I came back home to Houston for one thing, and it had nothing to do with dick.
"Terrance! You better not miss church," my granny yelled. "You partied all night and shook that thang in front of them girls, but you gon' clap and shake it for the lord this morning."
Jeanie Battle at 67 years old had the loudest mouth in the south when it came to praise and worship. I was asleep, and in my old bedroom upstairs with the door closed when I heard the shrillness of her voice.
"Get up, and get ye black ass down here, nie," I heard, and immediately rose out of bed, then climbed in the shower on that Sunday morning.
I flew from Virginia for a much needed break, for I was working long hours at the office, and isolated from my social life. Being an investment banker in my firm was serious business, for we were leading the charge in North America, and at 30 I wanted to be that wrecking ball that knocked down competition, so I worked my ass off constantly until my supervisor emailed me.
"Vacation. Five days," she said.
I booked a flight home vice taking a cruise, or going across some water, and to be with the person who knew me best.
"You better be ready in one hour," she yelled from the kitchen.
She was making breakfast, and most likely was already fully dressed, but I was dramatic, taking my time as I wanted to look my best, and impress. I pulled out a custom suit I left behind for special occasions, and reached into the dresser drawer to snatch the cufflinks my granddaddy left behind. I added a little pomade to my edges to make my dreadlocks pop, then put on the Stacy Adams before coming downstairs, and being greeted by the best woman in the world.
"One of these days you'll get me some great grandbabies by some wonderful wife of yours," she uttered.
Jeanie knew I wasn't into pussy, but tried it anyway, being persistent thinking that I would "see the light," and drop my habit of getting on my knees to take it at either end. We kissed on the cheek, and I sat at the dining room table to smash the sausage, eggs and waffles, more than making the deadline she set forth for us to roll.
"Let me go to the bathroom," she said as we were about to leave.
I ate and noticed my phone going off, so I pulled it out of my pocket. I noticed I had a handful of Bigger City alerts, and so I opened the app to see some anonymous profile was hitting me up vigorously. Normally I would delete and block the profile, but something told me to open his messages and I'd learn immediately who the guy was.
"Hey my Sweet Peaches," read the message from Gil. "How you doing, and why the hell are you still single?"
My granny came out of the bathroom and put on her headdress, and I would take the last bite, and toss my dish in the dishwasher, before putting my phone in my pocket, and dashing to her car.
"You still playing Tetris on your phone," granny asked while we she drove.
We had a 20 minute ride to church, and I'd use that time to lie to her, and say it was Tetris, while messaging Gil in return:
"You got some nerve hitting me up," I told him.
"Hi, how are you," he answered. "Can't believe you're still single."
"I'm single because I can't do the bullshit," I messaged.
Gil, short for Gilbert, was a big time lawyer I met during a convention down in Atlanta a few years prior. The day I landed, I did a meet-n-greet at the hotel where it was hosted, then afterwards ducked down to Peachtree to some posh bar, and up he would appear. He sat with me, we talked, and immediately hit it off for the then-43-year old counsel claimed he was single, mingling, and feeling me. At the time I was 25, and somewhat new to the scene, and life, for I'd just finished earning my doctorate, and just green to it all.
"I can make your life much better than what it is," was the main sentence this charmer rolled off his tongue, and the next thing I knew, a week later he flew to Virginia Beach to go on a date, and knock the bottom out of my pussy for he fucked me better than any other man.
We saw each other regularly, every other week, with me flying to Chicago to get butt naked, or him coming to Virginia Beach to lay the pipe, and it became serious to where we talked about marriage and living happily ever after. The then-43-year-old claimed to be single, and looking to mingle, and perhaps form a relationship. Gil was everything I was looking for: black, tall, with a great body, masculine, secure in himself and finances, smart and just articulate, and carrying a dick that could roll so deep in me that I'd forget my name when penetrating me. We were six months in when things were building between us. Then, one morning he called me to cancel our ritual, stating he had to leave town permanently to save a branch of his firm, in Oklahoma.
"Gilbert, we can make this work," I said to him over the phone, with tears in my eyes. "I want you."
"Jess, it can't. I'm sorry. Please refrain from contacting me, ever again," were his parting words.
Two days straight I cried my eyes out as he vehemently shut the door on us. Months later I'd find he was in a relationship with a woman, and had four kids with this spouse of his. I was hurt more, and went on a rampage of fucking and sucking on everything for a couple of years, until I decided to go celibate, and simply enjoy the eye candy. I didn't realize I had open wounds until he hit me on this Sunday morning, seven years later, as I was on vacation with my beloved granny.
"Why are you doing this, Gil," I asked.
He then would call my phone.
I hung up, and texted that I was about to go into church with my granny, when he sent me a dick pic in response. Granny parked in front of the church, and I turned to her, and she turned to me with a big smile, telling me to handle whatever business I had, before going inside.
"I'll be waiting for you in my favorite pew," she said.
She kissed me on my cheek, and I would call Gil.
"I thought I blocked you," I asked.
"Hey. So you down here in Houston? I thought you were from Virginia," he asked.
"No, I'm from Texas," I told him before stating he should've known, with all this ass of mine.
"I'm here for two weeks," he added.
"Is Shelly here, too," I asked, of his wife.
"She's not. And she will never be. We've since moved on from each other," he explained.
I was 30 seconds from hanging up because I felt he was disrupting my peace when he said that.
"Join me for coffee later," he asked.
I instantly melted as his tone changed, for it was warm and inviting.