My decision to continue the affair is not a clear cut one. In the past, I never would have considered myself the sort of person who would cheat on their mate. On the other hand, I continued to play out the events of our first night together in my head, and all the things that I could still yet do to you... In the end, I knew I had to have you again. The fact I was cheating on someone of my own gender was troubling, but if it had been an ordinary woman who also gave themselves over to me as you have, I don't think I would have felt differently. This was about power, not gender -or at least, that's how I chose to see it at the time. Maybe it was simply the allure of cheap and easy sex, proof that frustrated man will fuck anything with an available hole.
We arrange another 'date'. I promise to make this coming evening at least as special as last time, and that even more might be required of you. I leave this last statement ambiguous, but I know almost exactly what I want to do.
I buy a new Cheongsam dress, the classic style of Chinese apparel that always looks very exotic and classy. It's with a strange sense of guilt that I realize that I've never spent this much on any particular item of clothing for my current girlfriend. Truth is, she would never fit into it anyway. There must be something ironic in the fact that of my two current lovers, the one with the more feminine physich is actually a man.
I also buy a couple of even less pragmatic accessories. I feel a bit like a criminal planning his latest crime. I don't think I've ever been so excited at the prospect of an evening's tryst, regardless of partner.
I arrive at your door, no earlier or later than the time agreed to. We both had to make sure we had the time to be alone, and that our alibis to our significant others were all in order beforehand. We may be foolish in the pursuit of our lusts, but we aren't stupid.
As soon an I am in your presence, I once again feel that cold, seething emotion that isn't quite anger, but which is definitely a bulwark against expressing any weakness or concern. Tonight, you are to be my tool, and I remind myself of this fact as I look at you. The last thing I want to do is lose my resolve at this critical moment. Despite the fact we have done this once before, there is still a large part of my conscious that is rebelling against this. In the realm of fantasy, I have played this evening over and over, but to look you in the eye and be in your presence, and knowing what it is we have come together for, it is more difficult than I let on. I sometimes wonder how it is for you. To give yourself over to someone else, to give them complete power, entails a great deal of trust I may not be worthy of given how short a time we have known each other.
"I think you know what I want," I say. "Now, get changed."
I hand you the large garment bag, containing the gift that I wish you to wear for me. This time I permit you to shower and prepare in private, allowing you that much dignity. Well, perhaps that is not the right way to put it. I think I worry that, seeing you as a man, I might lose my nerve. I will wait and see what the final transformation will bring.
I know, or at least suspect, that the whole cross-dressing thing isn't your typical style, but I simply cannot get beyond that, not yet. It's become too much part of the game, at least for me. It's part of the expression of control that I dictate your appearance when we are together. With the wig in place, and your make up applied, the momentary illusion of an exotic if flawed Asian seductress has been created. I know that it is a fiction, but one I am content to live with. I can only imagine how it is for you. Is it different to have the eyes of a straight man look at you in passion than your usual lovers? In the past, if I'd thought a man was looking at me that way, I'm sure my skin would have crawled. I must be a terrible hypocrite.
The dress is flattering on you. Colored a deep green with an ornate gold pattern, the skirt is slit high on the side to show off your legs, sheathed in the shiny tan hose. With proper heels, you legs would undoubtedly appear even more ladylike, but you don't own a pair, and I didn't bring any, so you remain in bare stockinged feet, which I find I rather like anyway. I get you to spin around to show yourself off to me, then to get you and I a drink.
Your eyes lowered, I only permit you to stand as I sit on the couch to sip the scotch you have provided. You really have used a fair amount of eye shadow this time, I note. It's a pleasing effect, and I remark on it, telling you what an attractive woman you make. I have you show yourself off to me, going so far as to make you stand on the coffee table and pose as per my instructions.