Him or Me

The day that I saw him I hid under a desk. He was outside talking and I was inside peeping from out behind the desk and trying to understand why I was doing this. He was my co-worker and I was a manager, even though I am a year younger than he is. He worked in the cafe and he was married. I pulled myself up and turned around to catch the reactions of the customers and workers whom had witnessed this moment of insecurity. His name is Conner.

Conner was the kind of guy that had short conversations and questioning eyes. His gaze is startling and innocent creating a haunting effect that lingers lasting the rest the day. I wanted him but knew what it means to want someone who is straight and married. The people it hurts, you change three lives maybe even more through lust. I had decided to leave him alone and admire from afar.

When I invited his wife, who was a friend of mine, over for drinks months later, he came with her. I was shocked and had purposefully forgotten all about him but as soon as he walked in to my semi messy art cluttered upstairs garage apartment, time stopped. I noticed the green on the leaves outside my window, a slight breeze on that 101-degree day and the way he looked me. He searched my face for any sign indicating any emotion. I avoided his gaze focusing on the drinks and looked back after pulling it together. Why was I was nervous and why did I like it?

We spent most of the afternoon talking and drinking, all three of us. We talked about god and state, love or lack thereof in the world and I concluded with by bragging about a story; how I got fucked by some hot older guy (one-night stand) a week ago. I normally know what kind of reaction to expect from telling the trashy details of my sex life to my girlfriends but was worried that the graphic details might alienate my straight 23 year old male co-worker. I was relieved when my eyes were met with a flirtatious smile.

We were running low on liquor so I offered to run to the corner store and pick up some beer as they come make themselves comfortable and hang out with my female roommate who had arrived to join in on the lazy afternoon happy hour. I started walking when I hear the screen door open and slam behind me. It was Conner running after me asking if he could accompany to the store. I was delighted to have company and was already feeling very comfortable around him. As we walking I felt tipsy as did Conner and I was starting to notice that we were bumping into each other on the walk. Our hands would brush alongside each other sending shots of electricity shooting throughout my body. I was feeling warm on the inside and felt my pants getting tighter from the excitement. On the way back from the store he picked a flower from one of my neighbor's yard and handed it to me. He said, "This is for you". I blushed hard. When he noticed, he smiled. When we returned back to the apartment, his wife had noticed my flower and inquired about it as she admired it. Conner reached for it and said he had picked for the house. I didn't understand why he did this. How could something so harmless become a secret?

After that night a few encounters came proving his true nature. During a movie he would touch my fingers with his. At a restaurant he would sit next to me in the same booth and caress my thigh. I never showed interest back because in most cases his wife would be right there. She was unaware of her husband's advances towards me. At one particular bar when he had been rubbing my leg and trying to see if I would respond, he sighed and took his hand away. I dizzy from his attention placed his hand back on my crotch; he smiled as his wife continued to talk. That night we went barhopping and got drunk. He asked if he could spend the night for he had to go work early the next day. I lived closer to our place of business and his wife suggested that it would be a good idea. I nervously said sure.

My roommate had gone to bed leaving Conner and me alone. We were in my living room listening to an old Mazzy Star record he had put on. He told me to sit closer to him on the couch. He said the he liked my hair as he ran his fingers through it. Swirling his thick callused hands through my hair he began to pull me closer, my heart beating out of my chest. He's my height with beautiful clear white skin. His skin so clear not one blemish anywhere. His nose large and sloping downward, was imposing itself as a challenge to win a kiss from this modern day Adonis. His straight hair long gently touching the tops of his eyebrows are being pushed to the side of his face by my fingers. He directs my hand to his dick and I can feel that he's rock hard and large. I can feel his heart racing. He tells me I'm beautiful and he kisses me.

It starts off slow and builds up passionately. We start to moan from the kissing and touching. I want him. I want to take as much of him in my mouth as I can. He removes his T-shirt and I mine. I see he has a little boy frame but has huge muscular arms. He looks at my build, which is fuller than his is. I am more muscular and Latino. He throws me on my living room floor and tears off my pants. He reaches for my 9-inch uncut cock and begins to kiss it. He's so excited to suck me off his enthusiasm shows. Both hands on my shaft as his tongue plays with my swollen head. He would have made me come had I not stopped him. I pulled him up on top of me and pull his pants down slightly. Our cocks pressed hard up against each other. He starts riding me. I sit up to stand and pick him up carrying him to my bedroom.

I pulled the away the entrance of my mosquito netting and placed him on the bed. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I washed up and put on my favorite scent and as I was leaving caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. What was I doing? He's married to my friend and I can already feel him burrowing his way under my skin. I walked back into my bedroom with the intentions of stopping the infidelity. There's a soft blue light coming from a lamp in the corner of the room and he is naked and lying on his side with his back facing me. His ass is perfectly round almost bubblish. He turns to look at me and he quickly comes to his knees on my bed and as I come closer he kisses me through the sheer netting. He begins to touch and suck and lick through the netting as gentle guitar rifts hum throughout my apartment. I enter the netting and begin all over again. As we jerk and kiss and hold each other, we both begin to have tears running down our faces. I don't think that these were tears of pain but the sensation that it was love that we were making. It bothered me because I just wanted to fuck and be bad. He was stealing the excitement and was making love with me.

He came first then I did. We fell asleep in each others arms as our slender naked bodies laid there entangled like it had been made that way. He said he wanted to be with me ever since he saw me. I wasn't hiding from his gaze, I wasn't looking away, our hearts had stopped racing and were beating as one. We went to sleep without the concern of what all of this might mean in the light of the future days.