Decoding Desires

Lee gets me up for work. I forgot to set my alarm, a rookie move, but to be fair, I'm not used to sleeping over someplace else so often. I think I've spent more nights at Lee's house in the few weeks we've been dating than I have in my entire life except when I lived with Jace, which in my opinion doesn't count. Lee doesn't even have to work, he set his alarm to make sure I didn't oversleep, which is sweet, and appreciated.

And, like the amazing person he is, he has breakfast for me, some type of orange and bran muffin that tastes better than it looks and a cup of coffee, black. I look at the clock and sigh, I don't want to leave.

"You know, I could just call off..." I suggest, refusing to get up from the table until the last second.

"You're not calling off," he tells me, looking up from his phone. "I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

"I'm not gonna get in trouble if I call off today," I say. "I mean, I have sick time."

Lee gives me a look and I sigh. "Is this because of what happened with your favorite apprentice?"

I flinch, he's hit the nail on the head. "Not just. I mean, I never want to leave your house, Lee, so there's that, too. But... Maybe a little." Maybe a lot, but I'm trying not to think about it.

The genuine smile he beams at me makes my heart skip a beat. "Well, I never want you to leave, either, but we both have jobs..."

I sigh. "I wish our schedules matched up better. I hate not seeing you for days, and I hate working on days you're off, like...." I trail off, knowing it sounds clingy, but it's too early for my filter to have booted up yet.

"It just makes the time we get together better," he says, and I wish I had his confidence and upbeat attitude, but I don't on a normal day, and especially not today. "We have tonight, if you still wanna-"

"I wanna," I interrupt before he can dismiss it. "I do. I mean, I'll just come back here, after I grab some clean clothes and stuff."

"You're more than welcome to use my washer, if you needed."

"Maybe later, I didn't bring a lot with me, like, I didn't want to assume..."

"It's fine, or, if you wanted to have some time by yourself, I get it.'

I shrug. "I have enough alone time as it is. Still, I need to get to my house for some essentials. You really don't mind me sleeping over all the time?"

He blushes. "Nope." He looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't.

I'm suddenly salivating, thinking about Lee's perfect cock. "Do we have time for a, um, morning, um, fun times?"

Lee tilts his head and considers it, then looks at the clock and frowns. "As much as I love the thought of you deepthroating me before work, you're gonna be late at this rate."

It makes my heart a lighter, but then it sinks again when I check the time again. I sigh. "I guess I should get going..."

"It'll be fine, just do your job and keep your head down, right?"

I shrug with half a shoulder. "I guess, but..."

"But?"

I sigh again, tired of sighing, but here we are. "But... Donnie's mad at me. I've never had a fight with her before, and, she's like, my only advocate, other than Bill. I just... I really don't want to go. Like, just for this week, right? Okay?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing is gonna be different next week, even if you call off for the rest of this week, right?"

He's right, and I hate it, but it's true. "I'll just find a new job."

"Now you're overreacting," he chides, but gently. I frown and he stands up, then takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. "Go to work so you can get the day done and then we can hang out tonight?"

One more sigh just for good measure. "Fine," I relent, feeling like a petulant teenager. "But I get to say 'I told you so' when my day sucks."

"Try not to already have your day pre-planned as 'bad', and you may not have a bad day?" Lee suggests.

I go to argue, then stop, pursing my lips, annoyed at myself. "Fine. I'll try, how's that?"

"Good enough." Lee smiles with half of his mouth, a teasing smile. "Maybe I'll reward you if you're a good boy today..."

I don't know what to say to that, and in order to keep my little man from sprouting I turn on my heels and find my boots. I look over my shoulder as I'm lacing up my left boot to find Lee leaning against the wall, a steaming mug of coffee in his hands. It's going to be etched into my memory forever, he's so sexy and beautiful and amazing in this moment my heart seizes and stops, then restarts faster than before.

I lace up the other boot, avoiding staring at Lee, I could stay right where I was and stare at him all day. It's tempting, but I stand up and grab my keys off the hook by the door. "So, yeah. Going. To work."

Lee chuckles as he walks towards me. He leans in as my hand closes over the doorknob and kisses my cheek, a quick peck, but it has me immediately longing for more. "Get going, then," Lee says, and I can tell by the tone of his voice he's teasing me.

I love it. "See you later?"

"Yup. Try to have a good day," he says, then sips his coffee.

