Going for a drive was one of the few things that didn't make Seth Johnson feel like a complete loner in his new 'gay' reality. In fact it gave him a sense of freedom, of purpose, despite not having any particular destination in mind.
Seth's mind was such a buzz of worries, doubts, and nagging feelings of possible rejection, that it felt good to get away from it all. Soon he was on the outskirts of town, doing just a bit over the speed limit, noting how the summer breeze had a slight chill in it; fall was just around the corner.
After aimlessly driving around for awhile, with nowhere in particular to go, he finally decided it was probably around time to head back home. He knew his father would be off work soon--assuming he did in fact make it in today--and it was better that he be around, just in case he decided to try and drown his problems in beer and vodka.
Seth felt bad for his dad, but all that he could do was stick around and try to clean up after the mess that he made. His dad was not known for his subtlety when he was drunk, and tended to break things, either by accident, or because he'd thrown them at Seth. Seth's father, Nate, used to be an incredible father, and husband. But when his sister Carol had been stabbed in a seemingly random act of violence, the rage that Nate felt was inconsolable. That was when he started drinking.
The loss of his sister fuelled this deep, dark part of Nate's soul, and he just snapped. Seth's mother, Claire, couldn't take it anymore. She knew she had to leave, and she hated doing it, but there was no way she could live with him anymore. He was just a shell of a human being...he looked the same on the outside, but there was no trace of what he used to be on the inside.
Nate barely seemed to notice when Claire left him; deep down, he understood, but he was still torn up about Carol's death, and he didn't have time to worry about a silly thing like divorce.
His work had given him a lot of time off after her death, and he got even more during the divorce, but when he finally did return to his job at the steel plant, it just seemed to anger him more. He felt that he didn't have a purpose. He just had his mindless job...so, a month later, he quit.
Seth couldn't bring himself to face his father and make him understand how stupid he was being, so he just stayed silent as Nate pushed himself further into depression. Nate had gone through several different jobs after he quit the steel plant, but they had gotten progressively worse. Now, he was working a job that he hated even more. A 9-to-5 desk job in a cubicle, where he crunched numbers on his computer.
The only reason that he kept this job was because the pay was pretty good, and he didn't have to do a lot. Despite the fact that he still felt he was doing something useless, he had given up the idea of trying to live his dream, and just tried to live at all.
There had been two incidents over the past three years that Seth still tried to forget about-but they haunted his dreams. The first was coming home one day after football practice to find that his dad was nowhere to be found. Going into the backyard, Seth saw a ladder propped against a tree, right underneath a power-line. Seth saw Nate, standing next to the tree, preparing to ascend to his death. Seth didn't even really process what was happening, he ran to his father and tackled him down from where he had been starting to climb. He called the paramedics and they took Nate to the hospital. There, he proclaimed his anger at his son, and said, "You should have let me fucking die! I can't deal with this, I can't deal with you!"
Eventually, after getting out of the hospital, he tried once again. This time, he waited until he knew that his son was going to be out of the house for a few hours, and he tied a cord to the shower rod in the bathroom and tried to hang himself from it. However, the rod broke while he was hanging there, and he was knocked out when he landed heavily. When Seth came home later that evening, he found his father, still alive, still unconscious, and once again got the paramedics to come.
This time his father thanked his son, and told him, "Seth...there's nothing I can say that would make what I did okay, and I can't tell you how sorry I am...about everything. While I was hanging there; hanging onto life as it were, I got a sort of vision...from Carol. She told me that eventually everything would be ok, but I had to stick with it. I know she's right, and I know that we can make it through this now. I just need you to be as strong as you have been." This brought tears from both of them, and they had been gotten closer for a time afterwards.
Unfortunately it didn't last, Nate still wasn't happy. They had never found Carol's killer, and this thought of despair still lead to him drink his problems away. Every time he would drink, he would find fault with his son, and beat him, or throw things at him, or just verbally abuse him. It was a wonder that with all this, Seth was still able to remain a pretty decent human being.
So, as Seth drove back along the highway towards his house, it was with mixed feelings of despair, worry, and anger. Anger that his father couldn't snap out of his problems and be a real father--the way that he used to be.
