Discovering Boys

My dreams were a confusing mess of images: Dave's flint eyes boring into mine as his thick lips wrapped around the head of my cock; Matt grabbing me by the waist and pulling me into that fierce kiss; Nathan's laughter as he joked about the new queer guy on the block. Eventually the dreams gave way to blissful nothingness.

I woke up in pretty much the same place that I fell asleep, slumped against the door where I had cried myself to sleep. The last week had been an emotional rollercoaster which I was not at all equipped to handle.

First, I'd had my first gay kiss with my best friend, Matt, whilst drunk and at a club. Then I'd endured nearly a week of the cold-shoulder from my best friend, whilst the rest of the group spread rumours about me being some kind of 'queer'. Then I met Dave, an Adonis of a man who had given me a mind-shattering blowjob and then cuddled me through the night. And finally, last night Matt had practically forced his way into my room, accusing me of ruining his relationship with his girlfriend, before kissing me.

I felt like I'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. 'How can simple emotions make me feel so physically tired?' I wondered. Groaning, I stretched out and my hand hit the wall. Ah. That's why I felt so tired. Sleeping on the floor will do that to a person. My phone buzzed and I picked it up. My notifications had gone mad:

"Hey sexy man, how was your night"

- Dave

"Jake, you okay? Sounded like some shit was going on in your room yesterday"

- Harriet

"Dude, I'm so sorry 'bout that, let's be friends k?"

- Matt

"Actually, fuck you, Kerryn's right I shouldn't let a homo like you drag me down"

- Matt

"Just leave Matt the fuck alone, Jake, okay?"

- Kerryn

"I need to talk to you, please?"

- Matt

"Jake man, answer me"

- Matt

"Jake"

- Matt

"Please"

- Matt

I groaned again. Deciding that other people could wait for a while, I chucked my phone on my bed, and walked zombie-like to the shower to try and regain some sense of humanity. By the time I wandered back into my room, towel wrapped around my waist, it was clear the day was going to be a write-off. I'd missed most of my lectures and anyway I was in no emotional state to handle human contact and the probing questions that my flatmates would subject me to.

There was a hesitant tapping on my door.

"Jake..." the voice was nervous, tentative, but it also had that growly deep characteristic that people get when they're hungover, "let me in, man, please."

It was Matt. Matt who had kissed me. Matt who had ignored me for a week. Matt who had drunkenly kissed me again last night. Matt who was my best friend, or at least I hoped he still was. I sighed and went to open the door, still wrapped in just a towel, still with wet hair, still utterly unprepared to face him. He was, as always, absolutely stunning. On his worst day, Matt was a muscled, tall, stunningly handsome man, even when he was haggard. Today was not his worst day, the white T-shirt he was wearing was clinging to all to all the right places and his hair was just the right amount of tousled.

"Hey"

"Hi"

"So... uh... I guess... sorry man, for last night"

He had the audacity to look sheepish. This was definitely one of his signature moves, I'd seen him pull it out on his girlfriend countless times and it pretty much never failed to work. It was easy to see why, the slight head tilt, the puppy dog eyes, the slightly imploring tone of voice. It was a well-practiced move and it took all my strength to tear my eyes from his gaze.

"Matt, I mean, come on man. Do you think that's gonna cut it? You kiss me, you ditch me, then you kiss me again. I'm not your fucking toy to play with when it suits you!"

"Jake... please..."

"So what am I, Matt? Huh? Your friend? A piece of meat? Some dirty queer?" I could feel it building within me, all the emotions of the week bubbling to the surface and demanding to be heard, "What are you gonna do, try and fuck me then tell Nathan and everyone about gay I am?!"

He looked directly at me, "So are you? Gay, I mean."

I stopped mid-rant. "I - I don't know," I said, deflated, "I don't think so, I mean, I definitely like girls, but this is all new to me"

Matt nodded, "Yeah I get that. I kinda... I mean, maybe I feel the same?"

"You feel the same? What about Kerryn?"

"I love her, man, I swear I do. She's hot, funny, sexy, and I've never had better sex"

"But...?"

