Fun and Games

After I got home of course I jacked off immediately and fell asleep around 4:30 or 5:00 AM. I woke up around 8:30 so horny I could barely stand it. Another masturbation session did nothing to stave off my perpetual state of arousal, and the slippery feeling deep inside me excited me all the more. Secret sex. Forbidden sex. It happened.

After I masturbated yet again Tim and I began texting:

Me: Just woke up and I'm still horny as hell. Half wishing I had stayed.

Tim: Got called into work for an emergency. I was gone about 15 minutes after you left.

Me: Dude I beat off twice and it won't go away! Wow that was cool.

Tim: Yeah, definitely worth doing. And worth doing again some time.

Me: Like when?

Tim: I don't know. Don't want to push the issue. Whenever you want to I guess.

Me: When do you get back from work?

Tim: Don't know. This system is totally fucked up. Going to be here most of the day.

Me: Don't want to push the issue either but my head is spinning.

Tim: I hear you.

Me: I am up for another round whenever you are.

{few minutes of silence}

Tim: OK, well let me get this thing under control here and let's see what up for tonight if that's OK with you. If not, that's cool.

Me: Tonight is good.

Tim: I'll text you when I'm leaving. I live about 40 minutes from here.

***

Around 4:00 PM I got another text from him saying that he was about to leave and would be home around 5PM. After both of us danced around the subject a little, we agreed to meet at his house around 7PM.

This time was stranger than the first. You would think that it would be the other way around, but it wasn't. For a chick it definitely would be less strange and more comfortable the second time, but doing it with another dude is just odd in and of itself (at least to me it was!) so it had a certain weirdness and awkwardness to it. It was sort of as if I was fooling myself into thinking, "I'm going over to my buddy's house to watch a basketball game" except I knew that wasn't why I was there.

After 5 minutes or so of him telling me about what happened at work I asked him how he felt about what happened so far.

"I think it was great!", he said enthusiastically. "I remember back when I did this for the first time, I mean, had experiences like this for the first time. I guess with you being new to it...it sort of brings that newness back to mind so it's very exciting to me. And it's exciting to be a part of it for you and I am in a way honored that I am your first."

"It's exciting", I said rather emotionlessly. "But I have such a swirl of feelings and emotions going around in my head. I guess the main thing is that even though I don't know you all that well, I feel I can trust you and talk to you."

"Oh, no doubt Jake. You can talk to me about anything. Let's be honest. We've shared physical intimacy and even though it's just for fun, I remember feeling how much risk I had taken that first time. There's no unsucking a cock and there's no unfucking your ass. Once you've done it, you are different because that experience goes with you. It's a fun thing to take with you, but I know I have changed in ways much more profound than in simply a sexual way. But that adventure does come with its own special risk."

"Yeah!" I said, almost experiencing an epiphany. "Risk is the right word. It's very exciting and new and all that, but I feel like I am risking something. I don't feel scared...maybe I am a little scared", I laughed, "but it is hard to explain. It's as if I feel each moment is redefining who I am and that's unsettling. I am even more nervous now than I was the first time. That shouldn't make any sense but that's how I feel."

"I understand completely. When I first had these kinds of experiences, a big part of what I felt I was risking was exposing a secret side of myself to someone. Physically of course you are exposing yourself. Let's face it: performing sexual acts with another man is profoundly different than anything you do with a woman. Even penetrating another man...it's not the same because male and female bodies are different and they react differently and feel different obviously. And performing oral on a guy or having him penetrate you are off the charts different, right? So, yes, of course I understand that's a bit scary.

"At first, I was scared to enjoy it!", he laughed. "My biggest fear centered around how I felt about and defined myself. I remember the day after I had been with a guy for the first time, after masturbating about 10 times I started to calm down and really think about what I had done. I remember thinking to myself, 'oh my god what does this mean? I sucked his cock and I really liked it. He fucked me in the ass and I loved it, I mean I really loved it.' So I spent days trying to figure out how this was going to change me, wondering if people on the street looked at me and thought 'cocksucker!'. I really battled with my own persona and self image.

