For the Love of Coc

Barry had always been the leader of our group of guys. He had a great personality, a wonderful sense of humour and was very good at all sports. We played on the same baseball and hockey teams; he was more consistent than me at bat, but I could hit the ball further. He was quick on skates and had a nice touch around the net, while I was slower, but excellent at defence and passing the puck.

Dinner was served hours after giving Barry his first blow job by me. My feelings ranged from how could I do that, to how could I have waited so long. I also tried to define my new self, from bi, somewhat gay, changing to gay, or becoming feminized. Is there an answer to a mature man who has always appreciated the beauty of the female form, but being so drawn as well to a cock.

Not just any cock, but the cock belonging to a long-time friend who this very day had called me 'baby' and said 'suck my cock' and your 'mine'. Why did the thought of being his be both scary and arousing?

In our younger days we arm wrestled and nine times out of ten, I'd won. It felt great to out muscle him and now I had knelt before him and took his cock and semen into my mouth. I wanted him to posses me and wanted his arms to wrap tightly around me.

My wife had loved to snuggle and sighed when I would wrap my arms around her. I was the 'man' and she must have felt a wonderful sense of calmness and security. I played the male role as the protector, but I wondered if that was all an act, a sham to prove my 'maleness'.

Perhaps I was the 'Alpha' male in my wife's mind, but in mine, Barry was the true Alpha ... he always had been and that's why we pals had followed him. Perhaps Barry had thought of me as an Alpha as well, because our level of competition was similar, but after today, that had changed.

The look in his eyes at the table seemed different, or was my imagination playing games with me. Had I changed, in his eyes, from an Alpha to a beta or had he always perceived me as a beta.

Outside of work, I'd always been passive and most times I was subordinate to his desires. Earlier that day, I remember saying to him - "I love your cock too much to say no."

Under the table, Barry rubbed his foot over mine. Was he reminding me of what I had done or was he hinting at what he wanted me to do later that evening.

If my wife had noticed anything, she didn't comment on it. I hoped everything appeared normal, but I knew I had to define a new normal. Instead of imagining slipping my cock into my wife, I was thinking of sliding my lips down Barry's cock. I wondered if sucking his cock would be enough, or would my body desire his touch, or his lips to touch mine. Could I be that intimate with another man?

Would I be able to lay in bed like my wife and part my legs as she had for me? I never entered her without a kiss. Would Barry kiss me? Would Barry want to fill me with his cock and his seed?

Heather had prepared the dinner and we all chatted throughout the meal. After eating, Barry and I took the dishes and began to clean the kitchen.

"You okay?" he asked.

I shook my head and drew in a deep breath. "I never thought I would do you know what, and I thought that if I ever did, I would feel guilty and promise never to do it again."

"Do you feel guilty?"

"Yeah, a bit" I nodded. "I'm trying to convince myself that it was a bucket list item and that I did it once and that's it."

"But..."

"I loved it. From start to finish."

He reached and rubbed the side of my shoulder.

"There are times when my ex would lose all control and she would go into an oral frenzy, but she never rose to the level of passion that I felt from you."

I gave a nervous laugh. "Not sure if that's how I want to be remembered."

"Don't over-analyze it. Just go with the flow. You should also realize that you're probably going through a refractory period. Kinda like right after you cum. Your desire for sex is either nil or low, but sometime soon after, you're going to want to suck again."

My eyes rolled. "Are you now an expert in all things sexual?"

"No," and he smiled. "But I do know you, more than you can imagine."

What Barry said was true. My urge to suck a cock ebbed and flowed. There were times when the thought of sucking would consume me and times when it wouldn't even cross my mind.

Several days passed and there was no talk of sex or even sexual innuendos, but while showering Thursday morning, an image of Barry's cock floated in my mind. The image was so real, my mind capturing its size, shape and taste.

The urge that had ebbed, began to flow. Prior to Barry, that urge would last from minutes, to hours or to days, but the urge would never be satisfied because I didn't know anybody. Now, that had changed.

He would be moving soon to his condo and I wouldn't see him on a daily basis. If I could fight the urge, just until he moves out, the temptation would be gone. Heather was gone for the day and I could go for a ride, walk around a mall, anything until Heather came home and the opportunity would be gone.

I smelled coffee and heard Barry in the kitchen. I could just say hello and good-bye to him. The urge would leave at any moment and the desire to be sexual with him would pass and maybe not appear for days, or even weeks.

My willpower was good for some things and pitiful for others. Who was I trying to fool.

"You were right about the desire," I said.

"What desire is that?" he asked.

"The desire to do what I did a few days ago."

"It's not about being right," he said. "I've always had the urge for sex, but it was my ex who told me about how her desire would disappear and suddenly, for whatever reason, re-appear. It was a natural cycle for her and I thought it would be the same for you."

