Chapter One -- Don't use Electronics when drunk.
Hmm, the broad sky is such a deep blue today, like those endless summer days when I was a kid, playing on my uncle's farm, laying in the long grass listening to the warm, soft wind rustle through the wheat crops, staring up into the vibrant blue sky...
"Mr. Spence, James?" My attorney, Aaron, tried to get my attention.
"Oh sorry Aaron, I was... it's a great view from here, isn't it? We're twenty-five stories up. You can see the ocean from here, look out to the west." I said to him as if in a daze.
"Hmm, Mr. Spence -- James, your papers are here, ready to sign if you like."
"Thanks, Aaron, so a couple of scribbles, I'm single again. Wow, that was easy, costly, but easy.
Signing my divorce papers, I brought a chaperone, my best friend since I was five years old came with me to make sure I followed through. There is no doubt, I wanted out of this loveless marriage, amazing the things you get yourself into when you've had too much to drink.
"Signed, sealed, and here's a cashiers check for the agreed value, please make sure she gets it, Aaron, won't you."
I put the pen on the paperwork, pushing over to him as I slowly exhaled.
"Come on Dave there's a bar with our name on it calling me."
We all stood up, shook hands, a few of the office staff came in congratulating me on starting out again.
"Remember to have some fun James okay," Aaron said.
Dave and I walked to the lifts. We pressed the button, a few seconds later came the ding.
"Righto, let's go."
Stepping into the lift I pulled out my cell phone, keying my code, checking the numerous messages that I had been sent. Dave was talking to someone in the background clearly planning something.
Should I preorder Tylenol now?
The ding of the lift arriving on ground floor snapped me back to the here now. Stepping out of the elevator...
A buddy of mine once told me,
'Every journey begins with a single step.'
I am sure that come from someone famous, but it seems appropriate. That's what this feels like. About ten minutes ago, I was standing in the conference room on the 25
th
floor of the massive windowed building behind me; now I was standing in the paved courtyard bathed in sweet, warm sunshine, headed out to the street.
Unfortunately, we had divided all our marital assets, and I had to sell my house, giving her half the proceeds. I definitely got screwed on that deal financially, but personally, I was happier than I have had ever been. A sense of freedom washed over me, without a second thought, wearing a grin from ear-to-ear, the world felt so much better, the sunshine was warmer, everything smelt .. so much stronger, sweeter.
"I'M FREE!" I screamed loudly, followed by a tension relieving laugh.
I probably looked like a bit of a fool, but what did that matter? -- I was FREE. People who had been walking through the courtyard to get to the building mumbled congratulations as they passed by me while they wore little smirks. I just grinned at them.
"Very mature, James."
A shiver ran down my spine hearing that voice. I turned around to find my ex-wife Tracey glaring at me with disdain, a hand on her hip. So I did the most mature thing I could think of.
"Thank you," I said grinning.
I bowed, sweeping my arm in front of me, with a thousand watt smile on my face I just couldn't move.
"WOOT!" I yelled, then blew out a breath looking at our surroundings.
"You're an asshole," she spat.
Tracey stepped around me, stomping off in heels that were two inches too tall for her tiny frame.
"Have a nice life, Sweetheart," I called out, spinning around to watch her walk away.
My very earnest well wishes were returned with her middle finger as she kept walking. I wondered if she knew how ridiculous she looked trying to walk in those things. Ha! Not my problem anymore.
I turned around, to find David was standing ten feet away.
"She's gone now—you can come close, you don't have to hide anymore."
Dave caught up as I was walking to the car. The only thing she could not get her hands on was my truck. That was never going to happen. It was a thing of beauty. I never thought a shiny red truck could make me so happy, but I think I was in love with my F250. I laughed to myself.
"Hey Dave, do you think they would let me marry my truck?"
Dave stared at me for a second then replied, "Idiot."
We both burst out laughing. Unfortunately, I was not watching where I was going and nearly knocked over an elderly lady. I put my hands out and grabbed her before she fell. But unfortunately, she had dropped her groceries. Dave immediately started picking them up for her.
"Ooh, sorry there, Ma'am, are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you, I'm so happy I just got divorced." I told the woman.
Why am I telling a complete stranger something I should not be too proud of?
But I am definitely happy that it had happened.
"That's nice dear, you seem happy," she said.
Oh, I am!
We then walked up to my truck.
"Let's go and get a skinful."
We made our way back to my home. When I say home, I mean my parents' place; for the time being.
Oh my God!
So have to remedy that situation, and in a hurry. I am a soon to be thirty-year-old firefighter living at home with Mommy and Daddy.
Kill me, kill me now!
Anyway, we individually had a leisurely shower and a quick bite to eat. Dave never passed up an opportunity for my Mom to feed him. I could hear her saying to him from the next room.
