Russ and Adri were best friends. Of course, they'd act a little gay with each other. Russ had known him since freshman year of college, and ever since, they'd been inseparable.
He wasn't sure when the joke first started. It happened naturally; one day, they were goofing around, and the next, they were suddenly promising to marry one other (jokingly) and Russ was promising he'd be the bottom (again, just joking.) Soon, they'd pretend to make out at lunch, and then, they were dry humping each other on a dirty bar floor -- for humorous value, of course.
While Russ worked on his cars, Adri often slapped his ass from behind and made lewd comments about it. Today was no different. He was elbow deep in a BMW's catalytic converter when the taller basketball prodigy swooped in from behind, and next thing he knew, Adri's hand was grasping his rear.
"Damn," said Adri. "Your ass looks hot as fuck in those pants."
Russ twisted the wrench with his free hand and swatted his friend away with the other. "Yeah, yeah, just fuck me already." Ironically, obviously. He didn't actually mean it.
"I will," Adri promised. "Are you off work yet?"
Russ barely glanced at his wristwatch as he detangled himself from the converter. "I've been off since five," he realized.
Gay Chicken began anew as Adri grabbed his hips in a basketball player's clutch; enveloping them with a ridiculously wide grip. "Great," he said with a grin. "Come make out with me, then."
"Only if you're buying dinner," Russ returned, and he swiveled around, jokingly rubbing his taller friend's nipples. "I'll let you put it in my ass if you do."
"Okay," Adri wholeheartedly agreed. They both knew he wouldn't, though, because it was just a joke.
They departed from the mechanic shop and picked up a few beers along the way. They climbed the steps to their modest apartment, kicking last week's trash into the bin, and then finally flopped down on the couch; a string of fairy lights was jostled by the movement, dousing them in pink-red light as they settled comfortably.
"Dude, come cuddle with me," Adri said whist staring at Russ like he'd grown four heads.
"What, are you gay or something?" Russ grumbled; but he wormed over regardless, settling his head in his lap.
Adri grabbed the remote and flipped on the TV to a mindless show. "Want a beer?" He offered. Staring down, his warm eyes glinted from a funny angle to where Russ lay.
Russ grinned back. "That's like asking if I wanna suck you off. Of course, dumbass."
"Suck me off, then." Adri fake groaned as he pushed his hips; Russ had to sit up to allow him past. "Chicken."
The entire six pack ended up at their feet. Russ cracked one, Adri cracked the other, and they drank modest amounts; before they knew it, their cans were empty. Adri shot them both towards the trash can and made it in.
"I wish you'd spit in my mouth with that aim," Russ told him.
Adri's eyes lit like a charm. "I bet I can."
He hawked up; Russ shot back down the couch. "Hell no," he warned. "I'll have you sign the divorce papers."
"I'll have you sigh on this cock," Adri returned. Warm, tipsy mirth had him clamoring over to him. With both arms on either side, he stared Russ down, hovering an inch above his body.
"You gonna fuck me then?" Russ instantly put his legs around his hips. "Come on, I've been a bad boy."
This was maybe a touch too gay for them. Adri promptly struck the side of his face: "Get off, homo."
"Says you," Russ spluttered, as he jammed his feet into his friend's ribcage, and that was that. They sat back on their own sides of the couch and unanimously decided to watch TV instead.
It took about five minutes for Adri to scoot over and put his arm around Russ's shoulders. The mechanic leaned into it; not that he'd admit it, but the warmth, the sense of being held; it was comforting. He cuddled deeper into his friend's side as Adri opened another beer in one hand, then passed it to him.
"Are we trying to get drunk tonight?" Russ grunted. A genuine question.
"Two beers is mild," Adri scoffed. "You can't get drunk off these."
"Speak for yourself, Goliath." Russ grimaced as he smacked the beer back. "God, Coors tastes like shit. Why didn't we get Corona?"
"Same reason we do it doggy instead of missionary," Adri retorted; his free hand slunk to grip his thigh, and Russ shivered. "It works better."
"Not gonna lie, that made me a little hard." Russ glanced down at his crotch.
Adri's hand slipped lower. "I wanna feel it."
"Go ahead." Russ sat back.
He didn't. Adri ended up taking another swig of beer instead. As he drank, though, he eyed his shorter friend down; studying his curl pattern, noting how his arms were crossed over his lap.
"Dude," Adri decided. "Let me suck that fat cock, already."
"I've been telling you to," Russ retorted, half mindlessly as he watched TV. "You're just too chicken."
"No, you are." Adri bit his lip as he cuddled closer.
"Dude-" Russ swiveled. In one fluid motion, he'd swung his leg over Adri's lap, both hands on his shoulders as he demanded, "Fuck me, already. I told you I want you to fuck me."
"Dude, I will," Adri insisted. "Whip it out."
"You first."
"Fucking kiss me like a slut." Adri yanked him closer by the scruff of the neck, then stuck his tongue out, waggling it like he was going to thrust it in Russ's mouth; and this was where Russ shrieked and struggled away.
"Fucking homo," he laughed; wiping his lips, even though there was nothing there. "I knew you were gay."
"Shut up, cocksucker." Adri grinned. "Hey, I'm hungry. You want leftovers?"
"Only if you feed it to me," Russ purred back. "Spit it in my mouth like a baby bird."
Adri bit his lip and stepped over him; as Russ lay on the carpet, he stood directly over his shoulders, grasping his hands. "C'mere, then."
Pulling him to his feet, they wandered into the little kitchen. Russ sat on a stool whilst Adri threw leftover pizza in the microwave. As they waited, he pulled out the ranch.
"Open wide," Adri said menacingly. And he uncapped the bottle.
Russ jokingly stuck his tongue out. Adri promptly dashed the ranch for his face; Russ choked with laughter when it splattered on his chin, his tongue, attempting to drown him. "That's enough, you cunt!"
"Let me lick it off you," Adri urged, before Russ could swipe it off on his wrist. He grasped his friend's head despite his yelp, then dragged his tongue across Russ's cheek, soaking up the ranch; he licked him again, and Russ had abruptly faltered.
"Mm." He didn't shy away from it. He leaned in, mouth parted; and with a sudden spike of adrenaline, Adri licked him right on the tongue. And he did it again. He gripped Russ's head with both hands, and before they knew what they were doing, before any conscience or awareness could catch up, their tongues were sliding across one other, and they were ten seconds deep in an electrifying kiss. With another ten, the surprise evaporated into shocking, explosive pleasure, from the feel of his lips, the gentle rasp of his tongue on his own; he was instantly, violently turned on. With a disbelieving moan, Russ pulled himself in by the waist.
Then the microwave went off. Beep. Adri ripped back like someone had walked in on them. Faces burning, expressions bright with mortified grins, they sheepishly acknowledged one other as they took slices of pizza.
Adri discreetly adjusted his pants by the crotch as he took a bite. "I knew you were gay," he mumbled through the food.
Russ snorted. "You're gay. You're so gay." He shook his head sadly. "I knew it, dude."
"Shut up, homo." Adri struck his arm, but perhaps grazed him a little closer, a little longer than necessary. Their eyes met, but just as quick, they looked away. Russ grinned at the floor without a clue for why he was grinning.
They went to their respective bedrooms for the night. Russ got an unexpected call from the head of the mechanic shop, and Adri had college homework. They had things to do.
That night, though, it was rather hard to sleep.