Eyes Like Winona

*Hello!

I have a few chapters of this finished, but I will try to release them one every two weeks, so I will have time to finish further chapters. I'm working on a few other things, and I'm pretty busy with finals, but don't worry. I wont post anything that I'm not completely sure I can finish.

All characters are 18+*

*

My lips were sealed. Sealed around his limp wrinkled member.

I massaged the soft glans with my tongue. He was old, so it took a while. I buried my lips in his scant wiry pubic hair. It was mostly grey, with a few streaks of pure white. I massaged the limp little three-inch nub of soft unresponsive flesh with my lips and tongue.

He groaned and put his hands on my head. His limp cock was starting to fill. It was about four inches long now. It still stretched slightly when I withdrew my head, holding the tip of it in my lips. I reached between his skinny old-man legs and cradled his ballsack. It was lukewarm and dangly. I cradled it up to a normal height and continued my careful oral manipulations. My jaw was starting to get sore, along with my knees. I had been kneeling here in this dark back room for almost ten minutes already.

The semi-turgid tip of his cock pressed against the back of my throat, but with no real urgency. When I tried to move forwards, his cock was still too soft to penetrate. I had to muffle a frustrated sigh of relief when he finally got hard. When he finally started to bump his skinny hips, a sure sign that he was ready, that he was almost done.

I increased the tempo of my bobbing head. The head of his cock hit the back of my throat over and over. I gagged a little as his cock pushed past my gag reflex.

"Neil!" He gasped. I took the hint and quickly withdrew. I rubbed his slick cock with my left hand while grabbing for a tissue.

I was too late. I had been hoping to cover his cock with the tissue before he came, but nope. His come squirted onto my cheek and hand and the shoulder of my blue uniform shirt. I gritted my teeth and swore silently. I wiped my face and shirt and hand with the tissue, hoping that it wouldn't leave a stain.

Mr. Browning pulled up his slacks, panting. He put the apron back on over his pants and work shirt.

I blinked in the light outside the dark storage room. I went to the front of the little gas station/convenience and flipped the paper sign that he had hung on the door. The sign said 'Back in 5'. It used to be 'Out for lunch' but then I started working the evening shifts. It was getting dark outside. Ben and the rest would be expecting me soon.

A young woman came in and looked through the glass cases holding all of the drinks. It was a stinking-hot day and the glass was frosted with beads of water from the humidity. I watched her open the door and close her eyes in the draft of cool air from inside, wiping her sweaty forehead.

Mr. Browning looked at the clock on the wall. It had a crack in the glass and the second-hand was broken.

His voice was quiet. "You can head home Neil."

I sighed and took off my plastic name-tag, tossing it in a small plastic basket under the register. I clocked out and dug the tough string shopping bag from my pocket. I untangled the strings and went through the little grocery section, looking for things that we absolutely needed.

I bagged a 12-pack of Kraft macaroni. I grabbed a heavy bag of apples that was a dollar off with this coupon I had clipped from the paper. I took a half-gallon of whole milk from the frosty beverage coolers, closing my eyes in the brief cool puff of air.

At the tiny section of over-the-counter medication, I picked up the cheapest brand of Tylenol knockoffs. I stuffed it all in the string bag and rang it up at the register with Mr. Browning. We ran a tab with him. Every month Mr. Browning 'accidentally' charged us twenty or thirty dollars less. That was my contribution to the family. Along with two part-time jobs and trying to keep the peace.

I walked out and it was the time of day where the sun was disappearing, but the temperature was still boiling, barely starting to cool.

I swiped my wrist across my forehead, feeling droplets of moisture drip off. It had been a long day. And it was only eight.

---

The elevator in my apartment had been broken for as long as I could remember. I heaved my way up ten flights of stairs, feeling the sweat-stains on my blue work-shirt expand. I could hear Lisse crying from the ninth floor. I swore softly and hurried, ignoring the way my legs burned for a break.

I burst into apartment 1012. Lisse was sitting in her playpen, crying. It was the weak tired kind of crying, and I knew that she would quit soon, if only from sheer exhaustion. She had a bloody nose and her little face was scrunched up and red. I could hear Calvin watching TV in the other room, turned up loud to what sounded like a cartoon. Ben was sitting on the worn couch with his textbooks spread in front of him, clutching his hair in his fists. I could smell something burning.

