Ben is yours. As of now. Yeah. I want your permission to go after him." Jonah stiffens. Like hell, Phillip.

"Hear me out. You've noticed how he acts around me. I swear, Jo, if he saw me first...you would be in my shoes asking this of me!" Jonah lowers his head. He knows the truth when he hears it. His heart would never rest until he had at least a chance to make it with Ben. Okay, Phillip, what do you want?

"Say nothing to Ben about this. Ever. I will do my best to take him away from you..." Jonah rises to his feet. Phillip bolts up next to him. He and Jonah are about the same height. There is the scent of masculine machismo in the air.

"Let me finish..." You're done, Phillip! Jonah reaches to grab his shoulder, but Phillip twists quickly away. He blurts out the rest of his plan.

"It's better to know if he is willing to go! You need to know just how far he will go in 'friendship' with me...or with someone else! You know I'm right, Jonah. That was on your mind that first night, when you had me approach Ben without telling me you had the hots for him. Admit it!" Jonah unclenches his fist, slackens his jaw, and sinks back into his chair.

You'll break my heart if you win, Phil.

"Better now than latter, Jo. If I'm wrong, this will stay between us. I will never again act on my feelings for Ben. Give me two weeks. I'll hold nothing back from you. Whatever the truth is, we'll both know it." Jonah wants to believe that Ben and he are becoming unbreakable. He is not a jealous man. He is, however, troubled by the truth of Phillips words. There is an ache in his heart, but Jonah has to know. He considers Ben in all of this, but he trusts the secretive nature of their pact.

I swear to God, Phillip, if this ends up hurting Ben in any way...

"Not a chance. He will either stay with you and be happy...or be with me and be happy. And he will never know about any of this." Jonah studies his friends face. He takes in a deep breath, and exhales slowly. Do it.

Part 2

Jonah and I have been spending a lot of time this past week with Phillip. I love Phillip. He is kind, open, and warm. Now that he knows my interest in him is purely platonic, he, Jonah and I have become even closer. We go everywhere together. Phillip has made a dinner reservation for the three of us this Friday night at the new Italian place in town.

"Get in, you two. You ready for your best meal of the week?" I am...what about you, Jonah? I have seen this look on his face before. It is a mixture of subdued joy and melancholy. You okay, babe?

"Sure. Let's go eat." His smile seems a bit forced. We have been able to 'read' each other for some time now. I wonder what if anything is troubling him.

Two courses in, with the first bottle of wine history, and the three of us are having so much fun. The restaurant has just the right mix of public decor and cozy privacy. We are seated in an alcove with only two other tables. So intimate.

"Okay, guys. Surprise! I have the keys to my cousins cabin upstate. The three of us will have a blast for the weekend." Phillip is all smiles; and before he looks my way, he locks eyes with Jonah. Jonah nods and turns to me.

"You go, Ben. This is my weekend to see my sister. She'll miss you, and so will I..." He lingers his gaze at me. "But I've been to the cabin. You'll have a blast!" Are you sure, Jonah? He nods silently.

Okay, Phillip. When do we leave?

Part 3

The ride up is so scenic and lovely. We got in very late from last nights activities. I actually only got a few hours of sleep. Phillip picked me up early so we could get a jump on the traffic. I gave Jonah an extra squeeze and a kiss on the head when I got out of bed this morning. I think he felt it. He sort of curled up and sighed. Phillip seems wide awake.

"You still sleepy, Benny?" Kind of, is my reply.

"Put the seat-back down and snooze a while. We have a long ride ahead of us. I'll wake you if I need any help driving." Okay, Phillip...I will.

As soon as I get reclined and comfy, I feel a lightweight blanket get tossed over me. The most sensuous and soft music floats to my ears. I feel so very relaxed and safe.

"That's it, Benny...close your eyes and drift. Leave the rest to me." I've already entered the state of mind where thoughts give way to sleep, and speech is not possible. His words remain for a second, and then dissipate as the music wins out...'the rest?'

"Wakie, Ben Ben." I feel a hand squeezing and pushing my thigh. Huh? Oh! Are we there?

