Idolatria

Revelation 3:19

Stores up and down Main street had all put out their springtime displays. I was surprised to see that Levi had followed suit, at least in... his way. The mannequin in the window had a new outfit: a pink leather harness set and a collar with an oversized bowtie, with a matching rabbit mask to hide the upper half of her blank face; this, too, sculpted beautifully in leather. I wondered how he was able to do things like that. Shaking the distraction, I turned for the door and was relieved to see light behind the "open" sign in the window.

It wasn't until I grasped the door handle that I realized my heart was pounding. Hard.

Oh, God. I can't do this. I can't do -

No. I need this. I want this. I want to be here right now.

There was no music in the store when the bell welcomed me back, although I noticed there was now a pair of rectangular speakers mounted behind the front counter. As I wandered intrepidly inside, there was a rattling noise and a glimpse of movement from just inside the archway to the workroom...

And my heart climbed into my mouth as Levi strode back into the shop.

The moment he saw me, he stopped dead. I didn't... really blame him. I hadn't exactly expected him to come running over to hug me after what had happened. The unreadable expression on his tired face flooded me with guilt. Avoiding his eyes, I let mine travel him... His clothes were different than what I knew. Shirt with the sleeves torn off. Jeans with gaping rips in the knees, frayed at the cuffs. For the first time I'd ever seen, he had swapped his boots for faded, dirty canvas sneakers. The only leather he wore was a band around his wrist.

But he was still everything I remembered.

Levi was silent, unmoving. I wished he would say something, be the first to end our separation... But he wouldn't. I was scared to look at him. I needed to apologize - to tell him what I was feeling - and every detailed explanation and apology I had practiced in my head fell apart the moment he was in front of me.

Nothing I said would ever be enough.

All I wanted to do now was cry. I wanted to break down and sob and beg him to comfort me... But that wasn't what he or I needed, either.

So I forgot everything I was going to say. I threw it out. And I did what my heart told me to.

He drew a step back as I approached... but he didn't retreat any further. My heart was beating a fierce and even tempo against the roof of my mouth. I no longer felt fear, or anxiety, or doubt. Nothing but this mattered anymore. Only a step away from him, I lowered myself to the floor... and knelt at his feet.

"I'm sorry."

It was hard to breathe when I said it. It was all I had left, and I knew it wasn't what he wanted. But I don't think he had expected me to kneel on the floor of the shop, either. And I didn't know how he would react to this - would he be angry? Would he demand that I leave? Would he just ignore me? I suddenly realized this might not have been that good of an idea. But I was also in way too deep to awkwardly back up and try again.

The silence in the shop was deafening. Neither Levi nor I moved an inch, and I kept my head down, staring at the floor between his feet. Should I say more? Was he waiting for me to go further? Prostrate myself? Beg? Or was he still deciding whether or not he'd deal with me at all?

The worn sneakers backed up, and at last, I heard him sigh. "Get up," he said flatly.

Hesitantly, I raised my head and straightened up... But seeing Levi's face again, his eyes low and tired, I suddenly felt like I needed to stay where I was. So I did.

When he realized I wasn't going to stand, he sighed harder and brushed his hair back with both hands, walking around me. "I'm not doing this here," he said sharply. After a moment, I heard the lock on the front door click, and the lights went out row by row until I was sitting there in the dark. Another click, the creak of hinges, and light spilled across the floor. "Upstairs. Go."

Carefully, I got to my feet and turned to him. Levi stood at the open door between the shop and the stairs to his apartment. With the shadows hiding his eyes, I couldn't even tell if he was glaring at me.

I knew then that I was in trouble. But Levi was still taking me up to his apartment, not sending me away. And there was no part of me that feared him hurting me, somehow. This might turn into a fight, but whatever Levi had to say to me was likely warranted, and I knew he wouldn't dare hit me in anger. I was sure of that. I'd seen it.

I followed Levi as he turned and led me up the steps, leaving me to close the door behind us. He didn't speak the whole way up. He was silent until we reached the living room, and he didn't look at me again until he'd turned the lights on and told me to take my jacket off, which I did. He took this from me and threw it onto the arm of the couch carelessly, and it wasn't until then that he finally came back and stood in front of me, his face somehow calm around darkened eyes.

"You're mad at me," I said quietly, breaking the dead air between us.

