Invite Me In... Please!

My greatest life struggle has been to feel accepted, by the world in general; and by myself specifically. The mechanism to do that was, if not completely destroyed in my boyhood, then severely damaged and dormant. That mechanism is self esteem. Self worth has been mostly absent from my world since that early time. There is a commonly held belief that what we think is what we get. I thought that I was not worthy...of anything, or of anyone. That is exactly what I got. That is how I came to arrive at this miserable and challenging juncture in my unfulfilling and unhappy existence.

"Then he kissed me! My man and I spent the entire weekend of our vacation in this bed. Thanks for watching. Please like the video, share, and subscribe." Watching was fun. Then a wave of cold despair washed over me from head to toe. I actually felt the chill flow through my body. They appeared to have it all. I have nothing. I am not selfish. It is perfectly okay to bask in the joy of others. It is not okay to deny oneself even a crumb of that same life sustaining joy.

"You have thought about suicide?" My therapist, Michael, specializes in sexual dysfunctions.

"Sure. Everyone does at some point....usually low ones, right?" I came to him with an open mind; and ready to disgorge all of my pent up feelings.

"Does the finality of that act impress you?"

"It does. I know in my mind and in my heart that it would solve nothing for me. Yet to live with this...with this constant pain..." Dr. Michael is leaning forward. I can see he is deep in thought.

"Give me an example of that pain, Tom."

"Sure. I got brave and went on one of those hookup sites last week. I felt I needed something to hold on to. Someone to make the pain go away, if even for an hour. No one needed to remind me that I carry my pain inside wherever I go. Yet I went anyway."

"What happened?"

"I met the guy. He was older, about fifty. Nice house, nice car in the driveway, nice body from what I could tell. He took me upstairs. After a little foreplay, he basically raped me. I didn't resist. It was what I needed, after all."

"You needed to be raped?"

"I needed to feel something. I needed to be with someone. I needed to be accepted. I needed to matter to someone. To me."

"Did it work?"

"You know it did not. I got on my back willingly for him. He lifted my dick out of the way. I don't get hard easily anymore, and it was flopped down over my hole. I wanted his thick cock inside of me real bad. The connection, you know."

"Go on." I could see Dr. Mike's pants start to tent.

"He hovered over me with a grin of lust on his face. When I asked him to slip on a condom and use some lube, he just laughed and told me to shut up and take it like the other faggot whores he finds on the site."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like a faggot whore. But I still wanted him inside of me. Maybe to get some validation. I don't know. Anyway, he rammed his cock into my hole and forced it deep into my channel until his body touched mine. Then he did something awful." I paused and waited for a response.

"What?" His eyes are locked on mine.

"He yanked my dick and balls straight up into the air and told me they were useless junk that a faggot whore had no use for. I froze. It seemed he was ready rip them from my body. But instead, he let them flop back down and took up his fuck in earnest."

"How did it end?" My story telling has the Dr. with a real nice tent in his pants now, but my dick is flaccid and limp, and my pants show nothing. I am the wallflower at the dance, the odd man out, the one who is alone in the crowd.

"He came inside of me. I actually liked that part. It felt for a minute like I mattered. Then he pulled out, helped me get dressed, thanked me for being there, and asked if we could meet again."

"And..."

"And I said: 'yes, we could.'"

"How do you feel about that now?"

"Look. He gave me a few minutes of joy. I felt worth something. Even just to be his cum bucket gave me a sense of worth. Is that okay?" Is that a wet spot on Dr. Mike's trousers?

"We'll explore that next week, Tom."

Part 2 -

After the session with Dr. Mike, I went back to my place to unload. I hadn't jerked off in about a week. Per usual, I could not get hard, so I went for my little helper. Seems that thrusting a toy into my cock slit gets me going better than anything else I do by myself, or with someone else. Yeah, it's kind of self-punishment. It works.

"Damn, stud, this feels good." I talk out loud to myself when I'm alone like this. Makes me feel like there is someone with me.

