Educating Noah

I've always thought of myself as an ethical person. The kind who has certain standards in life and refuses to compromise those standards, regardless of the situation. Choices were simple. It was black or white. Right or wrong. Good or bad.

At least . . . I used to think of myself that way.

But as I've gotten older, I just don't really know. I've thought long and hard about my life and today things don't seem as simple to me anymore.

Especially since the day Jesse came into my life. That was over twenty years ago.

And to this day, my life has never been the same.

###

In 1992, I bought my first house. It was large and spacious and even though others in the neighborhood might be nicer, it was all mine and I was damn proud of it! It had a large back yard, with a pool, a deck with a hot tub, and even a little cabana, with a room for people to change their clothes.

A couple of weeks after I had settled in, I decided to throw a house warming party for my friends. Several of them had been bugging me about wanting to come over and I decided to let everybody come at one time, see the house, and just relax with a day-long gathering of barbecue, some volleyball and swimming, and plenty of booze.

The Saturday of the party was beautiful. Texas weather is normally either hot or damn hot but not on this day. The sky was sunny but there was low humidity and the temperature was a cool 78 degrees. My friends started arriving about 9 in the morning and by 11, there were more than 50 people either splashing in the pool, relaxing in the hot tub, playing volleyball, or just kicking back and visiting. I wandered around chatting with my friends, making sure there was plenty of food and drinks, and just generally playing the good host.

I had set up an area for volleyball on the far side of the back yard and I walked over to see if anyone was still playing. There was evidently a hot game in progress as several people were watching the teams and cheering. I stopped on the sideline to watch for a few minutes, trying to figure out who was on each team. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the players hit the ball.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back, with my head spinning, and people standing around me.

"Man are you alright?"

I didn't answer as my senses were still swimming and I heard another voice say, "Damn, Jesse, don't you know how to spike a ball over the net?" There was some laughter and the other voice spoke again.

"Shut up, Ricky. I didn't mean to hit him."

I continued to lie there a minute with my eyes closed. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and the voice spoke again.

"Hey . . . are you okay?"

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at the person who had spoken. He had one of the most handsome faces I had ever seen and it took me a moment to reply.

"Yeah . . . I'm okay . . . what happened?"

The handsome face broke into a smile and laughed sheepishly. "I tried to spike the ball over the net and hit it wrong. It popped you on the side of the head. I'm really sorry, man. Are you sure you're okay?"

I shook my head lightly and began to get up. "Yeah. Don't worry about it. Y'all go on and play." I stood up and began to slowly walk towards the house. My head was still buzzing some and I walked towards the portable bar to get a drink and clear my head. As I reached the bar, I poured a glass of wine, took a sip, and closed my eyes.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Startled, I opened my eyes and turned around. The handsome face I had seen moments ago was smiling at me again.

"Nah man . . . I'm fine." I gave a lopsided grin and said, "My head is still buzzing but I think this wine will clear that up. Thanks though." I paused, looking him over carefully.

"You want a drink?"

He hesitated a moment, and then said, "Sure. A Bud Light, if you have one."

I opened the can of beer, gave it to him, and continued to hold out my hand.

"My name's Noah. Noah Hudson. What's yours?"

Smiling, he shook my hand and said, "Aw shit, man, I'm sorry! I'm Jesse. Jesse Saravillo. I came here with Ricky and Anna."

"Ohhh, okay. That makes sense. I didn't think I had met you before." As he took a sip of his beer, I asked somewhat hesitantly, "How old are you?"

Jesse grinned and said, "How old do you think I am?"

I paused a minute and thought as I looked at him. Early to mid-twenties wouldn't be far off the mark. "Ohhhhhhhh . . . 25?"

Jesse laughed. "Nah, man, I'm 18!"

I was in shock as he laughed. This boy looked anything but 18. He was 5'11", about 175 pounds, and muscular. I don't mean a bodybuilding physique but the kind that comes from an active lifestyle. Natural, beautiful muscles that rippled in his chest and arms. He had the kind of shape that I think is so sexy. Obvious but not overwhelming. Add to that a head of black hair, brown eyes surrounded by thick eyelashes, full kissable lips, and a very light olive skin that made him stand out around others. In slang terms, he's what you would call a "guero". Light skinned but with dark Latin features. It's typical when children have parents with different racial backgrounds and I've always thought people with mixed racial features were gorgeous.

