Editor's note: this story contains scenes of incest or incest content.
*****
I never knew why my dad walked out in us. I was a baby at the time. My mom wouldn't talk about it, even though I asked regularly. My brother didn't care much, he always called him "that asshole", and spent his time getting into trouble - skipping school, smoking, drinking, partying and playing his guitar. When his band got its first sniff of success, just after my brother graduated high school, he was never going to go to university.
My brother Jack has a real confidence about things - he has an 'alpha male' air about him. He isn't a dick about it with me though, we've always had a good relationship. He is incredibly good looking, like 6 foot 2 Zayn from One Direction: slicked back black hair, tattoos on his arms, toned body, tight torn jeans and fitted t-shirts.
If my brother is Zayn, I'm more Niall - lighter brown hair, nice body but a fuller face and a bit more boyish looking. You wouldn't guess that I was related to my brother. I am shorter than him, about 5'11. I definitely look more like my mother's side of the family while Jack takes after my dad. He looks a lot like him from the old pictures I've seen of my dad in his early 20s.
My dad's absence haunted my thoughts. I went away to college and got my degree, but I had this hole inside me that I couldn't fill. I tried with so many guys, especially older guys, but no matter how much sex I had, I felt like a part of me was missing. I could never come out to my mom though, she was really conservative and pretty religious.
I finally decided one day that I was going to track my dad down. My mom tried to talk me out of it, telling me he was a deadbeat and not worth my time. I didn't listen to her. I had spent too many years thinking about getting to know him and I had to see for myself. If he was a loser it was my right to see that first-hand.
It took weeks to track him down. No one in my mother's family wanted to talk about him, and my attempts to contact my dad's family members seemed to fall on deaf ears... until one day when I finally got a message back from my Uncle Will. I decided to call him.
"Wow, it's really great to hear from you Tom. I'm sorry I didn't message sooner but I'm never on Facebook. Your dad talks about you and Jack quite a bit. I can't believe I'm talking to you now. Have you managed to get in touch with your dad?" he asked me.
"No, I couldn't find him but I'm pleased I tracked you down," I answered.
"Yeah me too!" I could hear how happy my uncle sounded. "I've been looking at pictures on your Facebook profile," he said. "You and your brother look like you're doing well. Handsome and successful young men. Jack looks like your dad."
"Yeah I know, I've seen old pictures. They look so much alike, except for Jack's tattoos. Has my dad changed a lot?" I asked.
"No, he hasn't," my uncle laughed. Just a bit more grey and a few lines on the face. He's like a late 40s version of your brother!"
"Wow," was all I could say. The conversation was going so well.
"He'd love to see you," my uncle said encouragingly. I told him that my mom was against it, and my uncle sighed. "You should give my dad his own chance to explain. Life isn't easy sometimes. He feels really bad about things, but your mom won't let him talk to you. He's been thinking about doing it anyway, but he is scared thinking about how you and your brother will respond."
"Well, he shouldn't be. Where does he live? Is he still in Pittsburgh?" I asked.
"No. He had to escape after he split with your mom," my uncle explained. "He's here in Chicago with me."
"I'd like to surprise him," I suggested to my uncle. To be honest, I was also suggesting this to protect myself. If my dad didn't know I was coming I could still back out, up to the moment that I rang his doorbell. My uncle took some convincing on this, but once I said I wouldn't come otherwise he finally agreed.
"Fine. But you're staying with me, ok? he added.
"Oh. I don't know about that," I said, suddenly incredibly nervous about it all.
"And you've got money to travel and stay in a hotel for a few days or whatever?" my Uncle Will asked me.
"Uhhh," I said, knowing he was right. Having recently graduated and I wasn't working regularly yet, just doing odd jobs. "You really don't mind me staying?" I asked.
"Of course not!" My uncle exclaimed. "I'll be really happy to see you again and catch up with you, Tom."
"Ok. And you promise you won't tell him?" I asked.
"I promise," my uncle agreed, hesitantly.
Two weeks later and I was driving towards Illinois with suitcases filled with two weeks' worth of clothes in the back seat. After a day of diving, I arrived at my uncle's place. He lived in an apartment block to the north of the city by the zoo. I nervously rang his doorbell and felt my heart pounding in my chest as I heard footsteps and the door being unlocked.
My uncle opened the door and we embraced. "It's so good to see you," he said through his hug.
"Yeah you too!" I agreed. The hug felt great, not because of years of missing him - I never really knew him, actually - but just out of sheer joy. My uncle was also incredibly hot. He gave off totally fit "daddy" vibes, the type that I'd usually hook up with at college. He had a short scruffy beard and slightly longer gingery-brown hair. He was tall and his body was very nice, slender and toned but not overly muscly. He was so attractive I must have been staring at him.
"Something wrong?" he smiled. "Not what you were expecting?"
"No, I mean yes... It's just strange to meet you, uh, after all these years." I stammered like a flustered fool. "You look great," I added.
"Thanks," my uncle laughed. "Not so bad yourself. Let me show you your room."
