Bon Voyage and Welcome Home...

We went back inside

'58 Tour Eiffel,'

enjoying some of the best food I've ever eaten, plus the view - wow it was just to die for - atop of Paris, looking down on one of the most beautiful cities below. My eyes and senses were in overload - the place, the people the ... feeling it gave me...that feeling that life is truly wonderful as it is... Right! No wonder there were so many people professing their undying love for each other in here, both outside on the platforms with the city stretched out in every direction around you, or inside where the old world charm and pure French chic was everywhere. Perfect place for it.

'Okay, and sorry Mom and Grandma – you're gonna haunt me for this - but damn, the food is just wonderful, just so damn nice! Maybe my exuberance and tastebuds have been enhanced with the half bottle of red we had - it might have helped, I guess.'

I was sipping on the remainder of my glass, looking at Ben who had this look on his face like he was the cat that swallowed the canary.

"Hey! You okay?" he smiled.

I fibbed, kinda, as my mind was spinning so fast that I thought I was going to reach critical mass and implode, "Yeah, all good. How could I not be?" I reached across the table and touched his hand.

Before I knew it, we'd finished up dinner and were headed back to our apartment. It just seemed to go like a blur. Somewhere in our conversation, I'd said that I didn't want the dessert from the menu, making Ben blush big time. "Let's head home. I think I'd like to get me some 'southerner' for dessert," I said in my worst possible southern accent. It worked though.

As beautiful as the Eifel Tower and Paris by night are, I needed to think and process all that had happened. We slipped out to the waiting elevator and down to the promenade below, walking over to the Taxi rank holding hands. It was such a beautiful night out. I kind of regret not walking back home taking more of it in, more quiet time with Ben.

I spent most of the trip back staring out the window of the Taxi Parisien. All I could think about was what I would have said if he'd popped the question. The thought was fully absorbing my mind. Is this normal? I've never felt like this before or been so consumed or distracted by something that didn't happen. Ben was sitting back, oblivious to the madness going on in my head. I could see out the corner of my eye he was smiling and looking out the other window. He held my hand, rolling his thumb over my knuckle. He seemed content with the night, where we were at. I was a mess inside my head, so conflicted. Full of self-doubt. Plus kind of disappointed, in a way, that he'd gone to all this trouble to give me a friendship ring? Was it meant to be something else and he changed his mind? Maybe I'm the one that is head over heel here and not Ben... See! I have not a fucking clue what to think or do!

Was it something that he was even thinking of, or me too even? If I'm honest with myself, if he had asked, you know - popped the question, would I have said "Yes"? Well maybe? I don't know really.

I guess - with a long engagement to see if it would work because we haven't known each other all that long, I think? Is Ben someone I could settle down with? I really like him a lot. I guess, if I'm honest... I might even '

love

' him.'

Trying to understand what I would do, it's just too hard - so many questions, so many thoughts. Maybe it's because I so monumentally fucked things up with Sam, my ex-wife too - it can't be all her fault I have to own some of it. Is it possible that I'm just one of those people that hits the self-destruct button on themselves whenever someone comes along and loves them or wants me to be part of their lives?

I guess the bigger question is - yeah the elephant in the room, or more in my head - have I gotten over losing Sean or Sam? Did I still have unfinished business with my ex, Tracey...?

I can hear dad now, "test-strength in a relationship is how we cope in our day to day lives. After you finish the picking flowers stage with a person, you have to live with them and they with you." Ben and I, we've both got high-pressure all-consuming jobs. That's gonna be hard for anyone to have a relationship that works, let alone 'self-destruct-o' me.

Mom and dad always used their favourite line on us since we were kids old enough to understand it. It seems only their daughters were able to take the advice on board - Mason and me, maybe not so much. Funny part is though, I vowed 'never to get married again'. I think I could see myself in a long-term relationship with Ben... maybe... arrgh... I'm so confused!

Sirens wailing in the distance pulled me out of my own thoughts. I looked across at my Texan who was quietly looking out the window of the taxi as we drove along the beautiful boulevard passing the Arc de Triomphe.

It's weird, right - I felt myself falling back into my mind again. But I could easily see us doing this - driving here, there, or going through life comfortably into old age. I must be under the love drug or something - my mind is so full of turmoil. The whole thing is making my head hurt.