"Aw, you're bullshitting me, man!"

"Nah, Noah, I'm serious! Check out my driver's license."

He showed me his license and, sure enough, it proclaimed him to be a Jesus Antonio Saravillo, born 18 years ago in 1974.

I handed his license back to him, grinned and said, "Jesus, huh? Like the lord? Should I be on my knees before you right now?"

Jesse laughed and said, "Yeah, but I go by Jesse." He paused a moment. Then, with a mischievous grin, added, "And you don't have to get on your knees but I'm sure you'd like it if you did!"

Even as I laughed at him, I was sort of surprised. That type of comment sounded like one I'd make if I was trying to hit on another guy. Of course, I'm sure Jesse didn't mean for it to come across that way. I kept laughing and said, "I'll bet!" as I turned back to watch my other guests.

We kept standing there looking at people and I started feeling a little nervous. I mean, here I was, queer as hell, standing by one of the best looking guys at the party, who was little more than a grown teenager. And getting turned on by him. I'd always had strong feelings about not messing around with teenagers, even if they were of legal age. Yet here I was, becoming attracted to one who looked and acted anything but a teenager. I kept sipping my wine and told myself it was normal to get excited about a hot, good looking young man.

But, deep in my heart, I knew that I was also feeling something about him that went beyond just the physical. True, he was a sexy fucker. But Jesse had an innate sweetness about him. An innocence that you rarely saw in people, much less in guys. It was terribly attractive to me.

Jesse tilted his beer up and finished it. "Well, I guess I'm gonna go jump in the pool. You're sure you're okay?"

I smiled at him and said, "I'm fine, Jesse. You go have fun."

Jesse smiled and began walking towards the pool. "Later, Noah."

As he walked away, I couldn't help but stare. He was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and off-white cotton shorts. They were loose fitting but they still hugged and emphasized his body. His muscular ass filled out the back of his shorts and those beautiful cheeks moved sensuously as he walked. You could even see the outlines of the jockstrap he was wearing as the material pressed against his firm butt. I took a deep breath, sighed, and went inside the house to get more food for my guests.

Thirty minutes later, I went out to the pool to make sure everything was okay. Actually, I knew I was going to see if Jesse was still there but I didn't want to admit it to myself. As I walked up to the pool, I saw him lying on a towel on the ground and two girls sitting on each side of him. He was lying on his back, propped up on his elbows and was talking to them. As I walked up, he turned, saw me, and smiled.

"Hey, Noah! What's up?"

I nodded and smiled at him and he turned back to continue talking with the girls.

I stood mesmerized by the sight before me. Evidently, Jesse had just gotten out of the pool as his body was still wet. The water clung to him and from time to time, you could see drops run down his smooth skin. His large pec muscles were flexed and his nipples jutted out so far, you just wanted to suck them off his body. His ab muscles were also taut and you could see just a slight trail of dark hair start at his navel and run downwards.

I was surprised to see that Jesse had worn his shorts in the pool. The effect was stunning. The thin material clung tightly to his skin and was so clear you could see his jockstrap distinctly. The wet shorts hugged his packed crotch and you could clearly see the outline of his cock and balls. My gaze continued down his muscular legs and then turned to look at the girls next to him.

Even though they were talking to him, they were clearly checking out his body. While Jesse talked to one girl, the other one was looking at his crotch. When he turned to talk to her, she jerked her head back towards his face and I saw the other one begin to look at his crotch. Suddenly, she looked over at me and saw that I caught her looking at Jesse's body. She grimaced and looked back at Jesse as he spoke to the other girl.

". . . and I swear to god that if coach had let me run in that series of plays, I would have gotten the first down and we could have kept going!"

"I know, Jesse! I'll bet you're the best player on the team and he needs to let you run more."

I laughed to myself when she said this. She was the ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine and so wrapped up in herself, she probably didn't even know how to spell football. Plus, she was 27 and I figured she ought to not be messing with a kid his age, even though he probably would have loved to fuck around with her. I decided to put a stop to her antics and called out to him.

"Jesse, would you do me a favor? I need some help restocking the beer."

