I never thought it would happen like this. I might have wished for it, maybe without even knowing. But life sometimes has a way of granting us desires we never even knew we had, and things sometimes have a tendency to work out for the best.
Things certainly didn't look too good that afternoon. I had walked into my flat finding all of Gemma's things gone, and a good-bye note on the table. She said she was sorry, but she just couldn't handle me being bisexual. She thought she was more open-minded than that, but just thinking that she could lose me to a guy as well as a girl made it too much for her.
Well I never tried to hide it from her, that was for sure. I immediately knew that I could trust her with it, and I was right. She even liked it a bit; she found it delightfully... sexy and mysterious. But it wasn't long before she realised that I was actually attracted to men as well as women, and it seemed that made her think she ran a double risk of being cheated on.
That was too bad as well. She hadn't bothered to know me better, to realise that when I was in a relationship, I was in it all the way. And that meant no cheating on my partner, male or female. And also, that I was actually trying to find my better half, a person I could be with for real, a serious relationship this time. And that she was what I considered a prime candidate for that. But she probably couldn't be arsed to look deeper into me.
Besides, it wasn't as though my experiences with blokes had been that numerous, or that I was that much of a male slag to just sleep with the first bloke that caught my fancy. A few flings at Uni, and a couple of shags afterward, was the extent of my homosexual adventures.
Oh well. Too bad.
I did feel a little resentment about the whole thing. A bit of regret as well. I said so to Siobhan when she came to visit. Siobhan was one of the first people I'd met when I moved to Glasgow, and she and her girlfriend, Janet had quickly become part best friends, part confidantes of mine. Young, funny, bubbly, exciting and considerate the both of them, they were always there for me.
"I just can't help wondering if I shouldn't have told her. I mean, maybe if I had kept mum about me being bi, we'd still be together. Maybe she was
it
, you know?" I told her over a glass of Chardonnay.
"Well, maybe," she retorted, "but think about it: would you really like to be in a serious relationship with someone that you couldn't be yourself around?"
That was a good point. And Siobhan was the living proof by being with Janet despite a disapproving family and a disapproving ex-husband.
To tell the truth, when I looked into myself I could almost feel relieved this had happened. Like I could be more myself than what I'd been during the last three months. Over the next two weeks I found myself actively checking out blokes in the street, something I hadn't done since Uni. I'd even stolen a couple of snogs during a few nights out in the town. But what I couldn't shake off was a feeling of being incomplete, unsatisfied. Not from the kind of satisfaction a night of good sex gives you, either. I felt that something was really missing from my life. And I knew it wasn't being with Gemma.
So when my boss told me the news that Monday morning, that distinct
click
echoed in my mind.
"Alex, I'd like you to meet Brian Alder. He'll be working with us at PR from now on."
Brian Alder was a man in his late twenties, probably my age exactly. He was a bit taller than me, and he had dark, short hair and blue eyes. He also was breathtaking. I tried to keep my composure and appear polite and friendly as we shook hands. He had a firm hand, and I could see that his figure was quite athletic under his dark blue suit. I hope he hadn't noticed that I was practically staring by now, but the truth was that I was dumbstruck. I hadn't been that impressed by a guy since Uni when I'd met my first boyfriend at the gym.
Fortunately, the boss broke the silence. "Well, Brian, Alex will fill you in on everything around here. I'll leave you lads to work things out, I'm sure you have a lot to talk about."
Well
that
was an understatement. I
sincerely
hoped we had a lot to talk about. I managed to steady myself and spend the rest of the day briefing Brian about the office and our department, hoping none of my fascination showed through. After all, as fit as he was, I had no guarantee where his preferences were, plus I couldn't risk being outed in the office, since I was mostly in the closet. And of course, there was that little thing about not shagging the office...
Almost a month had passed without incident, and me and Brian had barely exchanged words that did not pertain to business. That did not stop Siobhan from constantly teasing me about him, of course. Thank God she never did it during one of her visits to the office.
Then, during coffee break of a particularly boring day, Brian came up to me. "Hey, Alex. You know, we've been working together for a month now, but we've never really spoken or anything. I think that's a shame, don't you?"
Now that was a chat-up line if I'd ever heard one, but that might only be me and my wishful thinking.
"No, I guess not," I replied. "Last few weeks have been pretty hectic too," I added, rather weakly.
"Yeah," he said. "Well anyway, I was thinking maybe you could show me round a couple of pubs on Friday night? It's been a while since I enjoyed a pint."
My heart fluttered in my chest, and I was convinced it was the most obvious thing in the world at that moment.
"Um, sure," I said hastily, "there are loads of good places around town. I'm sure we can find a couple of decent spots."
"It's a date then," he said, and laughed. I added some nervous laughter of my own. Thankfully, there hadn't been anyone else in the room.