"Will do," I say, and I really do mean it.

I wanna say something else, but I don't know what, and Lee looks the same, so after a few seconds of awkward silence I open the door. I immediately get blasted with a face full of heavy, humid air and want to turn around, shut the door, and never leave.

Instead, because I'm a freaking adult who can handle shit like bad weather and stupid interns and upset work friends, I march to my car. I don't even look back, because if I do, I'm worried I'll just curl up in Lee's arms and forget I even had a job.

It's tempting, but now I'm driving, thinking about how Lee might reward me if I'm a good boy at work, then thinking about converting voltage so I don't fully engorge my half chub. My mind wanders, then lands on how upset Donnie was with me yesterday, and every mile to the site has my stomach feeling tighter and tighter.

I get stuck by a train on a road my GPS sent me down as a 'shortcut', it makes me a few minutes late to work, so I've already missed the general mulling around before the shift. It's a bit of a relief, actually, I don't have to see Donnie or Jon no H first thing. The thought flares my temper, then fills me with shame, which flares my temper even more.

I start the day feeling petty, dodging Donnie and Jon no h. It's stupid exhausting, and soon I give it up, forcing myself to think about anything else. Of course my mind lands on Lee, and then I'm making a mixtape for him in my head, something I used to like to do back when CDs were still a thing and you couldn't just get any song you wanted any second of the day. By lunch I had about five songs I was certain would be on the list, and another ten that I needed to listen to just to confirm they fit the theme, and that they flowed together well.

The day surprisingly flies by and by the end of the day I'm ready to make a Spotify playlist for Lee. I'm battling with myself if I'm actually going to share it, what if he thinks it's stupid? Still, I sit in my car for half an hour after work, still onsite, pulling it together. It didn't feel right to leave without getting it all out of my head.

On my long drive back I think up three more songs to add, which I do in my driveway when I stop by the house to resupply. When I get out of my car to head inside, I use the side door not the front, I see an envelope taped to it. The envelope makes me hesitate, filling me with dread in an instant.

My name is written on it, I'd recognized that handwriting anywhere, Jace's messy, blocky scribbles. I take a deep breath and look around, but I don't see anyone, and I don't see his obnoxious car, so I try my hardest to let it go. It's harder than I want to admit, but I know Lee is waiting for me, so I focus on that and leave the letter exactly where I found it.

I'm in and out in five minutes, checking to make sure all the doors and windows are locked, and that the air conditioning is on enough for my house not to turn into a sauna, but also not drive up my electric bill. I actively work to avoid looking at the letter, as if not acknowledging it would unmake it. Still, it works enough to get me back into my car without touching it, and, with Lee at the end of my ride, I'm highly motivated to get moving.

I listen to the mixtape Spotify list on my way to Lee's house, and it's good. I'm pretty impressed with it, though I need to move some songs around on the list to make sure the transitions are good. I'm not even a third of the way through the list when I pull into Lee's driveway, and I'm wondering if it's maybe too long, but then I see Lee sitting at the little table on his tiny porch and I don't care anymore.

He's reading a book and sipping something that looks like lemonade. The glass is sweating condensation from the heat and humidity, it's dripping on the concrete through the wrought iron lattice of his table. He looks up as I get out and smiles, raising his hand for the tiniest wave. It's adorable.

I wave back as I approach his porch, my duffle bag on my shoulder. "Ah, heya," I say, cause I'm real smooth like that.

He stands up, putting the book jacket between the pages he's on, then closes the book. "I was gonna text you, but I didn't want you to think I'm, ah. Clingy?"

"Sorry, I stopped by the house to pick up some stuff, and I wanted to make sure I locked up tight."

"Please don't apologize. Did you wanna sit out here, or, I mean, we could go inside, if you'd rather." He tilts his head to the side a little and bites his lower lip, just the left corner of it, and I've come to realize it means he's nervous.

"Whichever you prefer," I say, shifting the bag on my shoulder. "Do you mind if I drop this off and get changed first? I'm kinda grimy, but I didn't shower at my house cause I wanted to get here sooner."

"Of course, sure. We don't have to sit outside. I was just feeling cooped up."

"Sit, Lee. Enjoy your book. I'll take a quick shower and be right back out, okay?"

He nods and sits back down. "You sure?"

"Absolutely. I'm just gonna borrow your shower for a sec, if you don't mind."

He shakes his head. "Help yourself," he says with another nod.

