First Time Sucing

When I was younger, there was only one other kid, Bob, my age in my neighborhood. His parents both worked, so after school we'd hang out at his place. One of those times, he asked if I wanted to watch some porn. This was about 20 years ago, so porn wasn't readily available as it is now. If we came across Playboy we considered ourselves lucky, so I readily accepted.

He left the room, and came back a few moments later with a VHS tape. We walked out into the living room and he put the tape in the VCR. Neither of us said a word. I remember thinking I shouldn't be doing this because I wasn't alone. At that age master-bating is embarrassing, even if we all do it. Still, the chance to watch an actual porn video was too great to pass up, and I sat down on a chair, super excited but also a bit nervous. Before this time, I had never had a gay thought. I was raised in a religious family, and was led to believe it was a horrible sin.

The movie started, and I was already half hard due to excitement. It was Debbie Does Dallas, and there was a lot of cock-sucking in the beginning. I had to adjust my pants several times, and I purposely didn't look over to my friend because I didn't want him to see my eyes. I wanted to play with myself so bad, but knew I couldn't do it. Especially not in front of another guy. After a while, Bob asked, "What do you think?"

I think I gulped extra loud, almost like a scene from a bad movie, and said, "I think it's pretty crazy." I didn't know what to say. I was so damn horny I could barely think straight. He kind of laughed and said, "What do you think about the way that girl is sucking on that guy's dick?" Looking back now, I can see what he was doing, but back then I just answered, "She looks like she's good at it." Which is hilarious to me now, considering I had absolutely zero experience to draw upon. I had kissed two girls before that day, but that was the extent of my sexual prowess.

After that, he was quiet for a bit. We just sat there watching porn together. I wasn't even looking his way, so I don't know what he was thinking. All I know is I could barely stand it anymore. I think he must have knew, because he said, "Man, I wish a girl would suck my cock." To which I replied, "Yeah, me too." I wasn't trying to be rude, but I didn't want to talk. I was horned out of my mind, wanting nothing more than to pull out my cock and stroke it, but also completely aware there was another guy in the room, and that would be gay.

This time, he didn't stop. He kept at it, saying, "God I really want her to be sucking my cock. I want it so bad." I finally turned to him and noticed he was looking at my differently. I could also see the bulge in his pants. One of his hands was at his waist, right above where his dick was rested. I think it was his eyes that finally awoke something in my head. He was looking at me hungrily.

I paused for a minute, trying to collect my thoughts, to no avail. I was in complete horny mode, and I wanted my dick sucked badly. It's obvious to me now, that he wanted the same thing, and maybe he even wanted to suck my dick. Back then, I was fairly sure he was thinking the same thing as me, but there was still so much shame involved in being gay, that I held back for fear I was reading the situation wrong.

I think he was wondering the same thing, because it was a few minutes before either of us said anything again. I turned back to the screen, but it was useless because my mind was already playing with the idea of actually getting a blow job. I wanted him to say something else. Something concrete that would let me know he was really up for this, but he didn't. He had gone as far out on the limb as he was prepared to go, and it was time I went out and met him.

There was a scene with two men and a woman on the TV, the one when they're in the sauna if anyone remembers Debbie Does Dallas. I peeled my eyes away, and stared at Bobbie. It took a minute to muster the courage, but finally I said, "Man, I would love someone to give me a blow job." He quickly took the bait and replied, "Oh yeah, if that girl was here what would you want her to do?"

If you would have asked me before that moment, I didn't think it was possible for my dick to get harder than it already was, but no sooner were the words out of his mouth that my cock almost broke through my pants. He must have experienced the same, because he reached down and started stroking his dick through his pants. I finally replied, "I want someone to come over, and grab my cock and kiss it. I want them to lick it all the way up and down." I never said I was good at talking dirty, and it didn't matter anyway. We were in the moment now, and nothing was going to change that.

I laid back further, while watching him play with his dick outside of his pants. Apparently, he still wanted some confirmation and asked, "Would you let anyone suck your dick?" There was no going back now. There might have been a voice in my head saying not to do it, because being gay was a sin, but it couldn't compare with the voice that was shouting do whatever you can to get your dick sucked. So I said, "Yeah, I don't even care who."