"But that kiss, dude, hotter than any I've ever had..." His voice trailed off meaningfully.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and my breathing was requiring far too much concentration for my liking. Matt shuffled closer on the bed, one arm dangerously close to my leg. I could feel the heat spreading and my dick was uncomfortably hard given all I had on was a towel. He leaned forward slightly, putting his face directly in front of mine, uncomfortably close.

"Matt..." I protested, weakly. I shuffled backwards on the bed to get away, propping myself up on the headboard. The only problem with this was that it dislodged my towel and freed my dick which sprang up and hit my chest with a soft thwack.

He looked at me with an almost predatory eye. Moving forward, his lips met mine. This was a kiss more like the first than the second, strong, deliberate, and hot. His lips parted slightly, and I allowed his tongue to lightly caress mine and I sank into the kiss and let myself go with it. I felt the urgency in his movements build and felt his hand grab the back of my head, taking hold of me and holding me close. I broke briefly, gasping for air, but couldn't get a word out before he pulled me back into it.

I felt his hand pawing at my abdomen before finally finding my cock. His grip was weird, the angle felt wrong and his grip was too tight, but it somehow still felt good. The jerking was sporadic, and not really all that comfortable but the heat of the moment made me want to go with it. I held out for a few minutes before the sheer weirdness of the situation reasserted itself and I pushed him off me.

"No man, stop"

"What, Jake, what?" His voice practically growled.

"I can't do this with you. Not now. Not when you might turn around in two minutes and tell me to fuck off, not when you have a girlfriend."

"Oh. Kerryn." His voice cracked slightly.

"Yeah, Matt. I want to be your friend, but this is confusing as fuck for me, and I can't be caught up in your love life as well."

I couldn't help myself, he looked so sad. I darted forward, planting a firm kiss on his lips. "You're awesome man, don't let this shit fuck you up. I'm here to talk, but not the rest, at least not right now."

He looked sort of lost, and I felt a twang of empathy. It was as if I'd kicked a puppy. 'No,' I thought, 'after the last couple of days giving in on this would be pathetic'. My inner monologue seemed to be developing two personalities, one justifiably angry at Matt for his behaviour towards me, the other panting like a dog in heat at the idea of seeing what he had beneath his pants. Matt looked at me again, his eyes dark and clouded, and then left without a word. He was very difficult to read, at times.

*****

The rest of the day passed mostly without incident as I kind of camped in my room, half afraid to leave in case I should bump into Matt, not knowing what I would do I saw him. I spent the time zoning out watching Netflix on my laptop, idly playing games on my phone trying to keep my brain busy rather than have to think. I'd half dozed off when my phone suddenly rang, bringing me round with a start.

"Huh?"

"Hey Jake! It's Dave, was just checking you're still alive? You didn't answer my texts."

"Oh, uh, yeah, sorry man it's been a rough day"

"Aw, that sucks, wanna come over? Or I could come to you? You can tell me all about it, or not, and we can cuddle. I promise I'll make it all better, you can trust me, I'm a doctor!"

I laughed, involuntarily, "not yet, you're not!"

"Okay, I promise that I can try to make it all better, you'll either recover or die in a horrible bloody mess! Can't say better than that."

"I'm not sure I'd be the best of company today, but sure, you can come over"

"Sweet! I'll see you there."

When Dave arrived, my flatmate, Harriet, beat me to the door of the flat. I heard her laughing as I entered the corridor and saw her flirtatiously stroking his chest. Dave was leaning against the door frame, grinning winsomely at her. "Is Jake in?" he said,

"Oh sure, I think he is, but why don't you stop by my room instead?" she said, laughing,

I decided it was time to intervene, "Harriet, this isn't a porno and nobody talks like that, leave him be," I said, laughing.

She gave a petulant pout at me and then grinned impishly, "well, you keep saying no... can you blame me for trying your hot friends?" she winked at him, "oh fine... I'll go, I know when I'm not wanted! Just remember my door is always open." Turning, she flounced away with a theatrical strut.

I shrugged at Dave, "She's always like that, I honestly cannot tell if she's joking, or if she really is as much of a nympho as she claims to be"

Dave laughed, his eyes sparkling, "nympho, yeah? And you keep saying no?"

