Guilt and Hunger

Last week I cheated on my wife with another man.

I don't know why I did it, I hate myself for it and the guilt is overpowering.

But first, a little background.

I have written six stories for Literotica, the first three are true (although the date on the last one is wrong) and the last three are not. So, to summarize, I have given oral sex to one other guy over four years ago and I wasn't married at the time.

Even back then I felt horribly guilty when I would meet up with that guy and suck his cock, and it's even worse now.

Here's how it happened.

My wife and kids were gone for an overnight in Chicago (we live in Michigan) and I was at home by myself. I had been busy during the day and when evening came I showered, made myself a drink and settled in front of the computer figuring I'd look at some porn, masturbate and then go to bed.

The thoughts and fantasies of sucking another man's cock and feeling him fill my mouth with his cum never really went away, but I hadn't pursued them because of my marriage commitment. So tonight I was looking at and reading porn about that type of thing.

Before long, I had taken it a step further and was looking in the local personals for man to man meetings just to see what was out there. I figured it would just help fuel my masturbation fantasies and I kept telling myself it was just for that and that there was no way I was going to actually meet a guy tonight.

My next step was to communicate and exchange pictures with a guy who seemed to be kind of in the same boat as I was. Again I told myself that this was just for fun and nothing else, that it was something to do for sexual kicks and to keep me hard for my final pay off of when I stroked my own cock to completion in the privacy of my own home.

The next thing I knew, I was thinking with my dick and found myself knocking on this guy's front door.

My cock was hard, my mouth was dry, my stomach was full of butterflies and my head was swimming with thoughts of him in my mouth as I waited the few seconds for the door to open.

When it did, my eyes went directly to the sizable bulge in his shorts as I stuck out my hand and said, "Hi, Ray? I think you were expecting me?"

"I was if your name is John." He replied with a smile and shook my hand. I had given him a fake name, and figured it wouldn't really matter since he had probably done the same to me.

We had some awkward small talk for about a minute or two, when I got right down to it and said, "Well, I don't usually do these types of things so I'm not really sure how we get started. Any ideas?"

"I have a porno playing up in my bedroom." he replied. "Want to start with that?"

I agreed and we went up to his room and sat next to each other propped up on his bed.

He had told me during the emails earlier that night that he was also married and his wife was also out of town, but I was beginning to doubt the story. The house, while very nice and expensive looking, had no evidence of a woman's touch or anything to show that kids lived there at all. In addition, the porno playing on the huge tv in his bedroom was seriously hardcore gay porn. The men in it were big and sweaty and wearing leather contraptions of one sort or another while a skinny naked man was suspended in chains and being fucked into oblivion.

The whole situation was beginning to make me a bit nervous, so I said "Hot movie. Is that type of thing a fantasy of yours?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Although, to be honest, my wife is probably the dominant one out of the two of us." With that he reached over and started to rub my thigh.

I took quick stock of the situation I was in. I had promised myself that I would never cheat on my wife and never do anything with another man again and here I was sitting in bed with another guy whose hand was dangerously close to my cock while a hardcore gay domination porno played on his mammoth television and all I wanted was more. My brain was screaming at me to leave, but my cock was so hard and eager that it did my thinking for me.

I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it on the floor. I undid my pants, lifted my ass off the bed and threw my pants to the floor as well. My cock was rock hard, dripping, hovering over my flat stomach and pulsing with each heartbeat. I got up on my knees on the bed to watch as Ray removed his clothes.

He was considerably shorter than my six foot, two inches. He might have been about five foot six at most. He was also a lot hairier and looked stronger than me. My frame is pretty slim, but Ray looked stocky and strong with big biceps and pecs that were outlined by his super tight shirt.

I watched with pure lust and hunger as he pulled his shorts down, exposing his cock to me. It looked more powerful than mine. It was longer and considerably thicker than my average sized cock. It also looked darker and angrier than mine did and had a slight bend about halfway up that twisted it off to the side. I swear, my heart jumped a few beats or fluttered at the sight of it. I couldn't wait to have it in my face and filling my mouth with its slippery hardness.