We were dancing around what we wanted without actually saying it to make it easier. Makes no sense now, but back then it was different. He was still playing coy, even with his hand making the outline of his cock more prominent in his pants. Finally, I said, "Yeah, right now I'd even let a guy do it."

His eyes widened. It was what he was waiting for, but it still took him by surprise. He actually stopped what he was doing, and remained quiet for a minute. For a moment I thought I had miscalculated, but I think he was just nervous to make the first move. So I took a deep breath, straightened my legs out and unbuttoned my pants. I watched his eyes follow my every move, and actually enjoyed seeing them widen once more when I pulled my cock out. I was fully erect, and I started stroking slowly while I watched him watch me.

I'm not sure if he was gay or not, but I know he wanted to touch my cock. His eyes stared at it with an intensity I had never seen before. Still he didn't make a move, and I wasn't sure what I should do next, so I tried the direct approach and said, "Why don't you come over here and see if you're as good as that girl."

Apparently, that was the trick because he got up, if a bit slowly, and walked over to me. At that point I was just going with whatever my dirty mind was telling me to do, and so I kept stroking my cock. He stopped right in front of me, and knelt down between my legs. At first he just stared at my dick. Probably because like me he couldn't believe what was happening. Then he wrapped his hand around it, and I let my hand fall to the side. He slowly stroked it up and down, almost like he didn't want to hurt me. After a minute or two of doing that, he brought it down to his lips where he kissed the head very lightly. His kiss made me shudder, which made him look up at me. There was something about that moment, him kneeling down in front of me, his head perfectly at my crotch level, holding my cock down to his lips almost like holding a springboard down. The head of my cock partially covered his mouth and nose, and his eyes stared up at me like I was a god. I will always remember that moment. Even know, all these years later, if I can't find any porn to master-bate to, I jerk off to that image.

He sat there like that, holding my cock just before his mouth for what seemed like forever. I was quivering with desire, and I needed him to take my cock in his mouth. I needed it like I needed air to breathe, and so I asked him, "Put it in your mouth." And he obliged me wholeheartedly.

I don't know how long it took. I was in another place mentally. My friends head was bobbing up and down, swallowing my cock with reckless abandon, and I couldn't get enough. Sometime later I was ready to explode, and I told him so, but he just went faster. I came like I never had before, and rarely have again, and he swallowed it. I remember some part of me was impressed, even though I didn't yet know truly how impressive that was.

Shuddering, I twisted my hips and almost gagged him because I thrust my dick further back into his mouth. He quickly recovered, and pulled off my quivering dick, looking at me like he just woke up from a dream.

The worst part of it was, after I came I suddenly became super ashamed of myself. I quickly covered up, and he asked if I was going to suck him now, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I told him I'd have to do it later, and almost ran out of the house. And for almost 20 years I regretted that decision.

It wasn't constant, but every now and again I'd think of Bobby kneeling before me with my cock almost in his mouth, and I dreamt what might have happened if I had the courage to suck him. I started picturing myself in his position, staring hungrily at a cock, but I was still fairly religious for that time and being gay was still a no no, so I repressed the urges.

Every now and again, they'd get too strong and I'd find myself fantasizing about sucking cock. After a while, it wasn't enough and I very secretly started watching gay porn. Each time, after I got off it would be enough to hold me for a while, but the urges kept coming back with more and more frequency. Finally, I knew I had to do something about it. I went on Craigslist.

At first I just read the personals, and it was enough for me to get off just thinking there were other people like me. Then, I started replying. Most of the time I never got anything back or it was a robot looking for me to come to their site. A few times though, I got some replies but they all asked for pictures and I wasn't ready for that. And, I still wasn't ready to take the plunge. Finally, I started making posts of my own. The first few times, I got a lot of replies, but I couldn't get over my nerves so nothing happened. Still, I could feel myself get braver each time. Until finally, a guy told me he'd drive by my house and if I wanted to come out, I could.

