Give Me Shelter

Something was different when Darcy looked up at me. He seemed... elongated. His eyes were darker than usual... so dark.... I pushed his hair off his face to tuck it behind his ear... even his ears were different. Pointy. I ran my fingers over them slowly.

"Ok." I paused and looked at him. He looked paler than before even. Hollow and ghostly and sick. My heart softened. "Wow." I took a deep breath. "So like... blood, huh?" I tried to ask casually. Darcy moaned and pressed himself into my chest.

"Yessss." He hissed. "I thought I could... just make it a bit longer... but I'm weaker than I realised."

"You um. You kind of buried the lead, Darce." I stroked his hair. "Uhhhh.... You... have you always been a...." Darcy looked up at me and stroked my chin.

"Vampire." He said. I squeezed his waist.

"Fuck." I blinked at him. He looked so different... but so Darcy. His eyes were almost black, but not quite, and I could still see the sparkle in them. His smile was just as cute as always, even if he did now have giant horrible fangs poking out of his mouth. He had a strange unfamiliar aura about him... a darkness.... But.... He was still Darcy. I smiled at him, feeling insane... like I was falling for some elaborate.... if this was a joke... Well. "You're a vampire?" I repeated.

"Yeah." He blinked up at me.

"Woah." I stroked his cheek. "You look hot like this." I told him, almost involuntarily reaching for his tooth. He let me take it between my thumb and forefinger and see how sharp was. I tested it, half hoping it was plastic. It wasn't.

"Be careful." He pulled away gently.

"Ok, woah." I shook my head. "Unreal." He gave me a desperate look and I bit my lip. "Oh, Darce. Ok." I swallowed. "I can help?" I whispered. He nodded again, his eyes drifting to any exposed skin. I shivered. "You mean you..."

"I want to drink your blood." He said. I felt my lips twitch, and suddenly laughter bubbled out of me unexpectedly. It was mean, but I couldn't help it. Darcy scowled at me and his eyes flashed amber for a second.

"Oh come on, that sounds soooo corny." I giggled. To my delight Darcy started to giggle as well.

"Um... I want to... feed from you? Is that worse?"

"But... will you... kill me?" I asked. His face fell.

"I love you! No, I'll take even less than if you donate blood. I promise. Just enough."

"I don't know." I said slowly. "How does it work?"

"Um..." Darcy frowned. "I bite you?"

"Yeah ok, I'd kind of got that far." I was thinking about every b grade horror film or shitty romance novel I'd ever consumed. No vampire ever seemed to struggle with biting. They DID seem to struggle with stopping.

"I can control myself." Darcy said.

"You're starving."

"I haven't eaten in weeks."

"So starving people aren't known for their self control." I stroked his back gently.

"Starving people get sick if they gorge themselves." Darcy met my eyes.

"Why are you starving anyway?" I frowned. "How do you normally... look after yourself?"

"I have a guy." Darcy sighed, sitting up and twisting his hands. "He gives me blood bags. I don't ask, he doesn't tell. You can't hunt if you want to live in a city. Not now. Cameras everywhere. Anyway, he disappeared and I've been... resisting... you know..." He cleared his throat. "You know. Murdering someone."

"Does it have to be.... Human?" I whispered.

"No." Darcy said curtly.

"So...."

"Take a walk tomorrow morning and tell me how many 'missing cat' posters you see in the neighbourhood." He met my eyes. "I kept myself going for as long as I could. Gabriel. But you can say no. It's ok."

"What will you do if I say no?" I pushed his hair off his face. He looked away and I pursed my lips. I suppose there was no good answer to that. Death eventually, or drink from someone who wasn't me, and maybe kill them- probably kill them, right? I've never seen a real report of vampire wounds, so I assume vampires don't leave random prey alive..."Does it hurt?" I asked.

"Yes." He said slowly. "I'm biting you very deep. It does hurt. But there's.... a certain...." He caught my eye. "Well. After the pain, there's a kind of buzz... you know...." He swallowed.

"Like what, it makes you horny?"

"Uh... yeah." He shrugged. "It's easier to get willing prey."

"Is that what I am to you?"

"No!" He glared at me. His face looked demonic. "Don't be like that! I fell in love with you in spite of this! I never would have even told you! You think I want to hurt you? You think I feel good asking for something so selfish? Fuck you, Gabriel..."

"Ok, I hear you, knock it off." I shook his shoulder gently. His face calmed and he went pale again. Pale and weak and soft and my heart ached. Fuck. I guess I would do anything to help him.

I moved my head to elongate my neck and Darcy pulled away from me blushing.

"Ahhhh... not there." He mumbled.