"So what happened?", I asked.

"A few days later Ron called me back, and we met for a few drinks, and basically we had a conversation very similar to what you and I are having right now."

"What did you do?"

"I went back to his apartment and he fucked me in the ass and I sucked him off!", he laughed.

"Very funny! No, I mean...how did you get through it? What did you think of yourself?"

"I realized that the only opinion that mattered was mine, and the only definition that was acceptable to me is that I am a man who likes to experiment and I'm going to continue to be a man that likes to experiment. I could not change the fact that I liked having sex with that guy and that it was not because I liked him, it was because I liked what we did. I liked the activity, not the person with whom I was doing it. It's a fine line. No matter what he did, no matter how nice or how cool he was, nothing would ever make me want to shop for groceries with him or any other man for that matter."

"Even though it's not a 'boyfriend' situation, I remember at first feeling a connection to Ron because he had a bit of power over me. All those secret desires were no longer secret. I remember feeling that slipping away but being replaced by desires and sensations that were very real and very good. And as far as being nervous the second and third time, what you are saying makes perfect sense and I also experienced something similar."

He paused and continued.

"The first time you do something, you can look back on it and say, 'it was a one-shot deal. I was drunk, I was tired, I was horny' whatever excuse you want to use. When you come back for more and you have all your wits about you in the daylight so to speak, it's no longer a fluke. I have to admit that second and third time were less comfortable than the first time for that very reason. But I also knew that I had to explore it further. It was a strange but wonderful emotional and physical journey. In a sense I pushed myself into having sex with men a few more times because I had to determine the basis for what was motivating me to do it in the first place. I was ready to embrace being bisexual, gay, or straight with all my heart. I just had to figure out which one I was. It turns out I love the physical side of it, but I don't feel an emotional attachment. So I am not sure where that puts me, but I'd call myself straight but adventurous."

"Straight but adventurous. That works", I said.

He continued. "I had to compare how I felt about men and women and see what was fundamentally driving my actions. And when it was all said and done, after 4 or 5 experiences with a guy, I felt more relaxed, more comfortable, and more able to enjoy the sex. I have quite a few gay friends and I see them in their relationships and I am very happy for them. But for me, for now, I like what men have to offer between their legs but that's where it ends. Their head and their hearts are for someone that wants much more than what I can give or accept. Oddly enough, it took having sex with men several times for me to realize that I am not gay. I love the physical experience once in a while, but a relationship with another man is totally different, and it's not for me."

I thought for a minute. "Do you continue to question your orientation?"

"I did for years. On again, off again sex with men was confusing to me and I began to ask myself why I was doing this. I concluded that it is for fun and that's it. I've talked to a few other straight guys who do similar things and they have similar views, although it's like in some ways it's more taboo than being gay. I have found that some people look at me like I'm lying to them or to myself, but I'm not. I'm not afraid of who I am; on the contrary, I am very comfortable with it and very open about it as you see. Maybe some people are intimidated by that level of self confidence. I stopped wondering about it a long time ago actually. All I know is that, in my estimation, as long as everyone knows where they stand I see no harm in it. I would never lead someone, man or woman, into false emotional attachment, so I don't see any reason why I just shouldn't enjoy myself with whomever shares a similar interest...men like you.

"I think being emotionally deceptive has the potential to do much more damage than a physical fling. It's no different than hooking up with some girl that you really don't like all that much but the sex is great, but you can tell she's falling for you. If you're never going to have a relationship with her, a truly emotional relationship, then in my opinion it's wrong to let her think you will. The same applies for men. It's no less wrong to do that to a man and of course I wouldn't. So far, it's been very easy to figure out where everyone stands because I never was involved with a man that was "attracted" to me, as strange as that sounds. It's always been about having a good time and knowing where it ends, and making sure that's clear up front."

