Grig
I was running as fast as I could. It still was not enough. He was too close. He grabbed me and turned me around. I saw his hands covered with blood ... my blood. I crawled back and closed my eyes, imagining it was all just a dream. I felt his deep breath as he came closer. I screamed with fear and jumped at him, making him fall on the floor and choking him to death. Suddenly, everything went black around me, making all my muscles stay tense and alert. I looked at the body, but I did not recognize the face. It looked familiar, but at the same time it rang no bells.
I head a soft sound from the behind me and turned around. It was a full-breasted woman with curvy hips and curly blond hair. She kneeled down in front of the corpse and sensually kissed the boy's forehead.
"Get away from him." She hissed with hatred in her broken voice, "He's dead."
She stood up and approached me, looking at me with her sea-blue eyes.
"He still broke you." She smiled, running her fingers over my face, "You're broken."
I opened my eyes. It was just a dream - a cruel, meaningless, sick nightmare. I looked around and stood up. It was already 5:45. I would have to go to school soon, anyways. I opened the bathroom door and turned on the lights. I looked at myself in the mirror. My shirt was wet again. I took it off and dumped it in the basket. My bruises were almost gone. Yawning, I took off my boxers and started the shower.
Having an extra 20 minutes for a longer shower gave me enough time to think about past month. I was attacked by some maniac at the party. After the accident, Kelly and Chris took me to the hospital where I spent my next two days. My host parents were in shock and blamed it on me, as I had snuck out of the house that night. My host mom claimed I was a bad influence for her child, and that I left no option other than leaving their house. I had to call my parents and tell them everything. They demanded I come back, but after days of long conversations, they agreed to give me another chance, as long as I stopped going out at night.
I did not need them to tell me that. Even the thought of a party made me tremble. I thought I'd have to find a new family, but when Kelly found out about my host parents' decision, she went to their house, called them assholes, and then talked to her own parents into hosting me. Martha and Louie, her mom and dad, already knew me and once they heard everything, they did not need any persuasion.
Today made it three weeks since I had left the hospital. I still had to see a psychologist, Ms. Raber, twice a week. Going to school was hard at first. I knew everyone had heard about it and no one said anything to my face except for one or two girls who I was not even that close to. I was still friends with Ash and Nick. It was weird seeing them at first, but Nick's jokes and Ash's easy-going nature made the ice breaking process way easier.
I started listening to new music. I could relate more to artists like Fiona Apple, Florence Welch, Bjork, and Zola Jesus.
Everything was falling back into place, but it still felt as if I had something left to do. I guess it was my conscience's way of telling me to talk to Chris. Nonetheless, I never did end up thanking him for that night. As weird as it sounds, that night made me want to avoid him even more. Whenever I would look at him, all I could think of was his uncontrollable aggression, and hands covered with blood. It was an irrational fear that soon transformed into inability to stay around him. Yes, I couldn't stand Chris. I couldn't be around the guy who saved me from getting raped by some sick bastard. I loathed him and I could not help it. Seeing him was associated with my body trembling and my voice shaking. I could not take his stare and I hated seeing how that night had changed him. He was not joking in the class anymore. He was just silent during the lessons, and would leave as soon as the bell rang.
The bastard was in jail. His trial would be held in couple of weeks. Thus, I was constantly visited by lawyers and detectives, making me recall that night over and over again. It was a little consoling that I knew he would be punished for what he had done. I was still shocked that he had forced some other guys into sex but no one had spoken up before my incident.
I turned off the water and grabbed my towel. I dried myself, brushed my teeth, and put on some clothes. I went down to the kitchen. Martha and Louie were both up.
"Any bad dreams last night?" Martha looked at me and smiled.
"Nope." I lied, and opened the fridge to get milk for cereal.
"Good. I'm glad to hear." She concluded, and went to her room, looking for her purse.
I ate my breakfast and waited for Kelly to finish hers. We grabbed our backpacks and left for school. She parked her car at the school's parking lot and got out. She joked about something and we ran to our classes, as we were late ... again.
*** Our assignment for English class was Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell. I had read it before because the whole story mainly revolved around a country similar to what the Soviet Union would have become in the near future. Being Ukrainian, I was simply interested in Orwell's work. Anyways, we had to write an essay on the freedom of a being. I was pretty happy with my 'A' but my mood changed immediately once the teacher turned to Chris:
"So, Mr. Ebron, still no assignment? You could at least get half the credit."