Ray went to remove his shirt, but it was too tight and he couldn't get it off in the position he was in on the bed, so he got up on his knees which put us almost face to face and definitely cock to cock. We were close enough that our hard cocks touched when he leaned back a bit to remove the shirt. The word "electric" is probably over-used in these situations, but that's what it was when we touched. It was like a jolt of electricity that again set my heart fluttering and made my hands start to tremble. I looked down at our cocks so close to each other, then back up at him with his shirt off. He had dark hair covering his entire chest which was as ripped as I thought it would be, with small pink nipples at the end of those hard pecs. His stomach was not only flat, but rippled with a six pack of abs. It was obvious that this guy had it all over me when it came to exercise. I realized that he looked a lot like some of the hardcore guys I had seen in gay porn before. All he needed was a leather vest and hat to complete the look.

I didn't have long to contemplate that, though, because as soon as his hands were free they were on my cock, pulling me closer so that he could grip us both at the same time. I watched in fascination as he stroked us both with his oozing pre-cum making a slippery lube between us.

I reached up to grab one of his nipples and gave it a pull, but I actually couldn't really get a grip on his nipple and instead took a big hunk of his left pec in my right hand instead. Either way, he loved it and moaned in a guttural way, so I released and grabbed him again, almost slapping his chest with the force of it and pulled even harder.

He moved his gaze from our cocks sliding together and looked me right in the eyes. He was breathing heavily and his moist breath was on my face. I could tell he was about to kiss me and I wasn't sure what to do as I had never kissed or wanted to kiss a man before, but I let him and it wasn't what I expected. I guess I didn't know what to expect, but it was a forceful yet soft kiss and his tongue was instantly in my mouth, exploring gently. His moustache, though, felt a little funny. Maybe it was too much of a reminder that I was being intimate with a man? Regardless, it creeped me out a bit, so I used the grip I had on his chest to end the kiss and push him down to the bed.

He was flat on his back now and his angry, thick and bent cock was pulsing and ready to be sucked. This was what I came here for and I couldn't wait. It was like a hunger or a fever in me. I was an addict and the source of my addiction was right in front of me for the taking. I tried to take it slow, but I just couldn't. As soon as my hand wrapped around that beautiful cock and I felt it twitch and pulse in my hand like a separate living thing, I was all over it.

I slowed down just enough to feel the heat of it on my face before I engulfed as much as I could into my mouth. It was exquisite. It was what I needed and it felt so good to be servicing a man again.

Ray arched his back as his cock hit the back of my throat and he moaned out in a guttural way, which only served to urge me on. My left hand was still wrapped around the base of him and I started to jack him off as I sucked him, using the combination of my spit and his sweet pre-cum that was oozing out of my mouth as a lube.

It was only an hour ago that I was in my own home, fantasizing of cock, and here I was now; naked and on my stomach with half my body hanging off this stranger's bed, my face between his thighs and my mouth full with his cock. For now, I loved every second of it, and it showed as I sucked him and jacked him off to the best of my ability. The unbelievable need to suck him was replaced by a growing need to make him cum. I wanted to bring him to the point where he couldn't take it anymore and he had to cum in my mouth.

He was writhing on the bed now and trying to fuck my face and I let him. I held still and let him use me for what he wanted. That hard shaft sliding in and out of my mouth felt amazing. I loved feeling that ridge as he pulled out and the mushroom head of his cock slipped past my lips then back in again.

His pace was increasing and I thought he was getting close to cumming and I was ready for it. I wanted it in a bad way, but he pulled his cock out of my mouth and he stopped.

"I want you to fuck me." He said.

At that second, my mind was a mess. I wasn't against getting my first taste of anal sex with a man, but I wanted his cum in my mouth more. However, at the same time I wanted to do what he wanted me to. I came to my decision quickly. I wanted to make him cum now and I wanted it in my needy mouth.

"Next time. Right now, I want you to cum for me." He didn't move and I thought I disappointed him. "In my mouth." I said.

That was all it took. His cock slid back into my mouth where it belonged and both of his hands went to the back of my head. He wasn't overly forceful, but he was definitely using my mouth for his pleasure as he fucked my face. I looked up at him and saw that he was looking down at me. When our eyes met, I nodded my head and started moaning around his cock. He just kept saying "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Over and over again. I knew he was close by the look on his face and by the way his pumping in and out of my mouth slowed down just a bit and I was right. Ray made a kind of crying sound, buried his fingers in my hair and pulled hard as he froze in mouth.