Seth was still about three or four blocks away from his house when he saw someone running. He looked kind of familiar, and as he slowed down to look, the person came into view and looked at him too, showing his face. Realizing it was Corey Silver, and that he looked more upset that he'd ever seen him, Seth slowed down to talk to him.
Corey was not a fan of Seth in any way, so he kept running, going faster now to try and get away. Seth, not understanding what was going on, really only wanted to help. He decided to be a little more forceful. He sped up again, got in front of Corey, and then used his car to block his path. He threw open the door of the car without turning it off, and stepped outside. Corey was looking at him angrily, still with tears streaming down his handsome face.
"What the fuck do you want?" Corey snapped at Seth.
Seth was taken aback; he'd never, in the 12 or so years of going to school with Corey, known him to swear.
"Dude, chill...I just wanted to see what's wrong, it's obvious that you're upset." Corey looked at him with venom in his eyes.
With the deepest chill Seth had ever heard in his voice, Corey practically snarled "why do you fucking care if I look upset? Seth you're one of the most conceited, toxic people I've ever had the misfortune to meet-what do you know about real problems? You are the last person I want to see right now!" Truthfully, he was the second-last, but Corey didn't feel the need to elaborate.
Seth was turning red in the face. His anger at being told that he was a stuck-up asshole, who didn't have any problems was really too much. Everyone knew about his parents' divorce, but almost no one knew at all about his father's other problems. And since half of the people they went to school with had divorced parents, Corey had no idea what Seth was actually dealing with in regards to his father; certainly not anything that merited any empathy, or to even bother asking if there was anything wrong in his life.
"You don't know me at all! You don't know what the fuck I've been through! How is it up to you to decide how I feel?" Seth practically shouted, tears welling up in his beautiful blue eyes as he thought about the past few days, this last summer, and all the problems he'd faced since his aunt had died. "You can't...you don't know what I've been through, so for you to judge me like that..." Seth couldn't finish his sentence, he was crying too hard now.
Corey looked on shocked. He'd never seen this display of emotion from anyone like Seth before. He'd always looked so in-control, so calm, so cool...he couldn't even begin to imagine what the boy was thinking. He felt bad for what he'd said, but he still didn't want to talk to Seth. Of all people, Seth would understand his problems the least.
Making every attempt to be as polite as possible he said, "Listen, I'm sorry for what I said, I shouldn't have been so quick to judge you--it's just...well, it's not as if you haven't been an asshole in the past. Hell, you've pretty much been nothing but an asshole to everyone who isn't 'cool enough' to be in your clique. I'm not saying that to be rude, but I don't like you. I don't respect you. I don't think I have anything in common with you. And, I'm okay with that. I'm happy not really knowing you, and you've been more than happy staying with your group of friends. Let's keep it that way."
Corey started to walk off, but Seth grabbed him by the arm. He wasn't hurting him, but he wanted Corey to at least listen to what he said. "You know what? I probably deserve that, but what if I want to change? What if I want us to be friends? You haven't exactly given me a chance to try to get to know you..."
Corey looked at him, pityingly and said, without much emotion, "I don't need to. I know exactly what kind of person you are. And that's more than enough for me to know to stay away from you. Good-bye Seth..." And he walked away.
Seth didn't understand. All he was trying to do was be nice by asking Corey what was wrong. He started to doubt himself. 'Am I really an asshole like he says? Do I really make people feel that way about me?' he asked himself.
He slowly got back into his car and continued on his way home, feeling much the worse for his run-in with Corey. Seth dried his face off with the towel that he kept in his gym bag for football practice, before he walked into his house. He didn't want his father to know that he'd been crying.
As he reached the front door, he heard the familiar sounds of the television. How normal it seemed; coming home to a father watching some tv. But he knew that by now, his father would be on at least beer number seven, and probably down half a mickey of vodka...straight.
Seth opened the door quietly, turning the door handle slowly, and pushing it until there was enough space for him to walk in. He closed the door behind him and walked into the living room.
There was his father, semi-conscious; sitting slumped on the couch, plastered in front of the television. Nate grunted at the presence of his son. His voice slurred from the alcohol. "What tooky oo slong boy?"
