Hi guys!
A big thanks to those who commented on Chapter 1. Yes, it's been a long time since we last left Ryan and Erik, they've lived their own lives, grown a lot, and are in better places as they pick up their journey together again.
I may have failed to mention that this part of the story focuses a lot more on Erik than Ryan. Ryan processes things better when he's on his own and has room to figure his shit out—he did that by going back to Canada, creating distance from porn and New York and Erik. Erik hasn't quite figured his shit out yet; this is what we'll read about this time around.
Again, no sex in this chapter... sorry! Next chapter will be steamier, promise!
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and reactions, so please comment!
Yours,
Hudson
Copyright © 2018 by Hudson Bartholomew. All rights reserved. This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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Embracing the Tension - Chapter 2
The Toronto Aquarium was surprising empty on Saturday morning when Erik showed up to meet Ryan and his niece. They were waiting for him in the lobby, tickets already in hand, Chloe jumping from foot to foot, eager to go inside.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," Erik said as he approached. He didn't get the standard grin from Ryan this time; no, instead he was treated to a full smile that made Erik's insides turn to liquid.
"You weren't." Ryan turned to the five-year-old girl with dark-brown hair and chocolate-brown eyes. If Erik hadn't known better, he would have sworn that she was Ryan's daughter. "Chloe, say hi to Uncle Erik. Remember I told you about him? He's going to come see the fishies with us today."
"Hi, Uncle Erik," Chloe said with the air of certainty that came naturally to outgoing five-year-olds. "Are you Uncle Ry's friend?"
"Sure am, Chloe." Erik smiled and sneaked a quick glance at Ryan at the use of the nickname. "Thank you for letting me come with you guys today."
"You're welcome." She tugged at Ryan's hand. "Come on, Uncle Ry. Let's go!"
Erik followed as she dragged Ryan across the lobby toward the aquarium entrance. After handing in their tickets, they were plunged into a dark world where aquatic flora and fauna shone at them through thick panes of glass. Chloe immediately ran to the nearest window into a watery landscape and stood up on her tippy toes to see what she could see. Erik hung back with Ryan, watching in silence as the little girl followed the fish around with wide eyes.
"Thanks for getting my ticket." The dimness of the aquarium warranted Erik's quiet volume.
"No problem," Ryan responded, eyes still on Chloe. "I did invite you, after all."
"Such a gentleman."
"Always."
"Uncle Ry, look!" Chloe ran back to them, grabbed hold of Ryan's hand and pulled him toward the edge of an overlook under which was a play area for kids. "Can we go there? Please!"
"Sure, Clo. But we have to go around to the stairs first, and there's lots to see on the way."
"Okay, let's go!" She took off toward the next glass-encased exhibit, and Ryan and Erik hurried to keep up.
Chloe stopped at the next tank and drifted slowly along the window, staring at the big red octopus with its tentacles curled in on itself. Then there were brilliant blue lobsters that looked fake, except they crawled along the sandy floor. And finally, swarms of small fish, no bigger than Chloe's hand, swimming in circles as if driven by some unseen current.
"She seems to like marine life," Erik commented, thinking of his nieces and nephews back in Salt Lake City and how they would be bouncing off the walls in a place like this.
"Looks like. She's never shown too much interest before. Maybe this will change things."
There was something in Ryan's voice as he watched Chloe gaze in wonder at the fish. Erik recognized it, because he sometimes heard it in his own voice when he spoke about his family. It was a total and complete love, a willingness to do anything and everything for the child, driven by the unquestioned belief that the child was a miracle. Because all children were miracles.
Erik assessed the man in front of him: Ryan was just as much the same as he was changed. Under that quiet reserve remained an unknown depth that Erik had always been curious to discover. And yet, Ryan was so much more at ease with himself than he'd ever been during their time together in the big city.
Erik's previous understanding of Ryan was flawed; there had been a material externality at play that he hadn't taken into account. The entire time he'd known Ryan in New York and everything he thought he knew about the man was tainted by the porn they were filming.
When Ryan had left New York, he said he needed time to sort out the real from the make believe. Erik had brushed it off at the time, assuming that he saw things more clearly. But seeing Ryan now, removed from the pressures of having hot sex for an audience and surrounded by simple, everyday amusements, Erik wondered if Ryan had been right all along.
They moved to an exhibit called the Kelp Forest. At first glance, the tank looked like it housed some nondescript green seaweed. But upon closer inspection, the tank was a giant, two story cylinder filled with tall, big-leafed plants, all dancing in the water. Stairs appeared where the path-ended, and with every step down toward the lower level, the majestic size of the kelp became more and more apparent.
"Uncle Ry, look," Chloe whispered in reverence, taking her time with each step and soaking in every inch as she went.
"Pretty cool, eh, Clo?" Ryan kept pace with his niece and Erik followed a couple of steps behind.
At the bottom, Chloe picked an out of the way spot by the glass and craned her neck to look back up at where they came from. The top of the tank was so far away that it couldn't be seen from where they stood. She stayed there for a moment and watched the kelp dance. Erik watched Ryan.