"No?" I frowned. "But that seems... is there somewhere better?" Darcy closed his eyes for a second.

"Um. Neck's a lot." He mumbled. "If you're worried about my self control..."

"Oh."

"Um. Here." He slipped off my lap and onto his knees pin front of me. He gently took my hand, turning my palm over to face him. He looked up at me and ran his finger down the one of the veins you could see on my wrist. "There." He growled quietly. I shivered.

"O...Kay." I bit my lip. "Ok. Um. You can... go ahead."

"You ok?" Darcy looked at me. His almost black eyes were wide with concern. "I made it this long, Gabriel. I think I...."

"No, I'm ok." I stroked his hair. "This is gonna be super fucking weird but... I'm ok."

"Keep your hand there." Darcy murmured as he bent over my wrist and gently kissed it. I ran my fingers through his curls and inhaled slowly. I watched him, almost frozen as he licked my skin, holding my outstretched arm gently in his cold hands. His fangs glinted in the light as he closed his eyes... and my heart went crazy as he bit down HARD.

Panic set in immediately. It hurt like a motherfucker. I mean, if you've ever hurt yourself on the delicate skin on your wrist you'll know it's brutal and painful and scary. Blood almost immediately pooled near his mouth and I jerked my hand away unkindly.

"No, no, no!" I gasped. "Stop!" He caught my flailing arm and looked up at me, with a soft expression on his face.

"Let me seal it quick." He said, and with stony efficiency, even as I struggled against him, he wrapped his mouth around my wrist. I was pulling away, because I was so sure he was going to drain me, to hurt me more and kill me despite what he said... but he just kissed me quickly and let my hand go. He rested his head in my lap and took my other hand as I stared at my wrist. There were two slightly gnarly puncture wounds, fading, like ragged old scars. There was a tiny bit of blood left from where he'd started to drink, but the wounds weren't bleeding. I stretched my hand out, staring at it.

"I'm so sorry." Darcy mumbled. "Are you ok, Gabriel? I'm sorry, my love. I shouldn't have...."

"It's..." I stared at him. "You stopped." I said slowly.

"Yes?" He frowned. "Oh, darling. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I thought you'd..." I bit my lip. "Do I taste bad?" Darcy moaned and his head fell back to my lap.

"You taste fucking incredible." He whispered. "I already feel better." He smiled at me. I shook my head wordlessly.

"How did you stop?" I asked him, my voice reduced to a hoarse whisper. Darcy shrugged.

"You say stop, I stop." He said.

"I was scared you'd... see all that blood and... lose control...." I tilted his chin to look at me. "But... you really won't will you?"

"No." Darcy shook his head. "I love you, darling. I wouldn't hurt you." He bit his lip and his fangs caught my eye again.

"Oof. Be careful with those." I laughed awkwardly. "Do you bite your tongue all the time?"

"Yeah I avoid real food if they decide to make an appearance." He smiled. "Sorry, I'm trying to retract them. I struggle when I'm hungry." He grinned up at me widely. "It wasn't much but maybe it's enough for me to hunt again. There are rats in Courtenayd Place."

"Um..." I pushed his hair off his face. "Or... um... like finish... with me..." I glanced at my wrist.

"No." Darcy said firmly, standing up. "I shouldn't have asked. You don't need to feed me. I let myself get weak and stupid." He laughed coldly. "What a sell. Let me hurt you and drink your blood." He glared at the floor. "My head's a bit clearer now. I won't let myself get like that again, Gabriel."

"Um..." I swallowed. "Um you're not wrong. The after effect is kinda... tingly." I smiled at him. "I don't mind. I really don't. I was just scared you'd... actually... I didn't know you had so much... control."

"Ah." Darcy smiled at me. "I do." He raised his eyebrows. "Trust me, Gabriel. If I didn't you'd... already know." I shivered and braced myself.

"Ok, I'm not scared." I offered him my wrist. "Ok, go on. Eat." Darcy winced and started to shake his head. "No seriously!" I shook my hand at him. "I was just... like, a little shocked. I'm ready now."

"You... sure....?" He was already starting to kneel again. I nodded and he took my hand gently in his again.

"Where's your phone?" He asked as he licked his lips. "Set a timer for two minutes. That will be enough. And then you know when it's going to stop so you don't get scared. But if you get scared before it goes off just tell me to stop again. Promise?"

"That sounds like a plan." I smiled, and set the timer. "Ok, Darce. I'm ready. Um, like... bite me, I guess.