"I'm just sticking to the rules, no sleeping with housemates!"

"Not a bad rule, so, what do you wanna do? You sounded upset on the phone, care to talk about it?"

I nodded mutely and motioned him into my room. We talked well over an hour as I told him everything that had happened over the last week, from the first kiss to the last. He stopped me occasionally to ask questions, but mostly just let me ramble on aimlessly. By the end I felt more tired than I had in ages, but somehow felt a lot lighter. Just chatting to Dave felt soothing, and his cool grey eyes radiated warmth and concern. I'd been a bit worried that telling Dave about Matt might scare him away, but he took it all in his stride and didn't seem to be concerned in the slightest.

"So, you've had a rough week then"

"That's putting it lightly"

"Well I think you need a night of doing absolutely nothing, and boy can I provide. I'm going to go grab some beers from your fridge, you do have beers, right?"

I nodded.

"Cool, I'm going to grab some beers, we're gonna chill in your room and watch the cheesiest silliest film I can find, and we're not gonna do anything else. Okay?"

"Nothing else?" I couldn't help but sound a little reproachful, remembering the last night I'd spent with him.

Dave laughed quickly, "Yup, nothing. Sorry man, but you're way too delicate for anything tonight. We're gonna do a night of nothing, and it's gonna be super hot."

He put so much inflection onto the last two words that I couldn't help but giggle and blush. He caught me by the waist and pulled me close, giving me a kiss and lightly biting my bottom lip. I gasped as he stepped back just enough to whisper in my ear,

"Don't mistake me, Jake, I would love to bend you over and fuck you right here right now. But that's something I'm gonna have you begging for before I give it to you, and we're not doing that when your dick friends have been messing you about."

He kissed me again, and then vanished to grab the beers.

When he came back, I'd put on something inane, and we passed the rest of the night chatting, telling stories from our pasts, and laughing at the movie. For the first time all week I think I was fully relaxed, held securely in the arms of this guy I'd only met a couple of days previously.

****

I woke up the next morning before Dave did, and managed to give myself a few minutes to survey the situation I found myself in. He was pressed close to my back, muscled arms wrapping me close, and his legs were tangled with mine. The blanket was sort of half hanging off the bed and wasn't really covering either of us. Dave's breathing was slow and regular, with an ever so slight hint of a snore on the outward breaths and his body was radiating heat like a furnace. I squirmed a bit to get a little more comfortable and was suddenly acutely aware of his groin pressed firmly against my arse. We were both still wearing our boxers, but I could feel the warmth of his crotch and the tightness of the cloth holding his dick back.

I snuggled in as close as I could and tried to gently grind my hips a little without disturbing him too much, giving a little bit of stimulation. I had no idea if this was even worth doing, as I was operating almost purely from instinct. Of course, I knew that I'd liked it in the past when girls had ground against my dick but had no idea if this would work.

"You know, I'm definitely not going to be able to sleep if you keep doing that," Dave sounded sleepy, but faintly amused.

I tried to twist around in his arms to see him, but he just wrapped me closer in his bear hug, trapping me tight.

"Oh, I didn't say stop."

Taking that as my cue, I put a bit more effort into grinding against him, and heard his breathing pick up pace. He pushed forward with his hips, increasing the pressure against me and I found I liked the feeling of that pressure. One hand roamed over my body, starting from my jaw, across my neck, and down my chest. He paused to pay attention to my nipples, rolling his index in circles lightly around my areola before pinning the tip and grinding into it with a little bit of force. I'd never had my nipples played with like that before and it was driving me wild. It was as if someone had wired my pecs directly to my dick, each urgent twist and flick causing my dick to twitch in by boxers.

He kept up the assault for a few seconds more, until he had me practically panting before roaming further down, one hand slipping into my boxers and cupping my balls. One thumb lightly traced the edge of my glans and gently milked a drop of pre-cum out of me, before spreading it over the head of my dick.