"Push it in. That's is. All the way. Fuck yeah. Fuck that dick." I'm nice and hard now. I know it will hurt a bit afterward, it always does. But I do it anyway. With the toy deep inside my urethra, there's a feeling of completion I never get otherwise. I am fucking myself and that's okay with me. It may be the only way I give myself validation. Sad, huh?!

"Cum for me, stud. Yeah. Get nice and hard for me. That's it. Feel me fuck your cockhole." The head of my dick is plump and shiny. The toy is moving down my shaft with ease. It's filling me up and I love it. My balls are starting to hurt. They always ache after a week without getting emptied out. Now they're really at their fullest. Every time I graze them and the vessels of cream inside of my crotch, I get a shiver inside that tightens the muscles around the base of my dick. I know this feeling well. In a few more fuck strokes with my toy, my cream will rise and want release. Now is the time for me to yank the toy out of my slit; and it leaves the head with a stinging feeling.

"Cum for me. Force the cum out of your balls. It will hurt, you know that for sure. It will sting when it reaches your head. Let it hurt. You want it to hurt. Fuck. Fuck yeah." It doesn't bother me anymore that I can only get off with a bit of pain. It's what I do. It's what I'm worth.

"Oh. OH, yeah. OH, YEAH, OH, FUCK. FUCK ME. FUCK MY COCK!" Explosion time!

"Aaaaahhhhngh...uh...uh...uh." The first rope hurt like hell as it ripped through my stretched and abused cockslit. I loved it. Every rope after that felt okay. I counted five more as my balls emptied out completely. All the cream collected in a deep puddle on the plate I was aiming it into. As I bend down now to sniff the load, the aroma hits my animal brain like a lightning strike. Without hesitation, my tongue laps at the treasure, as gobs of warm slimy spooge make their way past my lips and down my throat. I lick the plate clean and swallow every salty, stinky, stringy bit of it.

Part 3 -

"How was your week, Tom?"

"I got off. By myself." He looks interested.

"Tell me." Maybe it's time to see if Dr. Michael is VERY interested. As I relate every last detail of my self abuse and ejaculation, the good Dr. moves his body to the edge of his chair, and leans in with an eager look on his face.

"Tom. I've been thinking of a way to help you overcome your issues. In my practice, I offer therapy sex with a select few of my patients." He is waiting for a reaction from me. I will let him stew a bit. "Do you understand me, Tom?" I nod. "Then you are willing to try this approach?" I nod again. As unfamiliar as this is, I believe Dr. Mike actually is interested in me. Not just my 'issues'....ME.

"But I thought you have a partner." He and I have talked for many months now. As a way to help me open up, he has revealed quite a bit about himself. Sharing is caring, after all.

"Andrew and I have discussed your...issues. He is willing to take part in a therapy if you agree." Oh, do I ever! I nod. I have seen a photo of Andrew. He is just my type. Dandy Andy and I think he is randy for some of my man candy. Sorry.

"When?" Can't be soon enough for me.

"Tonight at seven." I nod like four times.

"Good. I'll let him know. Be sure to clean up real good, Tom. Douche you anus well. No underarm deodorant please. Natural cleanliness is a must for total body therapy."

As I get ready for the nights 'therapy' session, my shower is the best I've had in months. I used the douche bulb several times to get nice and clean...and have not eaten all day. No deodorant. My underwear drawer is full of a variety of sexy briefs. For tonight, I select a skimpy red thong that hugs my cock well and feels good against my hole. It rubs me there with every step I take, and I love the feeling.

"Yes?"

"It's me, Tom."

"I'll buzz you in."

The elevator is a semi private one; and it opens onto a small hallway with only two doors. I feel a bit helpless as to which door is his.

"Tom?" His voice is coming from the door to my right.

"Yes."

"Come in." I will not. He needs to do something more.

"No."

"Is there a problem?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, Tom." I gather my inner strength.

"Michael. I want...I need to see you as you invite me in."

