Help Me

*"Wanna know you

More than anything

I need you

In my every dream, you're there for me

Do you love me?

For who I am, no angel

Just an ordinary man"*

James woke up, disoriented and confused. Trickling back into focus, he became aware of his partial memory. He was in the hospital, pretty badly hurt. Ben, the super cute nurse poked his head into the door.

"Hungry?" Ben asked.

"I could eat." James said.

"Be right back..." He disappeared.

A minute later, he appeared with a tray of food.

"Tada... your favorite, macaroni and cheese."

"How..." James looked confused.

Ben smiled sadly.

"We've been dating the past 2 weeks..." He said quietly.

"Shit, no way? Really?! God damn it!! Why would I not remember dating such a hot guy?!" James continued to mumble under his breath, but Ben couldn't catch what he was saying.

"Don't worry, it'll come back. Dr. Rouso is pretty sure you just have temporary memory loss."

"This is bull shit... fuck." James rolled his head to the side away from Ben.

"Hey... it's okay... really. Otherwise we'll just reenact all the stuff we did together and try to jog your memory." Ben teased.

James turned back to him, his eyes glistening a bit with tears.

"I just wish I could remember you, I don't give a shit about anything else right now."

"It'll come, really. Besides, I'm here now."

James sighed and closed his eyes.

"Come on, have some food, give it some time." Ben took the cover off the bowl of macaroni and cheese.

James sat up a bit, wincing at the stabbing feeling in his chest. Ben helped him sit all the way up and handed him a fork. James happily dug into the noodles.

"Meh, not the best I've had. Very fake cheese tasting."

"Yeah, not my favorite mac and cheese, but it'll do." Ben checked his watch. "Well, I have some treatments to run and do, and then its shift change, so I'll come back after I punch out and we'll sit together for a while."

"Okay." James said, around a mouthful.

Ben laughed and left the room.

James laid back after sliding the food tray to the side. The amount of energy it took to sit up and eat was enough to make him sleepy. He tried to slide down to a more comfortable position, but it agitated his arm and ribs. He sighed again, and resolved to shove some blankets behind his back to try and cushion more so he could nap a bit. A knock on the door revealed his mom. 'At least I recognized her...' he thought as she walked in.

"Hi James, how are you?"

An uncontainable rage poured over him as his memory of what happened bubbled to the surface.

"I've got a fucking broken arm, my ribs broke again, my head feels like shit, and I can't remember my boyfriend, how do you think I'm doing!!" He yelled.

"James, please, calm down, your father never meant to hurt you."

"Bullshit he didn't! I know he pounded on me. I know he pushed me down those stupid stairs. I know he did it because he spotted Ben and I having dinner!" James sat still, shocked. Why could he remember that, but not Ben specifically?

"James..."

"Get out. You did nothing. You stood by and watched as he ruthlessly tried to take my life."

His mom sat there stunned.

"GET... OUT..." He said in a forceful voice.

His mom stood up slowly. "You know where to find us if you want to apologize."

James about had a heart attack. He leaned over and mashed the emergency button. He didn't give a shit if he got in trouble. Someone was going to get hurt if this woman stayed in this room any longer. A herd of footsteps came running down the hall, Dr. Cheron in front.

"GET THIS BITCH OUT." James yelled.

"I never!" His mom turned on her heel and stomped out.

"You okay?" Dr. Cheron asked James as he listened to his heart and lungs. He coughed and then cried out in pain.

"Oh, God it hurts. Fuck."

Ben ran into the room, frazzled.

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"Looks like mom stopped by and got him pretty upset. I think he aggravated the rib injuries."

Ben moved to the other side of the bed and moved beside another nurse that had responded to the emergency code.

"Hey..." He brushed James' hair back from his head. At Ben's touch he seemed to calm his breathing a bit.

"Let's get him an additional dose of morphine, and if the pain continues, James... I need you to tell us. Or if you have trouble breathing, we may need to repeat your chest films and check those ribs out."

James nodded as he leaned back into his pillow.

"You gonna sit with him for a bit?" Dr. Cheron asked Ben.

"Yeah I was planning on it. If I hadn't been in the shower after punching out, I would've beat you in here I think..."

"I don't doubt it." He turned to James, "Do you want me to get the police over here?"

James shook his head.

"I just heard you say..." Dr. Cheron said.

"Fuck them! I don't give a shit what happens to my parents. They're dead to me as of this moment." James whimpered a bit as he'd shifted during the outburst.

