Those moments when you can't look in the mirror because you aren't sure whether it'll be you looking back or the debased cocksucker you've become. The excitement and rush of adrenaline that had followed servicing the older man in his dark slightly dingy house had quickly evaporated to be replaced with uncertainty, doubt and rising shame.
"Oh what have I done?" echoed plaintively about in my head before I even got home. Certain that I was openly wearing the mark of my shame for everyone to see I trod along the street with my head down praying no one I knew would come along. Escaping into my apartment was accompanied by a wild sense of relief that was short lived as my sordid performance earlier in the day could not be denied. Oh what have I done.
"Fuck I don't even know the guy's name!" I lamented to the empty apartment as misgivings and self-loathing threatened to consume me. Despite feeling as though I slipping headlong into an abyss of despair as I remembered the details of debasing myself for this unknown man's pleasure I was acutely aware of the erection building in my pants.
Swallowing hard and hating myself I released my straining cock and slowly began to stroke it. Consumed with disgust that I was excited sexually by my memories of being a compliant cocksucker for a fat old man I squeezed my cock painfully stroking it with more authority. Soon I was lost in my need to cum and was pumping my cock furiously. Just before the orgasm ripped through my body my mind filled with the vision of the fat old man's face and the smirking contempt for me plastered on it.
My cock erupted in my hand and my body thrashed about as if jolted by electric shocks. Thoroughly spent I was left gasping for breath mindlessly stroking my still hard cock with cum soaked fingers. Through the revulsion churning in my stomach I couldn't help wondering if the old man's orgasms were as good as one I had just had.
My phone didn't ring for days but the memory of sucking another man to orgasm and tasting his cum never lost its edgy thrill nor its soul crushing shame. Constantly cursed with sights, smells and words that reminded me of either the time at the beach or at his house, I seemed to be always in a state of excited distraction. I hated myself and couldn't wait for my phone to ring.
When it did I was filled with dread knowing that I would answer it and comply with whatever intentions the man had for me. His voice seemed distant and echoed in my head, "Come over." I stood there trembling to my toes listening to the dead phone in a trance. Distracted and nervous I scurried about my apartment trying to get ready, it seemed impossible but somehow I managed. Returning to his house happened in a dream and standing out front I was again torn between the urge to surrender to him and my base needs or flee.
My base needs won out and I headed for the backdoor. Timidly I tried the door almost hoping it would be locked and feeling a rush of revulsion when it wasn't, then hating myself for entering anyways. To my surprise he was sitting placidly at his kitchen table. I stood there frozen staring at him but he didn't seem to notice me or care that I was there. He was only wearing a stained white singlet and boxers while drinking coffee, smoking and casually doing a crossword. I stood there staring with one hand on the doorknob prepared to flee but knowing I wouldn't.
His voice rattled me when he murmured quietly, "You just gonna stand there all morning boy?"
Like I had been sucker punched in the guts my knees gave out and I sank heavily to the floor. Once there I didn't need instructions to know to disrobe and get naked. I fumbled and struggled to get my clothes off while casting furtive glances at the man sitting there seemingly indifferent to my presence. When I was finally naked I sat back on my haunches to nervously await his instructions. He made me wait and I knew that he was testing me, testing my desire to be there, testing his control over me. I trembled and waited.
At the sound of him clearing his throat I looked up and my stomach sank at the cold calculating look in his eyes. I couldn't help noticing that the tip of his cock was poking through the open fly of his boxers. As I watched more and more of his cock emerged as he became erect. I stared fixated watching his cock grow before my eyes. My stare didn't leave his manhood when he asked me conversationally, "You need an invitation boy?"
I crawled towards the man's erection sticking obscenely from his faded blue boxers. Licking my lips to moisten them I felt like a wanton whore as I lowered my face to engulf the head of his cock with my mouth. Swirling my tongue about the head of his cock wetly I let my face slide down the length of him until I could feel him pressing into my throat. Taking a deep breath of his scent I rose releasing that breath hotly over his cock and balls before kissing his cock head passionately. The sound of him moaning with pleasure spurred me on and I slid my mouth over his manhood gently sucking him as deeply into my throat as I could.
I was soon lost in an overwhelming need to fellate this man, to please him, to make him orgasm. He sat back in his kitchen chair and let me. With my hands resting on his knees for balance I devoured his cock. As I attempted to force more and more of the length of him into my mouth and throat the volume of his moaning grew. When I finally managed to sink far enough onto his cock that his pubes tickled my nostrils he gasped loudly and his hands closed over my head holding me on him. Compliantly I let my body relax in his grip with my face impaled on his cock feeling fully owned.
When the man's cock pulsed and his cum surged from his cock filling my throat, my mouth, spewing from my nose he released my head. Gurgling on his cum I rose to take a sperm scented breath before hungrily consuming his cock again. Swooning in a world of cock and cum I devoured the man's cock. When he finally pulled me off by the hair I pulled back wantonly trying to consume more of him.
With a leer of amusement he lifted my head firmly by his grip on my hair to stare deeply into my eyes assessing what he had, what I was, what he could with me. His cum oozed from my nostrils and drooled down my chin while I gasped for breath and woozily looked dumbly back. His smile became wicked and the look in his eyes told me that there was going to so much more of this in my future. Enthralled I looked back and smiled before purposefully licking his cum from my lips.
With a flick of his wrist the man cast me aside and stood up. Making a show of arranging his manhood in his boxers he grumbled, "You can go now boy.", before sauntering out of his kitchen.
A secret smile creased my lips as I wiped away his cum oozing from my nose. As I licked it from my wrist in my mind I giggled foolishly, "He didn't tell me to 'fuck off' this time." Wiping away the rest of his cum I got dressed before seeing myself out.