Chris just shook his head as an answer. He did not even bother to look at the teacher.
"That's weird." Mr. Wells laughed cynically, "Everybody, Mr. Ebron did not do the homework. Is this a sign of apocalypse? Maybe Mayans were right after all."
"That's like, not even funny." Kelly whispered to me.
Nobody dared to laugh. First, Kelly was right. It really was not as funny as that asshole Wells thought it was. Secondly, it took some guts to laugh at Chris Ebron. Nobody would want to get on his list. The class was dead silent.
"Now that we all peed our pants laughing, could you go back to whatever you were talking about." Chris answered lazily.
It should not have come off as a surprise that the teacher did not find Chris' answer funny.
"Mr. Ebron, leave the class ... now! Principal's office!" Mr. Wells fumed.
Chris got up, grabbed his pen and left the room without saying a single word. I felt so bad. Was it because of me? I couldn't help but blame myself. Even though he had been like that before, he had become even lazier and more indifferent than ever. I asked the teacher's permission to go to the bathroom and left class hurriedly. I had to find out because even though I did not want to talk to him, I still refused to become the reason for someone's failure. I looked around the hall and saw a familiar figure entering the restroom. I followed him and opened the door. His eyes fell on me immediately. I suddenly felt uncomfortable again, choking and wanting to run away. My voice was shaky but I still managed to mumble out few words.
"I thought you were gonna go to the Principal's office."
"Fuck that." He answered with disgust, "What the fuck do you want?"
"I ... is everything ok?" I suddenly asked, my voice still shaky.
"What?" He genuinely seemed confused.
"I just wanted to know ... if ... it's because of me ..." I felt like dying, "You know, you've just become ... a little ... how do I say it? You just care less about school and stuff, I guess. I know you never were a school kid, but lately ..."
"No," he interrupted me, "It doesn't concern you."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I am fucking sure." He answered angrily.
"What's it about then? I wanna know." I demanded.
"Wait, so we fucking talk now?" he barked, "First, you don't wanna see me, then you fucking ignore me for weeks, and now you suddenly wanna hear my life stories?!"
"I'm sorry." I quietly mumbled, "That's ... that's not your fault."
"Fuck yeah, I know it's not my fucking fault." His voice went higher, "Tell me, Grig, was it that hard to say one thing to me? I've been just randomly guessing how you were doing or fucking stalking Kelly to get two words about you. So, was it ... that hard?"
"You've no idea." My voice suddenly broke down and I felt tears in my eyes, "You have no idea. Every time I look at you, I have to look down on your hands to see if they are still covered in blood and it sickens me, you know? Knowing that you were the one who saved me and I can't even fucking look at you anymore."
Tears streaming down, I rushed over to the door and just as I was about to leave a strong hand grabbed me from the back and turned me back to him. I gasped at the familiar taste in my mouth. I put my hands on his broad shoulders and moaned from the ecstasy. The fantasy sequence ended as suddenly someone tried to open the door, making us break off the kiss.
"Get the fuck out!" yelled Chris.
It suddenly kicked in. We were standing in the public bathroom, still unable to fully comprehend our sexual and emotional frustration with each other. The kiss suddenly felt dirty and wrong ... not in a sexy way. What the hell was I doing? I wiped off my tears and looked at him.
"You should get back to the class now." He muttered calmly, "Meet me after school in the parking lot."
He left the room and the same feeling of loneliness came back. I looked at the reflection of myself in the dirty mirror. I looked awful. Something had left me. A part of me died that night. I suddenly got the urge to scream and break something. Remembering the therapy lessons, I grabbed the door handle and squeezed it for a minute as hard as I could. Once I calmed down, I checked myself out in the mirror once again and left the bathroom.
The rest of the day went dully. I could not concentrate on the lessons because of Chris's words. I did not know what to do. I kept everything to myself, knowing Kelly and Matt would give me rational advice and - let me tell you, none of what was happening to me felt logical or rational. I just needed to act on my feelings, on my instincts. I needed to feel alive again. They wouldn't get me.