He didn't waste a second. I heard my sharp inhale and pressed start on the timer, watching him intently. Fuck me, that hurt. I half closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Mmm. It hurt, but I wasn't lying. It was... tingly. And Darcy's face was... like... just sooo sexy. I don't know how I thought it would work- I guess I thought you kind of... stuck the fangs in and the blood like... ran through them? But instead, when he pulled them out and my blood started to pool again, he just gently lapped it up with his tongue,and occasionally sealed his mouth around my wrist- and he really was sucking, like I mean, I could feel it. He was moaning slightly. He paused and looked up at me. I shivered. He was sexy as hell, but he looked monstrous. His eyes were totally black now, and my blood was running down his chin. He covered my vein with his thumbs for a second.

"Oh, Gabriel." He moaned. "You have no idea how good this is." I pushed his hair off his face. "Mmmm." He leant into my touch and rubbed against me. I smiled at him and stroked behind his ears. He made a small almost mewl, before returning to my wrist and lapping at it again. I smiled as I watched him. The initial pain was more just a dull ache that throbbed now... and the tingling was getting worse. Or better, I'm not sure. Weird how horny this was. Thank god though. I was glad Darcy was a sexy dark horny vamp, and not like... an ugly karate performing one from Buffy. I stroked his hair again, and was getting used to it, relaxing almost, when the timer went off and I blinked in surprise. That fast? That was it? Darcy pulled away and kissed my wrist again, sealing the wound somehow. He was done before I'd even managed to stop the alarm.

He jumped into my lap again and went to straddle me but I held him back a fraction.

"Darce... your shirt..." He glanced down at himself and his eyes... which were slowly turning back to normal... widened.

"Oh, that's embarrassing." He pulled at his shirt, cringing at the trail of blood on himself. I smiled at him in spite of myself.

"And ah.... Here." I ran my thumb over his chin, collecting the blood he'd dribbled. I offered it to him. He grinned and sucked it gently, his fangs grazing against me.

"Dessert." He grinned. "Mmmm."

"Feeling better?" I stroked his face.

"Yeah. Way better." He smiled. His fangs were shrinking. They looked almost normal now, just slightly overgrown canines. He was changing. He looked less aquiline. Cuter again. Less like a monster from the underworld. His face was full- his cheeks shining with life, his wrinkles faded, the bones that had been eerily jutting out from every angle were nowhere to be seen. His eyes were brown, with flecks of green in them... just like always. I smiled at him.

"You're back to normal."

"Yeah." He smiled at me.

"I have a million questions."

"Lie down first." Darcy took my hands and pulled me up.

"Woah." I stumbled.

"Yeah, come on." He draped me over his back and helped me limp to the living room. He lay me down on the couch and kissed my forehead. "Making you some tea." He whispered. I closed my eyes and felt a deep drowsiness overcome me. I think I fell asleep because it felt like seconds later when Darcy pressed the hot tea into my hands. I forced myself to blink and sit up, gulping down the tea and burning my tongue.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"26 in a couple of weeks." Darcy's lips twitched. "Ish."

"Ish." I repeated.

"I've spent 25 years living." He avoided my eyes, inspecting his nails. "But..."

"But." I prompted him.

"I've spent 174 years... not living." He said. I sipped on my tea, staring at him. He swallowed and sighed, fidgeting and looking everywhere except me. "Ok, you want my life story?" He snapped.

"No shit! You just DRANK MY BLOOD, DARCE! No fucking shit I want your life story! 200 years old?!"

"Well, no. 25- or 199..." I glared at him and he glared back. "Ok! Ok." He folded his arms.

"Don't act pissy! You can't drop the vampire bombshell and expect me to be chill!"

"Ok!" He reached for my hand. "What do you want to know?"

"When were you born?"

"1825." I blinked. I guess time on that scale is kind of hard for your average person to grasp because even though he'd just told me he was 200 I'd still been expecting to hear something I could get a grip on... like 1969... but...

Well I guess it explained the whaling.

"And when were you...."

"When I was 19." He drew his legs up on the couch, looking intensely at the carpet instead of me. I felt myself grow still. 19 is such an uncanny age. You're so grown, and such a child. You're aware of the world and wise to it in some ways, but still impulsive and stupid. Old enough to know better but young enough to do something you regret for the rest of your life.

Darcy briefly looked up and for half a second our eyes met. I looked away first.

"It was my decision." He muttered.

"Ish?" I guessed.

"Ish."

"What happened?" I asked quietly. Darcy sighed. He closed his eyes. I should have allowed him the space to keep that private. But I wouldn't. He was a vampire! It was so fucking insane I wasn't sure if I was still actually awake and lucid- or if I'd missed a few days in my food journal and this was all some starvation induced hallucination. Darcy slowly relaxed beside me, his eyes still closed and his breathing even.

