The bitter air bombarded me as I exited my car and made my way towards to door. I walked into the small gay bar; it was the only one in town. Most of the patrons were young people who moved to the area long enough to attend its one liberal arts college before moving to somewhere more urban. It was unfair, I supposed, to equate 'one college and one gay bar' to 'one horse,' but that's what it felt like to me most of the time.
The bar was an interesting place, at least. It had previously catered to veterans before the owner had sold it several years earlier. It tried to fly under the radar so as not to provoke the more conservative residents in the town. One wouldn't even have been able to tell it was a gay bar from the outside.
I found a table near the door, where I tossed my heavy jacket on the back of a chair. The décor was vaguely depressing. The laminate floors were peeling away at the corners of the room, the fabric on the chairs were covered in stains, and the lighting was so dim it was hard to see anything clearly past ten feet.
It was a Thursday evening. There were only about fifteen people in the place. I didn't recognize anyone I knew well enough to feel compelled to say hello. Fridays and Saturdays were far more popular; it was common for there to be fifty people packed into the small venue on weekends.
I ambled up to the bar and ordered a Budweiser. The bartender was an older, friendly lesbian named Marta. She asked me a few obligatory questions about how I was doing before journeying down to the other end of the bar to help another customer.
I returned to my seat, settling into the well-worn cushion. Some queer anthem from thirty years ago was blasting away, and a few people were grinding against one another on the small dance floor. I looked at my phone; the screen informed me that it was 11:23 p.m. I had been hoping that Theo had texted.
I had met Theo a few weeks earlier through a friend of a friend. Even thinking about him stirred the butterflies in my stomach. At six-foot-two and packed with muscle, he was the kind of guy I always wanted to be with but never seemed to get. I had invited him out for the evening, but he'd declined, citing a family dinner and the need to study for a midterm.
Theo and I had a conventional relationship for two twenty-two-year-old gay guys. We'd dived right into hooking up, and now we were exploring if we wanted something deeper. I already knew I did, and that made me anxious. I didn't know where Theo was at, and I was worried that I might be sending out desperate, clingy vibes.
Still, I was also hopeful - possibly against all reason. The truth was that we barely knew each other. I had only heard the basics about his life: what he was majoring in, that he'd lived in this small college town his entire life, that he had a brother and a sister, and that he wanted to become a pharmacist.
I returned to my beer, trying to drown my sorrows. I texted a few friends, attempting to convince them to come join me at the bar. Nobody was responding to my messages.
I eavesdropped on the conservation of the two guys at the table next to me. They were discussing how one of them was attracted to his TA. He was trying to get his friend to reassure him that it wouldn't be inappropriate to ask him to hook up after the semester came to an end.
Bing!
'I might take a break later tonight and pop by your place,' Theo's message began. 'Not sure when though. Let me know if you don't want me to come over if it's too late.'
'I'll be around all night,' I texted back.
I felt the immediate urge to down the rest of my beer and race back to my apartment. I really wanted to feel Theo's muscular arms wrapped around my smaller frame.
God, that's sad
, I thought. I didn't think it was sad to want to be held by him - more that it was pathetic that I would run home to just wait around when I didn't even know when - or even if - he was going to come.
I made myself promise that I wasn't going to leave for another twenty minutes to prove to myself that I wasn't what my friends referred to as "dick-matized." I relocated to a stool at the bar, thinking that idle chit-chat with Marta would help pass the time. I quickly realized that that was a mistake; she seemed to be in a world of her own when she wasn't pouring drinks.
I pulled out my phone - only five more minutes until I could leave. I heard rustling beside me as someone settled onto a stool.
"Can I get a beer?" a familiar man's voice from the stool next to me called out to Marta.
"You got it, hun," she replied.
It was Theo sitting next to me. My heart began to beat a little more quickly realizing that he had completely blown off his studying to come meet me at the bar; it made me feel special. I had been certain that, at best, he would crawl into my bed at 2 a.m. hoping for some head.
He looked great. It felt as if I was seeing him for the first time, even though we had just spent the night together three days earlier. I noticed that he had grown out his sandy brown stubble, which looked incredibly hot. I remained as mesmerized by his sharp jawline, icy blue eyes, and spiky blond hair as when we had first met. I couldn't believe I had been fucking this Adonis for the past three weeks.
I sat, staring at him, waiting for him to say something. As soon as Marta handed him his beer, he looked down at his phone. I knew he must have seen me when he took the stool right next to me.
What game is he playing?
I wondered.
"Hey," I said, as I pivoted in his direction.
"Hey," he replied in a blasé manner.
The alcohol wafted into my face as he spoke that one word. He must have been drinking a lot during dinner. I didn't really know much about his relationship with his parents, but I was surprised that he would get that loaded at a family event. In addition to being quite tipsy, he also seemed a little off in some other way as well, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
"Do I know you?" he asked.
I reflexively chuckled, feeling a mix of confusion and annoyance. I looked at him, waiting for him to say "
just kidding"
or something of that nature. He just sat there silently with a polite smile on his face.
Oh
, I thought to myself,
he's buzzed and wants to play some kind of game
. It was weird, but it wasn't
that
weird. We'd been having sex for three weeks. He was sending out the feelers in a public place. I wasn't in any danger of getting roped into anything I didn't want - not like waking up hogtied to my own bed for some surprise BDSM.
I figured that if he wanted to play a game, I would play another. I hoped that it might actually be a fun time for both of us.
"Sorry," I said, joining the conceit. "I thought you were someone else."
"No worries," he said. "How's your night going, bro?"
"Not too bad," I said. "Could be better, though. I was supposed to meet up with this hot guy I've been seeing, but I guess he isn't coming."