Subconsciously, I raised my hands and rubbed the centre of my forehead, letting out a little moan in frustration.

"What's up Jamie? Come on, share?" Ben looked around at me smiling.

"Was just thinking."

"Oh, I thought those loud noises were from the cobble stone road, not your head." Ben laughed.

I leaned over, whispering in his ear, "The only banging noises will be what I'ma going to do to you when we get back." I gently rubbed the tip of my nose against the side of his cheek just near his ear, and murmured "hmmm."

"You enjoyed it tonight, right?" There was a look of trepidation on his face.

"Of course I did Ben. Wow! Who wouldn't? Beautiful place, food, you and this..." I lifted my hand a little, rolling my thumb over the ring on my right hand.

"Cool! You just seem a little distracted or upset since, you know. You're okay with it, right?" Now there was a tinge of fear sweeping across his face.

"Hey, I couldn't be happier. It's just been such a great night, so many wonderful things, experiences you know." I leaded over and kissed his cheek gently. "I'm just not sure that I'm worth it all really."

"Hey, don't let anyone say you're not worth it, okay? I'd give you anything, everything. I think you're amazing, James Lucas Spence, and you're mine." Ben pulled me closer again. His hand slipped up my chest, his fingers coming to rest on the back of my neck. Slowly he pulled me to him, our lips met and we kissed, gently at first. He pulled back a little. "I could do this forever!" Our lips met again, our kiss deepening quickly, thankfully not enough to make the cab driver crash though. We pulled apart. "Thank you, Jamie."

"What for?"

"For... just being you."

..o0o..

The thoughts that had consumed me all the way back were dissipating as I looked at the beautiful guy sitting next to me.

'Okay, just relax, Jamie. In time, you'll know what to do.'

That moment of rare clarity was broken by the view of his fine butt climbing out of the Taxi if front of me.

Ben managed to make it inside the apartment before I started to strip his clothes off. 63m2 might be small, but trust me, I had him butt naked in the first few steps and pinned against the wall soon thereafter. I began working my mouth all over his body, starting at his very kissable lips and heading south, via his neck and nipples.

It quickly turned into me lifting him up onto me, his legs wrapped around my waist, his ankles locked above my butt, arms over my shoulders and halfway down my back, grabbing hold of me as our mouths smashed together. I could feel the ring on my hand - it was distracting me a little, but I'll get used to it.

I wanted this, tonight, to be something special. When we made it onto the bed, I flipped us over and looked him straight in the eyes. "Ben, I haven't done this for a while, but I want you to top me."

The look in his eyes was that of... love I think, or maybe confusion. I don't know, but whatever it was, it looked damn sexy.

"Only if you make me yours too."

..o0o..

Finally, we fell asleep in each other's arms exhausted as daylight started to break. Neither of us was going to have a comfortable trip home I think - oops. After sneaking a couple of hours sleep, my alarm starred to ring. We only had four hours till Ben's flight left, with a fifty-minute ride to the airport. My flight wasn't for three hours after his.

We lay in bed, Ben in the little spoon position, his warm firm body against mine. It seemed that Jamie, Jnr, wanted one last outing before we left. Quietly, slowly, I lubed up my cock and after warming some lube in my hand, -

I'm not a cruel guy right - cold lube when you're about to be woken up is harsh right!

- gently I warm lubed Ben up.

Then pressing my hardness against his entrance, I stopped, with my hand slowly snaking it was along his beautiful body it came to rest on his half-awake cock. Slowly I stroked it to life. "God, you've got such a good dick," I said pretty much too myself, but I think it wasn't in my head, mouth may have been on. He started to fill in my hand quickly. I could feel his heart beat through it - I'm gonna so miss this. Looks like our boys had the same idea.

"Oh god, you're so good at this, Jamie," Ben moaned awake.

"Hey sexy, good morning."

He was fully hard in my hand now. His breath was slow and deep. Gently, I pushed against his entrance.

"Hmm... yes... oh god, yes," Ben moaned as I slipped into him. Waiting for a second, allowing his body to accept me, I could feel him come alive against me.

"Oh, this is the best way to wake me up," Ben pushed back on me slowly driving all the way along me till I was fully sheathed in him. There wasn't as much resistance as usual, but that's to be expected after what we did last night

. 'I hope this isn't too uncomfortable for him.'

