Jay's Loelife

chapter

twenty-eight

jay

I have to keep myself in check as I peer out the large patio door. Lars and Loren are sitting on the deck laughing. I knew they were identical, but it's crazy how many of the same mannerisms they share. They even have their feet propped up the same, their right leg bent and their toe bobbing.

I'm just glad they're here. There is only so much progress to be made with fifteen-hundred miles between.

"I thought you were grabbing drinks?" Courtney teases as she bends over next to me, puts her arms on the counter, and stares out the patio door. "Kind of weird, right?"

"It's kind of a lot of things."

"We should probably head back out, right? I mean, how long does it take to gather drinks and use the restroom?"

I watch the brothers talking animatedly. It's like they just

have

to share every

thing

with each other. "I don't think they'll care if we're gone for a few more minutes."

Courtney isn't about to argue. She wants this for them as much as I do. Which is why we hit it off from the moment we met.

She mimics me, resting her chin on her palm. After a bit of comfortable silence, she sighs happily. "I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. I'm not saying he was depressed, but there has always been a deep, lingering sadness. I never fully understood it until I saw him with Loren for the first time. They just click."

I smile to myself. It's exactly how I feel about Loren. He's been different ever since we left Arizona. He wasn't depressed before, but there is a new joy within him. "Lars brings out a light in Loren."

She taps my forearm affectionately. "And Loren brings out a light in Lars."

"Is Lars coping?"

She chuckles, then blows a small bubble with her gum before sucking it back in her mouth. "He's doing surprisingly well, considering. Therapy helps. Having Loren back in his life has really countered all the terrible things he's learned. It's clear what brings him happiness. If he had to pick between Loren and his parents, there's no competition."

I straighten up. "Oh shit, they've spotted us."

Lars and Loren are watching us. Without taking their eyes off us, they lean in closer, whisper secrets about us. Call us out for sneaking away. They're both wearing the same, identical smirk.

"Seriously, so weird," Courtney says as she straightens up. I grab the tray of drinks and follow her out. They track us with the same smug expression.

Loren scoots forward and arranges the glasses and starts mixing the drinks.

"What is this?" Lars asks with a look of skepticism I'm personally familiar with.

"It's a dirty Dr. Pepper."

He cringes. "Is that coconut creamer?"

"Just wait—" Loren pours the soda over ice, adds a healthy splash of the creamer, and then tops it off with a stream of lime juice. He stirs it with a straw and passes it over.

Lars is still eyeing the drink with hesitation by the time Loren finishes with Courtney's and she's drinking it. She smacks her lips, evaluating the drink. "That's surprisingly good."

Since his wife bit the bullet, Lars takes a drink and immediately regrets it. "Nope." He gags and sets it down. "Not for me."

Loren laughs and hands him a can of soda instead. You win some; you lose some. We talk about everyday stuff. A pleasant change from the heavy conversation that has plagued us since April. Lars is a mortgage officer, a fairly busy one. I'm not surprised when Loren gives him marketing tips.

"Social media, I'm telling you man, it's where it's at. I could help you make some hilarious mortgage videos and you'll have a million followers on TikTok in no time."

Movement in the kitchen catches my eye. I wave my hand, catching Loren's attention. "Did you tell Lars?"

Loren's twin looks between us. "Tell me what?"

Loren nods toward the kitchen just as Cole, Corey, and Isaac barrel out from the patio door.

So much time was spent trying to figure out the best way to surprise Lars, deciding if a surprise was even the right way to go. I'm not sure it was. Lars doesn't move, staring at his childhood friends like they're tax collectors. Lars is not over the moon like we expected.

He slowly gets to his feet and puts his hands on his head. "Holy shit."

Then all hell breaks out. Spain when the bulls run loose. l yank Courtney to the side as the guys get pulled together like magnets. So much talking and laughing and happy shouts.

Courtney and I sit off to the side with our dirty Dr. Peppers as they huddle together, wrapping themselves around Lars.

"You can stop smiling," I tell her.

She brings the drink to her face, covering her smile. "As soon as you do."