"I have found that the years since my first experience haven't diminished the memories. In my case, I can vividly recall what happened with that first time I knelt down and put a penis in my mouth. If I were an artist I could draw you a picture. The most minute details, birth marks, the hair, pink and brown skin, wrinkles, you name it. I can close my eyes and see it."

My stomach sank. I briefly closed my eyes and could certainly do that with Tim's cock at this moment. Picturing myself 25 years down the road and having that image in the front of my mind was almost terrifying!

"We are the product of our experiences, right?"

I nodded in agreement.

"What makes us special is our ability to define ourselves in the terms we find most accurate. If you find that you are bisexual or gay, that's great and you should be happy and comfortable with that. If you find that you can't have a boyfriend and that you could only be emotionally attached to a woman, then that's who you are. If in the next few months you and I get it on a few more times and are cool with it, then that's good for you and it's good for me and everyone's happy. But the most important thing is honesty to yourself. You have to start there."

Tim was very grounded. I felt lucky to have him be my first in this rather scary foray into a new part of my life and I began to feel much better and more relaxed.

"This is a confusing time for me! It's very exciting but I feel like it's that dream where you're naked in a room full of people. I feel very exposed."

"I think that's natural and normal. You're opening yourself up to an entirely new thing. It's not a trivial thing to do and I think any man has to have a lot of courage to do it. I was sort of talked into my first, but you...you took the lead. I think it's great that you were strong and confident the first time. It definitely made me feel good about doing things with you because I felt like you were making the choices and I was going along for the ride, so to speak. Let's just say I definitely don't feel like I pushed you into anything or talked you into it."

"Oh, no, not at all Tim. I was ready for the experience. It was all my doing and I have no regrets." I smiled at the thought.

I thought about it and Tim was right. I was strong and confident. I did take the situation over at his house that first time. I suggested everything and I was gaining that confidence back.

"OK, I feel better!", I said enthusiastically.

"That's good. So what do you want to do? I am good with anything. If you want to hang around, that's great and if you want to go home and push the reset button for a while, I would understand completely."

"I'm ready to do something. I want to stay", I said quietly.

We sort of stared at the walls for a few seconds and I continued.

"I want to do something sexual."

"OK, if you want to do that, then that's fine with me. Whatever you want. But it's like I said, Jake. This time will leave an even deeper mark in your memory because now you're really venturing into this with a clear head. It's not 2:30 AM on a Saturday or a spillover from the night before. You get what I'm saying?"

I nodded and paused. I waited a few seconds, deciding what I should do.

I began to pull down my shorts and my boxers off. I was rock hard. Still standing, I began to stroke my cock and Tim began to undress also. In no time he had his shorts off and both of us were standing, each with his erect penis in hand.

Without saying a word both of us began to masturbate more intensely. I watched as his large sac of testicles bounced and slapped against his body, and he was focused on my hard cock as I pumped it hard and fast. A drop of precome bubbled out of my cock as I squeezed up on my meat. My index finger dipped into the clear liquid and I licked it clean.

Tim had had leaned back against the kitchen counter and I against the sofa as I began to furiously stroke and pump my hard penis. My balls were leaping with every tug as I jacked harder and harder. With so much recent stimulation, combined with the expectation of sex before I even arrived, I didn't last long. Neither did Tim.

I began to moan hard as orgasm took over my body. Thick gouts of semen raced out of me and leapt high into the air as my scream filled the room. My come splashed on the floor and another jet of come was ejected from me as Tim began to pump out impressive, high-flying packets of jizz. I watched in amazement as it jumped almost two feet straight up in the air! Tim's balls scrunched up tight against his body as he continued to expel semen onto the floor and over his hand.

We both stood in the dining room for a few minutes, naked, and it wasn't long before both of us were hard again.

"This time I want to finish you off with my mouth", I said clearly.

"Sounds great", Tim replied.

