Jamie had jumped to a wrong conclusion. Suddenly he felt that Phillip was looking for a kind way to tell him that his time here was over. The thought hit him like a hammer to the chest.
He had begun to feel like a part of Phillip's household, maybe even like a part of a relationship. He had felt that this was a perfect place to stay until his enlistment in the army would have passed. Jamie could not face the disappointment in his father's face if he ever found out what sort of discharge his son had gotten. Jamie had been lost, with no trade except infantryman, no money and unable to go home or ask for help from family. Jamie had done a lot of hitchhiking while he was in the service and he had found that gay guys really loved his cock. Jamie had always loved blowjobs and when these guys would give him a ride and then let things slip that they would love to suck his dick, he always let them. This time he had started to let them suck on his dick for money, after all you have to work with what you got.
He met Phillip while he was standing outside the park in Jackson, and they had hit it off right away. He had let his emotions run away with him, had let his desires blind him. He had crossed lines with Phillip, he had jacked him off, he had caressed his body, and he had even allowed Phillip to kiss him on the lips. He felt that he had offered his best to this man and it had been accepted and now this. He was good but not good enough. He felt water forming in his eyes. He just wanted to get the fuck out of here, the hurt was too much. He hung his head to hide the tears and waited for the words that would break his heart.
The awkward silence extended itself. Just as he was about to break it, he heard Phillip speak again.
"I know that you want to go on the boat with me," he stopped like he was trying to lure the boy into denying the truth of what he had just said. The boy remained silent; his eyes seemed to be boring a hole into the floor.
"I want you to be my crew but even more I want you to be my lover, I want to be your captain in real life. Both during the day in the running of the boat and at night in my bed." He eyes locked with Jamie's for an instant. "You know how much you mean to me, you have eyes, I have not hid my feelings for you. I want you to give yourself to me as a bride. I want to have you as a wife, someone that I can always trust to bring pleasure into my life. I will make a fine husband to you, I will be a man who will protect you and love you. I want to make your body burn with the heat of my lust for you. I want to be able to touch you and hold you any time that I need to or want to. I want to feel your touch on me and I want to know that you will please me when I need pleasing. But most of all I want to make you happy. I am only asking you to give this thing a try for a few months. I am sure that this is the best thing that could possibly happen to you. We can work together to make our dreams come true. I can help you, and you can save me. I was pretty much dead before I found you. I was just going through the motions day after day, until that finial day they buried me. I had no hopes or plans for the future. You have changed that for me. Now I think about how to get new contracts. How we can build this little business into something that I will be proud to give to you. I think we can make it into something you would be proud to own. You can save me from a wasted life" Phillip forced himself to stop; he was rambling on and sounded desperate even to himself.
Jamie blinked away tears as he raised his head and looked into this loving face. He could see the truth in his eyes as he heard the words. The young man's heart had swelled and forced a lump into his throat. Jamie watched Phillips's face as he tried to answer his question but the words would not come to him. In their absence he rose and went around the table and bending down hugged the bigger man with all his strength. His own strong arms bringing the hard back edge of the chairs frame painfully into his chest. Phillip's chair was an old dinette chair with a chromed metal pipe running around the back and then going down to become the legs below. On the chair that Phillip had sat in tonight there was a loose screw, this screw would usually be snugged down into a counter-sunk recess so that it would never be noticed, much less felt by anyone. Tonight that little screw was like a spike, pressing like a blunt tipped nail into the flesh of Jamie's chest.
Phillip raised his hands and held Jamie's' close to his chest. Jamie found himself willing away the pain from the screw and finding a warm glow taking it's place. He still felt the pain but instead of something to be suffered through, the pain had become a test of desire. He let himself melt into the glow. He loved the test of the pain; he loved standing up to it for the sake of this man who held him. He felt himself flowing into another shape becoming somebody different then the man he had been before. The jabbing pain and the pleasing effect were doing a number on his mind. He held him with his face pressed into the side of his neck for a long time. The boy could feel the strength in the older mans body, but it was not Phillip's arms that held Jamie in his painful position. It was Jamie's love for this man.
Jamie thought of these things as he held the man, he realized how much this meant to the man in his arms. Phillip was willing to share everything with him; Jamie didn't mind a little pain for this man. The embrace lasted long enough for his tears to stop and he was able to regain his composure a bit. Finally, he let his arms slip from the older mans torso. He carefully moved straight back and felt the screw pull its head from his flesh. The screw head had left a deep hole like impression just above Jamie's right nipple. It hurt like hell when it pulled free. He ignored the burning on his chest and bending over kissed the top of Phillip's balding head. His hand rubbing the indentation on his chest, he walked back around the table and sat down. Jamie held the eyes of Phillip as he reached across the table to take the older mans large hands into his own. The younger man was glad that he had the table to hide his hard-on. This guy had an effect on him that was uncanny. He was confused about his feelings. One part of him was happy that his dick stayed hard a lot, after all that was the tool that paid the rent. Another part of him knew it ain't cool when somebody else is pushing all your buttons and you respond every time by getting a boner. When that was happening to you, somebody else was in control. Now this, Jamie had a hard-on from being exposed to pain. This was a really kinky path he was walking now, he wondered not for the first time, if he should pull back and get the hell away from this guy. He could feel this thing with Phillip getting out of control. Jamie had promised himself, while he was inside that cell, that he would always be the one in control once he got released.
"Phillip, I have come to feel that I am a part of your life already. You are certainly a big part of my life. I am very grateful to you for all your help these last few weeks. You have made me very happy. I hope that I returned the favor to you. " He smiled at him as he remembered some of the things that they had did, and where they had done them, these last few weeks. "You know that I want to go with you. But I can't, not yet, I'm not ready." His eyes drilled into Phillip's as he spoke. "Just give me a little time to get the military out of my system. I promise that I will be here ready to go on your next trip. Let me breathe the air like a free man for a few weeks before you ask me to confine myself to the decks of your barges and boat. I've been in jail and now I want to be free of all restrictions for a while. I need to have this time."
Jamie's mind went back to those days in the brig. It was a hard time but there had been some moments of prideful rebellion. It had turned into a pissing contest between him and the commander of the Ft. Carson Stockade. He had refused to work; the commander had put him in solitary until he changed his mind. After a few days the commander had decided to remove the wooden platform that served as Jamie's bed. A few days later he was stripped down to his briefs and the guards started to open windows. This was happening in a metal cell six feet wide by eight feet long and only six feet tall. The floor and walls as well as the ceiling was shiny sheet metal, the only openings were for the single unit sink-shitter appliance. It had been November when he arrived and soon the Colorado winter began to take its toll on him. When he didn't cave, the commander started to limit his food to a thousand calories a day and everything had to be refrigerated for twenty-four hours before Jamie got it. The commander also took away any seasonings like salt or sugar or anything else that might bring any pleasure while you were eating.
Thanksgiving dinner that year was cold stewed tomatoes and five slices of white bread, Christmas was a box of cornflakes and five slices of white bread no milk but all the water that a man could drink. This had an effect; Jamie dropped weight until he only weighed 94 lbs. The cold steel floor made the soles of his feet get thick and dry until they cracked and bled with every step. Jamie never broke.
Then one day an army doctor came to visit, he was more then a little shocked at Jamie's condition and ordered him a plate from the mess hall right away. Jamie's food was good for the next two days and then he was told that due to lack of space he was being given an early release. When he left Ft Carson he held the record for solitary confinement, he had lasted from November 20th until February 28th. As far as he knew it was still the record.