I ran to the kitchen, and Celia was in there all alone, tears running down her face as she tried to wash something burnt and blackened out of the saucepan into the sink. She saw me and started to cry harder.

"I'm sorry Neil! I tried to make Ben do it but he wont because he's studying for his stupid tests and he yelled at me! Calvin wont help at all, he just said that he needs to watch some dumb show. I tried to make Lisse stop crying but she just w-w-wont stop!"

My frail ten-year-old half-sister collapsed and started to cry uncontrollably, going into minor hysterics. I was so full of pent-up rage at my brothers that I felt like I would explode.

Instead I put the groceries on the table. "Celia? Put the groceries away, then go to Ben's room and lie down on the big bed for a few minutes with the lights off. I want you to calm down and take deep breaths, okay?"

I left the chaotic kitchen, the charred smell making me feel sick. I scooped up Lisse from her playpen, feeling her sagging diaper for weight. I despaired at the stink. How could one toddler produce so much shit?

I walked down the hallway. Calvin was sitting on the edge of his bunk bed. He was Celia's twin, husky and mohawked, staring intently at a cartoon on the screen.

"Calvin, why didn't you help your sister? She is so stressed out right now and she isn't the only one. The house is falling apart and you are just sitting on your lazy ass in here watching a show about fucking ninja turtles. Meanwhile, your little sister has been screaming for god knows how long with shit in her diaper."

Calvin glared at me. "Why doesn't Ben do anything? All he ever does is read his books. Why couldn't Celia do it?"

I just about snapped. "Celia was in the kitchen trying to make dinner for your sorry ass, and Ben is studying for his finals. What have you contributed? Jack-motherfucking-shit."

Calvin was red-faced when I turned off the TV and yanked the cord from the outlet. "You never yell at them, you JERK. You make me do ALL of the work here."

I bounced Lisse in my arms, smelling her stink and trying not to murder my half-brother. "You never do anything for this family Calvin. All I'm asking you is to go into the kitchen and help your sister put away the groceries and set the table."

Calvin whispered something under his breath that sounded a lot like 'motherfucker' but I didn't care. I was just too tired already. I went into the bathroom and changed Lisse's diaper and cleaned up her face. She looked just purely exhausted. I wished we could afford to put on the AC once in a while, but that was just too much on top of everything else. Her baby-fine hair was matted with sweat and her skin was sticky with it.

I filled her sippy cup with cold water and gave it to her before putting her back in the too-small playpen. She sipped thirstily. At least we didn't have to buy formula for her anymore. The cancer had consumed my mother's energy, and Lisse had only breastfed for three months before my mother had nothing left to give. Mom lost the fight a few days before Lisse turned one, but she hadn't been able to speak to anyone for weeks.

Celia moved past me, her eyes red and socketed from her stressful weeping. Calvin was sullenly putting out five plates and cups and sets of silverware. I gingerly stepped up to Ben, who looked less stressed then before, but not by much. It was his junior year, and studies to become an engineer getting harder, and the loans were stacking up.

"Do you need anything?" I asked softly.

He buried his face in his hands, running his hands through his dark short hair. "Thanks for shutting them up. I just need a good ten hours to look this over before the test tomorrow." His sarcasm was bitter, scalding.

I made up my mind. I closed his textbook, saving his place with a folder. "Take a break. You wont learn anything if you're so mad." For a second he looked like he wanted to punch me, but then he just relaxed. "You're right. I'll help you make dinner."

---

Ben was three years older then me, and the smartest guy in the family for sure, but he couldn't cook worth a damn. I had him slicing up apples while I made two boxes of macaroni. He poured us each half a cup of milk and put a dash of water in each cup to make the milk last longer. He poured some water in the jug, shook it up, and put it back in the fridge. I put a lump of macaroni on everybody's plate and called everyone to the kitchen, where we ate on a folded-out card table.

I hefted Lisse into her high chair. Celia looked calmer, but her eyes were hollow and stressed. Calvin looked sullen and hungry. Lisse just looked exhausted. Ben was slightly better, but he had that look in his eyes that told me that he was depressed and angry.

"Let's say grace everybody." He murmured. We all bowed our heads and clasped our hands. "Thank you Lord, for this food you have set before us. We pray that I will do good on my tests tomorrow, that Calvin and Celia do good in their schoolwork, and that Lisse can get toilet trained as soon as possible." Celia and Calvin chuckled. I had a weary smile. I changed most of her diapers.

