As much as I replayed the events in my mind over and over again, I came to the conclusion that I'd done nothing wrong. I didn't misread anything; he made his intentions clear to me.
Yes, I've always admired him; he's always been in my head. Admittedly, at first, it was anger with some confusion. But as the years went by, it gradually changed to admiration. Then, in junior year, when he went out of his way to open up a dialogue between us, I started to like him.
The more I think of it, he'd always been around. I'd see him at my soccer games or casually bump into him in the hallways between classes. Since that day that we ran into each other outside the main doors, we've known of each other.
The fact that we attend the most crowded high school in Texas means that one of us was always looking out for the other, and it wasn't me. So, no way I misread this motherfuckers' intentions with me, and now he's ghosting me!
*~~*
"Hey, can I sit here?" I looked up, and it was Jan.
Jan and I had dated sophomore year, but we quickly figured out that there was no there, there. We liked each other enough and, over the years, found that we had much in common, so we friend-zoned each other.
"Free country," I replied without a care.
"Wow, a little bitchy today. I noticed that your friend didn't come to study class."
Jan was pfishing, and even though I hadn't told her that Tim and I were starting to get close and I damn sure hadn't told her that last Friday I sucked his cock, she'd figured out enough to know that we were more than friends.
"Fuck him, he can eat shit and die."
Jan had just taken a drink of her soda and damn near spit it out.
"Wait, whaaaaaat..." she said in that annoying way that she dragged out the *what* to rub it in on me. I looked up at her and wondered why I even bother having friends.
"Shut up, I don't know, Jan. Sometimes I think that I was put on this earth so that everyone could take a big shit on me."
"Oh, quit being such a drama queen, look in the mirror, and tell me again how tough life is for you. Oh, and nice bike, by the way, must be tough with all the NIL money you get for kicking a little ball into a net."
That's why she was my friend, and I trusted her with all my private secrets. She was brutally honest with me. The shitty part about our friendship is I have to hear her shit too. But she was right. As it goes, my life isn't as bad as I was going on about.
"Missed you on Friday in study hall, and Tim wasn't there either. Hmmm..."
"Shut up," I shot back.
"C'mon, don't be like that. I tell you all of my secrets."
"Yeah, well, there's no secret to tell here," I love Jan, and she does tell me all of her dirty secrets, but somehow, I don't think she's ready for this one.
"Is it true what they say? Is Tim hung like they say?"
I almost fell over, but it was my fault. I have been telling her about how confused I was getting with Tim and eventually that I might be gay. But like I said, I trust Jan. She has too much to lose if she outs me, still, what the fuck!
"Bitch, really?"
"Oh, c'mon, Sammy, you two were together all weekend. You had to be because every time I tried calling you, your phone went straight to voice mail."
She was right about one thing: I did have my phone turned off, thinking that I would punish Tim, but as it turned out, he was the only one who never called me or texted me all weekend.
"I turned it off; I didn't feel like talking to anyone." I guess the tone of my voice changed because Jan got serious all of a sudden.
"Hey, I'm your friend Sammy. What happened?"
I sat there for a second and finally exhaled. I told her we were sitting by the field house entrance and wound up at my place. I was hurting and hadn't talked to anyone about what had happened. I told her everything.
We were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, away from the horde of students. When I finished telling her that I'd spent the weekend emotionally paralyzed, we just sat there in silence.
You could hear the rumble of the students eating and talking with one another. The clanging sound of the dishes coming from the back. The kitchen staff yelled something or another.
We sat there in silence by ourselves.
"Clay told me that Tim was going on some recruiting trips. He said his dad told him that he was young and owed it to himself to have some fun before he reported to the summer semester at university."
That's something I didn't need to hear. While we were working out in the mornings, Tim told me he wasn't going on any more trips.
Said that they were just party trips because the hosting schools knew that they weren't going to change your mind unless they did some outlandish shit like setting them up with hostesses that would do more than host.
We finished our conversation and went about our day. Later on, I ran into Tim in the hallway, and he just glanced at me and kept walking by me. No, hi, bye, fuck you very much, nothing.
When he didn't show up for study hall, class, or whatever you want to call it. I was devastated. Attendance for the class isn't mandatory, but you can't be on campus during that hour if you don't attend.