"I understand." The door opens. Michael is sanding there, naked, already hard and proud. His lover, Andrew, is a few feet behind him, also naked, also aroused and erect. "We have been warming up the place for you, Tom. You are our welcome guest. Please, come in." A flood of warmth consumes me. I feel like I belong here. My eyes are wet with tears as Michael embraces me, then steps aside to let Andrew have his turn.

"Please remove your clothes for us, Tom. We are eager to take you into our circle."

I do as he asks. I always do what people ask of me. Anyway, once my shoes and sox are off, the velvety soft feel of their silk carpet takes me instantly to a memory of one of my failed, yet impressively hot dates. Abdul was a man right out of a fairy tale. That fairy had one of the nicest 'tails' this side of the ocean. He wore a richly embroidered kaftan that slipped in slow motion waves to the floor; revealing the muscle-god body of the hairiest man I ever did see. What a hunk! He bade me kneel before him, and while I approached, he sat himself down in his throne. The fucking chair looked like the throne from a movie set. He placed his hands on the arms of the throne, looking all impressive and regal, and then he spoke to me.

"Thomas. I have summoned you here to service me this night. With my husband away for the month, my needs must be met. Do you understand?" I must look stupid to him. Right after a throaty laugh, Abdul reaches for his cock - a very impressive one at that - and cradles it like his hand is a plate and his meat is the food.

"Kind of." I can play stupid with the best of them.

"Good. You may suckle at my wand of pleasure (is he for real?) until I burst forth my seed into your throat. Then you may leave." His profile said he only receives. I thought it meant I would fuck him. Hey, I was just a newbie at the time, okay?!

"Okay. But I have some doubt as to the quantity of flour...I mean of your pudding I can swallow. You look like your balls have not emptied in a month."

"Precisely." His smile is captivating. "My husband returns to me this very evening." I'm not even thinking of going there; so I just waddle closer to what must be a nine inch pole of beer can thick, shaved and fully engorged, heat emitting horse-worthy penis. "Ah, yes. Your lips are as butterfly wings to my meatus." WTF is this guy up to?

"So you want me to suck you off, drain your cum into my belly, and then leave." He nods. Fine. At least one of us is worthy of pleasure. Don't get me wrong. I will absolutely enjoy eating Abdul's 'wand of pleasure', and taking his hot cream into my innards. But that momentary joy will leave me feeling empty even before I get home to try and jerk in the privacy of my own room. Been there. Done that.

"Are you well, Tom?" Michael's question snaps me out of my thoughts. It may be fun to share what I was thinking with him and Andrew - kind of a warm-up gift of my own for the evening.

"Oh, yes. Thank you, Michael. May I finish my daydream memory out loud for you both?" He looks puzzled, but nods in agreement, anyway.

"Abdul is seated and waiting for me to take his wand of pleasure into my throat, suck at it until he reaches orgasm, and stay connected until all of his semen flows down into my body." Michael looks over at Andrew and they are sharing a look of bemused concern.

"So. If I may. Please allow Andrew and I to host you as our guest of honor tonight. We would like to undress you ourselves; and in so doing gain an appreciation for your obviously toned body." Michael has skirted the issue of my retelling.

"The point is, I felt 'connected' with Abdul. Even a short ten minute blowjob was better than nothing, right?" They must have smoked, or eaten the edibles before I arrived, 'cause neither one seems to care what I say.

"Yes, of course, Thomas. We understand." Like, not. I'm like the customer in a tailor shop, only its all going in reverse. Each guy is busy undoing and removing something of my clothing and tossing it aside, until I am just as naked as they are.

"Very nice." That's Andrew. He is in front of me. Michael is behind. "I love your mouth, Thomas." As Andrew bends in and kisses me, Michael's tongue is pressed flat to the back of my neck, and is headed upward to my right ear.

"Okay. That's good. Okay." Dr. Mike has remembered where my hot spots are from one of our sessions of talk therapy. I think I like this therapy sex better. Yeah. I do.

"All of our attention is for you tonight, Thomas. We ask for nothing in return. Your pleasure is all that matters to us." Andrew has kissed his way down to my belly. He is lifting my cock up just like Abdul did with his! The feeling of his wet tongue, silky yet also slightly rough, is doing a number on me. I am getting hard.