He's nervous about something, but I don't know what. I hesitate, then head into the house, ready to be out of my work clothes. I throw my duffel on the couch, then head straight to the bathroom. I love Lee's shower, the bathroom itself is pretty dated and could use a renovation, but the showerhead is pure heaven. It's got this perfect pressure and spray that makes me wanna stay in it forever.

But, I want to see Lee more, so I make it quick, changing into a tank top and khaki shorts. I also brought my sandals, I hate wearing shoes in the summer.

Lee is back into his book when I come out again, feeling like a fresh, new human. The chair on the other side of the table is pulled out, and there's an already condensation-covered glass of lemonade waiting for me. He looks up at me and smiles again, he looks a lot less nervous now.

"You okay?" I ask, sitting down. The chair is stiff, but not entirely uncomfortable. I sip the lemonade and it's tart, not sweet, which is surprising, but delicious.

"Hmm? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

I look over at him, he's biting his lip again. "You just look like, I dunno." I shrug.

"I'm fine. Really. You said something earlier, about locking your house up? Did something else happen?"

I shrug, then take another sip of lemonade. Even in shorts and a tank top I'm already sweating, it's that hot. I don't know how Lee isn't hot in his polo shirt, I can see he's wearing an undershirt, too, as usual. "Not really. I mean, nothing big. Just, you know, Jace being Jace."

I try to think of something else to say to change the subject but it's too hot to think straight. "What's he gone and done this time?" Lee's smile is gone.

I sigh. "Just left me a note on the door."

"What'd it say?"

I shrug. "Dunno. I didn't read it. I left it where it was, I don't have time to stress about his bullshit, I got enough on my plate already."

Lee goes to say something, then stops, takes a deep breath, and tries again. "Should I be worried?"

I shake my head. "Nah. It's good. I don't wanna think about him right now. I just wanna be with you, okay?"

"I don't like that he's stalking you, Cody. It makes me worried."

I nod, trying to acknowledge his emotions. "I know, but I promise, it's fine. He's just... He's not gonna do anything. Lee, please. I don't wanna talk about it, I don't want it to ruin our night. I left it alone, I didn't let it bother me, and I won't let Jace mess shit up for me like this, not when it comes to you."

He goes to say something, then sips his lemonade instead. "How was work," he eventually asks.

"Not as bad as I thought it would be."

He looks me over, pursing his lips to the side. "You made up with Donnie?"

I sigh, I can't help it. "No, I didn't talk to her at all today. I, ah, kept myself busy."

"You can't avoid her forever, not if you work together a lot," he says, as if I don't know this already.

Fuck, it's hot. I'm working to keep my cool, but it's hard, and my temper is a spark away from going up. There's just too much kindling in my head right now with Jace and Donnie and Jon no H. I take a deep breath, then blow it out slowly. "I know," I snap.

He flinches, just a little, but I see it. "Sorry."

I deflate. "No, don't be sorry. You're right. I'm just so tired, emotionally exhausted on that front, and the ex-boyfriend front, too. I just, can we just do something else? I don't wanna talk about any of that stuff."

Lee bites his lower lip, then nods curtly. "Yeah. Sure. What did you wanna do?"

I shrug, I was hoping he had a plan. "Dunno. Just, you know, something with you."

"Oh? Good. Me too. Something with you, I mean," Lee says, finding a smile again, though it's not as bright as earlier.

"Fuck, it's hot," I moan, stretching in my chair. I go to take another sip of lemonade, but I find it's gone, and that irritates me, too. "I need to reset or something. I'm all sorts of pissy today. How are you not melting? It's so hot outside today."

"Well, first, I haven't worked outside all day, so I'm not overheated yet. Second, maybe I wanted to, ah, get a little sweaty." He's blushing, and I'm embarrassed, hoping he means what I think he means. "Would you like to play? To reset? Or, if you're tired from work we can do it later. Or not at all. Whatever you want."

I exhale loudly. "Yes. Play. That sounds perfect. I need it, Lee. I need you."

"Fuck, Cody," he whispers and I look up at him to find him biting his lower lip in a way that's not nervous at all. "Alright. Let's chat around some boundaries. Things you wanna do, things you don't, that kinda stuff. All we've done so far is what I've wanted to do."

"I wanna do what you wanna do," I agree quickly.

He sighs. "You have to have something you wanna do."