But I can't stop, and neither can she. We sit and watch for a while longer, happy to be bystanders in this little world of theirs. When they're done with their huddle, they pull all the chairs into a circle and sit down. The next half hour is a cloud of stunned amazement. Cole, Corey, and Isaac know every detail of what's gone down, but it in no way prepares them for seeing Lars for the first time.

And Lars, well, he doesn't stop beaming all night. Neither does Loren. I don't know how they eat with such big smiles. After dinner, we settle around the firepit. The excitement from early has mellowed to a calm contentedness.

Corey nods toward me and Courtney, who have tried to keep out of the way as much as possible. Not a big inconvenience since she's awesome, kind hearted, and hilarious. "It's clear you guys have a type."

Loren looks at Courtney and me, then starts laughing. "Blonde bombshells?"

"Pretty much," Corey says, laughing. "I mean, if Jay had a twin sister..."

"I don't see it." I look between the two of us. "Sure, she's blonde, blue eyes, tall, athletic build, killer personality—"

Courtney bursts out laughing and whacks me with her hand. There are far worse thing to be compared to.

As the daylight disappears, so does the laughter. The joy of reconnection fades into a curtain of questions.

Isaac downs the last of his beer and then sets it on the ground next to his chair. "Like, what the actual fuck?" It needs no translation. It's a general statement encompassing the entirety of their parents' abuse and manipulation.

Lars throws his hands in the air. "I have no clue."

"You've talked to them? Right? Asked them what the fuck?"

"I didn't say it just like that, but yeah, after wading through all the bullshit, I finally told them to just tell me the fucking truth."

Loren leans forward. This is the first he's hearing of this. Last he knew, his parents were still dead set on making Lars believe Loren left them. No matter what Lars said, they wouldn't change their story.

"I told them I saw all the court records, and it's obvious they left Loren behind. I wanted to know why. Why would they do something like that? I told them they tell me the truth right now, or they'll never see me again."

Even the crickets wait with bated breath to hear the outcome of the story. Twenty-three years and there is one question everyone is dying to know the answer for.

Why?

Courtney gets up from her spot beside me and sits in Lars' lap. He wraps his arms around her waist while she wraps her arm around his shoulder and kisses the side of his head. With his cornerstone in place, Lars looks at Loren with immense pain. "They said nothing, and I don't mean they made excuses. They flat out refused to speak. I said, '

is this really how you want to end things? You'd rather never see me again than tell me why you'd leave one child behind and feed the other a lifetime of lies?

' After what felt like an eternity of silence, Dad said, '

until you have kids, you can't understand'.

"

While I dream of strangling their 'parents' with my bare hands; Cole, Corey, and Isaac get up and surround their friends with love.

Lars and Loren have talked daily since leaving Arizona. Some calls ended with clarity while others ended in hurt and confusion. Loren has been and is handling the entire thing like a calm breeze, while Lars is one scalpel cut away from an emotionally induced lobotomy. Though he seems to be okay-ish now.

But it's not just Lars and Loren. It's five kids, all affected by a single event. Now that they're together, conversation is flowing. There is so much disbelief surrounding the situation. How could they have left? That's the biggest question, and the only one that may go unanswered, but how did Lars not figure it out?

"I had no reason to believe anything different from what they told me. I knew Loren was treated differently. It's something I always hated, so of course he would want to run away."

"But when they were gone for two years? That didn't strike a gong in your head?" Cole asks.

"Did I wonder what was taking so long? Only a hundred times over, but again, I had no reason to believe they weren't looking for Loren. None. And when they came back, the door closed. They told me so much. They'd done what they could do. Loren had made his choice. Knowing what I know now, I would have questioned the shit out of it, but I wasn't working with facts back then. Their lies served their purpose. In college, when I saw all of you all online, I was too jealous that Loren went back for you guys to think about anything else. Not only that, I was hurt. It was painful seeing my brother and my friends, the only friends I ever had, living a life without me."

They're still clustered together from earlier, so it doesn't take much for them to throw their arms around him. When the bugs become too much, they move to the living room. When Courtney and I tap out at one-am, they're still going strong. They're all tired, but a tornado couldn't pull them apart.