The feeling of his butt cheeks against my thighs focused my mind on the pleasure at hand. I reached around, grabbing his beautiful hard cock in my hand, rubbing my thumb over his slit, milking some pre-cum out over his head. I continued to milk him till he was all slicked up.

"Oh god Ben, you feel so good," I moaned as I slowly pulled back and in again, long dicking him with every stroke, pacing myself, keeping a slow steady rhythm that before long had us both at the point of climax.

"Yes Jamie, make me yours, please. Use me... fuck me." I'd kept stroking his cock with the same rhythm that I was now pounding into him. I could feel his cock starting to swell in my hand, "Oh YES! Fuck! Oh god, YES!!" Ben cried out.

I picked up the pace, knowing he was close and I wasn't far behind. I changed my angle slightly to let off his prostate for a few strokes - I wanted to keep him at the cusp of cumming for a little longer.

"Oh god, Jamie, let me cum, make me cum please!" I looked up for a moment and noticed a mirror on the wall that I hadn't seen the night before. I could see us in it. The look on his face was bliss - he was biting his lower lip, his body looked all shiny from the thin layer of sweat - it made him look like a Greek god - I'm sure I saw his eyes roll back in his head almost at some point.

Faster and harder, I was now slamming into him. His body and mind were under my control. My own body was focused on one thing - give him pleasure! I wanted him to remember this for a while. "Oh yes," I started saying over and over. I moved a little and started to pound his prostate again. It only took a few seconds till I felt that tell-tale swelling of his cock in my hand. His breathing had changed, his head was now pushed backwards against my shoulder, his mouth crying out all manner of curse words as we came together. It was amazing - that moment when we fell off the cliff together, "God damn!!"

I slowed eventually and stopped, still in him, with his still hard cock in my hand. I had him pinned to me, the sweat of our bodies slicked up between us. We lay quietly together in that post sex haze. Our hearts were beating away and our breathing started to slow to normal.

Ben was starting to soften in my hand as I was in him. As I moved a little so I could pull out of him, his hand reached around me, grabbing onto my butt and holding me in place.

"Please Jamie, stay in me for a little longer. I want to remember how your cock fills me up."

"Okay, I just don't want to hurt you."

"I'm okay. I've gotten used to that meat bat you impale me with now," Ben smiled.

Leaning down, I starting kissing and nibbling along his neck, tracing a line from his ear to shoulder and back, enjoying our last morning together, well for a few months. I could do this for hours, well days even, but something was starting to soften and we needed to get cleaned up.

"Let's grab a shower, Ben."

His hand slipped off my butt. We got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I quickly ripped the sheets off the bed and threw them and the towels we'd placed in the bed at some point in the corner of the room – well, I did pay the additional cleaning cost.

I quickly ducked into the kitchen and grabbed us both a glass of juice each. I need a drink - it was either the sex or booze from last night - maybe a little of both.

"Hey," I held up the glass walking into the bathroom.

"Oh my god, thanks! I'm so thirsty! Was it the booze or sex, Jamie?"

I laughed. "Had the same thought on the way back from the kitchen. Next, we'll get all soppy and finish-"

"Each other's...Sandwiches!"

"Oh god Ben-so Disney. But I'm not Hans, right?"

"Nah, you're more 'Kristoff," he replied, smiling, "and that makes Lucas Sven."

We both laughed at that. "I'ma gonna call him that when I see him next, Anna."

"Oh my god, please don't - he'll hate me. And that wouldn't be good, long term. Hey - I'm not a Disney princess!" Ben crossed his arms with a little pout going on.

"Well, the choices are limited. It's either recycle a princess or Le Fou from

Beauty and the Beast

-your choice."

"Well, if you can model yourself on Peter Pan, you know flying around all over the place, getting all the boys to fall in love with you, then..." Ben stopped for a second and a huge grin came over his face, "then I can be Flynn Rider."

"Really... okay he is as sexy as but a bit of a bad boy."

"Want me to be a bad boy, hmm?" Ben stepped into the shower.

With the warm water running down his beautiful body, I stepped in behind him, rubbing my hands over his body and taking in every contour, ripple of muscle and bone. My hands dipped lower, rubbing his back and flanks, while I leaned in, starting to soap him all over, kissing his shoulders, gently nipping here and there along to the base of his neck. All my ministrations were influencing him - his head dipped forward resting against the tiles. Quiet moans escaped his mouth. If I wasn't careful, we'd be at it again.