Levi's shoulders squared as he breathed in and swallowed. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't," he admitted. "It's been a

month

, Ash, and -" But he suddenly fell silent and closed his eyes, as if restarting himself. "But you're here, so I assume... you made a decision during that time."

My throat felt tight. I needed to be honest - not just with Levi, but myself. The words felt heavy in my mouth. I clasped my hands to stop them shaking. "I... yes," I said. "I want to be here. I always did. And what I want now - more than anything - is to..." My eyes fell from Levi's as I spoke, unable to bring my burning face to meet him, to say these things with the confidence I wanted to. "... To serve you. As your submissive."

The blood was thumping in my wrists as I brought my face back up. Levi didn't look up at me for a long time. When he did, his hazel eyes were shadowed and hard. "Safe word," he said lowly.

Unexpected tension ran through my arms. I didn't dare look away again. "It's... bluebell."

Levi inhaled deeply, and his voice was suddenly harsh and growling as he spat the words out:

"Get on your fucking knees."

There was no hesitation, no preamble. We had started. I hadn't even felt the moment at which our dynamic had changed, and I had no idea what was going to happen now that it had... But my body and heart, raging with adrenaline, both knew how to respond. I sunk down onto my knees on the rug and watched him for an order.

"Stay," he said.

A familiar scene was taking place. I sat on the floor with my legs tucked under me as Levi strode out of the room and down the hall to prepare for something I couldn't begin to fathom. My imagination ran wild the longer I was there, but my experience being limited as it was, I had no frame of reference for what he could do to me. That should have scared me. It did scare me. But desire and genuine lament canceled out all but the basest of my fear.

I waited for far longer than I had in the kitchen. The door to Levi's bedroom stayed closed, and I couldn't hear anything he was doing. The anticipation may as well have been part of my punishment. Was I really ready to actually do this? I'd been in handcuffs twice. All things considered, I'd hardly done anything at all with Levi. Then I just straight up disappear for a month and come back asking him to dominate me.

And yet... The moment I'd handed him that possibility, he had barely hesitated in taking the lead from me. Did that mean this was what he wanted, too? I wasn't sure. Then again, if he didn't, I probably wouldn't be on his floor right now. I let out a trembling sigh and let my body unwind... only for the sound of Levi's bedroom door, the sound of his boots in the hall, to draw my muscles to full tension again.

And I forgot how to breathe.

Levi had completely changed. His worn, ripped clothes were gone, and in their place was a look I don't think he would have dared to wear in public.

The tall boots were familiar to me, but everything else was... new. Black leather trousers, loose around the knees for range of motion and tucked into the tops of his boots, and whose zipper seemed to go down a little too far in the front. He was wearing the hip satchel again, with an addition - one of those leather horse tail things was strapped to the back of it, in such a way that it swayed back and forth with his steps. His torso was bare save for a kind of harness that framed his proud breast, a configuration of buckles and silvery rings attached to a collar and shoulder binding. The long, dark hair was tied back except for a wayward lock he'd left at the side of his face. His black gloves seemed to be missing a middle and index finger, and in his hands was an assortment or burnished, dark brown leather restraints.

My

restraints.

Levi dropped his equipment on the floor beside him with a thump and clatter of metal, put one hand on his hip, and flicked a finger to me. "Stand," he ordered. I tried not to leap up to my feet. The moment I'd scrambled upright, he said, "Hands behind your back," and I folded them there without a second thought.

For a minute, all he did was stare and me down his nose. It was the energy he'd had when he bound me to the bed. He appraised me quietly, then crossed his arms - I noticed the left bicep displaying a thin leather band.

"You come here asking to serve me," he said.

I swallowed. "Yeah - I - yes, Sir."

His eyes narrowed slightly. Approval? Was he surprised I'd bothered to remember his rules? He went on. "After denying me contact for... how long?"

Ashamed, I dropped my eyes to the floor. "Thirty... thirty-five days," I said reluctantly.

"Look at me," he snapped.

I did.

"Thirty-five days," he repeated. "You counted."

"Yes, Sir."

"Was it worth it, boy?"

My eyes threatened to water. "No... Sir."

"No," he mused. "No, I get the feeling you suffered plenty. I won't lecture you. But neither am I going to blindly forgive what you've done. Do you understand?"