"And we pray that Toby is safe, and for his safe return. It's just another few weeks."

I saw Calvin fidget, and I wanted to beat his skull in. I didn't move, I just waited for Ben to be done, and then I started to eat.

What little extra there was went to Lisse and Ben. The apple slices tasted good, we hadn't had fruit in a while.

---

It was nine, and all of the younger ones were going to bed. Calvin, Celia, and Lisse all slept in one room. Me and Ben split the big bed.

Calvin's pajamas were too small. He was curling up in the top bunk. I visited him. "Hey buddy. I'm sorry about earlier, we were just very stressed out. And it was a long day."

He glared at me. "It's always a long day. You're always stressed."

I sighed and pressed my forehead against the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you guys, okay? Maybe sometime soon we can eat out."

He grinned. He had my mom's eyes. Calvin frustrated me, but I could never hate him or Celia, or Lisse. They were a part of me. "Really?"

I ruffled his dumb mohawk. "Really."

I crouched so I could talk to Celia. She was wearing one of Toby's old t-shirts that sagged down to her knees.

"Hey Celie-belie." I whispered, tickling her stomach. She giggled. "Thanks for helping today, but be careful in the kitchen. If these lazy bums wont help, then just wait for me to get back, okay? Goodnight Celie-belie."

"Goodnight Neilie-belie." She whispered, turning over to sleep. She looked more like her father. She had his dark hair and eyes. She even had the heavy straight line of his brows, and she frowned in the same way. I loved her, but sometimes the faint resemblance to him made me uneasy.

I made sure that Lisse was sleeping and had her sippy cup with her in the too-small crib. It had finally cooled down a little, with all of the windows open and the old fan on full blast. Her hair was still sticky with sweat. I would give her a bath in the morning.

I went to the kitchen, where Ben was studying again. "I'm gonna turn in, kay? I have to get up early to get to the factory. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

He nodded. "Neil? Thanks for helping out tonight. It was a real mess here."

I hugged him. "No problem. Go to bed before midnight."

---

I worked at a factory that made IV fluid. For my shifts, I slit open hundred-pound bags of powder and dumped it into a gigantic vat of boiling water. It got to be monotonous, almost meditative. But my shift at the IV factory didn't start until eleven. I woke up at six with him snoring next to me. I packed three lunches, one for each of the twins and one for me. Cheese sandwiches with a plastic bag of olives each. I wrote a note for our neighbor Rosa who came over to babysit Lisse a few hours a day. She was nice, and all she asked was thirty bucks a week and a meal a day. A better deal then anyone else we could find, plus she was always available, since her kids had moved away.

I started walking down the highway. It was an eight-mile walk to the county jail.

---

I had arranged for a visit with Toby the week before. They were pretty lax about visiting hours. You had to arrange them at least three days in advance, but they could lose visiting privilege for bad behavior. It seemed like Toby was always in trouble.

But when I got there they welcomed me in and I waited in a dingy little room while they brought him to the visiting center. A cop ran a metal-detecter over me, quickly went through my bag, and let me in. It was a casual check. Toby was only in for another couple of weeks, and they weren't worried about him breaking out now.

The visiting room was small and bright. A table and two chairs and a bright fluorescent light made up the whole thing. My oldest brother was sitting in one of the chairs, all 240 lean muscular pounds of him. He was the spitting image of my father. Every time I saw him, I was shocked by how dangerous he looked. He had a mop of unruly pale brown hair and a carefully trimmed brown beard and wild blue eyes and a scar on his cheek. The scar was new, taped shut with butterfly stitches.

He stood up in a fluid motion, grinning. "Neil!" He hugged me tightly and I hugged him back, my cheek against the rough canvas of his blue jacket. "It's good to see you Bro." He growled, and I could hear a hint of tearfulness in his voice.

I dug in my backpack as soon as he let me go. I gave him three books that I had bought for ten cents each at a garage sale. I took out the saran-wrapped loaf of banana bread that Celia had made for him. I had some crayon drawings (bright scribbles mostly) from Lisse, and Ben had enclosed a folder of glossy magazine pictures cut out from Penthouse and Hustler. I had a ziplock bag of candy that was supposed to be from Calvin, but that didn't fool him.

