Idolatria

1 John 3:11

Sex is messy, no matter who you are. Levi had told me before. I don't think I knew just how far that went until after it finally happened, and I was stuck in the bathroom while he stripped and fixed the sheets. It was almost upsetting how that one perfect moment between Levi and I could end with this much cleanup. He seemed used to it, though, wholly unbothered by the ordeal. I wondered how many times I'd do this before it stopped being embarrassing.

Clearly not yet. A knock on the bathroom door had me hugging my knees on the toilet. "Gimme a minute!"

"Bed's changed," said Levi, through the door. A pause. "Do you need help?"

"No!" I said quickly.

I thought I heard him stifle a laugh. "Okay, if you say so. Are you hungry?"

Food was the furthest thing from my mind. "I-I dunno."

"Well... I'm starving. I'm ordering pizza. You've got five minutes to come out here and let me know what you want on yours."

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to think about food just then. But... well... maybe my appetite would be back eventually, once the shock of what we'd done had worn off. And I was feeling awfully stranded, in a weird way, without Levi nearby. As much as I definitely didn't want him to see me in this particular state, I wanted to be near him now.

Levi was sprawled on the couch when I went to find him, in only underwear like I was, tapping through his phone. He glanced up at me and smiled indulgently. "So what'll it be?"

"Uh... just pepperoni, I guess. I'm basic."

"Sure," he laughed, fidgeting with his phone. "Shouldn't be too long. I really am fucking starved. How're you feeling?"

I worried my hands and sat on the other end of the couch, maybe a bit more tenderly than I meant to. "Okay," I said tentatively. "Kinda sore."

Levi's mouth tightened as if suppressing a grin. "How bad?" he asked. "Was I too rough?"

Finding my mouth dry, I shook my head. I was definitely a little achy, but that was about it. Although... "That's kinda the weird part, isn't it?"

"What is?"

I brushed my hair, too fluffy from the shower, back over my left ear, considering my words. "I thought I'd feel

different

afterwards."

"What... after we fucked?"

"I -- well, it was my first time, y'know? At least like that. So I thought I'd... feel like I'd changed."

Levi silenced my flustered stammering, cupping my face to his and kissing me once, twice, lingering further with each one. My chest felt strangely waterlogged. I clasped my hands around his as he pulled back with an indulgent smile.

"You're so fucking cute," he breathed. "You know what changed about you? An hour ago, you'd never had my dick inside you, and now you have. That's it."

"Do you have to say it like that?" I huffed, tearing my burning face from him. "You're the one who kept saying shit like you were

'claiming me'

; I wasn't supposed to think it was a big deal?"

"If you want it to be a big deal, then it's a big deal," said Levi, dragging me back into his arms despite my squirming. "And yeah, to me, that felt like... well, the last little bit of you I didn't have already. But nothing's really different about you."

I let Levi hold me still, mulling all this over as he stroked and tangled his fingers in my hair. He was so much more casual about it all -- more experienced, more familiar with guys than I was. At least like that. Maybe that was just his age. Which...

"How -- how old are you?"

"What?" Levi sounded surprised. "Did I forget to tell you that?"

"I guess. I mean, you know how old I am, but it never came up..."

He laughed. "I'm twenty-eight. Were you scared I'm like, thirty-something?"

"No. You're just..." I took a moment, trying to straighten my words. "Have you always been...?"

"Been what?"

"Well... gay."

He laughed. "I'm not. I'm pansexual. Told you, I just don't consider sex or gender a factor with sexual attraction. You're the one who's gay, as far as I can tell."

"I mean, still... How long have you known you liked guys?"

This apparently took him aback. "I don't know," he shrugged. "I mean, I guess not until my friend tricked me into kissing him."

"What do you mean, tricked you?"

"Stupid shit. He said it was practice. I think he knew about his sexuality and didn't know how to express it. We... ended up dating in high school. Or something like dating."

He settled down into the couch with me on his chest, folding his arms behind his head, but he seemed suddenly uncomfortable.

I wasn't sure if I should keep going, but the curiosity was killing me. "So... was that guy your first?"

"Yeah."