We walked into the living room and his cock was recovering, now semi-hard, thick and long. I could hardly wait to suck that big cock again as I motioned him toward a swivel chair. He sat back and his cock and balls were at the edge of the chair, allowing his scrotum to swing free. I grabbed a few pillows from the living room and knelt down in front of him. I grabbed his thick stalk and sucked the whole thing right into my mouth all the way down to its wide root.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this but...please don't come in my mouth!", I laughed. "I am such a whore. I guess I'm just a cocksucking whore", I said quietly as a shiver ran through me. Being naked and getting ready to suck his cock was wildly erotic and stimulating to me also. The thought of sucking his penis made me rock hard.

"I'll try to pull out of your mouth before I come", he said.

I impaled my face, jamming his semi-hard penis into my mouth and this time he had the scent of sweat and arousal on him, something I had not noticed as much the first time. It was new and different in one way, but I really love the musky scent of a woman's pussy and this was oddly similar.

As he hardened in my mouth I slipped off and I began to slowly jerk him. I looked up at him and said, "I want to do what you did for me. Explain to me what you did. It was amazing."

"Start out slow. Nice slow, long strokes. If you do what I did, I am warning you, you will get some come in your mouth."

Yuk! I thought. "Not again!" I laughed. "I'll deal with it if it's not that much I guess."

"When I get fully hard, let my cock slide over the palm of your hand as it goes into your mouth. As it gets wetter, use your palm to push it toward your lips and suck the head and just an inch or two deep. When I get close, use your palm to slip it into and out of your mouth. When I come, turn your head to the side and push harder so that the head slips really hard into and out of your mouth."

"Easier said than done I imagine", I said.

"You're doing a great job. That feels really, really good."

I was an eager student and did exactly what Tim said. As his cock hardened, blobs of shiny precum oozed out of the slit. Its salty taste encouraged me to keep going, to arouse that long, hard penis with my mouth. I wanted to do this right, I thought to myself. I wanted to be good at it. With my other hand I took more care in playing with his testicles, the skin bag loosening up as he got super hard. I was taking my time and licking from his sac all the way up to the tip of his big dick. I was more relaxed than before and with my eyes closed I was enjoying myself, letting his thick tool slide into my mouth, caressing and lifting his big, hairy bag of balls. He was moaning loud and I was enjoying the blatant sex act of sucking his dick.

"You can slide a finger in if you want to", he muttered. The lube container was nearby and I used my ball-handling hand to slip a finger into his tight ass as my mouth slid down his hard, thick cock. He groaned deeply and it was exciting to make him so aroused! I love being good at things and I was getting very good at fellating my new friend. His hard cock bulged at the entrance of my throat and instinctively I gagged. Then I pulled it out, licked it more and slid it back down to that same point and suppressed the reflex. The head popped through an inch or so and his penis was sliding down my throat. The angle was very different than when we fellated each other on the bed; it allowed me much more freedom to arouse, lick, suck and fondle his cock and thick scrotum bag.

When I had his cock deep in my throat the slightest movement by either of us made it feel really weird. I could feel it pushing against my windpipe and I was breathing through my nose and moving up and down on his cock just a little, but keeping it deep in my throat. With each stroke his tool moved deeper, sliding my mouth further and further until my upper lip made contact with his pubic hair and my lower lip bumped up against his balls. I sort of pinned myself in that position for a few seconds and I felt like a genuine whore. I was deep throating a big, hard, thick cock and looking straight ahead all I could see was his abdomen and a shock of wiry pubic hair. He was moaning loud and I made a mental note to ensure that the next time he did this I wanted him to say dirty things to me while I was sucking his dick.

This was a lot of fun. By the sound of it, he wasn't going to last much longer so it was time to pull his rod out of my mouth and get him to shoot. I could hardly wait to witness a monster come shot up close and personal. As his cock slid out of my throat past the gag point it felt really weird but I was relieved to have it out of my throat. He groaned even more loudly as the wet, thick head slid out of the tight grip of my lips. I made sure the exit from my mouth was extra slow and under a great deal of suction and pressure, positioning my tongue on the underside of his penis. This was a lot of pointed stimulation and ratcheted up his acceleration toward orgasm.