Elias and Peter

The morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across my bedroom floor as I stirred awake to the creak of my door opening.

"Peter, get up, please? We're gonna be late for church." Aunt Eve poked her head in my room.

I glanced at the clock and groaned inwardly. 7:30 am.

"I think I'm sick," I lied, rolling over to face the wall. I wasn't sick, but I still felt horrible for the way I treated Eli when all he had been was sweet and kind and empathetic.

"Peter..." she trailed off as I heard her footsteps grow closer. The bed dipped as she sat down next to me.

"Eve please, it's just a day, don't do this to me," I muttered.

"I know you're not sick, and I know you've been avoiding me. Maybe this is just a depression from the cold weather, but we can't let that stop us from living our lives. You're 21, I'm not gonna force you to come, but God has a plan for you, Peter, trust in Him. Church is good, God is good. You've hardly ever not gone with me, so please," she nudged my shoulder gently, "get up."

Her words only made my anxiety worse. How could I trust in a God who seemed to have abandoned me? I've never felt so torn, especially after mine and Eli's talk three days ago.

"Fine," I sighed, reluctantly pushing back the covers and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I glanced at Eve as she stood, but before she left, she paused, turning her head towards the nightstand...towards my open notebook. Panic froze me as I realized what had happened.

Oh fuck.

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she reached for the notebook and studied my most recent sketch of Eli. I held my breath as her gaze flicked from the sketch to me. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, afraid of what she might say.

"Peter, what's this?" She asked.

"Um, nothing, I'm just...practicing. I'm not as good at portraits as I am at landscapes," I replied, doing my best to sound normal. "Especially sketches, I'm much better with a paintbrush than a pen and you know how Mallicks is."

"I get it, it's always good to practice and improve your skills."

"Definitely," I agreed, trying to maintain a steady voice. I stood and quickly grabbed a pair of brown tweed slacks and a sweater from my dresser and began putting them on, even though my hands were shaking horribly.

Eve continued flipping through the pages, and I hoped she wouldn't look up and see me trembling. "Are these all of the same person?" she asked casually, turning another page.

I grabbed the spray bottle from my dresser and dampened my hair. "Yeah, that's my friend Eli. We take the same anatomy class." I scrunched up my curls with some gel, avoiding Eve's gaze in the mirror. "But um, he knows Dr. Mallicks and so he's been helping me with my portraits." Lie.

"God has blessed you so much," she sighed, still flipping through the notebook. "He never fails to amaze me with the skills He gave you."

"Thanks, Eve," I muttered, unable to meet her eyes. "I appreciate that. I'm thankful to him everyday."

She smiled up at me, "Alright then, let's head downstairs and get ready for church," she announced, standing up and setting my notebook back down. "You are coming, right?"

"Right, yeah." I replied, forcing a smile. "Let's go."

I followed her as we left the room, I couldn't help but glance back at the notebook one last time, anxiety building in my chest. I'd have to be more careful about leaving my stuff out.

~~

The sun shone brightly through the stained glass windows, casting colorful patterns on the wood floor as Eve and I walked down the aisle of our old 1st baptist church. The familiar scent of some sweet musk and polished wood filled my nostrils, but instead of offering comfort as it used to, it only brought back the guilt in me ten fold. I haven't even done anything wrong. I shut Eli down, I didn't give into temptation. I could've, and I didn't. But then the question, why was I being tempted at all?

We found our regular pew and sat down together. "I'm so happy you came with me, Pete." Aunt Evelyn whispered, her eyes focused on the podium.

"Me too," I lied. My hands clenched tightly around the program in my lap.

"Let's pray," Pastor Simon announced, interrupting my thoughts. I mechanically bowed my head along with the rest of the congregation. But my heart wasn't in it, and I knew Aunt Evelyn could tell. As the words left the pastor's lips, I couldn't help but feel like God was looking into my very soul, exposing my darkest secrets to everyone in the room.

"Peter," Eve murmured softly as the worship leader began to sing, gently placing a hand on my arm, "is everything all right?"

I flinched involuntarily at her touch, feeling like she could somehow see straight through me. "Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, keeping my gaze fixed firmly on the projector screen.

"Are you sure?" She persisted, her eyes. "You've been so quiet lately, and you seem... troubled."