"That kid hates me. You don't have to keep pretending to bring presents from him."

I shrugged. "He'll warm up to you. What happened to your cheek?"

Toby looked through the folder of pictures, grunting with approval. I chuckled. "Got into a fight. He started it, so that's why I can still visit you."

I bit my lip. "Be careful Toby. You're going to get out soon."

He sighed. "Soon? Three weeks ain't soon enough."

I glanced at the clock. We only had ten more minutes. I grabbed his hand. "You haven't been out for more than three years. We need you. Don't get yourself shivved or killed in the home stretch." I felt tears beading up in my eyes. "I miss you."

He looked at me and his eyes were sad. He got up and hugged me again. He smelled like soap and sweat. I missed him so bad. "You're the only one who does Bro. Ben visits sometimes, but he's busy with his life and his girl. Celia's a sweetheart, but how much can even the sweetest kid in the world like the man who killed their father?"

I squeezed him. "You shouldn't be here. He was a monster." I started to cry and he rubbed my back. I had to work so hard at home. I was always the one that had my head. I was the one who took care of everything. It was only when I visited Toby that I got to let go, got to be a kid. I had been a surrogate parent since mom died. I had quit school my Junior year to work two jobs, when Ben had lost his.

The intercom crackled. "Time's up. Toby, you leave first."

I slipped a five-dollar bill into his hand. He tried to shove it back, but I closed his fingers. "For a rainy day." I whispered, wiping my face. "It isn't much, just take it!"

He took his gifts and stepped out of the electronic door, waving goodbye.

---

"Neil!" Browning grunted. This time I managed to wrap the tip of his cock with the tissue first.

I threw the twist of tissue into the waste bin and got out of the back room to look through the grocery section and see if there was anything I needed. Browning was zipping his fly, turning the sign, and then he answered the telephone, which was buzzing like a massive fly.

I stacked Hungry Man TV dinners in the string bag. They were on sale, ten for twenty dollars, and I knew I couldn't pass that up. All they had was fried chicken, and Celia hated fried chicken, but maybe I could find something else...

"Neil? It's your brother, he says it's an emergency."

I ran to the phone, dropping the string shopping bag where I had been standing. I pressed the warm plastic to my ear.

"Hello? Hello? Ben? What's going on?"

Ben's voice was weary more then anything else. "Calvin's hurt." He said dully. "When the twins were walking to school, this pit bull was loose... He had some broken twine around it's collar. They've killed the dog, but it savaged and broke Calvin's arm. We're in the emergency room now. Celia's at the apartment with Lisse and Rosa, she had a panic attack."

I could feel my heart sinking. This latest blow would mean more money to be spent. More money then we had. Also, a visit from the social worker. "Do you want me to come there...?" I asked.

"Don't bother. Calvin's staying the night. Just get back to Celia and Lisse, Kay? Also, win the lottery." He was trying to be funny, but I could hear the despair behind his words, the worry.

When I hung up, Browning was looking at me timidly. "I'm sorry Neil... are you going to be okay?"

He rung up the Hungry Man dinners automatically. I forced myself to speak cheerfully. "He didn't get hurt bad, we can take care of it."

He looked at me sadly. He could see right through me. He had bitten his lip, as if he were thinking hard about saying something, but afraid to say it.

"Neil? Can I tell you something? Please don't take it the wrong way."

My heart was in my throat, and I could feel tears pressing close to the surface. Was he going to tell me that he didn't want my blowjobs anymore? Sometimes the 'forgotten' twenty dollars on our tab was all that kept us from going without some necessity or another.

"Before... Before our arrangement I wasn't exactly celibate." He spoke very softly, glancing at the door, ready to stop if anyone came in. "There is a place downtown, a mile or so from here. There are four or five boys that hang out around the lamp post at the corner. Rent boys."

I stared at him. I had never heard that term before, but I knew what he meant from the context. Male hookers, who serviced men. I stared at him warily.

"They waited at the corner, and you would come up, pay them and go to this shabby apartment behind them and choose a room." He watched me nervously and licked his lips. "If you needed extra money..." He trailed off, his eyes shifting. He was afraid that I would get angry.

'I suppose you saved a lot of money when you hired me.' I thought bitterly. I just couldn't handle it, I had too much to think about.

I started to leave without saying anything. Browning told me the address as I stepped out. He looked so old all of a sudden.