I had one other guy cum in mouth before and his kind of sprayed out and tasted sweet (he said it was from all the cola he drank), so I guess I was expecting the same but it wasn't like that at all. My mouth just suddenly filled with a slippery warmness as his cockhead jerked on my tongue and I choked at the quantity of it. I immediately swallowed to regain my composure and it was replaced by more cum, but a little less this time.

At that second, I wanted him to just keep on cumming. I wanted more and wished there was another man there to pump more jizz on me. I wanted more. More men, more cocks, more cum on me, on my face, on my chest and in my mouth. I was a slut for it right then as tried to suck more cum out of the thick pulsing cock in my mouth at that moment.

Ray brought me back to reality when he erupted in laughter. It was like something really funny just happened in his head and it took me a second to realize it was probably just from the relief of cumming and the sensation of having his overly-sensitive cock being sucked on so ferociously, so I slowed down and released him from my mouth. I watched up close as his cock made a few post-orgasmic twitches. I still wanted more, so I ran my tongue over the big vein that runs underneath, but Ray put his hand on my forehead and kind of held me back.

Reluctantly, I left my spot between his legs and moved back up the bed to where I started. Ray got up and went into the bathroom and I figured that was it, and that would have been ok, as I wanted to suck more than be sucked. I could hear him taking a leak in there and I wanted to get up and watch him do it, but wasn't sure if that would be a good idea or not, so I didn't.

When he came back around the corner into the bedroom, his semi-hard penis was swinging with each step and I was hoping he was going to shove it right back into my mouth, but instead he surprised me and walked to the end of the bed, laid down right between my legs and grabbed my still hard cock.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to." I told him.

"Oh, I want!" He replied and swallowed me all the way down to the base in one gulp. Within one second I knew this was going to be the best blow job I ever had. He was deep-throating me like I had never experienced or even seen in videos. It was effortless for him and the feeling for me was overwhelming. Ray was working my entire cock with his mouth and his hands; stroking and sucking me at the same time. He wasn't just going up and down either, his whole head was moving from side to side and his grip on my cock twisted as it went up and down the shaft.

When I have received blow jobs in the past from women, it always took a long time for me to orgasm if I did at all. But, within less than a minute of this treatment I could feel the overpowering urge to cum building in my body. He might have sensed it also from the way I was writhing and moaning out of control on his bed, because he stopped sucking me and started licking my ass while still fisting my dick. That took me completely by surprise and added a whole new level to the pleasure I was feeling. I think my ass lifted off the bed from the surprise of it, but he held on tight and I could feel his tongue squirming around in my hole. That was it for me, and I told him so. I could barely form the words "I'm gonna cum!".

He just nodded and made a "Mmmhmm" sound as my cock jerked and I started cumming so hard that it actually made me lightheaded. It was such a short blow job, but it resulted in wave after wave of orgasmic release.

When it was done, I went limp all over except for my still twitching cock. Ray got up, grabbed a towel to give to me and laid next to me on the bed. As I was cleaning my cum off of me, those guilt feelings flooded back. I was naked in bed with another guy whose cock I had just sucked and who had just had his tongue in my ass. I looked at his soft penis, felt the pastiness in my mouth from his cum and I felt the need to get out of there quickly. I regret that now, but it was overpowering then.

"Thanks Ray. That was fun! You give an amazing blow job, but I think I had better get going."

"That's too bad." He said "I was hoping you might stick around for round two."

"That sounds fun, but it's pretty late for me." And I stood up and started getting dressed while he did the same. There were almost no words spoken, but for a quick good-bye and a handshake as I went out the front door.

When I got home, I scrubbed myself in a scalding hot shower, cursed myself for cheating on my wife and deleted all his contact information from my computer.

Within a few days the urge was beginning to rise in me again for more cock and I looked for his posting online but it was gone. I already know I'll do this again and I hate myself for it and my fantasies are getting darker.

*

Any comments or thoughts are appreciated. I will to to respond to all non-anonymous comments.