"A girl wanting to have sex with a guy is natural, but me wanting to suck shouldn't be."

"Why?" he said. "Just accept what you feel and don't judge if it's right or wrong ... between consenting adults, right."

I threw my hands in the air. "That goes without saying."

He handed me a cup of coffee, sipped from his mug and said, "I want more than you sucking me."

"What do you mean... more?" I asked.

"I want all of you; physically and emotionally."

Being sexual with another man is something I'd imagined for such a long time, but an emotional commitment had never entered the picture.

My grip on the cup handle was strong, but Barry easily took it and placed it on the counter.

"Part of that emotional commitment is a kiss. Would you let me kiss you?"

My worst fear; kissing another man. Was my fear based on how gross it looked to see two men kissing, or the fear of how much I would enjoy another man's kiss. But not just another man, Barry's kiss.

I didn't respond, nor did I move when he leaned towards me. This was so different; so unnatural to my way of thinking, but my head tilted ever so slightly, telling Barry that I was willing and ready to be kissed by him. The air was filled with currents of his energy and it surrounded me in ways that were new and arousing to me.

It was the same energy that flowed from me to my wife when we kissed. Raw male energy that signaled my desire to lay over and thrust into her.

Was I experiencing what she felt when my kisses rose in heat until passion overtook us and she surrendered into my arms?

Was my receptiveness to his kiss an act of discovering how far I would go with him? Would I allow him to take a dominant position over me and let him enter my body with his male power?

His arms slid up my body and his fingers slid along my neck and to my ears. One powerful squeeze and he could crush the air from me, but I knew I was completely safe. Closer and closer he leaned until our breaths met... and then our lips.

I had tasted his cock and his semen and now his soft thin lips. I didn't feel disgusted, I felt wanted and desired. His lips were gentle against mine and they tasted so subtly sweet. I was changing; from sexual desire alone to something deeper, intimate.

His lips moved lower and pressed against my lower lip. A sigh escaped from me as he wet and began sucking on my lower lip. Butterflies swirled in my tummy and blood rushed into my cock.

My hips pressed forward, not to show him my hardness, but to demonstrate my readiness. The feeling of emptiness in my tummy shocked me and the need to be filled overtook my every emotion.

He pressed his hips to me and my hands slid over his hips to his ass cheeks and I hugged him to me. The role that I'd played all my life was reversed and now I was discovering my true self.

Like the butterflies, words swirled around and around in my mind.

'I love you, Barry. I think I always have. We were meant to be lovers and fate has brought us back together.'

Those words stayed inside, but perhaps he saw them in my eyes. His eyes and lips told me that he is the male and that he loved bringing out the feminine side of me. There is no doubt of who the Top was and who was the bottom.

He broke our kiss and a whimper of disappointment escaped from my lips.

"I've wanted to kiss you for so long and I feared how you would react if we ever did kiss," he said.

"I had such a crush on you, but I don't think I was ever ready, until now. Kiss me, again."

His hands slid down to my bottom, squeezing gently and perhaps possessively.

I almost said...'I love you,' but his lips halted the words and we were locked in a lover's embrace. I was being kissed by a man and I was loving it.

His tongue poked between my lips and they parted so easily for him. Our tongues swirled as my man kissed me and each passing moment brought me closer and closer to him.

He teased me with his tongue, sliding it in and out in a fucking motion. I wanted to feel his fucking motion; not in my mouth, but in my ass. But he had other plans.

"Wouldn't you like my cock instead of my tongue there?"

I couldn't help myself and started laughing.

Barry took a step back.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I tried to stop laughing, but the harder I tried the more I laughed.

He crossed his arms and patiently waited for my giggle to die down.

"For so long I've fantasized about sucking and while you were kissing me, I was thinking of your cock sliding inside me. It reminded me of how mature married women seem to forget how much a guy loves to be sucked."

"And your tired of it after just one time." he teased.

"Maybe," I said, and took his hand, leading him to his bedroom.

"You're such a sexy man, you know that," I said while unbuttoning and slipping his shirt off.

He nodded his head from side to side. "No. Show me."

I unbuckled his belt, unsnapped his pants and lowered his zipper. His pants dropped to his ankles and my fingers pulled on the elastic of his underwear and lowered them down to his knees. My hands went to his shoulders and pushed him gently down, until he was sitting at the foot of the bed.

I knelt down, removed his socks, pants and slowly pulled his underwear down and off his feet. My fingers moved from his feet, up his ankles and stopped at his knees, gently parting them.

"You have such a magnificent cock. There have been times that I've masturbated thinking of it."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Very," and I nodded.

"And those full, sexy balls. Have you been snipped?" I asked.

"Absolutely not," he said.

"What about you? Have you gotten a vasectomy?"

"Yes, many, many years ago."

"Hope you don't mind, but I like that your semen doesn't contain any sperm."