"Yes... Yes, Sir," I said weakly.

Levi tapped a finger at his elbow, apparently in thought. "What of yours are you offering to me?" he asked softly.

At first, I didn't get what he meant. What of mine? But the question really was just that simple. How much of me was I giving him? There was a break in my voice when I spoke. "My body. My... h-heart. My spirit. I think I... want them to belong to you."

A smile seemed to touch Levi's mouth... and then it was gone again. "Your heart and your spirit, I'll claim with time," he told me coolly. "What little I haven't already. Why don't you show me the rest?"

My pulse skipped. "The rest of... what?"

"What belongs to me," he said.

Understanding washed over me slowly. Tentatively, I put my hands to the edge of my shirt and lifted, feeling the air on my skin... And when Levi's eyes indicated assent, I pulled it off.

I was suddenly, horribly self-conscious of myself. My pendant laid cold on my bare skin. For a minute, I waited for Levi to tell me to keep going, wanted to rely on his orders, but they didn't come. And I didn't need them. I stayed standing as I shucked my socks and sneakers, found my fingers shaking when I went to undo my jeans, my clothes quickly forming a scattered mess behind me until I was only wearing my sport trunks and my necklace, and the pressure between my legs was building with the nerves. I slid my hands slowly to my waistband and looked up at Levi. "This... too?"

His head listed incrementally to one side. "Does 'this' belong to me?"

In answer, I tucked my face down, inhaled, and pushed the elastic down until it fell around my ankles. When I'd finally kicked my underwear aside, the reality of being completely naked in front of Levi had begun to settle and sent my body badly shivering. My arms instinctively, weakly attempted to cover me, and I forced them down, trying to steady my breath.

There was a moment where I thought Levi would do nothing but stare at me. Finally, he let his arms fall at his sides and sauntered to where I stood, stopping just short of my position. "Hold your hands behind your neck," he said, his tone almost bored. Once I did, he began to slowly circle me. I tried not to move, not to breathe as he let himself touch me at last.

Cold leather and warm fingertips brushed along my raised left arm, over my shoulder, firmly traced the line of my spine and thumbed the hollows of my lower back in one slow stroke. It took all I had to stop from shaking him off. The hand on my skin slid down further. He caressed the right side of my ass, lingering only for a moment before trailing over my hip, across where his bruise had been, and then he completed the lap back in front of me again.

By this time, I was almost panting, painfully aware of the blood coloring my face and swelling my sex, which he ignored. One hand resting at his hip bag, Levi stroked up along my torso with agonizing leisure, the sensation of leather against my naked skin making me tremble harder. His exposed fingers momentarily slipped beneath the chain of my necklace, then circled my nipple and forced a groan from my throat with the feeling - holy shit, it was

worlds

different than touching my own body. Why? I almost wanted to press my chest into his hand, but he didn't remain. Instead, he moved up, over my collarbone, my neck, my quivering jaw, and his gloved thumb slid over my lips... Impulsively, I kissed it.

Levi finally smiled. My heart felt like it was going to burst.

"Is it... what you want?" I found myself saying, almost pleading.

"Oh, yes. Very much," said Levi. His hand came down and lifted the cross from my breast, pulling it up until the chain went taut against my neck... And, keeping his eyes locked on mine, he pressed the silver to his own lips. When it slipped from his fingers and fell back against my thumping chest, the smile had faded. "Pity," he told me. "I've just gotten this body and I already have to punish it."

I shuddered, eyes falling to the horse tail thing at his hip in apprehension, which whirled out like a heavy scarf and slapped the back of his thigh when he turned. Levi gathered up the tangle of bindings he'd left on the floor and returned to me, and I was ready to be back on the floor - but to my surprise, he got down on one knee in front of me instead. He patted his thigh, separating the gear. "Hands down. Put your leg up," he said.

I was suddenly reminded of my dad doing this to tie my shoes as a kid; except I wasn't wearing shoes, or any clothes at all, and this man was putting me in bondage. I gingerly, unsteadily placed my foot on Levi's knee, reluctant to put any weight on it, but he coaxed me into nearly standing on him. Once I was still, he wrapped one of the cuffs around my ankle and diligently got to work.