"Oh, wow! I'm HARD!" They don't seem to hear me at all. Andrew is placing his sweet tight body onto the silk carpet. He's on all fours. His butt is high and proud. I jerk my head backward to look at Dr. Mike. "Really? For me?" He nods.

"I am yours by my own choice tonight, Tom. Claim my body as is your right and privilege. You have my permission. You belong inside of me!" His words could easily evoke a tsunami of tears from me; but there are other fluids aching for release at this moment. Dr. Mike approaches with some lube, gently coats my cock with it, then hands it to me with a smile and a nod of approval. I take the lube and squeeze out a good amount into my right hand. Spreading Andrew's left cheek outward, his cleanly shaven pink hole comes into view. As I rub the lube along his ass crack and around his ring, my thumb gently presses ever more inward with each circular motion.

"Yes, Tom. Finger me, please. Open me up for your taking." In this heightened state of awareness and feeling, his words are heard, yet they seem distant somehow. I am totally concentrating on getting my thumb to pop into his pucker...and then, in it goes!

"You feel real nice inside, Andrew. I hope I don't hurt you."

"What a wonderfully considerate thing to say, Tom. You could never hurt me. I have taken two cocks at once many times. I'm fully ready to take yours, Tom." Okay, then. My cockhead is like a guided missile - and it needs no help finding its target. True to his words, it slips easily past Andrew's outer ring, and I hold there.

"This is my first time as a 'top', Andrew. I hope..."

"I need the rest of you inside of me, Tom." As I sink slowly into the depths of Andrew's channel, some visuals come to mind. The scene with the apple pie that Jim fucks is one. And the one with the Jell-O...yeah that's the one! Sinking into Andrew's warm tunnel feels like my cock is slowly plunging into a bowl of firm Jell-O that has been on the counter a while - still firm enough, yet with no resistance. It envelops the sheath of my shaft as its slimy substance sucks me down and cradles my cock. Feels like my shaft is floating inside of a Jell-O filled human tunnel. In this moment I have a brand new understanding of myself. I am not just some random cum bucket bottom. I am a worthy top, as well. Worthy. Welcome. Permission. Belonging. My mind is awash with new sensations.

"Please fuck me hard, Tom. I have adjusted to you. A good hard fucking Is what will please me the most." I have never before felt quite this way. The head and slit of me is so sensitive that I can feel it push through the Jell-O...through the wetness inside... and rub his rectal walls, It's like his ass is blowing me!

"I...Andrew." My breathing is rapid. He knows where this is headed. I count everything. I'm up to fifteen piston pumps, and can not last much longer.

"Go for it, Tom. Take me, right here on the Oriental." Dr. Mike is sliding under Andrew. He is starting to suck on him, as I approach my climax. Andrew has been hard during my fuck. Now he is moaning like I am.

"Oh. Okay. An... OH. OH. OH. OH." I am exploding into Andrew! Four, five six ropes and I am not done yet. I've been holding still deep inside of him so far, for the seeding, but maybe some more thrusting will feel good. "AH. AH. OH. AH." It does. Nine strong ropes in all. But wait.

"FUCK, Mike. MIKE. MIIIIKKKE!!!" Andrew is busting into his lover's mouth.

"DAMN. OH. FUCK!" The muscles inside his ass are spasming with each of his ejaculatory pumps. My poor sensitive cock is being pummeled and I can't pull out!

"Nice one, Drew." Mike is on his knees and giving Andrew a kiss. Now he's looking up at me with the glow of a man with a mission.

"Tom." His lips seal with mine. His cum coated tongue, fresh with Andrew's saliva mixed in, is pressing to gain entry, and I open to him. No sweeter fruit was ever tasted!

I am finally pulling out of Andrew's ass; my dick is still kind of hard, to my surprise and delight. The night is still young, and we have it, and the next morning yet to go. I need to rest for a bit now. This has been great for me so far. I hear a melody start to play inside my head. The words are perfect for this moment; and ring truer than ever: "Sexual healing...is good for me!"