"Yup, sleepyhead, we are exactly where I want us to be." I still have fog in my eyes and mind. His smile brings mine into bloom. His hand on my thigh feels nice. I give a stretch, a yawn, and then put up the seat-back. Oh, Phillip, the cabin is wonderful!

"Wait til you see inside. Come on. Let's grab our gear and head in."

The inside is amazing. One room in log cabin style, with a big fireplace, galley kitchen, intimate eating area, and a large double bed festooned with lots of fluffy pillows and a thick down comforter. He sees me looking at the bed.

"Gets pretty cold here at night. You don't mind sharing the one bed, do you?" I give him a quizzical look.

"Hey, Jonah and I snuggled here lots of times before you came along. Some of them were even platonic." Some of them, Phillip?

"Look, Ben. I'm no monk, and neither is Jonah. We hooked up for a while, and it turned out that we were better off as friends than as lovers. You can be okay with that, right?" He seems sure of himself, so I guess I will be too. I get it, Phillip. It's fine.

Part 4

We light a fire, and having cooked a simple meal, settle in to eat and to talk. I feel so relaxed here, Phillip. This place is like a safe and friendly drug that I just want to soak in.

"Good idea. There's a hot tub on the deck. Le'ts take a soak before bed." My smile is his answer.

I offer to do the dishes, and Phillip gets the tub ready. Some candles and wine are all we will need. I strip down to my bikini briefs and head out to the deck. Phillip is already in the tub.

"Oh, Benny...this is the life. Get in!" He's right. The water is warm and soothing. This is such a sensuous thing to do. So relaxing. Phillip pours two glasses of wine and reaches over to hand me one. He torso breaks the surface of the water and I see that he is naked. It registers that Phillip has a beautiful body.

"Oh. I should have told you. I go nude as much as I can up here. It's a nature thing. Unless you..." I take the glass and laugh. It's cool, Phillip. You would turn me on with or without clothes.

"Really?" Here's to the best friend that Jonah and I have. We clink glasses and down the wine. He fills us up again. When we decide to get out and dry off, I do not have a towel. There is a chill in the air, and Mr. Chivalry takes his towel and rubs me dry like I was a little kid. Then he slowly dries himself with the same towel. I am kind of transfixed watching him. It is like being front row at a fashion runway, where the hot guys strut their stuff...and the clothes are oh so unimportant. We settle in on some pillows before the fire to warm up. I draped my briefs over a chair to dry. Hey, this is a guys weekend; and all's good.

"Can I tell you something?" What?

"I'm jealous of Jonah. The fact that he saw you first, well, I still have a problem with that...but, hey...I can settle for times like this...if you can?" My answer is quick, yet compassionate. I know that Phillip wants me for his own. He knows that I am with Jonah. His company has been so wonderful so far that I don't want to spoil it. I gaze at the beautiful man next to me and start to speak. You're right, Phillip. Jonah got to me first. What do you want me to say? Okay. You and I...we would have had a chance if the timing was different. I do so love your company. You are an important person in my life. I trust you completely. Phillip breaks his gaze with me for a split second, then speaks in the soft way that a lover does.

"As of right now, I will never break your trust in me, never do anything you don't want to, never lie when you ask me a direct question." Let's go to bed.

Part 5

Two hunks naked in one of the most comfortable beds I have ever been in. What can possibly go wrong? Okay. He is hunkier than me. Thing is, I know that Ben would be okay with this platonic sleepover. Phillip and I settle next to each other. The thought occurs to me that we will entwine our bodies naturally as we sleep through the night. That thought is a pleasant one; and it sends me into a peaceful and deep sleep.

"Benny. Hey, Ben. I have to pee!" I hear something about 'pee' and open my eyes to find that I am draped over Phillip, with my head on his chest. I raise onto my side so he can spring up, and he runs to the door. I watch as Phillip aims his stream over the side of the deck. I don't know if watching him gave me morning wood, or if I woke with it...but I have it! He shivers and rushes back to bed. I lift the comforter so he can scoot in.

"Okay, Benny! Looks like you're happy to see me!" I am, Phillip. I give my friend a gentle kiss on the side of his head. He beams.