"You're really good with her."
The compliment drew Ryan's attention back to Erik, where he grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "She's got me wrapped around her little finger." He turned back to Chloe. "And I love it."
Chloe finally turned away from the kelp and moved to the next exhibit. "Look, Uncle Ry! I found Nemo!" She pointed to the little clownfish darting in and out and around colorful anemone. "There's, like, a hundred Nemos!"
"Looks like you found all of them, Clo."
She giggled at the blue-, yellow-, and orange-colored fish, all swimming around strangely shaped corals that filled the tank.
"What about your nephews and nieces?" Ryan asked as they continued along. "How's your family?"
Now it was Erik's turn to shrug. "Okay, I hope." He tried to keep his tone light, but it wasn't light enough.
Ryan turned to him with a frown. "What do you mean?"
"I haven't spoken to them in a while," Erik admitted.
"I thought you were close."
"We were." He took a fortifying breath. This was harder to talk about than he anticipated. He thought he had gotten over this already. "I have a cousin, married with kids, but in the closet."
"Yeah, I remember." Ryan glanced back and forth between Chloe, still following the Nemos around, and Erik.
"His wife found out." Erik couldn't keep the hardness from his voice now. "And he outed me."
"What?" A couple of other aquarium guests turned at Ryan's exclamation. "Why would he do that?"
"To deflect attention away from himself." Erik gazed at the fish in the electric blue waters. "But wait, it gets better. He also told them about..." he shot a quick look around, "the videos."
Ryan scoffed in indignation for Erik and took a couple of steps away. Erik could read the tension vibrating in his shoulders. Seeing Ryan so visibly upset on his behalf took almost all the bitterness out of Erik, and he felt the sudden need to comfort the other man. He placed a hand on one of those tense shoulders and squeezed.
"Your parents didn't take it well?" Ryan bit out the question through clenched teeth.
"No, they didn't. The best part, though?" Erik's chuckle was humorless. "I think they were more upset about me being gay than about the videos."
Ryan gaped at him, but Chloe grew tired of the colorful fish before he could speak, so they followed her to an underwater tunnel that led into the next tank. The path in the tunnel was a moving walkway that wound slowly underneath the aquarium's largest and most impressive attraction: the Dangerous Lagoon.
"Careful, Clo," Ryan said as he helped Chloe onto the mobile sidewalk. "Stay close, don't run off."
They stood next to each other on the walkway, close enough for their shoulders to touch. Chloe stood, clinging to the handrail opposite them, head tilted back to look at the big fish swimming beside, above, and all around them: massive sharks with bulging white eyes and rows of sharp teeth; imposing flat-bodied rays rippling their wings as if flying; and strange-looking creatures with saw-shaped noses sticking out a yard in front of their faces. The kings of the aquarium swam past them, separated by mere inches of glass.
No one spoke, awed in the presence of the beautiful aquatic environment. Erik let himself be distracted by the watery world, by the way the fish glided effortlessly through the twinkling expanse, by the warmth of Ryan's body that radiated through their touching shoulders. It felt comfortable to just stand in silence and enjoy being together. And especially with Chloe, Erik could appreciate the simplicity of seeing the strange, new universe through a child's innocent, untainted eyes. It was refreshing, and if Erik was careful, he could avoid letting himself miss his own family.
"Uncle Ry." Chloe suddenly turned toward them. "We have to take a selfie." There was no room for discussion.
"How about I just take a picture of you, Clo?" Ryan offered.
"No, we have to take a selfie." She held her arms up to Ryan, demanding to be picked up. "Uncle Erik, you have to take it because you have the longest arms."
"I can take one of you and your Uncle Ry." Erik didn't want to intrude.
"No, it's a selfie!" Chloe rolled her eyes in exasperation. Sometimes grownups just didn't get it.
"Okay, okay, it's a selfie." Ryan hoisted her up with a harumph and grinned apologetically at Erik, but Erik really didn't mind.
He pulled out his phone, snuggled up close to Ryan, Chloe sandwiched between them, and held out his arm. The screen blinked a couple of times, and when he went to check, he found that they'd managed to catch a scary looking shark behind them. Chloe squealed—in excitement or fear, Erik wasn't entirely sure.
"Thanks, Uncle Erik." She launched herself at Erik, wrapping her arms around his neck and effectively leaping out of Ryan's embrace.
Erik grabbed on to her before she could drop to the floor and just barely managed to hold on to his phone, too. Good thing she was small for her age.
"Chloe, that's not very nice." Ryan scolded. "Sorry."
"That's okay." Erik laughed. He shifted Chloe in his arms and stepped off the moving sidewalk as it came to an end.
They had been deposited in the play area Chloe had spotted earlier, and she wriggled in Erik's arms until he put her down. Without looking back, she ran to a shallow pool that held hard-shelled creatures with long pointy tails.
"These are called..." Ryan read off the sign posted nearby when they caught up with her, "horseshoe crabs. You can touch them if you'd like."
"Really?" She sounded incredulous. "Are they alive?"
