The day after I kissed Jerry was Carlie and my two year anniversary.
I forgot.
The morning of our anniversary Carlie got home from work with a present in her hands. It was a small slender box that she presented to me with a huge smile and a look of pride.
I was looking at the box and before I could bring my gaze up, showing my confused expression, she exclaimed, "Happy anniversary!"
My heart dropped then. Shit. Still, I managed to recover by instantly grabbing her for a hug so she wouldn't see my face. After a second, I said as enthusiastically as I could "Thanks, Babe! Happy Anniversary! Hard to believe it's been two years already!"
She hugged me back, giggling. "I know! Crazy!" She seemed not to realize how off guard she had caught me.
"Open it!" She encouraged.
I opened the box to reveal a smart exercise watch, the type that counted your steps and monitored your heart rate and the like. "Wow! I love it." And I put it on.
"I thought you'd find it useful with all the time you've been spending at the gym."
"It's great, thanks Carlie."
"So," Carlie said grinning, "what'd you get me huh?"
"You'll have to wait till later. It's a surprise." I drew her in and kissed her deeply. We chatted a while longer and then she went to bed.
I felt full of shame. Not only had I forgotten our anniversary, including forgetting to get Carlie a gift, she had bought me a gift because of all the time I had been spending at the gym. Time that I'd been spending with Ryan. In fact the reason I had forgotten, I guessed, was that I had been so preoccupied with Ryan. Well, I would try to salvage the day.
By the time she woke up, I had gone out and had gifts waiting for her - a necklace and earrings. She loved them. She threw her arms around me and didn't appear to suspect that I had bought them only that day.
We made love that night. While we were in bed, I tried, unsuccessfully, not to imagine I was kissing Ryan instead of her.
βββββ
The next day I got a text while I was at work. It was Dick.
"Hey babe."
I looked at his text. It both thrilled me and filled me with guilt. I replied.
"Hi."
"See you at 10. Can't wait to see you in your new clothes."
He expected me to wear that outfit in public? And so close to home? No way. Plus, I needed to stop all this. I had decided yesterday that, whatever this was with Ryan, it had to end. Carlie was my wife, and there couldn't be anyone else
"Sorry, Ryan. Think I'm gonna be working late tonight."
"Seriously? You gotta commit if you want to keep developing a fit body. It needs to become a habit, like brushing your teeth. Automatic. No excuses."
I knew he was right but still I resisted.
"I know, I'm just so busy."
He replied. "No excuses."
I sighed. As I thought about it, I realized it would be a good opportunity to talk to him about all this.
"Okay, see you at 10."
ββ
Over the course of the day I did a lot of thinking. I did want to keep up my workout routine, and knew that Dick was a great resource for me. He could help me build the muscles Carlie dreamed about. For that reason, I wanted to continue to work out with him.
So I hoped to have a mature conversation with Ryan about what I wanted our relationship to be, and what I wanted it not to be. Though I felt a well of anticipatory regret, thinking about the teenage adonis's body, I knew this was the right decision.
I arrived at the gym a bit early and started my workout, deep squats and leg raises. I wore my normal workout clothes, a tshirt and grey sweatpants (mine, not Carlie's). I was nervous about the conversation, but felt confident that Ryan would be mature about it.
I saw him walk in and for a second lost my focus. He wore a muscle shirt and tight (yet manly) gym pants. His body looked amazing, as always.
As he made eye contact with me I smiled, unable to hide my pleasure at seeing him, even with everything that was going on.
He did not smile.
He very slowly looked up and down my body, still across the room. He looked again to my face, serious. Angry?
Then he looked away and walked to the freeweights. No hello, nothing.
I was taken aback. I had not expected this. It was clear he was mad I hadn't worn the outfit he bought me. I didn't expect him to really care about that.
I walked over to him to say hello, but he finished his set and walked past me to the bench press, passing me without acknowledging my presence. As the night went on, this didn't change. Not once did Ryan make eye contact with me.
Eventually he went to the change room. After a few minutes I followed after him. I got changed into my bathing suit, thinking I would talk to him in the Sauna. Maybe to ease his anger I would even give him another massage tonight, even though I was trying to cut that stuff out.