Part 6

"Then I got up to pee, and when I got back into bed, Ben had a huge boner."

So nothing more happened?

"Nope. But I know it's just a matter of time. I can feel the heat, Jonah. Ben is all about innocent innuendo, like that kiss on the side of my head. But I bet he has the hots for me and will break before my two weeks are up."

You don't think he suspects? "Not a chance, Jonah. I had a premonition dream at the cabin, Jo."

What was it? "It was very graphic. You sure you want to..." I'm sure, Phillip.

"Ben and I are alone at my place . We smoke some very good weed together; and things start to heat up. We get comfy on the couch; and I am already dtf. I look at Ben with puppy eyes and he gets it. I have to have him, Jonah. I lean in, and Ben opens to me. We kiss full on with all the passion that has been building up inside of us. It's our time, now. We peel off our clothes and without a word, Ben pulls me to him. I can read his mind, Jonah. Ben wants me to fuck him. He wants to feel me fill up his world. He is on his back. His legs rise to my shoulders. I take him quickly. Ben moans out my name. He begs me to cum inside of him, to make him mine. That's when I wake up and have to pee."

Some dream, Phil. Just a dream, right?

"Absolutely. So far. So far Ben has not taken my bait. He is still in your corner, Jo. But I'll get him to my place before the week is up. Then we'll see. Then we'll know."

Part 7

I ask Jonah about the times he and Phillip spent up at the cabin. He tells me they were intimate ones, whether they fucked or not. I tell Jonah all about the weekend. I hold nothing back. He seems to be in neutral. He listens and seems to take it in stride.

"Did you sleep naked, like he and I did?" Yes, Jonah, we did. It was very nice. I gave him a kiss on his head. Do you think we might ever do a threesome, Jonah?

"What?! What are you saying? You want him to fuck you?" He is red faced and agitated. Jonah, please. You and I have pledged to be monogamous; but we have talked about a threesome before. It would be nice if it were with Philip, don't you think...especially with your history...

"It would not. Not with Phillip. Not with anyone. No threesomes, you hear me?!"

We're just talking, Jonah. Are you upset with me? He calms himself quickly.

"No. Not with you. Never with you. I just hope..." He purses his lips and our discussion is over. Jonah walks out the door and drives off. I am confused by his behavior. He returns a short time later with a great big pizza box, and with Phillip tagging along. Jonah pushes past me to set the box on the table.

"Hi, Benny." Hi, Phillip.

The three of us chow down on pizza and beer. It's kind of quiet. We must all just be hungry. Then Jonah speaks.

"Ben tells me you guys had a good time up at the cabin...nude as always, Phil?"

"You know me too well, Jonah. Yes. Nude as always." Phillip and Jonah are sharing an eye-lock; and I can feel the silent waves of information passing between them. They do have a history, after all. You guys are blessed to have stayed friends after the sex faded, I tell them both.

"It didn't fade, Ben, Jonah just wanted more than I could give him in other ways. But I've changed, and now I'm ready to commit." I tell Phillip that Jonah is now taken, and we all share a decidedly strained laugh. I get up to pee, and when I return, it is obvious that they have been talking.

"Gotta go, bros. Thanks for the pizza and drinkables, Jonah. See you soon, Ben!" Bye, Phillip.

Part 8

Jonah is away for the rest of the week. He and I had a good night. He seemed more vulnerable than ever; and our lovemaking was very special to me. Phillip called, and I'm going to his place for dinner. I asked what I could bring, and he said weed. It's gonna be a mellow night, that's for sure.

"Hi, Ben." Phillip is looking at me oddly. Like he knows something I don't. What's up for the night, Philly?

"You. You are up for one relaxing and special night, Benny. Whip out that weed and let's get high!" I do, and we do.

"Ahhh. Nothing like sharing a doubie with someone I..." I am also feeling no pain. Someone I what, Phillip?

"You know what I want, Ben." there is a twinkle in his eyes. I feel that same twinkle in mine. Oh, God. Panic mode. No. No, Phillip. We're good, right? You and I. I mean, we have an understanding. Phillip?

