21-year-old Jason Charles found himself laying down on the bed in the hotel room that he was splitting with his line brother Deyonte. He was fully dressed for the cocktail hour that his Fraternity was hosting. He was a legacy and a recent initiate of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Incorporated and this was his first conference.
His fraternity was holding their State Conference in Atlanta and tonight was the second night of festivities. With women from the four Divine Nine sororities expected to be in attendance, he was expected to be sharp. He was a man of Omega - he was bound to entice every woman that he encountered,
From head to toe, Jason was a work of art. Tonight, he found himself decked in Armani from head to toe - he was wearing a Black pair of dress pants, a grey shirt, a black vest, a white bow tie and Royal Purple Blazer with a Gold watch to tie the entire look together. He's done his best to make his curly, black hair with blonde tips look well-groomed. His look tonight from neck down was classic, from the shoulders up he appeared to be a rugged pretty-boy.
He favored his favorite athlete, NFL Player Odell Beckham Jr, and all of his peers and fraternity brothers took notice of this. They joked with him often, calling him a "pussy magnet". Oh, how wrong were they.
Jason got off of the bed, making sure his suit was unwrinkled. He checked himself out in the mirror, liking his presentation.
"I look good as fuck." he said, smiling. He knew that all eyes would be on him when he went downstairs.
He left his room (located on the seventh floor) and caught the elevator down to the lobby with other members of his fraternity, where the cocktail hour was being held. Upon stepping off the elevator, he was immediately met by his line brother Deyonte, who called him over to chat.
As his line brother Deyonte and a brother from another chapter talked about the various beautiful women in the room that they wanted to fuck, he immediately found himself disinterested. Instead of showing this, he immediately began to put on an Academy Award Winning Performance of hyper-masculinity, engaging them and pointing out women in the room that he'd fuck. His line brothers ate it up and he laughed. They really didn't know him.
Jason was the Ace on his line of seven men, and after pledging, he was wildly popular amongst his chapter. Prior to pledging, no one in the chapter knew him personally. His legacy status (his deadbeat Father was a member), his popularity on campus and his student involvement made him a guarantee to be selected to pledge. With all of the qualities that the chapter on his campus was looking for.
To continue navigating the spaces he desired to be a part of, he played into this very persona that wasn't even close to who he actually was at heart. So, whenever his line brothers or the older chapter brothers joked about all of the bitches they thought he was fucking behind closed doors, he played into it. Because he was just sure that none of them wanted to hear about who he really was.
They weren't ready to hear about how he spent his late nights searching for a genuine connection on a hook-up app.
They certainly weren't ready to learn about his night spent lurking in the shadows of their campus or many nights that he'd spent in dimly lit bedrooms, watching the shadows of his body intertwined with older men indulging in each other sexually. How poetic, penetrating various down-low men behind closed doors in the dark, with desk lamps or the moon peeking through closed blinds as the only source of light as these sex acts were done in the dark.
Jason was a young gay man, trapped in the day-to-day performance of the hyper-masculine persona that he'd built for himself. His association with the hyper-sexual, stereotypically outgoing and stereotypically masculine Fraternity that he'd joined often served as a restrictive barrier. He preferred things this way...for now.
What he did behind the scenes was his business. He didn't need to complicate his own life, and up to this point, he's never met anyone worth getting to know past sex.
Jason craved a real connection with a man, but his tastes in men complicated the matter further. He'd done a ton of self-introspection - Jason was almost certain that his father's absence in his life lead him to exclusively seek the company of older men. He longed to connect with older men, fearing that he couldn't form a true connection with men his own age. Plus, dealing with older men exclusively meant that none of his peers would suspect anything.
As his line brother and the other brother continued to talk, Jason's eyes wandered around the lobby. His eyes kept searching for someone, anyone that he felt may be like him. Another man, seeking a man's touch.
As he continued to scan the room, he spotted someone as the check-in desk that caught his attention. He spotted a tall, thick chocolate older man engaged in what seemed like a heated conversation with the woman working the desk. The man's build was strong and athletic, with his grey sweatpants hugging his thick ass. He wore a Black hoody with "Black Lives Matter" screen printed on the front.
From afar, the man seemed handsome. As Jason studied him, he tuned out the nearby idle chatter out to really focus on him. In that moment, the man turned away from the desk and looked into the crowd of Omega men and various women that filled the lobby.
The stocky brown skinned man stood still, taking in the scene before him. After a few seconds of watching the stranger people-watch, the stranger looked in his direction. The two of them locked eyes. Jason took in his beauty, spotting his chiseled features. He looked down and noticed the stranger struggling to conceal a bulge. Was this stranger checking him out? Unsure, Jason smiled and winked in his direction and turned back to his conversation. The man smiled in return. He'd definitely been checking him out.
Even though he looked away, he cut his eyes in the stranger's direction and noticed him walking towards the elevator.
"That nigga was fine." he thought to himself as Deyonte continued to talk about various women.
—
The cocktail hour dragged on for what felt like an eternity. He suffered through listening to Deyonte identify random women that he wanted to hop into bed with. Eventually, the brother from a different chapter left to approach a Delta woman that he'd been eying. His absence meant that Jason had to actually engage in conversation with Deyonte...he needed a way out.
"Bro, go talk to one of these women!" Jason urged him, egging him on.
"I don't know man; they aren't what I'm really looking for." Denote replied, looking his line brother directly in the eyes.
"You spent the last hour talking about these women, certainly one of them is your type?" Jason urged him, wanting to desperately rid himself of his line brother.
"Man, I don't know. I'm looking for something different tonight bruh, you feel me?" Deyonte said, lowering his voice and looking directly into Jason's eyes.
"What about all that shit you were just talking?" Jason asked,
"Man, I was just talking shit bro. You know how it goes!" Deyonte replied.
"This nigga is weird." Jason thought to himself. He'd already spent an entire semester pledging with him and the last two days, Deyonte had been clinging onto him like s sick puppy. Jason as getting a break from him, no matter the cost.
"Bruh, go bag one of these bitches and let me know how it goes. I'm about to go for a walk and get some fresh air." Jason said, dapping his line brother up.