"It's sounds stupid to even say it, Gabriel. But it's hard to explain to someone born this century. You can't imagine what it was like, the loneliness. You can't imagine what it was like for me when someone saw me. Saw me, and read me, and held me and told me he loved me."

"I can imagine." I squeezed his hand. "I promise."

"I didn't really know what he was asking of me." Darcy sighed. "He'd... drunk my blood. I knew he was... but you know."

"I know." I blinked. "You just drank my blood." Darcy inhaled sharply and turned his head to me.

"Different." He coughed.

"Is it?"

"He asked me to turn for him."

"Not on a first date, I assume." Darcy's eyes flashed and I tried to hide my surprise. I'd seen him mad at me before- but I'd never noticed the way his eyes glowed. The way his face narrowed. For half a second he was every bit the creature he'd hidden from me. "Sorry." I swallowed.

"He asked me to turn for him. I didn't take much convincing because I was a fucking idiot. He was a fucking idiot too; he thought he wanted a great love story. All he really wanted was blood on tap, which would have gone better for him if he never suggested I turn. We lasted a few months, maybe. And then...." Darcy's face was still cold andd strange. "We had a fight." He said darkly. "I upset him." He closed his eyes. "You can't... I mean, you can KILL vampires- but I don't think he could kill me. I don't know if it was... lingering love for me, or some kind of familial obligation but he didn't kill me. He locked me up and he starved me. Time became meaningless. I was barely conscious. He fed me just enough to keep this... thin strand of something inside me going. For ever and ever. I fought him whenever he fed me, at first... and then I went into a state of... I don't know. A coma. I gave up. I didn't know for how long. It could have been weeks, it didn't matter. It could have been centuries. It didn't matter. Only, one day... I woke up because the lid to my coffin..." I couldn't stop the shudder and Darcy's eyes opened. He smiled wryly. "A flair for theatrics." He muttered. "Well. It opened, and it wasn't him. It was...." He winced. "A kid. Some curious museum worker fucking around in the vaults."

"Oh." I felt myself going cold.

"I....." Darcy trailed off. "I'll spare you the details if you don't mind, Gabriel."

"Thanks." I whispered.

"And that was about 7 years ago." He said quietly. "He's gone. Not dead... I think I'd know if he was dead. He's just gone." Darcy frowned and shrunk away from me. I started at my tea and breathed. There's no way to process anything he said. Darcy, the man I loved was...

Well. I had my own secrets.

"You want me to help you find a therapist?" I put down the tea and hugged him tight. Darcy flinched at my touch and frowned at me. He opened his mouth, his teeth glinting and I smiled weakly. I didn't want to hear his explanations and excuses and tortured thoughts about being a monster. I didn't want to listen to my own thoughts, about him being a monster. One bad day, right? I was a blank, accepting canvas, too overwhelmed to get into an ethical dilemma. Darcy cleared his throat.

"You're always finding excuses not to go to your own therapist, why would mine be any better?"

"I'm better at giving advice than taking it?" I shrugged.

"You think anyone would work with a vampire?" He smiled.

"Ah. True. After sundown only. Although zoom should be ok?" I grinned at him. "You know, I bet there ARE therapists who work with vampires out there. Have to be. How many vampires are there?"

"None in Wellington." Darcy said. I raised my eyebrows and he sat up. "We can sense each other." He coughed. "There used to be a woman, Elizabeth. She introduced me to my dealer- you know- for food... but she left a couple of years ago. It's just me. I think we're rare."

"You know," I stroked his hair thoughtfully, "you don't look 19. Or 200. You look 25."

"Yes. Nohorua aged as well. Gracefully."

"Nohorua?" I twitched. "The guy who... he was Māori?"

"Yes?"

"I just... vampires seem kind of... white to me." I explained with a guilty shrug. Darcy smiled.

"Well, the ones in horror films, definitely."

"You're not exactly challenging the stereotype." I ran my fingers through his hair. "Pale, gay, and you speak like you were born in..." I trailed off. "Well. That clears that up anyway." I turned over to cradle him. "So you age? That seems unfair. I thought eternal youth was the good part."

"Nohorua aged- but not like a human. He looked broader, he had tiny lines that weren't there before, and the odd grey hair... but he glowed. He was stronger every year. I guess I'm aging too. I don't really know what I look like." He scratched his chin. "What's this like?" He asked. "I was always clean shaven before. Is it awful?"

"No." I smiled at him. "It's nice. Like perfect Hollywood designer stubble. People probably pay money to get their face to look like yours."