"What was it like? I mean... without details, y'know."

He stared at the ceiling in thought. "Painful."

"Painful?"

"It hurt. A lot. I bled."

"What?"

"That's what happens when you don't know what the fuck you're doing," he snapped. "Which is exactly why I was so careful with you. I made sure you were absolutely ready and that you'd feel good with me. You got the benefit of not being with someone who got their sexual prowess from gay anime."

"From -- from what?"

"Forget it. Would you mind if we stopped talking about him?"

"Is this the same guy...? The one where you said it was a sensitive --"

"Ash,

bluebell,

" Levi said firmly. He shoved himself upright on the couch, dislodging me in turn. "When I say I want to stop talking about something, please respect that and

stop

. If it were important, I'd tell you."

Levi's use of our safe word immediately extinguished my curiosity. I hadn't considered it ever being said outside of our 'dynamic'. The shock was replaced by guilt as Levi stood up and drifted across the room, raking a hand through his hair in obvious unease.

"I -- sorry," I said meekly. "I'm not trying to --"

"I know," he sighed. "I know you're not. Fuck. Feels like I never tell you anything. I don't talk to anyone about

shit

anymore. I'll try harder to be open about things... Just... just not that. Not now."

I watched him pace languidly back and forth for a moment, watching his face for remnants of anger that seemed gone already. "Okay," I said, sheepish. Though... suddenly, I was feeling really hungry after all that. "When's food supposed to get here?"

‡

Levi had thrown on a jacket to get the door, but now that we were settled back in the living room, the lights were dimmed and the little speaker was playing music, and I was absolutely ravenous by the time the greasy box was on the coffee table. I was digging in before he'd even sat back down. Half pepperoni, half cheese.

"Did you want some of this kind?" I asked, teasing a slice from the box.

"The pepperoni? No, that's all you."

"You don't like it?"

"I can't eat pork. Never did as a kid; now it makes me sick."

"What, not even pepperoni? Or bacon?"

"No. I'm Jewish."

I about choked on the bite I'd just taken. "You

what?

"

"Well, technically," he added. "I mean, it's not on my mom's side, and my dad wasn't strict about it, and I never had a Bar Mitzvah, but..."

"But -- wait -- you're... I mean... um..."

"Oh, yeah. I'm 'intact'. Right?"

"Well -- yeah."

"My mom was against it," he said coolly. "Which, I'm glad. But anyway... yeah. I mean, you didn't read my business cards? My last name's 'Kirschenbaum'. Not that that's important. So yeah, there was never any reason to suspect that, I guess."

"But you're not religious anymore?"

"I don't know if I ever was, to be honest," Levi frowned. "I like the holidays. But even then, we only did that with my grandparents. And I haven't seen them in ages. I know it's my heritage, but I suck at it."

I wasn't sure how to take this. It felt like something that should be really important... but was that only because of how integral my faith was to my life? Levi's world wasn't like that, it seemed. But that brought me to another point.

"So... was that why you started going to church?"

He finished chewing and paused in thought. "Well... I don't think it had anything to do with me trying to rediscover religion or anything. I'd go back to temple if I felt like it. Might be fun, actually."

"So why church?"

"It wasn't church in general. It was

this

church. This town." He leaned back in his seat, crossing his legs. "Truth be told, the whole town goes fucking dead on a Sunday morning, and I wanted to know why. Mentioned it to my landlord, and he told me where everyone was, so I got curious and went to look. It was interesting."

"You just walked into a Baptist church because you were

bored?

" I asked doubtfully.

"I'm disappointed I haven't gotten to see anybody get dunked yet, honestly, but yeah."

"So you only came out of curiosity."

"Basically."

"Is that why you don't come to church anymore?"

At this, Levi stared at me blankly. "Did you... want me to?" he asked, incredulous.

I hesitated. "I mean, I thought it was nice... I didn't know why you stopped coming."

He exhaled slowly and glanced at the ceiling. I thought I saw the bridge of his nose going pink. "I told you, I was only going there to see you," he said. "I probably wouldn't have kept going if you hadn't kept looking at me when I visited... But after all that, you were coming to see me here, so I... I don't know."