"Shhh, you don't have to make a decision now, okay?" Ben said, helping into a more comfortable position as the morphine kicked in. James drifted off to sleep, while Ben petted his hair.

The police did swing by a bit later, due to the violent nature of what had happened, to make sure things were under control.

"So, his mom stopped by?" Officer Hand asked.

"Yeah, and she really pissed him off. I wasn't here, but he had to be sedated after. Dr. Cheron seemed to think he got part of his memory back, but he refused to want to talk to you guys."

"Hmm. Okay, well if he changes his mind, give us a call."

"You know I will."

"On a more personal note, you seem to be handling this pretty well."

"Compartmentalization. You gotta shove those feelings down to deal with them later if you're going to make it in the field. I figure you guys are used to it. That doesn't mean I don't want to kill his dad and mom for doing this to him. Or crawl into bed with him and cry myself to sleep..." Ben trailed off.

Both officers nodded.

"I get it." Officer Hand said. The police left on that note, and Ben went back into James' room. He was off work and had changed into his street clothes. He wanted to hang out with James as much as he could, just waiting until the moment his memory came back.

James came out of another fuzzy fog, but things seemed a bit clearer as the morphine wore off.

"Ben?" He called out, hoping the man was there.

"Yeah." James felt a hand grasp his.

James squeezed back and opened his eyes.

"I remember our last date- we were having pizza. My dad saw us."

Ben nodded.

"That's all I remember about it. About you. Can you tell me about our first date? See if it'll jog my memory."

Ben blushed.

"Well, we went out for dinner. We went to this nice vegetarian café. Um. We went back to your place after..."

James laughed. "Really? Hmm... Well, that's unlike me."

"Yeah, we both said that. It was very sweet and hot. You still had sore ribs from a fall down those stupid stairs, and so, well stop me if I give too much detail..."

"Nope, keep going." James was enjoying Ben's discomfort.

"So because you're a bottom and your ribs were sore, I made you ride me. It was fantastic."

"We went bare..." James had a moment of clarity.

"Yeah, we did... wow, that kinda worked. Um, our second date was technically Sunday morning, but we were together all day Saturday."

"We went to church."

"Yeah. You met my dad. We went to my place after."

"It rained..."

"We made love in front of my bay window with the storm raging outside."

"We went for pizza after that. I remember. I remember thinking about that day in front of the window while my dad beat me up. I remember because before I met you, I wouldn't have fought to stay alive. You saved my life."

Ben was stunned. The fact that James felt he was going to die was shocking enough, but when he admitted that he fought for Ben, it really floored him.

"You saved my life." James said again, almost dreamily.

"What exactly do you mean?" Ben asked.

"I remember thinking now that I found you, I wasn't ready to die. I made myself think of us in front of that window. Thinking, I needed my last thoughts to be about... love."

Ben was quiet. It almost sounded like James was confessing to loving him even after their short time together.

"I know it's short, it sounds like we've only know each other for a brief time, but I feel this connection to you. Like we're meant to be together."

Ben felt his eyes get a little misty.

"I feel that way too. I really think that we could be something."

"I remember now what made my dad so mad. He called me a fag, and you a piece of trash. I was struggling to not get pissed off, and basically told him off. That you were going to be around for a long time if I had any say in it."

"And that's when he started hitting you?"

"Yeah, punched and kicked me, then slammed me into the door. I was able to slip out and start running down the stairs when he pushed me. I hit my head on the railing. I blacked out after that."

"I really think you need to tell the police this."

"I don't want to. I just want to leave it behind. I don't ever want to see him again. And if I file a report, or whatever, I probably will need to testify or some other shit. I just... I can't, I'm not strong enough."

"Yes, you are. If you aren't ready, it can wait. But I really think in order to protect yourself it needs to be done. At this point there isn't anything stopping him from tracking you down and doing it again."

"I'll think about it..." He seemed like he was nodding off a bit.

"Tired?" Ben asked, brushing his hair off his forehead.

"Yeah. A little bit. If I fall asleep will you be here when I wake up?"

"I'll stay for a bit more, but I have to go home to grab some clothes for tomorrow. But after tomorrow I have 2 days off, so if you're still here, I will be. And if they send you home, I'm coming with."

"Okay." James said sleepily. He sounded and looked like a little kid. Ben chucked softly, petting the hair back at his forehead again. James rolled his head into Ben's and fell asleep, nuzzling his palm. Ben felt his heart tug. This young man had become his life in a short two weeks. He'd been through so much, and yet kept such innocence. He just needed to convince James it was the right thing to report his dad for such violence.