I think about it. Lee has always led our encounters, which now that I am considering it, feels really selfish of me. Like, I'm letting him do all the work. I need to step up. "Okay. Let me think. Could we go inside while we do, though? I've got sweat running down my butt crack."

He snorts out a laugh, then stands up and gathers his things. I grab my glass and we go inside. He steps around me once the door is shut and heads to the kitchen. "Want more lemonade?"

"I'm good for now, thanks. Should I, um, is the couch okay?"

"Sure," he calls from the kitchen. "Be right there."

He's back in a minute with a lemonade and a glass of water, which he puts down in front of me, and also a box of cheddar crackers. "Wasn't sure if you were feeling snacky," he said as he set them down in front of me on the coffee table as well.

"I love these." I'm ripping open the box before I can stop myself. "How'd you know?" I ask before I shove a handful into my mouth like an animal.

He shrugged. "Carrie had them at the pool the other day," he says. "You really seemed to like them, and Carrie later confirmed they are a favorite snack of yours."

"You're the best," I say, and I mean it down to my core. "So, um. Boundaries and stuff I wanna do, right?"

He sits down next to me, there's space between us which I don't like, but I figure he's trying to give me room to think without wanting to just open his pants and go down on him like I want to. He leans forward, his hands between his knees. "So, first, I guess, what haven't you liked?"

"I don't think you're gonna believe me when I say that I haven't disliked anything we've done so far, but it's true."

Lee doesn't believe me, he stares at me for a moment before clearing his throat. "Okay. What about things you really liked, like, enjoyed more than other stuff?"

My throat is suddenly tight, I'm already super embarrassed and I haven't even said anything yet. "When you, ah." I take a deep breath and he waits for me. "When you tied me to the bed and fucked me hard, wouldn't let me touch myself. That was fucking hot."

"Really?" he asks, leaning closer to me. "What else?"

"Whenever you spank me, or, um. I liked the time out. I mean, I hated both of those things, spanking and time out, but I also, um. I liked it. I liked deepthroating you. Fuck I love deepthroating you, I wanna do it right now. I wanna do it every day." I'm so nervous and aroused I can't stop my mouth. "There's something about how it feels when your dick throbs in my throat as you're coming. I liked the, um. I mean, I don't like it, but when you make me waste, or don't let me cum. All of it, Lee. I fucking love it all, but, like. I wanna, can I suck you off? I need, like, I wanna make you cum."

I'm staring at the quickly growing tent in Lee's shorts and my mouth is watering because I'm a slut for Lee's cock. I want it, my mouth suddenly feels so empty. I'm leaning towards him before I realize it.

"Cody," Lee says, his voice firm. His hand on my shoulder holds me in place and I look up at him, worried I messed up somehow, but he's got that look in his eyes like he's gonna do something wonderfully mean to me. "Hold up."

"Okay," I say, but I don't mean it. Lee's hand is firm, though, and stops me from moving any closer.

"Cody, stand up." I do, my body moves before I even think about it. "Good boy. Turn around so you're facing away from me." I do. My knees are suddenly weak with jitters of what he may be getting me ready for.

I'm surprised when his arms wrap around my waist, then pull me back against his body. I tense up for a second, then somehow I fit so perfectly against his body that I melt a little. He matches me like a puzzle piece. He squeezes me closer and I can feel his length pressed against my ass. I sigh and lean back, relaxing into him. Lee's chin comes to rest on my shoulder and he sighs, then hugs me even tighter. My arms wrap around his and I trap him just in case he thinks about pulling away.

"Missed you," he whispers into my ear.

"Missed you, too," I agree, wiggling my ass into his loins.

We stand there like that for long enough that the shitty parts of my day pale to almost nothing, until there's nothing left but the comfort and warmth and love of Lee's embrace. I can feel every breath he takes, can feel his heartbeat steady against my back. It's sappy, but it feels like my heartbeat syncs to match his. I'm at peace, truly at peace, for the first time in a while. I don't remember the last time I felt this safe and loved.

"We don't have to play, Cody. We can just be," he whispers into my ear. "I don't want you to think that all I want is the Sir and Brat stuff. I want this, I want you. Just you."

My butterflies are raving in my stomach, and it feels like they are taking enough ecstasy to make me high, too. "Me too. I'm happy just being here, Lee."

He sighs, but it's contented. "I'm glad," he says, only slightly louder than a whisper. "I feel like I started this relationship all out of order, and I wanna make it right."