In reality, it must have been about 15 minutes before he messaged me he was there. However, it felt like forever and no time at all, if that makes any sense. It felt like forever because I wanted him to be there right that second so my nerve held. It felt like no time at all because as soon as he was there I thought I needed more time to prepare. I asked him to wait a few moments, and I started talking myself into it. Finally, I convinced myself because I still didn't have to do anything if I didn't want to. So I walked out. He was actually parked a couple houses down, because I didn't want to give my actual address, but I forced my feet to keep walking. I got to his door, opened it up and sat next to him. He made some small talk that I can't really remember, because his dick was already out of his pants. He asked if I wanted him to start, but I knew I had to do something if it was going to happen, so I said no and just knelt over and put another man's cock in my mouth.

Unfortunately, it wasn't hard and I was prepared for it, so it was only a few seconds before I came back up again, telling him I couldn't do it. He quickly reassured me it wasn't a problem, and I asked him if I could give him some gas money. He politely declined, but said, "You could let me have a taste of that." He said it so smoothly that it made me feel rude to say no, so I took out my dick, and he sucked on it for a few minutes. For some reason he kept getting me almost there, but would stop and eventually I lost my nerve and told him goodbye, and walked out of his car with my dick still hanging out. I pretty much ran back to my house from there.

It wasn't long before I began to lament my choice, so once again. Maybe a few weeks, if that long. I started the fishing exercise for finally getting over the shame and nerves that was stopping me from doing something I really wanted to do. This time was going to be different I told myself, and I suppose I was right, though not completely. Once more, there was a lot of replies. The challenge was finding the right one among the countless wrong ones. I almost gave up, when a guy message me at first just to talk. It was a change of pace, so I wanted to see where it went. Not too long into it, he told me he was less than 5 minutes away and he had a van he would meet me with. I absolutely ignored the nay-sayer in my head and told him to come on by.

I asked him to give me 15 minutes, and I quickly jumped in the shower and did some maintenance. I think I still had a pretty romantic notion of what was about to happen. Yes, it was just sex, and oral sex at that, but it was (and still is) still new to me and I put the fantasy on a pedestal. I told him to park down the road from my house, because again I didn't want him to know where I lived. I walked out my door, took a deep breath and started walking to my next experiment.

I walked to his van, and got in the front seat. His dick was already out, and he was playing with it. I was so nervous I was almost shaking, but I needed to do it, so I forced my hand to grab hold of his cock. It was huge. I just held it there for a minute, with my fingers wrapped around the shaft, working up the courage to put it in my mouth. It was dark, so I couldn't see it very well, which was a bit of a bummer but I figured it was now or never.

I moved my head down and kissed the tip like Bobby did to me all those years ago. My eyes were closed, I don't know why. I forced myself to open them and proceeded to open my lips and mouth. Ever so slowly I descended down upon his monstrous pole, feeling the head push past my lips to my tongue. I absolutely loved it. I almost forgot to come back up because I enjoyed having it there so much, but come up I did. It was kind of hard, because he was pretty thick, but I did my best. Now I know I could have done a hundred things better, but at that moment all that matter was the beautiful cock I was making love to with my mouth.

Unfortunately, I couldn't go down very far. I wanted to, but it was a very big dick and the girth forced me to make sure I wasn't using my teeth, instead of trying to go down further. Basically, my repertoire consisted of just going up and down. He liked it, I think. He moaned a lot, but just when I thought I was getting my groove on he stopped me. He said he really wanted my dick in his mouth.

It wasn't without extreme disappointment that I came back up, but I figured I could always get back to it after he had his turn. I took my cock out and he was down upon it almost before I finished pulling my pants down. It felt pretty damn good, and I realized he wasn't doing much besides going up and down, so it made me feel a little better. Which made me think of getting back to his dick, but for some reason I didn't say anything. I just sat back and let him bob up and down. And I know this sounds crazy but I don't remember much about him giving me that blow job because I was so eager to give him one.

Still, it couldn't have been more than a few moments, before I realized I was going to cum. I told him so, not wanting to be rude, and he just kept going. Like I said, I don't remember much about it. I know I came a lot, because he came up off my dick before I was finished. He tried to go back on, but once more, after I came, the extreme shame came back and I almost leapt out of the car. I said something lame like, "Thank you," and literally sprinted home.

