Barry had always been the leader of our group of guys. He had a great personality, a wonderful sense of humour and was very good at all sports. We played on the same baseball and hockey teams; he was more consistent than me at bat, but I could hit the ball further. He was quick on skates and had a nice touch around the net, while I was slower, but excellent at defence and passing the puck.
Dinner was served hours after giving Barry his first blow job by me. My feelings ranged from how could I do that, to how could I have waited so long. I also tried to define my new self, from bi, somewhat gay, changing to gay, or becoming feminized. Is there an answer to a mature man who has always appreciated the beauty of the female form, but being so drawn as well to a cock.
Not just any cock, but the cock belonging to a long-time friend who this very day had called me 'baby' and said 'suck my cock' and your 'mine'. Why did the thought of being his be both scary and arousing?
In our younger days we arm wrestled and nine times out of ten, I'd won. It felt great to out muscle him and now I had knelt before him and took his cock and semen into my mouth. I wanted him to posses me and wanted his arms to wrap tightly around me.
My wife had loved to snuggle and sighed when I would wrap my arms around her. I was the 'man' and she must have felt a wonderful sense of calmness and security. I played the male role as the protector, but I wondered if that was all an act, a sham to prove my 'maleness'.
Perhaps I was the 'Alpha' male in my wife's mind, but in mine, Barry was the true Alpha ... he always had been and that's why we pals had followed him. Perhaps Barry had thought of me as an Alpha as well, because our level of competition was similar, but after today, that had changed.
The look in his eyes at the table seemed different, or was my imagination playing games with me. Had I changed, in his eyes, from an Alpha to a beta or had he always perceived me as a beta.
Outside of work, I'd always been passive and most times I was subordinate to his desires. Earlier that day, I remember saying to him - "I love your cock too much to say no."
Under the table, Barry rubbed his foot over mine. Was he reminding me of what I had done or was he hinting at what he wanted me to do later that evening.
If my wife had noticed anything, she didn't comment on it. I hoped everything appeared normal, but I knew I had to define a new normal. Instead of imagining slipping my cock into my wife, I was thinking of sliding my lips down Barry's cock. I wondered if sucking his cock would be enough, or would my body desire his touch, or his lips to touch mine. Could I be that intimate with another man?
Would I be able to lay in bed like my wife and part my legs as she had for me? I never entered her without a kiss. Would Barry kiss me? Would Barry want to fill me with his cock and his seed?
Heather had prepared the dinner and we all chatted throughout the meal. After eating, Barry and I took the dishes and began to clean the kitchen.
"You okay?" he asked.
I shook my head and drew in a deep breath. "I never thought I would do you know what, and I thought that if I ever did, I would feel guilty and promise never to do it again."
"Do you feel guilty?"
"Yeah, a bit" I nodded. "I'm trying to convince myself that it was a bucket list item and that I did it once and that's it."
"But..."
"I loved it. From start to finish."
He reached and rubbed the side of my shoulder.
"There are times when my ex would lose all control and she would go into an oral frenzy, but she never rose to the level of passion that I felt from you."
I gave a nervous laugh. "Not sure if that's how I want to be remembered."
"Don't over-analyze it. Just go with the flow. You should also realize that you're probably going through a refractory period. Kinda like right after you cum. Your desire for sex is either nil or low, but sometime soon after, you're going to want to suck again."
My eyes rolled. "Are you now an expert in all things sexual?"
"No," and he smiled. "But I do know you, more than you can imagine."
What Barry said was true. My urge to suck a cock ebbed and flowed. There were times when the thought of sucking would consume me and times when it wouldn't even cross my mind.
Several days passed and there was no talk of sex or even sexual innuendos, but while showering Thursday morning, an image of Barry's cock floated in my mind. The image was so real, my mind capturing its size, shape and taste.
The urge that had ebbed, began to flow. Prior to Barry, that urge would last from minutes, to hours or to days, but the urge would never be satisfied because I didn't know anybody. Now, that had changed.
He would be moving soon to his condo and I wouldn't see him on a daily basis. If I could fight the urge, just until he moves out, the temptation would be gone. Heather was gone for the day and I could go for a ride, walk around a mall, anything until Heather came home and the opportunity would be gone.
I smelled coffee and heard Barry in the kitchen. I could just say hello and good-bye to him. The urge would leave at any moment and the desire to be sexual with him would pass and maybe not appear for days, or even weeks.
My willpower was good for some things and pitiful for others. Who was I trying to fool.
"You were right about the desire," I said.
"What desire is that?" he asked.
"The desire to do what I did a few days ago."
"It's not about being right," he said. "I've always had the urge for sex, but it was my ex who told me about how her desire would disappear and suddenly, for whatever reason, re-appear. It was a natural cycle for her and I thought it would be the same for you."
"A girl wanting to have sex with a guy is natural, but me wanting to suck shouldn't be."
"Why?" he said. "Just accept what you feel and don't judge if it's right or wrong ... between consenting adults, right."
I threw my hands in the air. "That goes without saying."
He handed me a cup of coffee, sipped from his mug and said, "I want more than you sucking me."
"What do you mean... more?" I asked.
"I want all of you; physically and emotionally."
Being sexual with another man is something I'd imagined for such a long time, but an emotional commitment had never entered the picture.
