I was really confused about what had happened with Ryan. I wasn't gay! I had basically never had a gay thought in my life. That is, until huge muscle teen stud Ryan...Dick. And while it was almost definitely the case that Ryan knew the effect he had on me, I didn't know for sure that he did. He hadn't really reacted to my climax on top of him (other than to say "good girl", but he could have been talking about my massage).
After getting home that night, I tested myself out. I sat on my computer at home and looked through pictures and videos of naked guys. Tall, short, skinny, stocky, old and young, all I felt for any of them was disinterest and mild disgust. The only media that came anywhere close to turning me on was hugely muscular young men, but only to the extent that they reminded me of big Dick. Even within that demographic, no matter how many different guys I looked at, I found they were, at best, poor imitations of Ryan's amazingly hard body and boyish handsomeness.
I closed out all my internet tabs and found myself instead thinking about Ryan's masculine body. How small I felt compared to him, how nice it was to have his hands and hard body on me. Before I even realized what I was doing, I found myself grinding my ass into my chair and bending forward, imagining I was again grinding on Ryan's lap.
A loud buzz sounded and gave me a jolt. My eyes flew open and I saw my phone had lit up. I leaned back. Jesus, get ahold of yourself, I thought. I grabbed the phone, assuming it would be Carlie. She often sent texts in the middle of the night with updates about her shift for me to see when I woke up.
Instead, it was from an unsaved number. Ryan, I thought, my heart skipping a beat.
"Thanks again for the massage, baby. Keep up the good work on your core and that ass. Feeling great."
I stared at the message, thinking back to Ryan's large hands squeezing me. l hesitated. I needed to show this kid that I wasn't simply at his beck and call. I decided I wouldn't answer him tonight.
It was difficult. I stared at his message and even typed out a couple lame responses before stubbornly deleting them.
About 15 minutes later, as I lay in bed, I pulled up my text chain with Ryan. Again I clicked the text box to respond, but once again decided against it. Then, after hesitating only a moment, I slowly scrolled up to the picture he had sent me earlier that day. I opened it.
My god. Seeing him triggered all the images of him now burned into my brain. Ryan peeling his sweater off. Ryan laying on the bench, my hands on him. Ryan's wide strong chest beneath me as I sat on him.
Buzz.
"What you waiting for babe?"
I stared...confused. But I still didn't respond. He'd probably just think I was asleep, right?
Another buzz. "Babe?"
I decided I couldn't pretend to ignore him any more. "Sorry, was in the shower."
"Thinking about me? ;)"
Before I could respond that I wasn't, he continued.
"Just joking. Why do you keep starting to respond and then stopping. The indicator pops up every time you start typing you know."
Shit...what do I say? What could I say? Phone glitching? I decided just to be straight-forward. I replied, lamely, "Sorry, wasn't sure what to say..."
"You're so cute. So would you say I take your breath away?"
I needed to say something but didn't want to say that. "Ummm..." Killer response, I thought. So well composed, I thought, fuming at myself.
"Alright you little chatterbox, I'll let you off the hook. See you for the next session on Thursday, same time?" That was two nights from now.
I paused only a second before saying "Okay."
"Great. Also, I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know already, but you do need to shave off a few pounds babe. Exercise is great, but it all starts with diet. Lets say 1200-1300 calories a day, okay?"
What the fuck. That was nothing! Anger flared up. I began to type a reply that there was no way I was changing my diet just because he said so. But again he beat me to it.
"I know that sounds harsh, baby, but it will be good for you. If that's not a good enough reason for you, do it for me?"
My anger melted away. As always I found myself wanting to please him. And it was true that it was really all in my best interest.
"Okay, Ryan." I said. "I was planning to do something like that anyways."
He replied. "Good π"
I stared at the kissing emoji for a long time. But he didn't text me again. I closed my eyes and settled into a fitful sleep.
---
Though I tried to put Ryan out of my head for the following two days, I found it impossible to do so. I was so confused about how I felt about this cocky teenage Dick. I was 13 years older than him, and completely straight. I knew I shouldn't have paid him any mind.
Carlie noticed how distracted I was acting and on Wednesday morning asked what was wrong. I played it off as nothing, and that I was just hungry because I was trying this new diet. Still she persisted. She came up to me and gave me a deep kiss. I kissed her back, welcoming the distraction. We started making out and stumbled into the bedroom. As we stripped she asked "you want to be on top?"
"Sure," I panted, excited. But as I got between her legs and looked down onto her soft body, I felt a pang of disappointment. I tried to stick it in but found I was rapidly softening.
"Jerry? Everything okay?"
It wasn't okay. I wasn't able to recover and we ended up just cuddling. This wasn't normal for me and Carlie kept asking me what was wrong. I told her nothing was and, after a while, got up to go to work.
---
Thursday inched by and I found I had a growing sense of anticipation. I arrived at the gym around 10 p.m. that evening and there he was, ripping out sets of tricep extensions, his arms looking huge. My breath caught, seeing big Dick.
I walked over to the free-weight area and made eye contact with Ryan, giving him a slight head nod in greeting. He grinned and said "hey babe." I wandered over to the free barbell, which happened to be right in front of him and, facing away from him, bent over to begin deadlifts. I felt a strange thrill knowing he was right behind me as I bent over and I wondered if he would help me out like last time.