Okay due to some amazing fans i decided this isn't the very last chapter. Just getting out what i wanted to for the first half of the last chapter was almost 20 pages so i figured i can break it up. So look forward to what will hopefully be the last chapter if i can get my mind to stop writing! Thanks for being so patient! BTW, there is sex :D
I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Someone was knocking very softly on the door. I didn't move to open it. This room was my form of a blessing and a curse, I thought absently. So much good happened here, blanketed by so much bad. It was really hard to balance it all out when I thought about it.
The knocking became slightly louder.
"What Luke?" I called out, not getting out of bed.
Luke opened the door very softly and poked his head inside. His eyes had to adjust to the dark room before he finally saw me.
"Can I come in Johnny?" I didn't say yes... which to Luke meant I didn't say no.
After a minute he walked in the room and shut the door behind him. He was smart enough to know not to turn on the light; I really didn't need that. I didn't need to see him. He stood by the door for two very long and awkward minutes before I finally shifted my eyes to him.
I sighed wearily, "You can move Luke, I'm not a deer. You don't have to be afraid that you'll scare me away. I'm way passed that stage."
He didn't respond to the barb which was surprising, he just stepped away from the door and walked over to the bed. I was in the center and when it was obvious that I wasn't going to move he plopped down next to me. He laid back, his body a little over the edge and stared at the ceiling with me. After a few minutes I turned my head and looked at him. He was already looking at me.
"What do you want Luke?" I asked voice quiet.
He reached out a hand and ran his fingertips down my cheek.
"I want to say sorry Johnny. I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong. I should have never said what I said to you, never thought the things I did. I almost lost you and I knew it was my fault. I should have never let you go that night and I knew it at the time. Then when you got hurt, when you got caught... I wanted to ask you about it, I wanted to know what he did to you, but at the same time I didn't. I wanted to comfort you but that would mean coming to terms with the fact that it was my fault you needed to be comforted. I couldn't handle it. I freaked out and I took it would out on you."
I tried to say something but he waved a hand to cut me off.
"I'm so sorry Johnny. I would choose you. I chose you then, after you walked out that door and made me realize exactly what I had said. I tried to find you the next day, thought you could sleep on it overnight and that way you could have time with your mom but you were already gone. I feel like I've been living in a black hole without you."
That had to be the most Luke has ever said to me at one time, I swear. I didn't really react, just stared at him for a long time. Eventually I heaved a big sigh.
"I can't trust you Luke. I don't believe a word you say. How do I know you're not just being sweet and kind to get me back? That once you have me it won't all go back to how it was? Do you really expect me to believe that you would choose me over the business? I don't Luke. I don't believe that."
He sat up, drawing his legs up Indian style and looking down at me. For the first time I didn't feel like he was trying to intimidate me.
"I don't expect you to believe me John. I really don't. Hell, half the time I don't believe me. When I think of you leaving though, when I think of not seeing your face again, not feeling your skin or hearing your voice say you love me. Of not seeing that cocky little smile of yours when you know you got your way, I can't even breathe. I can't see a future without you in it Johnny. I just can't. I would give up anything to keep you with me."
My heart swelled with every word he said even though my mind kept trying to tell it not to be stupid, not to trust him. I think though that my heart had gone temporarily deaf. I wanted to touch him, to smile at him, to say I loved him. I just couldn't. Not yet.
"Assuming all that is true, what comes next Luke? I fall into your arms, forgive you for everything and we live happily ever after in your big house with your big convicts and your very big business right under our feet every night? I didn't want to be a mobster when I grew up Luke. That definitely wasn't on my wish list when I was in kindergarten. I wanted to grow up, fall in love and be happy. I never wanted to find my damsel in distress - I wanted my knight in shining armor to find me. Even though there was a denial phase that was what I dreamed of when I was little. It is still what I want today. I can't live this life anymore. I just can't."
Luke leaned down, pressing his forehead very softly against mine.
"Neither can I Johnny," He whispered, so softly that I almost missed it.
My eyebrows rose in surprise and I pushed him back enough to look into his eyes.
"What does that mean Luke?"
His eyes were so intense I almost wanted to look away but I didn't. I forced myself to hold that startlingly beautiful gaze.