Later that night I laid and bed and smiled lack a madman because I finally sucked a cock, albeit not very well or long. And I didn't get to make him cum, which was part of my fantasy. Still, I considered it a success because I knew it would be easier from here on out. I also started thinking about everything I'd do differently, which is much easier to do in hindsight.

It bothered me I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted to, and I wasn't really happy about doing it in a car. Don't get me wrong. I loved every minute of it. It was just a bit scary, wondering if someone was going to catch us, and because I felt rushed I didn't get to play too much. And above all, it bothered me I didn't see him cum, much less make him do it myself. Still, after that experience, I was good for a few months.

However, it did come back. It always came back. My urge to experiment with guys. It always started out small, often with a dream where I'd wake up hard and need a release. If I had the opportunity, I'd search some gay porn and see if it was enough to tide me over for a while. At best it helped me forget for a few hours.

It was always the same though. I'd start fantasizing about cocks and what I wanted to do with them. It was always just cocks, and never actual men I thought about, which is how I think I justified it in my head. I wasn't really gay, I just like the cock. Whether that is silly or not never really crossed my mind, because it was what provided me the opportunity to act out my desires.

It became a routine. I'd imagine myself sucking another guy's dick, until the tension grew too strong and I needed a release. I'd watch some gay porn, hoping it would help. Sometimes it did, but most of the time it just left me searching for more. Which made me start trolling craigslist, seeing if I could find anything. If nothing promising happened, I'd make my own post and see if I could find a bit of discreet fun.

I think I waited six or so months before I knew I had to get out and try again. I was dating a girl and I needed the right timing. It came when she went to New Orleans for the weekend. I dropped her off at the airport, and I didn't even get home before I felt the "urge". I must have started speeding home, because I got back in half the time it took to get there. I walked in the front door and forced myself to calm down. Grabbed a drink, something to eat and walked to the computer.

I decided to search the ads first. I was fairly sure I'd have to post something, but decided, "what the hell." I don't remember what the ad called for, but it got my attention and I wrote the guy telling him my story. It was seconds before I got a reply.

Long story short, the reply led me to driving to his house.

I parked somewhat down the street according to the directions my phone was giving me, got out of the car and walked down the street, staring at my phone to make sure I was going the right way. Of course I was, and in a couple minutes I was standing before his door. I stood there for a moment, taking a deep breath and then knocked.

He must have been waiting, because the door was opening after a few seconds. He held out the door, with a small smile on his face, and motioned me in. At that point I was almost completely in a daze, and don't remember making the conscious decision to walk into the house, but I did. I stood in his hallway, where I watched him appraise me. Apparently, he liked what he saw because he smiled. Truth is, I don't really remember what he looked like. He was wearing some very skinny shorts, and his cock was already half erect, and from the moment I walked in my eyes focused on it. He saw I was looking, and said, "Why don't we get more comfortable. Follow me."

I think he knew I'd follow, because no sooner did he say that, that he turned around and walked away. Of course I followed. He walked to what I guessed was his bedroom and just before he sat down on his bed, he slid his shorts down to reveal a magnificent cock.

I almost dove right in, but he asked me to take off my clothes first. I did, not even thinking about it. He laid back on his bed, staring at me in my nakedness. I was equally horny and scared, and just stared back for a minute. He then asked, "Would you like to come sit up here?"

I didn't reply. At least, verbally. I walked to the bed, an he made room for me. I sat down next to him, laying half way down and then he moved his hand to my leg. I shuddered a little, and he stroked his hand up my thigh, stopping just short of my cock. He then grabbed my balls, and kind of massaged them as I laid my head back, enjoying the feel. A minute or two later, he moved his hand up ever so slowly to my dick, starting at the base and moving to the tip. He stroked my cock a few times, and then moved himself to where he was laying down, between my legs. I just laid back against his pillow and watched him kiss my thighs up to my balls. He then started sucking on them, one by one. Moving his tongue in circles, and gently massaging my balls. He licked from them to the tip of my dick, staring at my the whole time, knowing how much I enjoyed it.