Jesse looked at me, grinned, and said, "Sure, Noah. Right now?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind breaking away a few minutes."

Jesse looked back at the girls and said, "I'll be back in a little bit. Will you still be here?"

"Sure, Jesse!" they said coyly. "Hurry back!"

I laughed when they said that and began walking towards the house. I was sure they would stay there till hell froze over if they had a chance to taste what they saw packed so clearly in his shorts.

Jesse caught up with me and asked, "You feeling better now, Noah?"

"Yeah, man. Don't worry anymore about that. I'm fine."

As we walked across the lawn, I stopped to pick up a beer can and Jesse walked on ahead of me. As I continued walking, I was treated to an even better sight of this sexy young stud. The wet shorts stuck tight to his ass and showed every inch of his firm cheeks. The succulent half-moons swayed as he walked and the wet material was wedged slightly between them, defining each cheek clearly. Other than the lines of his jockstrap, there were no other marks on the solid muscle. It almost looked as if he wasn't wearing anything and my own cock began to get hard. I noticed that as Jesse passed by others, they turned their heads to watch him. And the tight, hot ass that those wet shorts so clearly displayed.

I shook my head to clear my lustful thoughts and caught up with Jesse. We went inside, got the beer, and began restocking the bar. After we finished, I gathered the boxes and told Jesse, "Thanks, man. You can go on back to the pool now." I gave him a mischievous grin and said, "But be careful, because those babes are ready to tear you up!" I started laughing, looked over at Jesse, and was surprised to see the serious look on his face.

"Tear me up?"

"Yeah," I said still laughing. "Man, they were practically salivating over you out there!"

"You mean . . . you think they're interested in me?"

I laughed at Jesse's innocence. "Of course they're interested in you! They were checking out your body big time!"

Jesse laughed slightly and shook his head. "I don't know why. There are lots of guys here with better bodies than mine."

Given how nice his muscled physique was, I was surprised at his humility. I didn't reply and we walked silently towards the pool.

"Noah . . ."

"Yeah?"

Jesse hesitated and then said, "Can we talk for a minute?"

I clapped him on the shoulder, laughed and said, "I thought we were talking!"

Jesse stopped. "Nah . . . I mean privately. Inside the house."

I started to make another light comment but, after seeing the look on Jesse's face, thought better of it. "Sure, Jesse. Is something wrong?"

"I'd just like to talk to you for a minute."

Little caution bells began to go off in my head. But I ignored them and said, "Sure. Come on." We turned around and headed towards the house.

###

As we walked inside, I ushered Jesse into my den. It was a large room, fairly private, and I figured we wouldn't be interrupted by anyone wandering around the house. I motioned Jesse to sit on the couch and I sat forward in the recliner next to it.

"Okay. What's up?"

Jesse lifted his head and looked at me carefully.

"I know I just met you today but you seem to be a really nice guy. I've heard people here speak very highly of you and even my friend Ricky said you were cool. He said you were easy to talk to and . . . I need some advice."

He hesitated a moment and said, "Would you mind if I asked you something? Something personal?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"I know you're gay."

I looked at Jesse a moment with a surprised look on my face. "That's your question?"

"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound that way. What I meant is that Ricky told me that you're gay. . ."

Jesse hesitated.

I raised my eyebrows and urged him on. "Uh huhhhhhhh . . . and?"

Jesse looked down and stuttered, "How . . . how . . . how do you know . . . you know . . . that you are . . . gay?"

"How do I know that I'm gay?" I repeated, not sure what he was asking.

"Yeah. I mean no. I mean . . ."

Jesse hesitated some more and then looked me directly in the eyes. "I mean, how does ANYBODY know if they're gay?"

As Jesse looked at me, I slowly sat back in the recliner. A multitude of thoughts began to run through my mind.

"Umm . . . well . . . Jesse, that's not an easy question to answer," I said hesitantly. "There's lots of feelings and emotions you have to sort through and one's sexuality isn't an open and shut case." I paused a moment, then said, "Let me ask you this . . . why are you asking?"

Jesse quickly hung his head and put his hands in his lap.

"I don't know, Noah. I'm so confused. I like girls. But . . . I have these . . . these . . . feelings sometimes." Jesse stopped. I waited.

