I leaned back against the damp wood of the bench. Steam billowed all around me, condensing across my body, hiding the sweat I was pouring from my nervousness. This was my first time at a sauna.
I'd heard of them online in gay chat rooms, these mysterious places men went for casual sex. After much searching I'd found one, and after I'd supplied them with a medical certificate clearing me of any diseases I was free to go along. But at first I hadn't.
I was still in the closet at this stage in my life. I was only 19 and terrified of what my friends or family would think if they found out I preferred the company of men. My sexual experience was limited to a couple of quick blowjobs in alleyways with older men I'd met on the Internet. If anyone had ever recognized me or told anyone about my secret life, I was terrified I'd be ostracized. I was misguided as it turned out, but at the time I didn't know any better. I could satisfy my anal urges with a dildo I has secretly bought myself, and whenever I craved the taste of cum I could just go online to find a willing stranger, but no method had yet presented itself for actually having anal with another guy, at least none that wouldn't risk me getting caught or AIDs. So until this day I was basically a virgin.
But after a few weeks of indecision I manned up, paid the fee, and went on my first night out at the sauna. The building itself fascinated me. There was a hotel-esque lobby manned by a cute boy in a very nice suit, but just beyond it was a high-school style changing room. As soon as I walked in I could smell the sex in the air. Testosterone seemed to be the main ingredient here, and that's when the butterfly's really began - I was about to have sex with a man for the first time. The changing room was extremely tame. Most of the men avoided eye contact in here, much like a normal changing room. Steam was billowing through doors up and down the room, and occasionally a loud moan could be heard from beyond them.
On any normal day, getting undressed around all of these guys would have got me pretty frisky, but today I just felt nervous. As I wrapped the towel around me and stowed my belongings in a locker I had to take a few deep breathes to brace myself. I'd cleaned myself very thoroughly before coming here, and even loosened myself up with the dildo. But I still couldn't shake the feeling I wasn't ready for this. In hindsight that was just inexperience and nervousness, but at the time it took a lot for me to steel myself and walk down the changing room to the nearest steamy door. I barely even noticed the hot bodies on the guys getting changed, I was way too wound up.
I stepped into the sauna nervously, and peering through the billowing steam I couldn't see anyone at all. I walked to the end of the room - it was quite long - and found a door at the other end that led to another room filled with cubicles. There was a fair amount of groaning and moaning going on in here, and it was clear that this is where the smell of sex was coming from. Not quite ready for that room just yet I walked back to the middle of the sauna and sat down to calm myself.
It did not take long before I was relaxed by the steam, and the distant moans and groans were beginning to make my cock swell. I ignored it as best I could, I didn't want to come this far and give up by jacking off. It was just then I became aware of a man walking towards me. I closed my eyes and leaned back, not wanting to make eye contact in case I wasn't supposed to. The man sat down on the same bench as me, at the opposite end.
"Hi there," he offered, "I haven't seen you around here before."
Startles, I looked over at him. He was middle-aged, probably about 40-ish. He was going bald, but had a smiling, trustworthy face. He was firmly built with a thin coat of dark black hair down his chest, arms and back. He was clean shaven, and like me was wearing only a towel.
"Oh, well it's my first time here."
"I thought so, you looked a bit lonely in here by yourself." He wasn't speaking with pity at all, just stating fact, as if to say, 'I know that feeling.'
I found myself smiling at him, and he moved a little further down the bench toward me.
"Yeah, I haven't been on the scene too long."
"We've all been there. You've picked a good place to start out though, this club is one of the safest around. I'm guessing you're still in the closet?" I nodded. "So is almost everyone who comes here. I'm an exception to the rule." He added quickly with a grin.
"Even some of the older men?" I asked, astonished.
"Yup, them especially. Most of them are businessmen whose reputation would be ruined if word got out. You could meet your own boss in here and word would never leave this building, because chances are he's hiding it too."
I suddenly felt much better, most of the nervousness slipped away when he said that. Thinking back, he probably knew exactly what to say to newcomers.
"I'm Alex by the way," I said as I held out my hand.
"Griff," he said as he shook it. "Nice to meet you."
There was a pause, and he suddenly asked, "So are you a virgin?"
"How do you mean?"