"Oh, Sweetheart, you're just not eating, look how thin you've gotten."
Shaking my head at Mom's theatrics, it is like we are back in school. Walking back into the kitchen when Mom asked.
"Do you need your father to drop you off somewhere?"
"No thanks Mom," I waved my phone in the air, "the Uber has got it sorted."
I am a responsible drunk at least, if there is drinking, there is no driving.
..o0o..
The Island Bar is a gay bar where Dave and our mates hang out. I do not go out with them very often, but sometimes it was nice to go out without any lady dramas. Now I am not an ass or anything, but I seem to get a lot of attention from the ladies, well most people. I'm the sort of person that will strike up conversation with random strangers. Doesn't matter, anywhere really, coffee shops, grocery store, the line to the bar, seriously, anywhere. It's just nicer to chat with people than staying silent, right. That used to drive Tracey crazy. When I first got married, I would ignore them or set them straight, but toward the end of our marriage, it was nice to have someone, anyone who wanted to actually talk to me.
"Jamie!"
I turned around to see Dave standing behind me.
"The guys are over in the booth," Dave flicked his head in their direction, "I'm getting the first round—you want a beer?"
"I thought it was gonna be just you and me."
I was a little disappointed, but the more the merrier when you're celebrating right?
"Don't be like that; Jack called while you were in the shower. He told Louis and so on and so on. Look on the bright side, more people to buy you drinks to celebrate. It will save you a packet."
My friend laughed, and I nodded with a smile and walked over to our friends. The guys all hollered and whooped while I approached them.
"Hey, single guy," Gavin grinned.
"About time you came over to our side," Ty laughed.
"Ding dong the witch is dead," Jack sang.
"Congrats mate, so not sorry to see her go," Louis said.
He stood up and hugged me, slapping me on the back, then indicated for me to sit down in the booth. It seems that my friends had plenty to say. While they ripped the shit out of my ex-wife for all our amusement, I took a look around the place. The name Island Bar doesn't really suit the bar; it is dark and dingy, and always smells the same—like stale beer, stale air, puke, and sex. The whole place could do with some sprucing up and new furniture.
"Here we go boys, get them into you."
Dave put down a tray full of drinks on the table, and it was a free for all to grab your own beer. David put a Jaegermeister shot in front of each of us. He ran the tray back to the bar then took his seat back in the booth. Dave picked up his shot, so we all followed suit, then he commenced his toast.
"To Jamie, his newly found freedom. Here's to being young, dumb and full of c --"
"Crap," I laughed, "you're all full of crap."
The guys all laughed, nudging each other and pointing fingers.
"Here's to good friends who don't desert you when you make stupid decisions. To good friends." I said.
I held my shot up in the air over the table, and we all clinked our glasses.
"To good friends," They all repeated.
We gulped down the shots, slamming the small glasses on the table laughing. The celebration of my freedom had begun. It was invigorating, no more stress, no more arguments, just no more. I should never have married Tracey in the first place.
We met at a function, her uncle had brought her along as his date to an awards night. Dirty work fuckin' pervert
.
Anyway, she was trying to hide from him, and we got to chatting. She was your typical bleach blonde, too much makeup, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake, fake, fake. You would have thought that would tip me off, but what can I say, I was only twenty-one, I am a sucker for a pretty face. I helped her hide from her uncle in a sea of uniforms and bland colored gowns. Tracey made me feel like I was the only person in the room. Next thing you know I'm married to a banshee and my twenties are gone. Everything was a fight or an argument, nothing was ever good enough. I wasn't rising through the ranks, I didn't make enough money, my job was too dangerous, my hours were not conducive to her timetable, she didn't like my friends, blah blah blah. Gah!
Who gives a shit now, it's done and dusted. This is a celebration. Ty pulled me out of my head.
"Oh my god, do you remember that Jamie?"
All my friends were laughing, they had tears practically running down their faces. I could not help but smile along.
"Remember what?" I laughed at no idea what.
"That valentines day we got a call out to the boyfriend bonfire?" Ty waved his hand, "Anyway, Jamie was sent into the house to check the inside. He was coming down the hallway, as he passed the bathroom a drunk guy comes out baling Jamie here," he threw his thumb in my direction, "up against the wall and lays a wet juicy one on him and grabbed his junk. Nine chicks sitting in the backyard, too close to the house burning all the ex-boyfriends stuff. One guy at the sad sac party and he chooses the one straight firey to hit on."
I huffed out a laugh. What else can I do, none of my friends know I am bi. There never seemed any point bringing it up since I married Tracey. So I had just kept it to myself all this time.
"I'll have you know he said I was hot and a great kisser, thank you very much."