I felt myself blushing in turn. "Well... So if I asked you to come to services with me again, would you?"

He hesitated, then glanced at me. "Is that what you want?"

"I... liked you being there."

"The last time I went with you was before this all really started. So I'm asking you if that's what you want because I need you to really think about it." Levi shifted to face me, pulling close and holding my burning face so I was forced to look him in the eyes. "Ash, please actually hear what you're saying. Do you want the man who collared you, who's

fucking

you, to sit next to you in church? What, with your family?"

"Levi --"

His face was too close. One hand was still holding my jaw, the other drifting, tracing my collarbone, pawing my chest. "I don't pray," he hissed. "You're the one who said it. I don't sing, I don't worship when I'm there. If that's what you want, I'm gonna disappoint you. But you know what I will do?"

"W... what...?"

"I'll sit at your side, and watch you, and think about the ways I'm going to violate your body when I get you home and back in my collar where you belong."

My voice got lost on my tongue, and just as quickly, Levi swallowed it up. He kissed me hard, lazy, drawn-out. I could barely push back before he released my mouth and trailed down, kissing my jawline, my neck, the hollow of my throat. Feeling his lips on my bare skin, I gasped in realization.

"I-I'm not wearing my collar --"

"Does the collar own you?"

The question made my chest tighten, the sensation spilling down further inside me. "N... no...?"

"No. Who does?"

"You... You do... Sir..."

"Good boy," Levi growled. His kisses continued, pausing again to press his lips to my pendant, at which he drew back and braced his hands around my breast, almost the same way his harness did. Warm, strong hands fondled me, kneaded, pushed together like he was trying to see how much cleavage he could get out of me. "God, you've got nice tits," he smirked. "So soft... But I can feel how strong your muscle is. Are you sensitive here?"

"A -- a little," I winced.

"Yeah? I'll be gentle, then."

I didn't have time to ask what he meant. Levi dipped down and ran his tongue over my left nipple, already hard from his attention -- not the only thing that was hard by now. Both splayed on the couch, I was sure he could feel my dick against his stomach. If he did, he was ignoring it as usual.

There was a buzzing noise not far from me.

Levi hesitated with his mouth over my chest, glancing at me. "Is that yours?"

Distracted, I fumbled for the phone I'd left on the end table behind us. My insides froze when I saw who was calling.

"It's -- It's my mom."

I looked to Levi in a panic, expecting him to get off of me... but he didn't. "Answer it," he said simply.

"

Now?

"

"Yes. Consider that an order. And keep your voice calm."

With Levi watching me expectantly, I swallowed and opened the call, heart hammering. "Hey, mom."

"Ash, where are you? It's already past ten."

"I know, sorry. I'm over at --" I stumbled, frantically searching. I couldn't keep using Marc.

It's easier to lie when you're close to the truth

, I thought. "I'm... at Levi's place. He's helping me study for my finals."

I thought I saw Levi's eyes glitter. His mouth was still dangerously close to me, taunting.

"At Levi's?" Mom repeated, obviously confused. "Is that your friend from church?"

"Yeah... that's him."

"I didn't know he went to your college."

"He doesn't --

hic!

"

Without warning, Levi had pressed his lips over my nipple and sucked hard, keeping his eyes fixed on mine in a near glare. He pulled back with a faint pop and grinned at me, mouthing something.

"Stay calm."

"Hello?"

I readjusted, quickly understanding exactly what Levi was going to be putting me through.

Fuck. Oh, fuck. I can safeword this if I have to, but...

"Sorry -- no, Levi doesn't go to Immaculata," I said, trying to keep myself casual. "He's good at Lit, though. You know I'm having trouble with that. I guess time got away from us."

Apparently satisfied with my obedience, Levi shifted back and turned his attention below my waist, skillfully freeing me from my borrowed underwear with a sly smile. I held onto the arm of the couch to keep from slipping down, my pulse pounding in my mouth.

"Oh. Well, what about Marc?" my mom was saying.

"Marc doesn't have Lit class with me. Janina does, but you know, she's old-fashioned, so..."