"Really, Auntie, I'm okay," I insisted, attempting to inject some conviction into my voice. "I've just been tired, that's all. Mallicks has been pushing me pretty hard recently and I'm just stressed."

She searched my face for a long moment, clearly unconvinced. Eventually, though, she sighed and relented, allowing me to retreat back into my own thoughts.

The pastor's voice rang through the church as he got back up on stage. I shifted uncomfortably in my pew.

"God invites us to bring our doubts before Him, just as the psalmist did when crying out, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? Psalm 13:1..."

I clenched my hands tightly, my knuckles turning white. My thoughts turned back to Eli, and how kind he'd been when I confessed what I've been feeling recently. How I knew without a doubt that I could trust him, and yet, somehow, I was struggling to trust God. And somehow, Eli had seen that too when he said 'So you're not religious, then?' Those words echoed loudly in my head, followed closely by 'If you're worried about my judgment, you certainly don't need to be.' Or whatever he'd said. So the gay guy will be there for me but God still remains silent?

"Expressing our doubts does not diminish our faith; rather, it deepens it. It is an act of trust, an acknowledgment that God can handle the rawness of our hearts. In our vulnerability, we find a sacred space where God meets us with understanding and compassion." Pastor Simon continued.

"Trusting God in the midst of doubt is not about having all the answers but about leaning on the One who does." Pastor Simon finally said, his voice resonating throughout the space.

What if I need answers? If God is all knowing then he knows exactly what I need to be shown or told in order to trust him right? So why is he silent? Is it about proving myself? Proving that I can trust him even though he gives me nothing in return besides fucking paranoia and anxiety.

~

We walked out of the church and made our way to the car, my heart still racing from the overwhelming sense of guilt that had consumed me during the service.

"Peter," she began hesitantly, the sound of the tires rolling over the gravel beneath us. "What's going on with you? You seemed so... uncomfortable in church."

I could feel the weight of her gaze as she waited for my answer, but I kept my eyes on the passing scenery outside the window. "I told you, Eve, I'm just tired. It's been a long week."

"Peter, I've known you your whole life," she said softly, her voice tinged with frustration. "I can tell when something's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me," I insisted, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. "I promise, everything's fine."

Aunt Eve let out an exasperated sigh as she took a turn onto the main road. "I feel like you're hiding something from me." She paused, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. "Is it something to do with your faith? Is it a girl?"

My heart thudded in my chest as I tried to think of a response. But before I could come up with anything, Aunt Eve continued. "Is there something going on in your life that's causing you to doubt God?" she asked gently.

I swallowed hard, feeling the weight of her words hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I don't know," I admitted finally, my voice barely above a whisper. "It's just..." I started, struggling to put my feelings into words. "Lately I've been starting to question... everything."

"Question what exactly?" Aunt Evelyn prompted gently, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"My faith." I blurted out, unable to hold back any longer. My sexuality. The very foundations of my life because some boy kissed me and I fucking loved it.

Aunt Evelyn looked surprised but didn't say anything right away. After a moment of silence, she spoke again. "What specifically has been making you doubt your faith?"

"I don't know." I do know, but I can't tell her yet, not now.

"Pete, it's natural to have doubts and questions about our faith," she said gently. "But remember, our human minds are limited -- we can never fully understand God's ways or plans."

I sighed in frustration, feeling like we were going around in circles. "You're right, I get it. Maybe I'll see if I can talk to pastor Simon this week to talk about it more. I'm just in my head, you know?"

"I think that's a great idea," She paused, pulling into the driveway. "Don't think I never doubted him, because I have, but he is so much bigger than our doubt. We have to cast our fears on him, trust completely in him. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path, Proverbs 3:5."

The irony. If only it felt that simple.

As we pulled up to the house, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I glanced at the screen: - Mallicks charity event at museum - 4:30 -

Oh shit, Mallicks had mentioned this event a few weeks back, he wanted me to go but i've been so distracted i totally forgot about it. I hesitated for a moment. I knew Eve wouldn't be thrilled about me going out on a Sunday, but it was for Mallicks and therefore my art, so I needed to.

"Everything okay?" Aunt Evelyn asked, noticing my hesitation as we walked inside.

"Um, yeah," I mumbled, still staring at my phone. "I forgot that there's a charity event for the museum tonight that Mallicks is co-hosting, there's gonna be some important people there and I forgot he asked me to come."

