Note from the author:
Hi, guys. Sorry, it took so long, unfortunately. I had some technical issues, and then I was swamped with finishing the first parts of the sequels. I will post more frequently now and post FomEB and MNPA soon.
The Life With Nathaniel
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A couple of months later.
I wish I could tell you it went smoothly from then on. That the love we had with Nathaniel made everything possible... But in reality, life doesn't go that way, and we knew that.
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The Saturday I met with Ashley was pure hell! I remember it started pretty civil, and Nate and Jerry were trying to keep Ashley and me calm, but there was too much resentment. I am sure we both care about one another in some way, but this affair destroyed the relationship between Ashley and me to such an extent that I wasn't sure if we would ever be able to repair it.
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Now, when I look back on those first months Nate and I tried to date, I feel awful for him. As he tried to balance life between the two of us, I honestly wondered why he even did that... I would have given up after two weeks. That's how bad it was... One good thing, though, was that he and Jerry became better friends this way, as Jerry was helping Nate immensely and was also rooting for our relationship.
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For Nate was very important to keep both Ash and me in his life. We've tried many times to talk, and I suppose each one was a bit better, but so many hurtful words were spoken in those months that I believed that even if we managed to talk with each other one day, there would be things we would never forgive.
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Thankfully, Ashley didn't want to forbid Nate from raising their child, but the thought that he would do it by my side was painful for her, and she hadn't forgotten to mention it every single time.
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I found a place, and at first, Nate spent most of his nights with me while he still kept living with Ash, which was torture for me. After about two months like this, I was ready to give up. I wish I could be the mature one here, the one who understands and is patient, but no matter how understanding I tried to be, this was seriously killing me!
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One night, he came, absolutely spent and exhausted, and asked me if he could live with me. I was over the moon and agreed. Ashley didn't contact any of us for over a month after that.
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I wished we could at least enjoy the summer. We really tried, but with all the stress, pandemic, and everything happening all at once, we were happy sometimes that we could just curl up next to each other at night and hold on tight. If I ever came close to depression, it was in these months right here...
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June and July passed like this, and in August, Ross and Kyle finally finished Jerry's basement. He and Ashley were like siblings they never had by this point. Yes, I mean this sentence with all seriousness. Jerry kept trying with Nate to somehow keep the four of us in contact. He was ecstatic when he called us with Nate to come and look at his new studio, and for a short moment, we all thought this would help us break the ice. We didn't even get to see it...
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The following Monday, Ashley knocked on our door. At first, I thought it would be Nate forgetting something, but seeing her there made me double-check if I saw it correctly. I swore under my breath and opened the door.
"Hi, Nate is not here."
"I know. Can we talk?"
"Sure, come on in."
She stepped in and looked around since this was the first time she had entered this space. Her belly was now starting to show. She was about six months.
"How do you know he is not here?"
"I talked with him over on the phone. He is at Brandon's."
"Yeah."
"Can I sit?"
"No, I will make the pregnant woman stand..." I shook my head and pointed at the couch. "Just sit down, Ashley."
"I wasn't sure if you would want to speak with me."
"Why? Because you kept screaming at me for like an hour and kicked me out of the house?"
"I may have been a bit emotional then," she said to the carpet as she sat on the cushion.
"Nooo, I got used to it by now, don't worry."
"I swear, Richard, you are the only person that can make me this livid."
"Same here. What do you want?"
I stood in front of her with my hands in the pockets of my jeans.
"I've been to the doctor today," she started quietly and looked at her hands.
"Is everything all right?"
She looked solemn. No matter how cruel we can be toward one another, I care for her well-being.
"No."
I sat. There was no sneer, no maliciousness in me anymore. From the way she looked, I got genuinely worried.
"What is going on?"
She looked severely into my eyes.
"Do you mean it seriously with Nate?"
"Not this again, Ashley. What is going on?"
"Answer me, Richard."
"Yes, I mean it seriously with Nate. I wouldn't do this otherwise. I am not that cruel person to take your husband from you out of spite."