I don't know what time they fall asleep, but they're spread all over the living room like a fourth-grade sleepover when I get up. I peruse through the pantry, looking for something to whip up for breakfast, when Courtney tiptoes in. Her face is clean and her thick blonde hair is thrown up in a messy bun that I'm positive she slept in.

She gestures to the living room. "How great is that?"

It's pretty great. I was worried when Loren wasn't in bed, but then I saw them all together, sleeping. Loren and Lars were sleeping on the sectional with their heads together. One of the best things I could wake up to.

Once Courtney is settled in and sipping on a fresh cup of coffee, I lean over the counter and fiddle with my phone. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why did Lars take your name?"

"I don't know for sure. Why?"

"I know it's more common these days, but it's still an anomaly. I can't help but think he might've known more than he realized. It seems like getting rid of his given name was a way to distance himself from his family."

"Lars when we met, is nothing like the Lars you've seen here, or even the Lars you met in Arizona. He was a closed off, cocky asshole. The first time we met, it was at this big college party our junior year. There was an instant attraction between us. I felt it the second I saw him, but he was a wild damn horse. He left the party with a different girl. I watched him sleep his way through half the college before I was able to rope him in." Her forehead furrows in an agonized frown. "It sucked, but I just

knew

. You know?"

I cover my face and laugh. "Oh, I know."

"It didn't get easier when we started dating. He had one foot out the door for years. I only say this because it took forever for him to agree to meet my parents. The drive home after was dead quiet. That's when he told me about Loren. For a long time, I thought the distance between him and his parents was because he blamed his parents for not trying harder to find his brother. But maybe you're right, maybe he knew something off. Unfortunately, until you figure out why you're feeling a certain way, there's not much you can do with the feeling. So maybe he was distancing himself."

"Have you guys talked about a family?"

"Oh yeah. Lots. It was a non-negotiable for me. I laid that out early. He's struggled with it for obvious reasons. Actually, he's recently had a change of heart. I think I should thank Loren for that. We're going to start trying."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. I was worried he'd change his mind after the last call with his parents. When his dad told he wouldn't understand until he has kids, I thought it might scare him off. It's a triggering statement, but it only seemed to make him more determined. If you know what I mean." She waggles her brows.

I chuckle and toss a muffin at her face. Then I fill up a glass of tap water and slide it towards her.

She tilts her head in confusion.

"Drink it. Everyone around these parts is getting pregnant. It seems to be in the water."

She chugs the glass and then asks for another. After that, we make a mess of the kitchen. As we plate the food, the guys lumber into the kitchen, taking purchase around the table. Loren comes to me, leans against me like a drunk cat. He doesn't say anything, just rubs his shoulder against me before stealing a piece of bacon and heading back to the table with nothing more than a little smirk.

They talk about their upcoming schedule. Loren and the guys tell Lars about this big road trip they're taking to Canada, which leads to our upcoming visit to Waukesha for my parents' anniversary, because he's flying in from Canada and meeting me there, which leads to the story of why he can't look them in the eyes.

"Isaac, aren't you and your very pregnant fiancé eloping after we get back?" I would say anything to distract them from discussing the most unfortunate blowjob I've ever given. Alas, it's no use. They are on a roll. I didn't know them when they were seven, but I imagine not much has changed.

Or maybe they're just good at picking up where they left off.

****

Loren steps off the private plane. He looks good dressed in dark wash jeans and a light jacket zipped all the way up. He descends the stairs like he's got nowhere to be, like I'm not here waiting for him after a long absence. I sympathize with how athletes' spouses feel. It sucks when your loved one is on the road all the time. I hate it.

When he hits the tarmac, he tosses his bag over his shoulder. He blocks the sun with his hand and grins. "Hey stranger."

I take his bag off his person and toss it aside. "

Hey stranger

," I mock with a light sneer. How dare he be so blasé.

He laughs and lets me squeeze him to bits. Loren looks at me with those smokey brown eyes and something settles inside my chest. I press my lips to his. With his arm around my neck, he takes the kiss to a depth I could only dream of. He may have descended the stairs like he didn't have a care in the world, but he doesn't kiss like it.

I press my nose to the side of his head and inhale. God. He smells so good. I press my hips forward. "Let's get back to the cabin."

"You should know my diet has been terrible and I'm kind of constipated from travel and elevation changes."