I couldn't take my eyes off Levi. I couldn't tell what the fuck he was doing. Just climbing from the couch onto his knees beside me, quickly sweeping back his hair with the band around his wrist...

"Oh, that's right. Her parents don't like her having boys over, do they?"

"Nah, I can't --

ffffhuh!

"

I yanked the phone away and clapped a hand over my mouth barely moments after the noise burst from me. Levi's hand was delicately wrapped around my base, keeping me still while he circled his tongue around the tip slowly, temptingly. He glanced at me and made a phoning motion, never breaking the focus on what he was doing.

I hurried to put the phone to my ear, forcing my breath to even out so I could speak.

"... always welcome to come over here and study in the living room, or the kitchen, you know your father and I don't have a problem with that. Janina's a lovely young lady."

"Yeah, I know," I said stiffly. "I'll ask her next time. Sorry, I should have called earlier to let you know where I w-was."

"Well, as long as I know."

"Yeah -- sorry, I'm probably staying here tonight, too."

"Are you su--"

I pulled the phone away again to stop from yelping into my mom's ear. Levi had stopped teasing and abruptly sunk me halfway into his mouth, drawing back slowly, deliberately with his tongue doing something ungodly along my length. He lingered at the tip and buried me again, deeper, and I had to groan loudly into my hand before I could drag the phone back again, struggling not to breathe too hard.

"... been spending a lot of time at your friends' houses. And to be honest, I think your father's a little wary of your friend Levi. I'm sure he's nice, but we really don't know him, you know?"

"Mom -- it's fine, you trust me to make good decisions, right?" I panted.

Between my legs, Levi snorted in laughter.

"Well, sure, I trust

you

, Asher, it's just this Levi person... Well, nevermind. Where does he have you sleeping?"

"On the couch... it's better than Marc's, I'll be... fine."

This was becoming nearly impossible. My entire body was quaking. I felt like I was going cross-eyed from the fierce, rippling heat flooding my stomach with every stroke of Levi's skillful, loving mouth. The hand not stroking me in time with his movements was gently teasing that space behind my balls. It felt like I was coming apart way too fast, as if the additional adrenaline from the threat of discovery was driving me to the edge without any care of what would happen if I fell over... And the rational part of me had to push it back, grip the couch for support, and try not to think about the insane pleasure on Levi's tongue, try not to think about how tightly my lower body was winding itself...

"... me a call in the morning just to let me know you made it to class okay," Mom went on, blissfully unaware of my pain. "You should invite your friend over sometime, I'd feel safer if we knew him a bit better."

"

Fu -- Close!

"

"What?"

"Sorry," I gasped, shuddering down into the couch cushions, speaking a bit too quickly. "I'm -- cutting it close with the studying, I should get back to that -- I'll see if he wants to come over -- thanks, Mom, love you --"

"Well, all right. I love you too, honey. Good night."

"Good night!" I almost threw the phone across the room when I'd finally hung up, practically howling to the ceiling as if the noise had been building up that entire time. "Levi,

fuck

, I'm going to fucking

come

, I can't f-fucking take it, oh,

f-fuck

--"

In response, he groaned, the noise faintly vibrating down my length, and sped up ever so slightly.

It wouldn't have mattered if he was able to give me permission or not. There was no way I could hold back any longer than I already had -- the build of my climax was almost painful by now. In desperation to stem my voice, I bit down on my fist and screamed out through my teeth as my entire body tensed and then fell apart in Levi's mouth -- and on impulse, I reached out blindly with my free hand and pushed his face harder between my legs, fingers tangling in his hair as I burst against the back of his throat.

By the time my body unlocked, I'd stopped breathing, and found myself going limp on the couch gasping for breath. Levi roughly pushed my hand away and pulled back, coughing, eyes watering.

"Good boy," he croaked, then swallowed hard. "I'm gonna punish you for choking me later."

AN: Hi. I know this chapter's short. This is the end of act two. I'm going way over the planned word count for this, the first "book" of Idolatria. But this is, as before, probably the "first draft" and I expect I'll have to edit and reorganize quite a lot.

If I introduce a question to the story, more than likely it's something I'm planning on. Don't worry. Thanks as always for your feedback.