"I mean . . . sometimes I'll meet a guy and I'll start feeling . . . funny. You know? I mean, I'll start looking at him and . . . just . . . just . . . want to be around him. And see more . . . do more." Slowly, Jesse looked up at me. "You know?"

Jesse's confusion and hesitation were touching and accentuated the sweet and innocent nature I found so charming. I knew though that I needed to choose my words carefully as he was obviously in a very vulnerable state.

"Yeah, man, I know. I can remember when I first started feeling that way. Believe me, I understand what you're going through. I even remember some of my friends that I was attracted to." I smiled at him. "It's especially hard when you feel that way about a friend."

Jesse turned towards me so that he was facing me.

"Yeah, but I don't feel that way about any of my friends. It's usually people I meet." He was staring at me with a strange, intent look on his face. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, Jesse. I'm sure you meet lots of teenage guys at the mall and all the places you and your friends run around. It's only natural you'd want to do something with them."

Jesse quickly sat back and slapped the couch with his hand. "NO! I'm not talking about my friends . . . or anyone else my age." He paused again. Then, staring me directly in the eyes said, "Understand?"

I was startled by the vehemence in his voice and hesitated. "Sure man. Like I said, I understand."

Jesse continued to look at me. After an uncomfortable silence, he looked away, shaking his head slowly.

"You just don't get it, Noah . . ."

I kept quiet a moment as I was totally confused. I was trying to comfort him and for some reason, it wasn't working. Jesse looked down and I looked away as I tried to think of something to say. I heard Jesse take a deep breath, exhale loudly, and then mutter something under his breath.

I quickly looked at him and said, "What?"

Jesse looked up at me, hesitated a moment, and said "I said I like . . . you."

Stunned, it took me a minute to register what he had said.

"You like ME?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

The look on my face must have been of pure shock as Jesse broke into a smile and gave a short laugh. "What? Is that so hard to believe? Or are you pissed?"

I looked away from him a moment and said, "No, man, I'm not pissed. I mean I'm . . . flattered." I looked back at him, hesitated, and then said, "But Jesse, you don't even know me. I mean, you just met me today."

Jesse kept smiling that gorgeous smile of his and said, "I know, Noah, but . . . like I said, that's how I feel. I think you're good looking and nice and I just have this . . . feeling . . . when I look at you. And when I'm around you."

I shook my head and stood up.

"Jesse, listen to me. I understand what you're feeling right now. These feelings are new to you and you feel like you've got to act on them or you'll explode!" I smiled and said, "I am flattered. I mean truly flattered that you think that about me. My god, you're the best looking guy at this party and many people here would eat you up in a heartbeat!"

Jesse looked at me silently and I walked across the room. As I reached the other side, I turned and faced him.

"But . . . I'm much older than you and you don't need to get involved with me. All of this is too new to you and you don't need to get involved with someone just because you think you like them." I paused.

"And . . ." I hesitated.

Jesse noticed my hesitation. "And?"

I continued to pause and then said, "I'd feel guilty. I mean, I've seen so many older men take advantage of younger guys, like you, who are dealing with these feelings and I don't think it is right. You need a friend right now who can help you, Jesse." I paused again. "Not a boyfriend."

Jesse continued to look at me quietly and seemed to be thinking over what I said. Suddenly, he stood up.

"Okay, Noah, I understand. I won't bother you anymore." He turned around and walked quickly towards the door.

As Jesse started leaving, I said, "Wait, Jesse! Don't get mad! I just think . . ." but it was too late. Jesse was out the door and gone.

Shit.

I lowered my head and rubbed my face with both hands. I didn't want him to be angry with me but I knew what I told him was right.

Deep down though, as I continued to think about him, I began to admit the truth. That I really DID want Jesse.

True, I wanted that beautiful, hot, sexy, muscle body but it was more than just that. I wanted to experience being with someone again, whose sweetness and innocence hadn't been crushed out of them by years of bar-hopping, one-night stands, and broken promises. I wanted to caress and hold someone again, who really wanted to be with me.

In short, I wanted to love someone again, who actually could love and give it in return.

The question though was whether Jesse was that person.

I slowly walked out of the den and started for the kitchen. The party had become an afterthought after my session with Jesse and I knew people were probably wondering where I was. As I stood in the doorway to the kitchen, I stopped.