"Oh baby, you're really turning me on." I grab his bag off the ground and head to the car. "Good thing I spent the last hour—" I glance at him and raise my brow.

He looks at me like

well, hello there.

"And you still made it to the airport? You weren't doubled over the toilet?"

I huff. "That was

one

time. I don't know what happened, okay? I haven't had any issues since."

"Just promise you won't fart on me. It's not sexy at all."

"I hate you." I shove him towards the car, then throw his bag at him. He catches it easy enough and with a big smile. He can be such a child sometimes.

"Just for that, I'm going to make you

beg

for my dick."

****

Loren growls as he grabs my hip and tries to turn me back over. We've been at the cusp of penetration for a while, but every time he tries to mount up, I move.

I laugh to myself. He's so frustrated from chasing my ass for thirty minutes. To prove my point, I roll on my stomach. He's quick to get on his knees behind me, to grab himself and lean forward until he's pressing against me. I move out from under him, grab his face, and pull him into a deep kiss. Loren moves between my legs and presses my knees to my chest, all without breaking the kiss. When he goes to breach me, I roll us to our side and kiss up his neck to his ear.

Finally, after an eternity of this roadrunner,

beep beep

, bullshit, he pushes away from me. "My dick is literally going to fall off. If you don't want me to fuck your ass then I won't, but please suck my dick or something. I'm dying here."

I drape my arm over my face and try not to laugh, but I'm vibrating so hard the bed shakes. Loren shoves me. Then shoves me again when I laugh harder. "I'm sorry," I say between fits of laughter. "I can't help it. You were like Gollum trying to find the ring."

"

Get in a relationship

, they said.

Best sex ever

, they said." Loren flops on his back next to me. He looks down. "I have no erection anymore. Thanks for that."

He definitely has an erection. It's flagged a little, but it's hardly flaccid. I smile at his petulant attitude. I take mercy on him and his big, pouty lip. I roll over and straddle him. He won't look at me, tilting his head away instead. I grab his chin and force him to face me. His eyes remain averted.

With his

definitely-not-limp

dick wedged in my ass, I stroke myself. "I guess I'll just take care of this myself."

Loren lays there, fists at his side as he ignores me. Like he's not into what's happening. Fine. If he wants to play hard to get.

I start rocking, grinding against him. "Oh fuck, that feels good," I moan.

"Fine." He bends his legs, forcing me up, and repositions himself against my back door. "If you're going to be insistent, then go ahead. But hurry up, you wasted so much time playing games that we have to be quick. Your brothers will be here soon."

Loren grabs my hips and pulls me down. I close my eyes and feel him in me. The jokes are gone. No more sass from him. No more stalling from me. I move slowly at first, but it's not long before I'm riding hard. Loren was gone for two weeks. The pent-up tension is a two-way street.

"Finish me from behind," I pant.

Loren flips me over like the river card in the last round of the World Poker Tournament after going all in. He grabs my hips and slowly re-enters me, then resumes fucking me with a steady rhythm.

"

Sorry we're late but Derek changed his pants—oh my god!"

"Shit!" Loren grabs the comforter and quickly pulls it over us. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he growls as he buries his head into my shoulder blades.

"

What the fuck!"

Taylor continues, his voice getting quieter as he runs further away

. "My eyes. MY EYES!"

From under the blanket of shame, Loren sighs. "Your family needs to learn some damn boundaries."

"On the plus side," I tell him, chuckling. "They probably won't be walking in without permission anymore."

****

"You're both professional athletes. Why the fuck don't you have your own house?" Loren asks as he strolls across the living room with his jacket draped over his arm.

Taylor smirks as he watches our walk of shame, which we did with our heads held high. "Why would we waste money when we can stay here for free?"

"Sure, why get your own place when you can have dinner and show at your brother's?" Loren quips back. "I can see the appeal."

Taylor laughs. "Trust me, the show was not that good. One star: would not watch again."

****

"I'm guessing we're going to Carrabba's?" I ask as we load up into the new SUV I was forced to get because my truck was 'too small' according to, well, everyone. With Derek, Danielle, Taylor, Niki, Loren, and myself, I conceded to their point.