She nodded.
"Then I want to make a deal."
"What?"
"I will stop. Well, I will do my best to stop treating you like the traitor that took my husband away."
"Why?" I was now seriously worried for her life! I know reading only words may sound like a fantastic gesture, but one, she is not the kind of person to do this, especially after I saw her these past months, and two, she looked pale and apprehensive.
"I just want us to be a family," she started crying!
"What is going on, Ashley?!"
"I want this baby, Richard!" She held her belly and started shaking and crying.
I jumped on my knees right in front of her and hugged her as she cried. "What is going on?!"
She shook her head and clutched her arm around mine.
"Ashley, please, please talk to me!"
"The baby is too small. The doctor is doing some tests, but we had a long talk, and she asked me if there was some stress in my life recently."
"Fuck..."
"Rick, please stop swearing constantly."
I bit my tongue as this was absolutely not important now, but I just looked at her, urging her to talk more.
"I need this to stop!"
"You mean Nate and me?" I swear if she'd said that, I wouldn't know what to do!
"No. I am not stupid. Nate loves you. It would destroy him, and I would never forgive myself. I mean our constant fights."
"Do you want me to go away or not to go near you for a few months?"
"I kind of hoped we could just try to be better towards each other."
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I was lost for words. She told me how she spoke with Mr. Harris, Jerry's father, before coming here, and they think it's God's sign or something. I swallowed a few thoughts about that and let her speak. She was worried she was being punished, and I tried to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong. If anyone did something wrong, it was Nate and me, but we just fell in love!
She nodded and cried some more. I held her, realizing that this was the first time we had touched since I was twenty-one! I felt sad realizing that and hugged her tighter.
We spent a long time talking. We started with both guilting ourselves and later even talked about our parents. It was so fucking heavy...
Nate returned with a broad smile and kinky look, but the second he found us in an embrace, our faces red from crying, he got concerned. We told him we were trying to be nicer to each other for the baby, and he seemed moved.
Ashley spent that night over at our apartment. She refused to sleep in the bed we shared, so we made her a cozy place to sleep on the couch. That night I fell asleep in Nate's arms, absolutely crushed by remorse, but I couldn't bear to tell about it.
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...
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Morning came, and Ashley made us breakfast. We ate, and she asked how we planned on celebrating Nate's birthday. Nate said we didn't plan anything special, and I silently ate as I couldn't bring myself to say that I actually did.
She asked if she could invite Nate's friends like she did every year. I saw that Nate looked like he would love that, even though he quickly looked at me, trying to seem unaffected. I smiled forcefully. I didn't like that she would be organizing it, I wanted to make something for the two of us, but when I looked at him, I knew he was genuinely excited about that. In the end, she knows him much better than I do. And she loves organizing events, while I, on the other hand, hate even attending them sometimes. Great... Ashley - 1, Rick - 0.
"Sure," I said with that forced smile and took a bite.
"It would be cramped in here, though. But it could be fun."
"Here? Nate, we can do it at our house. It's still your house as well."
"I live here, Ashley," he said patiently.
"Sure, but there is much more space."
"I know Ashley, but I don't live there anymore. I will come as much you need me to, but I live here with Richard," he repeated.
I saw her disappointment. She must have felt left out. She loves organizing and hosting parties. She cares for Nate's friends; from what I've been told, she was close with each partner of Nate's buddies and even with them. I felt sorry for her. How much has she lost when I took Nate... Father to her child, friend group, and chance to be the kind of person she always aspired to be. Supportive, caring wife and mother. I knew her well enough to know that even though she is often immersed in her work, she always liked the idea of being a wife and mother more. Good Christian girl... with good Christian dreams... I crushed it all in a single month.
"You know, Nate, in a way, that house belongs to all of us. And Asley is right. It's bigger."
I smiled at her. The shock in her eyes that I agreed with her was making me feel even worse.
"We could sleep in our old room if Ashley would be okay with it."