Aunt Evelyn smiled, "Well obviously you have to go then! Maybe you could even get an internship at the museum or something."

I closed the door and kicked my shoes off, "I'm already on Mallicks list for the HPS's recovery and restoration team once I graduate, you know.

"I know, but I would miss you too much if you had to leave."

I smiled warmly, "I know, auntie."

She smiled and waved her hand, dismissing me, "Go get ready, I know this means a lot to you."

I started getting ready to leave, the event wasn't black tie, thank God, cause I don't own a decent suit, but I still wanted to look nice. The ticking of the antique clock on my wall echoed through the quiet as I stared at myself in the mirror of my vanity. Mallicks would be there, there would be people there, there's literally nothing to feel nervous about so why am I so anxious?

"Eve, I'm out, I'll be back later!" I called, not waiting for her reply, I took a deep breath and walked out onto the porch, the cold air nipping at me. I hopped into our car and took off down the road in silence towards the museum, the drive felt longer than it actually was. My mind was consumed with anxiety. I tried to push it away, focusing on the familiar streets and buildings passing by, but I really just felt like I was sinking further and further into myself. Like nothing was real and I was watching it all through a TV screen.

I stepped through the grand entrance of the museum, but a man in a suit stopped me,

"Name and Ticket please." He grunted. Shit I didn't know I needed a ticket, I should've paid more attention to Mallicks.

"Uh, Peter Casey. I'm afraid I don't have a ticket though, is it possible to buy one or.."

The man scanned the Ipad in his hand for a moment.

"Peter! So glad you could make it." I heard Mallicks voice call and turned to see him walking towards the man and I.

"It seems you do have a ticket already paid for, go on in Mr. Casey."

"Um, thank you." I replied, stepping through the doorway, I met Mallicks eyes and he smiled.

"I went ahead and bought you a ticket, and there's a few people I'd like to introduce you to."

"Professor, you really didn't need to do that, thank you so much."

He turned to me and smiled, "Of course I did, but don't mention it, truly I'm just happy you made it. This way, follow me."

I swear I could feel my heartbeat thumping in my ears as I followed him. The air buzzed with energy, and smelled of cologne and polished antiques. Normally I would have been captured by its beauty, but tonight I felt so out of place.

"Peter are you doing alright?" Mallicks' asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, why do I seem off?" I glanced around, and looked up at him. Could everyone just read me like a book?

"You just seem tired, I mean you've always been quiet but lately just more so than usual. I hope you know you can talk to me if there's anything going on." He clapped his hand on my shoulder and smiled.

I half smiled and nodded, "I do, ive just been going through some stuff recently, nothing serious though. You don't need to worry about me."

Mallicks continued guiding us through the crowd and suddenly, there stood Eli. His eyes locked with mine and he looked just as surprised as I was, but he smiled warmly. I wanted to wonder what he was doing here but that's stupid, he works here after all. And I know for a fact he wouldn't miss an event like this.

"Mr. Foster!" Called Mallicks, and my eyes snapped between them.

"Hello Professor Mallicks," Eli greeted, shaking his hand firmly, he looked at me and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but quickly shut it.

"Peter," Mallicks said, turning to me "Have you met Elias Foster yet?"

I turned to look up at Eli, "Actually yes," I did my best to smile kindly up at him, reaching my trembling hand to shake his steady one. "It seems we keep meeting."

"We do." Eli gazed down at me. He let go of my hand and swallowed hard, turning to Mallicks, "Peter is incredibly talented, sir. I'm sure you know this of course."

"Oh I do, but don't sell yourself short either. The work you've been doing here and your dedication to the museum, always volunteering to help the archaeologists and your profound knowledge of history - you've not gone unnoticed or I'd not have invited you personally tonight."

He invited Eli personally?

Eli's eyes seemed to sparkle, "Ah, you're too kind, thank you, sir."

"I need you both here for a while, there's important business to discuss. Will you come with me please?"

My heart sank slightly, business to discuss?

Eli broke the silence first as we followed Mallicks through the crowded hall, "I should be surprised that you're here but I suppose I'm not, really."

I pursed my lips, "I could say the same, it seems we're united by common interest." I looked over at him, "I thought you just did front desk stuff?" I asked, unsure of what to say.