I couldn't help myself - reaching around him running my hands down his firm stomach, across his Adonis plate, sliding down further, enjoying the feeling of his body under my fingertips.

Finding his cock almost fully hard, slowly I stroked it. He responded, his cock going hard within moments - that beautiful seven plus inches throbbing away in what seemed to be only a few short strokes.

I could feel the passion taking over me: I wanted him once more. With my other hand, I fumbled around till I found the small bottle of lube on the little shelf, still there from our late-night shower. Damn, that stuff even smelt good! These French know how to ... just make things a little better.

Popping it open with one hand, I poured the contents into my palm. I started to lube myself up, my hole a little tender still, reminding me of what happened last night as I coated myself as best as I could. Although I wouldn't describe myself as a vers-top - I'm more just a top - I wanted him to fuck me once more. "Ben," I moaned in his ear.

Unable to speak clearly, he mumbled back, "Hmmm?"

"Fuck me, Ben! Please!"

He craned his head around, lifting off the tiles. They'd left little lines on his forehead - it looked so cute - all I needed was a marker pen and I could play naughts and crosses on him. "Wha?" he was clearly confused.

"Please Ben, fuck me." I let go of his cock and turned him around to face me, kissing him when his face came close to mine. "Please." With the remainder of the lube that was on my hand I slicked up his cock, dropping the empty container of lube to the floor.

It caught Ben eyes. "Are you sure?"

Nodding, I turned around, reaching down grabbing his cock in my hand to guide him in.

"Okay. Y'all let me know if this hurts, okay?"

I nodded, while sticking my butt out for him. God, I'm cock crazy today. "Oh yeah," I felt his warmth against my hole. It wasn't a totally unpleasant feeling, but clearly all the action from last night came back as my butt ached a little – well, a lot really – as he pressed into me. Thankfully, he waited for my body to relax. I so wanted this - I wanted him.

"You okay, Jamie?" Ben's voice was heavy with lust and concern.

I was unable to speak, just nodding my head. I was trying my best to regulate my breathing so I could relax as his monster pushed into me. Oh god, it felt so good. Ben is a gentle lover to say the least, allowing me time to get used to his size as he pressed deeper into me. I was totally pushed against the shower screen. I spread my feet a little more, opening myself up to him. It worked - he was now hitting my hot button with every stroke, on and on.

"Oh Christ, Ben!! Yeah... right there... naaah, like that." I was rambling on, losing control of my body, overwhelmed with the waves of pleasure coursing through me with every stroke, and bam – once he found it, he kept on it with every stroke. I couldn't help myself babbling away as Ben joined me in what was becoming a loud, almost porno-like session.

Ben was picking up the pace. His strokes now became faster and a little more erratic. His grip on my hips firmed, with one hand. The other was sliding up to my chest where he pulled me back towards him. I was arched like I'd done to guys before. God, it feels as good from the business end too!

I wasn't sure it wasn't going to leave marks - the death grip on my hip. His hand pushed me back against him, my head occasionally hitting the shower. I remember after one night in Austin, I was kissing him awake when I saw the reddening marks on his hips from my grip earlier, plus a few love bites on his chest and neck. He was totally okay with it - I was the one who was shocked. I get it now though - you know it's gonna hurt or leave a mark, but it's almost like a subtle private reminder of what you're doing days later.

He wasn't far from cumming, I felt his cock twitching inside me as he cried, "Oh fuck, Jamie, I'ma, I'ma cumming-fuck!!" With that, I felt him firing away deep inside me. I'm sure my vision went for a few seconds or my hearing. It was like I had ringing in my ears - I think he'd just fucked me senseless.

My body felt all weak, almost floppy. I was breathing like I'd just ran a marathon. We stood there, locked together for a few moments, coming down off our high, our breathing slowing. My head hung forward whilst I tried to get my breath back. Ben slowly pulled out of me as I looked down at my own cock and noticed that there was some cum dribbling out. I'd cum too and didn't even know it – wow!

"Ben, look at what you did to me!" I smirked as I slowly pulled away and turned to face him. He had a look of concern that he'd hurt me, obviously he or I misread my comment. "No, my cock!" His eyes looked down. "That was so good I didn't even know I'd cum!"