By this point I was gasping, and my dick was straining against my boxers. I could barely stand it anymore, so I struggled free of his grip and pulled off my boxers. I span around and kissed him, pouring all the passion and heat I was feeling into the urgency and strength of the kiss. As we kissed, I ran my hands over his body, tracing the curve of the V shape in his abs down to his waistband.

I hooked one thumb into it, pulling it down and over his dick which sprang free. It was beautiful. At least 7 inches of manliness and at least as thick as my fist. On instinct I pulled free of the kiss and began working my way down Dave's body with my lips. I started on his neck, planting little kisses on each centimetre of skin as I trailed down, over his pecs, down over his abs, and towards his cock.

I was facing my first ever penis at eye level. Somehow up close it was more intimidating than I had imagined.

I tentatively reached out with my tongue and licked on the underside, slowly tracing along the line from the base to the tip, focusing on the frenulum. I placed a kiss on the very tip and then let my mouth open as it entered, being careful to keep my teeth clear. I bobbed slightly, working my tongue over the first few inches that I could fit inside. Remembering what he had done to me, I reached and cupped his balls with my hand, gently fondling them and eliciting appreciative moans from him.

I sped up my technique, each time my head bobbed I took a little more of him into my mouth, trying to maintain eye contact as much as I could. His hands grabbed at my hair, gently guiding my stroke and encouraging me.

Suddenly he pulled me up and away, kissing me, his tongue roaming my mouth.

"Oh my god, you are so good at that," he said in-between gasping breaths, "but at that rate I was gonna cum way too quickly."

I felt a glow of pride at that. It felt strange to know that I was good at this, this weirdest of skills, but I'd had more than enough bad blowjobs to know it wasn't easy. His eyes flashed like steel at me, making me blush even more.

"Oh, I do so love it when you blush."

I grinned at that, then suddenly I was falling backwards as Dave flipped me onto my back. He loomed large over me, propped up on his strong arms.

"So, I think I'd like to fuck you now... you up for it?"

"Oh God, yes." I gasped.

I pointed him in the direction of my lube and condoms and he began to work on me. He pressed one finger gently at my hole while slowly jerking me.

"Just breathe deeply and relax, I need to open you up first."

Slowly, deliberately, he pressed the finger into me. At first it was a little uncomfortable, but then he curled it inside and rubbed something and suddenly I was in heaven. The pleasure I was getting from this one little movement was so much it was almost pain. Suddenly I realised he'd added a second finger and sped up on my dick. He started to move his fingers in and out of me, occasionally adding a little more lube so he could be sure I was fully ready. Finally, he added a third finger, really working me.

It was agony. It was bliss. I simply couldn't interpret the conflicting signals my body was sending. I was moaning, but it was the wordless vocalisations of an animal.

"I think you're ready for my dick now. This might hurt, so tell me if I'm going too fast."

He lined up the head of his dick with my hole and pushed, just enough pressure that I could feel myself stretch to accommodate him.

"Slow, deep breaths, push out a bit, yes that's it."

He was so much bigger than his fingers had been, it burnt quite a bit as he pushed steadily deeper. Finally, with a satisfied grunt, he was all the way inside me. He held himself there for a few seconds, allowing me time to adjust. I could feel him firmly inside me, I could have sworn I could feel his pulse at the entrance to my hole I was so aware of him.

Then he began to thrust. Slowly at first, but smoothly. Deep, long strokes that took his dick almost out before pushing all the way back in. As he picked up speed, he twisted his angle slightly and suddenly as he bottomed out each stroke there was a moment of white hot energy. I couldn't tell if it was painful or pleasurable, but each time he hit that point it was like a lightbulb going off in my brain, disrupting my thoughts.

It only took a few minutes before I was practically screaming underneath him, and I felt myself give in to the sensation and began to cum, shooting a bigger load than I think I had ever done before, splattering my face and chest.

Dave growled a low groan and suddenly somehow seemed to be fucking me even harder, his balls bouncing off my arse as he bottomed out and then, with one final hard thrust, he came to a stop as he came.

Still inside, he flopped forward, kissing me and then just lying there for a few seconds.

"Not a bad way to start the day," I quipped.

He laughed weakly as he rolled off me.