"I never quite got the chance to tell you about the other stuff. I mean, I guess I could've but we've been...busy with our own things." Right. Of course. God will I ever be able to talk to him normally or will I always be this fucking nervous.

"Eli, Peter, this is my dear friend and colleague, John Riley. He has worked alongside me for the HPS for 20 years now I believe." I looked up to see a man with graying hair and a worn face standing just a bit taller than Mallicks. Mallicks shook the man's hand firmly and chuckled.

"23 years actually, William." Mr. Riley turned to us, shaking each of our hands in turn, "It's a pleasure to meet you both. And, more so, to showcase the art we just uncovered in France. I have heard much about the both of you."

"You as well, Dr. Riley." Eli beamed at him, no doubt very excited to talk with him. "I'm actually very familiar with your work."

"That's excellent to hear, young man, I am flattered." Riley beamed at Eli, "I'd like to show you both the paintings we recovered, they are almost in pristine shape."

"Are you kidding?" I breathed. Setting my anxiety aside the best I could, I tried to focus on the fact that they wanted to show us literal undocumented history.

"We certainly are not. This way, please." Mallicks smiled, beckoning us to follow him, "Are you both aware of the 8.0 magnitude earthquake that struck Paris, France recently?

I nodded. I heard about it on the news about a month ago. The earthquake had leveled a good chunk of the city and cost too many lives. It was devastating.

"The French Government called in the HPS when they learned that the earthquake uncovered a whole new tunnel system in the catacombs that hadn't been previously documented, and they started to explore it when pretty quickly they found a sealed door that opened up to a room of art dating back hundreds of years. They think that stuff could've been down there since the early 1800s. So naturally, the HPS called me and Riley."

"That's incredible - how did I not hear about this? I guess I must've missed the shipments or something." Eli mused as we continued walking.

"Oh, no, we kept them private on purpose." Mallicks unlocked the door. As we stepped into the room, my eyes widened in awe at the sight before me. The walls were lined with two giant paintings, each one was incredibly beautiful. One was a portrait of some people in elegant clothing, the other was a gorgeous landscape. I could hardly believe that they had been hidden away for so long, waiting to be discovered.

"These are both originals, untouched by time." Mr. Riley said proudly as he led us around the room, pointing out details and explaining their significance.

"This is beyond incredible." I said.

"Oh yes, without a doubt." Mallicks confirmed with a smile. "Peter," he said to me, "You will be helping to restore this one." Mallicks pointed at the portrait. "And Eli. We want your assistance in the lab. If you want, which I think you do. Under Rileys supervision of course, but we'd like to begin training you."

Eli's eyes widened as he looked between the men, "I'd be honored. I have to ask, though, training?"

Mallicks smiled softly and checked his watch, "Yes, training. I'm an observant man, Mr. Foster, and I know of your intrigue with the Society. Unfortunately you lack some of the skills to officially join, but if you can prove yourself with this, I will put you on my recommendations list."

"Holy fuck, excuse my language, but I am honored, this means everything to me, thank you so much Dr. Mallicks." Eli sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

I looked between Mallicks and Riley, "I'm deeply flattered, Dr. Mallicks, I'm so beyond excited, it really is a huge honor."

"I have faith in the two of you, thank you both. We'll need you back here tomorrow - Eli you specifically, we're going to scan both the paintings and take some samples before Peter starts with the restoration process. But Peter," Mallicks turned to me, "You can come and observe, actually, I want you here to observe. Both of you need to arrive at 12:00 pm, does that work?"

We both agreed, and Mallicks dismissed us, guiding us back to the commotion in the main hall of the Museum.

"Do you want to come outside with me, for a minute? I kinda want a cigarette." Eli asked softly, gazing down at me.

"S..Sure, yeah of course." I dont really smoke but a moment outside would be nice. Whatever butterflies had settled earlier seemed to erupt tenfold, but I did my best to shove them down.

We made our way to a courtyard and exited the museum. The cool night air was refreshing after being inside for so long. Eli sat down on a bench and fumbled with his pocket for a second before pulling out a vintage looking metal cigarette holder and a lighter. He looked up at me with the cigarette between his lips and motioned for me to sit down next to him, so I did. I kept enough distance so that I didn't accidentally touch him.