"I only understand that you want me, Ben. Give in to your feelings. Let it go, man."

I take the remains of the roach from Phillip and finish it off, sucking in as deeply as my lungs will allow. You know I do, Phil...You also know that I am with Jonah, and will never betray him. I am overwhelmed with emotion. Here I sit with one of the hottest guys I have ever known; and under other circumstances we would now be kissing. Can I kiss Phillip? Phillip...can I kiss you?

"Yes, Ben. You can kiss me."

I lean in slowly. I feel his breath on my lips. It is warm. It is sweet smelling. My mind races to Jonah. Wasn't there talk of a threesome? Would Jonah mind? My lips touch Phillips. So tender. So warm. His mouth opens to me, and our tongues slide past each other, sending a shock-wave up my spine. I want him. I want Phillip. Jonah. I have Jonah. Jonah is all I need. I break off the kiss and we lock eyes together. Phillip. As nice as this kiss is, Jonah is my first love, and we both know it. Neither of us would ever betray or hurt him, would we?

"Not without his knowledge." What? What did you say?!

"Nothing." Oh my God, Phillip, Jonah knows about this. He knows...this is a test! A stupid and unnecessary test of my willpower. It all makes sense now. His mood swings...your suggestive behavior. PHILLIP! Does he want to dump me and is using you to do it? Oh, God, Phillip. Oh, no. No.

"Not exactly. Ask me another way. I can not break either vow with you, or with Jonah. But if you guess the truth..." It was you. You've told me many times that if you had seen me first...

"Yes. I was a part of this." And Jonah? He knew? He knew you would try to seduce me? He gave you permi...He did!. This is a vile repeat of his setting you up with me on the night we first met at the choral gathering. The bastard!

"No. It was all on me, Ben. I thought that if you and I had a chance to be together, that you would leave Jonah for me. I convinced him that he had to find out if what I said was true. He was reluctant to go along, but I am a master at what I do. I am truly sorry if you are hurt. Jonah told me he would kill me if you got hurt."

I will deal with Jonah later. This is all clear to me now, yet very complicated. I know you want me, Phillip. You know I could easily be with you. We both know I love and am with Jonah. I slipped up a little bit by kissing you. I am as guilty in this as the two of you are. I suppose you and he talk about me a lot - keeping tabs on things?

"Yes." Fine. Then tell him everything we did tonight. Leave nothing out. I will trust you to do that, Phillip.

"I will."

Part 9

He kissed you?

"Are you listening? Yes, he kissed me. And he ended it, as well. I lost. You won. I just hope that Ben can forgive us both, that's all."

It's not all for me! He betrayed me with you. Did any more of your premonition dream come true? If you had more than two weeks to get it done, he would be with you! You were right.

"No, I was wrong. He broke it off just as I said. He has you in his life and you are enough for him. Why are you so upset about that?"

He kissed you. I can't trust him anymore.

"We...I put him up to it..."

And he caved.

"And he knows he only wants you! I hope he forgives..."

HOW CAN I FORGIVE HIM?!!

Part 10

Jonah and I 'talked' it out for about three hours last night. What an ordeal. We both came to see the others' point of view. We slept together as we always do, but also apart. We'll work on healing in the days ahead. I know we can get past this. I just don't want to be the only one to be understanding.

Jonah and I have not made love in the last three days. He is getting out of the shower.

"Let's fuck." There is no joy in his tone. I can only go along and hope for the best.

"You seem to be over the whole thing." Not really. I just see the human folly of what went down by all of us.

"Whatever. Get on your back, Ben... I know how you like it that way." That sounds appeasing, and appealing, so I do. Jonah bypasses the foreplay, the kissing, the warm-up and all the romantic gestures we once shared. He opens a lube tube, fills his hand with it, and tosses it onto the floor. With a quick slap onto my crack, the lube is in place and Jonah lowers himself to me. I feel a bit like a hired rent boy about to be rough fucked by someone intent on getting his monies worth. I am not wrong. One plunge has all of Jonah's length and thickness tearing into me. I let out a yelp and tears start to flow.