"I hate to do it, Jaime, you're a good worker and know you way around an auto engine—and I like to do my part in helping lads returning from the Falklands. But word's got around and you have a reputation now that's hurting my business, so . . ."
That's what Patrick had said to me at the auto garage in Bishop Cleeve, and I couldn't fault him on that. I
had
gained a reputation. I couldn't help that. It's what the Navy had let me go for after I'd returned from the Falklands in late spring of the year, 1982. But it had been there, on board the HMS
Broadsword
, that I had started gaining that reputation, and not just from other sailors but from the older ship's officers as well. I had, in fact, liked it better from the older officers. I hadn't gone looking for it. It's what others had brought me to.
And I had been doing just fine at Oxford, studying creative writing, when the Navy had pulled me out of studies, at twenty, and sent me off to the war with Argentina over islands I'd never heard of. I'd gone willingly. Write what you know and continually expand your experience in what you know, my creative writing tutor had said, so, joining the Navy and learning what was in the South Atlantic was meant to broaden my experience. It just didn't last long and it gave me experience in something else altogether.
After I was bounced out of the Navy, it was right here to the Cotswolds and Bishop Cleeve I'd come, where my father, a village doctor divorced from the mother who had raised me alone, was in the final stages of dying. Caregiving for my father had given me a chance to be doing something useful while I contemplated what to do next in my turned-over life. Perhaps it would be back to Oxford when my father's finances were settled after he died.
It took most of the summer for my dad to die. His house immediately went into receivership, the village having had rights to buy it, and I'd moved to Clyde's farm on the eastern side of the village. Clyde was an older man, a widower, who I had taken up with while taking care of my dad. He wasn't so old that he didn't have the itch anymore, and he was well put together enough to still be attractive to a young man who needed attention. He lived alone and in some isolation. I'd met him at a pub, and there'd been no encumbrance in hooking up. Later, I suppose my dad dying and the village seeing I was now living at Clyde Davies's farm clued them in to what was what, and it was all coming down on me now.
So, here I sat, two months into the summer, and a glorious one it was this year, at a table well away from everyone else, at the Dove and Fox, numbing myself with ale and contemplating the "What next?" I'd rather settled at the farm, helping Clyde with the morning feedings; going into town to work on auto engines, working with engines being a skill I'd picked up on the HMS
Broadsword
; writing in the evening; and lying under Clyde at night.
"Would you be happy with a bit of company while you drank? I don't like drinking alone and you look like you could use the company."
He was old—at least appreciably older than I was, in his late forties or early fifties—graying hair in profusion, both on his head and in a beard. He was stocky, wearing a peacoat, and looking nautical. "They tell me you were in the Navy, down at the Falklands. I was in the Navy too. I know how it is being spit back out onto the land, your life changed. May I sit? I brought you another one."
And, indeed, he had two mugs in his hands.
"Yes, please, sit with me." I didn't see any reason not to be social. He was a good looker.
He sat, introducing himself as Sid Bailey, just passing through from Plymouth to Liverpool to pick up another merchantman. He still went to sea.
"The sea is a lifestyle all its own, as I think you may have found," he said while we chatted, discussing naval matters and only slightly touching on their current lives. "Things happen at sea to change a man's life. Don't you agree, son?"
"Yes, I certainly can agree with that," I answered. What I had learned at sea, not having even been there long, had changed me completely.
"And a man gets set in his ways and his habits. His needs and his wants."
"Yes, I suppose," I answered. "His needs?" I added, beginning to get the reason why he had approached me.
"It's a long way from Plymouth to Liverpool—a long way to be doing without what he is used to getting on shipboard."
Ah, yes, I was right about what his interests were and why he was expressing them to me. I wondered who in the village had directed him my way.
"Needs," I repeated.
"Yes, needs," the man said. "I am told you are an accommodating young man. That was volunteered when I noted I was a sailor and asked if there were any others about."
"Accommodating?" I asked. But even as I was asking he was placing a small wad of pound notes on the table near my now-empty mug.
"I hope I haven't heard wrong," he said. His other hand had gone under the table and gripped my knee. When I didn't flinch away from that, the hand moved inward, between my legs on the thigh, just above the knee. I let my legs go slack. I'd already become aroused by the man while we were talking. Clyde wasn't my whole world. He smiled and moved his hand higher on the inner thigh. My legs spread even more.
"You will need to be direct," I said. "It won't do here to make wrong assumptions. We aren't the big city here."
"I was told you took cock," he said. "Is that direct enough for you? It's been a long haul from one port to the next for me. I'm randy as hell. You're a right handsome young man. I allow as you must have learned to go under sailors like me during your float down in the South Atlantic. The man who told me you took cock was right scandalized by it. But I wasn't. I saw it as a stanching of my need. So, what say you? Do I order you another drink and we just say we didn't click and I walk away, or do you take up that money and we go up to the room I've booked here for the night?"
I'd just lost my job and it was over what everyone here in Bishop Cleeve seemed to think I was willing to do for a man. My dad was dead now and I'd done what I'd come to do in Bishop Cleeve. And I'd lost my job and would be completely dependent on a farmer with rough hands who took what he wanted quickly and roughly and then rolled over and started snoring. I'd already contemplated going walkabout. If I did, I'd need some wherewithal to do it. And I'd just lost my job.
His hand under the table had reached my crotch. A finger had run down the line of my shaft through the material of my jeans and had found and was rubbing its cap.
"Need I pull away?" he asked.
"Not unless you wish to," I answered.
I was hard and he knew I was. I wasn't pulling away. I was slouched down in the chair, legs spread, vulnerable and nonresisting. He could see that I was slightly trembling. His eyes were boring into mine, dominating and commanding me. He had gauged me for a needy submissive, and he wasn't wrong. I disengaged eye contact and turned my gaze down to the surface of the table, an act of surrender and we both understood it as such.
"I must tell you that I'm not a whore," I said, fighting for whatever dignity I could get. "I don't have a regular or smooth way of approaching this."
"If you take the money, you're a whore," Bailey said. "It's just for an hour. This isn't romance or a commitment. I just want to use your body for an hour. You have a very desirable body for use. A whore is what I want. I don't want to marry you; I just want to fuck you once. I can feel that you want me—you want a man, a sailor, inside you. You want to be used by a sailor again. You don't have to take the money. You could just come upstairs with me and we could use each other for an hour. But there's no reason for you not to take the money. You've already decided to come upstairs with me. It's just a matter now if you take money for it or not."
Shuddering, I stood from the table, picking up the wad of money as I did so. "So, where is this room you've booked?" I said.
In the upstairs room, Bailey took off his peacoat and tossed it aside. He wasn't looking at me when he said, "Strip down, Laddie, and let's see what we have to work with." As I stood just inside the door and stripped down, he pulled a Henley shirt over his head and sat down on the end of the bed. "Nice, very nice," he said when he looked at me standing by the door, naked. "Turn and bend over. Spread your cheeks and let's have a look at your hole. Yes, yes, good. You've been well used haven't you? Now, come over and go down on your knees to me."