I laid there crumpled in the corner, abused and feeling unwanted. I no longer want to live, it hurts to breath, when I walk my body spams in pain, and when someone raises their hand I tremble. My body has become used to the my father's abusive terms. I have a system for it now, it's called sit there, take the pain, do not speak up, and the hits end sooner. There is a slam, I hear the furniture crash and bang, and a silence falls. I do not like it when things get quiet, because that means he is coming for me. My father bursts through the door locking his eyes on me, his lip furrowing, daddies awake... good morning world.
"Come here you worthless shit! Motherfucker, I can't believe you, your still in your room, get the fuck up and get to cleaning the yard."
I say nothing and simply close my eyes as my father began to beat me, slapping me around like a rag doll before tossing me back against the wall.
I am maverick, age 18, currently bleeding against the wall. My eyes are a deep copper, I'm 5,7' with a broad build, weight 180 pounds. I'm a high school senior. I have a decent build but I won't dare strike back against my father, it's been beaten into my head that I can't win. Everything's spinning again I have become used to this, something goes wrong...and it is my fault. My dad doesn't drink, he is not on drugs, he is a marine who comes from a sketchy past. I have learned now, that according to him I am useless, a "dumb fuck," a "worthless mother fucker," and a "bitch."
My mother is dead, she died when I was five from tumor in her heart. I don't remember much of her. I remember how she smiled, the way that she held me, and how her hair always had the sweet scent of strawberries. I have her pictures in a box under my bed, along with a pair of diamond earrings she used to wear. These pictures bring so much joy in my life, cause it lets me know I have a guardian who loves me; that, even if I can't see her...she can see me. If my father found these he would take them from me and then I would truly have nothing. I do not worry about him finding the pictures beneath my bed, cause the shoebox is not marked punching bag, I am.
Growing up I was accustomed to not having a life, I am in the confines of my home with the title of "punching back," which is tattooed on my head with ink only my father sees. I am so excited, today is Monday and that means I won't be home, it means I'll be free...if only for a few hours. I hurriedly packed my stuff into my backpack and ran out the door without saying goodbye. Goodbyes meant he can stop me from leaving, running meant it's too late to catch me. People at school title me as straight, but on the inside I long for a man to hold me in his arms and say its ok. However, with my luck I got a better chance catching a brick to the head. I walked down the street to my bus stop, my head cowering low in a petty attempt to hide my father's new markings as I board the bus.
"Hey Maverick how's it going bud?"
It was Ben, he was on the football team, I don't know him well, but he always tries to talk to me. Ben's 18, about six foot two inches with a hairy chest well built, a true stud.
"Jesus! What the hell happened to your face! Are you ok? Come here sit down with me."
I did as I was told, shyly sitting next to this hairy hunk I secretly had a crush on, he looked into my eyes with a look of concern as he examined my face. I sat there lightly shaking not used to hands delicately touching me, I cowered back when he lifted a rag to my face
"Calm down bud I'm not going to punch you or something, why are your nerves so shot? Chill out."
Ben slowly dried the blood on my face with his sports towel making my head flutter with thoughts; I knew this had to be the towel he stuck in the front of his shorts to catch his ball sweat when he played football. He sternly looked into my eyes, dear God his blue hazel eyes I just loved them.
"Now tell me what happened cause I'm tired of seeing ya come in here looking like this."
Oh shit! I thought I can't rat out my dad he will beat me worse if I speak up
"Well I um... tripped walking out the door this morning and face planted pretty hard into the side walk."
The way he looked at me, and how he cleaned my face, I knew I should of stopped him, I mean everyone thinks I'm straight but his touch was so comforting. It was as if I could hide into his chiseled chest, and he would protect me, I snapped out of my daydream when he began to speak.
"Bullshit, your clothes would be torn up to, and they aren't, now tell me the truth."
Fuck, I can't tell him, I'll only get hurt worse, the buss came to a stop and I bolted down the aisle and through the buss doors.
As my day went on, I couldn't stop thinking about him, his touch, his smell, the feeling of safety. Classes were boring but there was no way in hell I was going to ditch, dear god if my father found out I would be rolling to school in a chair. The bell rang, it was time to go home, classes were over. I didn't want to go back, so I decided to walk out to the field and watch the guys practice football. I found my crush, Jersey number nine...Bens jersey. Helmets clashed in a battle of testosterone, and ben seemed to bolt through every time. God how I loved him, I wanted him, but I couldn't come out saying I was gay, my dad would kill me.
It was now six pm and practice was over, I missed my bus which left three hours ago. I knew it was going to take me a couple hours to get home, I was about ten miles from the school, and I knew I was going to get beat for being late the second I got home. The sun was going down and it would be dark when I arrived home. I hear the halting of tires behind me, the music from the vehicle is silenced, and a welcoming voice begins to speak to me.
"Hey bud what are ya doing out here walking? Get in my car, come on I'll give ya a ride home." Ben must of gotten his car when he left campus with his friend to get some lunch. Seniors can leave campus during breaks; I guess it's a nice perk.
"It's cool I can walk but thank you for the offer" I wanted to get in, but I was so nervous. His car came to a stop and his door opened.
"Get in the car now! I am not going to be comfortable in my bed at home knowing your walking out here. What if someone hurts you? I couldn't live with myself."
"Alright, alright" I stepped into the car, which smelt heavily of him.
"Don't worry bud, sit back and enjoy the ride I know where ya live. So did you enjoy practice? I saw you up their watching us."
"Yea, you did well, it was a nice practice." Here I was in my crushes car, having a conversation; I think that brick just hit me in the head.
"Good well I'm glad you like watching." He reached into the backseat when we hit a red light and pulled his jersey out of his gym bag. "Hey bud I want ya to wear this and come to the game Friday night at seven, you'll support me won't you?"
The jersey held his fresh scent, I breathed it in slowly, was he somehow asking me out on a date?