"And I love that yours does," and I moved my hand until my fingers brushed along one ball and then the other.

"Mmmm, your essence is inside there," and I shuffled closer to the bed, leaned and kissed one testicle and then the other. His balls seemed larger and they emanated a power that sent my head spinning.

His ball sac was bare and his rich muskiness rolled over my tongue and deep inside through my nose. I nuzzled between his ball sac and his right leg, feeling the heat and weight of his balls.

I loved when my wife licked and kissed my balls, just like I'm doing now to my male lover. I told her over and over how wonderful it felt, but not being a guy, I don't think she had a true appreciation of the act of pleasuring a man in this way.

Rolling my tongue over his sac made his thick, full cock twitch and the feeling of power rushed through me. But such an odd sense of power, because it was dwarfed by the thought of his sperm and the hardness of his member.

I stroked him lightly from tip to base, while I drooled wetness over his balls. I cupped his balls until his skin was tight and I drew in a breath at the size of them. Only a thin layer of skin was between my tongue and the objects that produced his sperm.

Licking my wife's pussy has always been a pleasure for me and for her, but kissing, licking and adoring my friend's balls and cock seemed as natural as breathing. I began accepting, not who I had become, but who I always was. To be totally comfortable sexually and emotionally with both women and men.

I had to stop applying labels to myself. Banish thoughts of whether I was performing acts attributed to females or gay males. I was a ball licker and a cock sucker and with that I sucked one of his balls into my mouth and looked up to his eyes.

A warmth washed over me as his brown eyes sparkled in my direction. They were filled with appreciation, kindness and trust. He trusted me enough to cradle his precious ball in my mouth, without fear of me clamping down and causing him excruciating pain.

He brushed my cheek with loving care and his ball slipped out with a wet, popping sound.

My hand went to the base of his cock and moved it so his cock was standing straight, tall and proud. His pee slit was wet and a shimmering drop appeared and then rolled down the underside until it reached my finger.

I licked up from the base to the tip, tasting his sweetness and imagining his full length and thickness inside me.

"I want you so badly," I whimpered between licks.

His cock head was flared and so strikingly smooth, precum flowing in copious amounts from his slit. My lips pursed over the tip of his cock and I switched over and over from licking to sucking the wetness from him.

"Mmmm... take my cock head into your mouth," he said.

I immediately responded, my moist soft lips sliding over the mushroom smoothness of his head. He was delicious and I felt my own leakage.

His hips moved in slow rhythm and my lips must have felt like a tight pussy. The tip of my tongue parted his slit and was rewarded with more of his nectar.

"Show me how much you can take," he said and ran his fingers through my hair for encouragement.

His cock was long and thick and my mouth seemed fuller and stretched more than the first time. Half his cock was in my mouth when the first gag rocked me. I pulled back and tears flowed from my eyes as I tried to control my gag reflex.

"We'll go slow," he said. "Eventually, you'll learn how to take it all."

"Is that even possible," I asked.

He nodded his head. "Oh, yeah."

I shuffled back as he stood, his cock waving before my eyes.

He lowered his cock with his hand until it pointed an inch away from my lips.

"Open, for me."

I parted my lips, his hands went to the back of my head and guided me until just a bit more than the head of his cock was past my lips.

His hips began to move and my lips surrounded him again. I loved the steady movement of his hips and my hands slid up his bare legs to the cheeks of his bottom.

"I have a big load for you, baby and I don't want you to swallow. Just keep it in your mouth."

He was fucking my mouth. My eyes closed and my mind drifted. He glided so easily between my lips and the slurping sounds were sometimes overridden by his deeper sighs and breathing.

He maintained the same pace and as his breath quickened and I could feel his cock head expanding and then he stopped.

He grunted as the first spurt wet the inside of my mouth. I felt each pulse ripple as he shot more and more of his semen into my mouth. His rich cream contained his essence, his sperm, alive in my mouth.

He was exhibiting the Alpha in him and I was his willing beta. The essence of maleness is in being the Alpha, but in nature, not all males can be Alpha. Through this act, we were demonstrating our roles... I showed my acceptance of his dominance over me.

Barry pulled out and tilted my head slightly up.

"Open. Show me."

I opened, showing him what must have been over a tablespoon of his creamy white fluid.

"Even when you were trying to out muscle me and many times you did, I always knew who you were. I couldn't be me, without you being you."

The longer his semen stayed in my mouth, the stronger it tasted. It was salty and bitter, but I wanted it just where it was.

"Roll it in your mouth and then swallow it all."

A sense of comfort blanketed me and I swallowed, over and over until it was all gone.

Barry stroked my cheek, knelt in front of me, pulled me tight to him and pressed his lips to mine. What had once seemed unnatural to me had changed. Barry's kiss had changed me, a change that I willingly embraced.