All I knew was that he was not showing up, which confirmed what I'd already thought. He was ghosting me. I spent all weekend wondering what I'd done wrong, and now that I confirmed that something was wrong, fuck me.
I tried sitting there like nothing was wrong, but I couldn't. I gathered my things and left for the day.
*~~*
I couldn't help but be amazed at the thickness of Tims cock. There was no way I could close my grip on the shaft, and it only grew thicker the closer to his body. It was like a tree trunk at the base.
I used both hands to pump his shaft as I struggled with the head of his cock inside my mouth. I wanted to take it all, but the best I could do was maybe a quarter of it. The texture of his cock was so smooth. I couldn't believe I was sucking his cock again.
Plus, the freedom of being completely naked so he could enjoy seeing my heart-shaped ass. My only wish was that he could see my virgin asshole. I couldn't get enough; I wanted his cum, oh god.
I started sucking frantically; why won't he cum in my mouth? Oh, please cum in my mouth! Cum in my mouth already!!!!
*ALARM* *ALARM* *ALARM*
I opened my eyes, and I immediately reached for my phone. I franticly battled with it until I turned the alarm off. I was sweating and felt uncomfortable. That's when I realized that I was dreaming and my crotch was smothered in cum.
It was a fucking dream, fuck my life.
*~~*
I hated fucking doctors. Since puberty, I'd been to one specialist or another. Their hands were tied because we were poor and lived in the great state of Texas. My hormones were going to do what they were going to do.
Or should I say, they would do whatever my chromosomes allowed them to do. It had been a great battle for my body's features since then. I suffered from what is called MAIS.
Mild Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.
Everyone's body receives hormones in the womb and during puberty. Androgens are assigned to tell fat cells where to go, and then, with the testosterone, a boy's body starts to develop.
But with me, my X and Y chromosomes tried to prevent my androgen hormones from doing their job and partially succeeded. Hence, my female features, my micro-genitalia, the probability that I would not be able to father children, etc....
And for the past couple of months, I have been experiencing soreness around my areolas. They were already puffed out, unlike any areola/nipples that I'd ever seen on a guy, and now they were achy. I swear I thought they were swollen more than usual.
I was also a highly recruited athlete, and the university that I'll be attending wanted me to be seen by their doctors. Since they're the ones providing the NIL money, indirectly, of course. I had to keep the appointment.
They'd already done the blood work and ran all the tests. Now, it was time for the results.
When they broke it down for me, I had mixed feelings. It seems that I'm going through a late-stage growth spurt, and the achiness around my breast tissue is that I'm developing breasts.
Much like what everyone calls a late bloomer. When a girl suddenly develops breasts in her late teens, that's what I was about to experience. I may or may not grow taller, but I'd probably develop more feminine features.
But because I was eighteen now and the state of Texas couldn't interfere, I could undergo hormone treatment and start the process of reversing as much as my body would allow. I would raise my testosterone levels and block all of the estrogen and other female hormones from running wild in my body.
How it would affect my athletic drive was uncertain. I could develop into a super hormonal-driven athlete, or I could lose some of my athletic drive.
Because I'd been such a valuable recruit for the university that I'd chosen, they'd honor my scholarship no matter how it went. If I could no longer perform at the level I was recruited to perform, they'd still ensure I got a free education paid for by the athletic department.
But no more NIL money.
Valuable recruit, I thought. They weren't lying there. If it hadn't been for me accepting as early as I did, they may not have been able to sign half of their recruiting class.
"Samuel, it's up to you. If you don't want to do the treatments, you don't have to. You were recruited to play men's soccer, and that's what you'll be playing. In whatever your body looks like."
They gave me until graduation to start the treatments or let the hormones fall where they may.
*~~*
I had a lot on my mind. March had been a blast. Tim and I had been enjoying our morning workouts. I thought that we were on our way to becoming something special. Even the morning that I sucked his cock was great; everything about it was great. Until it wasn't.
Now, April has been hell, just like the end of March. Tim ignored me, and I couldn't resist checking out his IG occasionally. It was full of pictures of his recruiting visits. Always some cunt in his face, on his lap, who knows where else.
No matter how hard I tried not to let it affect me, it always did. Only my mother and Jan were there for me. Jan even came to my home to hang out with me, which was very sweet. She had a new boyfriend but always had time to hang out with her best friend.
