On Monday morning, my phone buzzed with a text from my assistant, Ani, "GHO this Fri. Time and Location TBA. Txt Leslie 4 prescreening."
I stuck my head out of the office, "Ani, what's this text about? GHO?"
"Sorry Tim, must have included you in the group text by accident."
Ani was a new assistant, but very capable. Her response made sense, so I didn't think of it again.
Around the same time Tuesday morning, I received another group text from Ani, "Don't miss GHO this Fri. Prescreening a must b4 u cum. Txt Leslie."
Now, thoroughly confused, I called Ani into my office. "Hey, Ani, got another GHO text by mistake. What is this thing all about?"
Ani paused for a second, closed my door behind you and sat down. "Tim, I'm sorry. I should have told you. It wasn't a mistake. I added you to the list. My sister, Leslie, and I run this little social networking thing for men only. It is invite-only. We cover all costs, so each guest pays only $500 per event, and that includes screening, refreshments, location, and complete discretion."
Now, I was confused and a bit curious. "Ani, what tpe of event is this?"
"It is a place where men from all different backgrounds can meet for safe, clean, sex play. Like a private poker game, except all-male sex instead of cards."
My jaw dropped to the floor. I stammered, "B-b-but Ani, I-I-I'm n-n-not gay. I'm m-m-married and g-g-got kids. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it's not m-m-me."
Ani looked at me with a yeah-right grin. Her voice was tinged with the slightest bit of sarcasm. "Tim, I guess you're right. I thought that maybe you would like to try something different. Forget about it. But if you change your mind, text Leslie. You need to be prescreeened before you can attend."
She grabbed a sticky note, scribbled Leslie's phone number and handed it to me. "Here's Leslie's number, just in case," she said as she left my office.
I stared at the sticky note for a few minutes, thinking to myself. What on Earth made Ani think I wanted to be part of this? This is nuts. I put the paper down. I picked it up again. Up and down, 2 or 3 times. I crumpled it up and threw it in the trash, but 15 minutes later, I retrieved it again, smoothed the wrinkled paper, took a deep breath as I dialed the number. My hands were trembling.
A pleasant, professional voice answered. "Hi, Tim. I'm Leslie, nice to meet you. So glad you are thinking of coming to our event."
I was in shock. "Ummm, how did you know it was me? I didn't even say who I was."
"Well Tim, we take great care to make sure our invitees are treated special, so we have all your information programmed into our phones, so we can answer any request at a moment's notice. Think of us as a concierge for you."
Leslie explained that she worked in the lab a couple blocks away, but that I didn't need to wait. All I had to do was text her when I got there and she would let me in through a side entrance.
I grabbed my jacket and walked passed Ani on my way to the elevator. "Ani, I just have to run a quick errand..."
She cut me off. "I understand, Tim. Take your time."
I walked the couple of blocks quickly and texted Leslie that I was there. As promised she let me in through a side door, down the hallway and into a small private room. Leslie was the consummate professional. She politely led me through a short questionnaire, asking whether I had an prior STIs or HIV, was an IV drug user, had been with prostitutes or had unprotected sex with men before. I responded truthfully that I had done none of that. "Good," she said. "All we need is a urine sample, a small blood sample, and to take a quick look and culture."
I went into the adjoining bathroom and filled the small sample cup. In the meantime, she prepped a small tray with a needle and single vial. I sat down and she rolled up my shirt sleeve. She wiped my arm with an alcohol swab and told me to take a deep breath. I felt a quick pinch and after less than a minute she was done.
She then told me to open my pants and pull my pants and boxers to my knees. Wearing gloves, she made a quick, but thorough inspection of my penis and scrotum. She opened a sterile package and took a quick swab of the opening of my penis. As she removed her gloves, Leslie explained, "Everything looks good. We will have all your results in about an hour. Your number is 44. Remember that number because it is your only identifier. No one will see your name on any lab results, only your number. I will let you know if everything is clear in an hour. If it's all good, we will see you on Friday for the GHO."
As promised, I received a call in about an hour. "Hi, 44. Everything has checked out well. We'll see you on Friday."
The rest of the week was difficult. I tried not to think about the event. I fought with myself whether I even should be going. I kept asking myself, Tim, why are you going? You're not even gay. But at the same time, the curiosity was hard to overcome. There was something about the thought of going that made me... well, excited.
Friday arrived finally. I did my best to busy myself all morning. At lunchtime, Ani came in and told me that she was taking the afternoon off to go set up for the event. She told me that I would get a text at 3:00 with instructions on where and when to go.
Sure enough, at 3:00 sharp, I received a text with instructions. I knew the place. A clean chain hotel, not far from my home that catered mostly to business travel. The suite was on the 4th floor. And the party started at 4:30.
Around 4:00, I packed my briefcase and made my way to the parking garage. My hands literally shook as I drove to the hotel. As I got closer, my chest began to pound from sheer nerves. I sat in the hotel parking lot for a minute or two, trying to decide if I should really do this. But then, I took a deep breath, turned off the car and walked into the hotel. I walked straight through the lobby and took the elevator to the 4th floor. I found the suite and knocked.