I was once again enthralled with the dance of Levi's fingers as they fitted my ankles and wrists with leather straps. These, like the first, had large, noisy rings. Everything he created seemed to have a purpose that he alone understood... Even the beautiful, strange gloves on his hands seemed like they were made simply to give him better use of his fingertips when tying me. They weren't like fingerless ones - there was a hole stretching from the joint of his thumb to his second knuckle to allow the first two fingers complete freedom.

With my limbs shackled, Levi rose to his feet with the last piece in his hands. A collar, dark brown like the rest. Levi almost seemed to hesitate over it, but I didn't wait for his order before I lowered my head and combed my hair to one side to offer him my neck. After a moment, the leather embraced my throat and tightened at my nape, and the air shook in my chest as Levi's collar settled where it belonged.

Levi lifted my chin and looked me over slowly, eyes lingering on the collar. Satisfied, he stepped back again. "Kneel," he ordered gently.

The steel chimed softly at my extremities as I returned to my knees. The excitement of being bound and claimed finally past, my fear was rebuilding. "You said you'd... punish me," I mumbled.

"Yes," he replied.

"Are you... going to use

that?

"

Levi raised a brow, then followed my eyes to the leather tail at his hip. "This?" He slid it from its holster and held it out sideways, the straps swaying gently with their weight.

It was bizarre, even having seen the ones downstairs. The handle was maybe twelve inches, wrapped in braided leather with a carefully shaped pommel and hand strap at one end, and at the other the main portion, made up of countless thin strips of black hide, soft enough to move almost like Levi's own ponytail. I suddenly realized what it made me think of - a cat-o-nine-tails or whatever I'd seen in some long forgotten school textbook. I felt my ass clench involuntarily.

Levi smirked at the look on my face. "This, Ash, is a

flogger

," he explained. "And no, I don't plan to use it on you today. For your sake, pray you never do anything egregious enough to make me want to." With this ominous sentiment, he flipped the thing over in his hand and pushed it back into the straps at his side. "No," he continued. "Your punishment is

repentance

. I want to feel the devotion you plan to give to me, and to make you feel the weight of your action. And I think you'll start by pleading for my favor."

My fists clenched in my lap. "How should I...?"

"You know how to beg, Ash," he said silkily. "You've done so well before."

Heat spread over my face. Before... What had I done well before? My gaze fell from Levi's calm face to the tall boots, a cajoling voice crawling up from memory.

Good boy. You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Strangely invigorated, I fought through the shyness and pushed forward on my hands and knees, crawling to his feet. His boots were so much more well-cared for than his sneakers. The leather was clean and polished, beautiful, earthy scent synonymous with that of his body... Shaking with nerves, I brought myself close enough to kiss -

And Levi stepped back.

I immediately looked back up at him for a sign of disapproval, but it didn't seem to be there. He crossed his arms and evenly returned my gaze. "Did I say to stop?" he asked.

"No... No, Sir." I ducked back down and went for his other boot, but my mouth had barely grazed the top before he took another step back. I caught back up, heart pounding, and quickly kissed his instep - and he moved back again. And again. And again.

I was suddenly caught in this strange game of trying to crawl after Levi as he casually walked backwards in a wide circle, and with each step, I had to hurry to lavish attention on his boot before it was withdrawn from me again. My skin was burning. I didn't want to think about what I must have looked like, scuttling around on the floor like an animal, the cuffs jangling brightly with each frantic movement, but there wasn't really room or time to focus on that - and in a deeper part of me, I knew it didn't matter. A strange sort of desperation was overtaking me each time the sting of leather was pulled from my lips, my tongue... Until I'd almost thrown myself at his feet to keep it from happening again. I seized Levi's ankle with both hands and pressed my mouth to his laces, to the harness at his heel, as if making up for every interrupted kiss.

It wasn't until my effort had been satisfied that the shame of sprawling and panting on the floor came back. Flushed with embarrassment, I raised my eyes reluctantly.

Levi's face remained unchanged, but he bent over at the waist and brushed a wayward lock of hair from my cheek, inciting my pulse. "I barely have to teach you, do I?" he said. "Such an eager boy. It's a start, at least."

With this, he lifted his boot from my grasp, making sure to run the toe under my jaw as he did, then moved back to settle himself on the couch. Having no indication of an instruction, I carefully followed and sat back, still catching my breath.