As I approached the sauna though, I saw Ryan. He was walking away from me, out of the changing room, fully dressed. I stood there, stunned.
βββ
I left the gym feeling like shit. I was crushed by Ryan's reaction. He had barely acknowledged my existence the entire night. I felt dejected, rejected.
Wasn't this what I wanted though? I asked myself. I had to bring about normalcy somehow. I had to demonstrate to teen Dick that we could be friends, but that was it. I knew I was doing the right thing. Still...I couldn't deny the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I got home and took a miserable shower. The whole time I thought about the fact that I could have been sharing a post-workout shower with Ryan at the gym had I just worn the outfit. I could have been running my hands over Ryan's hard manly body now instead of running them over my soft feminine one.
I dried myself off and climbed into bed. I glanced at my phone. No messages. I opened my text chain with Ryan and looked over our past messages sadly. I reached the picture of him on the couch and looked at it hungrily. My hand moved down my body to my left ass cheek. I squeezed and ground into my hand, staring at Ryan's chiseled body and the outline of his large cock.
I stopped. I took a deep breath and brought my hand up. I held my finger over the picture until options popped up. My finger paused over the delete button for a long moment. Then I clicked.
I shut off the light and closed my eyes. With images of Ryan flashing through my head, I went to sleep.
βββ
I woke up the next day, Saturday, in a dejected mood. I had slept terriblyβtossing and turning all night. After lying in bed until late in the morning, I dragged myself up and through my morning routine. I decided I would break my diet this morning. I had been so good for over a month and even though I was basically hungry all the time, I had resisted the urge. This morning though, sugary cereal. I poured myself a big bowl and was about to take a bite when Carlie arrived home from her night shift. I put down the spoon.
"Hey Babe!" she said, cheerily.
I winced at the name 'babe.'
"Hey" I replied softly. "How was work?"
"Fine, bedpan central last night. Lots of elderly patients." She wiggled her fingers in my face jokingly.
I reeled back and stood up, grimacing. "Cut it out."
"Babe, cool it. Jeez what's with you?"
I sighed. "Nothing, I'm sorry. Just too little sleep last night."
"Sounds like you need a little sugar." Carlie grinned at me and stepped up, putting her arms around me.
She kissed me and I kissed her back. I loved her. But, if I was honest, the kiss felt soft and unexciting. We parted and she there was a surprised look on her face. She was feeling my sides.
"Wow, Jerry. You feel so thin. You've really tightened up!"
"Thanks," I grinned.
"I guess Dick's been giving you great advice after all huh?"
My grin faltered. "Yeah, I guess."
"Keep it up! Time to start building big...ssexy muscles like his soon." She appeared to swallow mid-sentence.
I swallowed myself, the way she said it had triggered something. I took a deep breath. "Yeah...hopefully..." I answered slowly.
"Okay, I'm gonna hit the sack. What you gonna do today? Gym?" Carlie asked.
"Maybe, I don't know."
Carlie kissed me again and walked out, leaving me feeling hollow and guilty.
It was true, Ryan had been great to me. Thanks to him, I was in way better shape than I had been six weeks ago. I had developed a good gym routine, maybe even a gym "habit." He had taken the time to coach me through proper form on countless exercises and cheered me on all the while. He had encouraged me to change my diet for the better. He had even bought me an outfit! And I basically threw it back into his face. I grabbed the cereal bowl and dumped it into the sink.
I sat down hard. Damn. No wonder he was upset when I showed up without the outfit. He must have thought I was so ungrateful. It probably wasn't about the outfit, but my ungrateful attitude. I opened my phone and my text chain with him. I scrolled up like I had done so many times before, seeking the photo he had sent me. Then I remembered I had deleted it last night.
Damn. I was such an ass.
I sat there thinking. I was still determined to ensure my relationship with Ryan remained appropriate, but I did want him to know I was appreciative of him. I did hope he and I could maintain a friendship.
I wrote out a message.
"Hey Ryan. Listen I hope you don't think me showing up in my normal outfit was anything against you. I just thought I'd wear my normal clothes. I really do appreciate how helpful you've been to me over the past few weeks!"
I clicked send.