"Leslie is taking over Johnny. It will be a few weeks, maybe a month or two for me to get him trained the way I want him, and I'll always be over him, checking in on everything of course, but I won't be involved. I want to get a normal job... well, as normal as I can stand. I can't give up the entire business, it's all I've ever known, but one day I plan on just handing it all over to Leslie. He loves this business, he loves being in charge, he loves every bit of it. Also now that he has an apparently steady boyfriend, between the two of them I think they can manage not to run it into the ground."
I laughed like he intended, "I'm sure they can."
He took a deep breath, "I already bought another place Johnny. I bought it as soon as I heard you were back in town. You know me... king of wishful thinking and all that."
I smiled, "No, cocky beyond all imagination and used to getting his way is how I would describe it."
Luke shrugged, "You say tomato and all. I want you to see it Johnny. I bought it with you in mind and I really think you will like it. I'm not saying we run off into the sunset together or anything like that. I'm saying to let me try. Let me take you out tomorrow night like I wanted. We can go from there. Please?"
I sat up, rising to my knees in front of him so we were eye level. I smiled a little smile and hugged him, just wrapped my arms around him tight, waiting for him to make the next move.
I think he was honestly stunned because he didn't move for a whole minute before his big arms wrapped around me squeezing me hard enough to hurt. He reached one arm down and grabbed my legs, wrapping them around him so that I was sitting on his lap. We stayed like that, holding each other tight for lord knows how long.
Eventually reality came back and Leslie knocked on the door. I pulled away instantly, scooting back so Luke could get up. He sighed in annoyance and got up, opening the door wide.
"What?" Leslie asked innocently as he came face to face with Luke's glare.
He walked past him and plopped down on the bed next to me. He smiled like a Cheshire cat and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes Leslie?" Luke all but growled and Leslie and I both laughed.
"I just wanted to let you know the guys and I really appreciate the movie night Johnny. It's been pretty stressful since you left and I think we all needed some non-violent fun."
I smiled, "Wrong choice of movies if we didn't want violent. I mean sheesh and to believe I had Bridget Jones's Diary in my hand."
Luke and Leslie both winced at that and I laughed. Tough guys and chick movies, I swear.
"Well you're welcome, it's all good. Glad you guys enjoyed it."
Leslie's face got serious then, and I frowned. He sat up straighter, making sure his eyes were on mine.
"We're sorry Johnny." He said softly. I frowned harder.
"We're sorry we let you get caught. Since you've come back we've all realized how much we truly took for granted what you did. Luke is hell when you're not here and you make this job a lot more tolerable. I speak for all of us when I tell you that we are so sorry about what happened to you."
I was genuinely surprised. None of the guys had talked to me about what happened. Not when it actually had happened or since I had gotten back. I had always assumed it was because Luke had told them not to. It meant a lot.
"It wasn't your fault Leslie, it wasn't anyone's fault. He caught us by surprise and there wasn't really anything any of us could do about it. I'm sorry I left but I had a lot going on in my head that just wasn't going to get dealt with here. Thank you a lot for telling me though. Thank the guys too."
Leslie smiled, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. He nodded to Luke before he left the room, shutting the door behind him. Luke looked back at me and smiled as my eyes got watery. I brushed the little tears away telling myself to be a man and smiled back.
"That was... nice," I said and Luke laughed, coming over to wrap an arm around my shoulders and hug me tight.
"I'm really glad your back Johnny boy."
He said softly and I didn't respond, the emotions going through my brain were simply way too overwhelming. I just hugged him back and held on.
I didn't know if I could forgive Luke, I really didn't. He was different, that much was obvious, but I didn't know if he was telling the truth or just being perfect for the time being. I was scared beyond belief but at that moment all I wanted to do was hug him so that's what I did.
That night Luke slept downstairs, having to pull together 3 couches to fit his big ass.
I laughed watching him try to get comfortable but he flat-out refused when I offered to switch. I told him he was a prideful buffoon and left him to it.
The next day passed by pretty quick, probably because I didn't want it to. I was scared to death about going out with Luke.
I didn't know where he wanted to go or what he wanted to do and more importantly I really didn't know how to act. Was this our first date all over again or just two friends going out after being apart for a long time? Or was it very long distance couple going out to rekindle their romance? I was so confused that I didn't even know what to wear.
I was going through my clothes, old and new, that were in Luke's closet trying to decide when he came in the door. He was dressed casual, black snug jeans and a long sleeve blue button up shirt that looked silk. Okay not really casual but at least he wasn't wearing slacks because then I would've been worried.
I spared him but a glance as I went back to rummaging through the closet.
