Decoding Desires

I'm sitting on Lee's couch and I love it. I love everything about his cute little house, and I'm fighting the urge to fall in love with Lee. He's amazing.

Lee's in the shower, leaving me alone with my phone, and my thoughts. The doubts creep in, like they always do. Somehow, when he's around he protects me from myself, from these thoughts, but he's not here now, and they are quick to return.

What is this? Are we dating? Or just having fun? I don't really understand the whole sub-dom thing still, other than I like what I've done with Lee so far. My stingy ass is both a pleasant and unpleasant reminder of that.

I shift, now that I'm thinking about my ass it stings, which makes me smile. I was worried I'd feel weird about it after the fact, but all I feel when I think about it is how much I wanna do it again, and slightly horny. Remembering the noises that Lee made as he shot in my mouth makes me hot. I can taste him in the back of my throat even after we ate lunch.

I put those thoughts away, cause I'm half hard again. I may not want to let myself love Lee, but my dick sure does. I sober quickly, and the doubts creep in again. I need to know what I am to Lee, is this just a funsies thing for him? I need to know what kind of relationship this is, but I'm too afraid to ask. Does he have other subs? Is he dating someone? I think I remember he said he's single?

I need to know the answers to these questions, but I can't ask them, I know I can't, and it's making me anxious. I want Lee to like me so much it's making my stomach hurt, and I know I have it bad.

Maybe I should go home and cool off. I stand up, that's probably the best plan. Can't let Lee see me freaking out, I need to go. I head over to my shoes, but then I hesitate. It's super rude to just leave. I need to tell Lee I'm going. But then he might ask questions and I don't want to lie to him, but I can't tell him the truth, either. I'm frozen in indecision when I hear the bathroom door open.

"Cody?" Lee calls to me, emerging from the hall before I can force myself to move. "You leaving?"

"Um," I say, the use of language suddenly too complicated for my brain to process.

"Hey, you okay?" He takes a step towards me and my heart is pounding like a drum.

"Yeah, yeah," I stammer.

"You need to go? Work?" he asks, cool as a cucumber. I'm jealous.

"No, um, no," I reply, unable to lie to him.

"You okay?" He's been slowly but steadily moving, and he's next to me now, and I couldn't move. He takes my hand and squeezes it, and now my heart is beating like a chaotic dubstep track, but my body responds to him.

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, looking away from him. I'm too ashamed of myself to face him properly.

"You wanna sit back down?" he suggests, tugging me gently by my captive hand. My body follows him like the perfect little lap dog I want to be for him.

"Sure," I manage to say as we take the few steps back to the couch. He smells good, and as soon as I go into his bathroom again I'm going to creep on the brand and buy it just to huff it when he's not around.

He squeezes my hand as he pulls me to the couch. "If you have stuff to do today just let me know. I wanted to, ah, spend some time with you, if you were free," he says.

I still can't look at him, I'm studying the way my hand fits into his intently. "Me too," I admit. My throat is tight, my pulse feeling arrhythmic enough to give a cardiologist a fit. "Sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for," he tells me, which is wrong, all of the thoughts I've been having while he was showering deserve a million apologies, but I don't correct him. "Hey. It's kinda hot out today, so it might limit our options if you wanted to go out. Or, we could stay in and watch a movie, or you can go home if you'd like some time to yourself. Whatever you want," he says, rambling a bit when I don't offer my suggestions.

"Out," I say, not sure why I'm picking it, other than it's the first word out of my mouth. "Oh, yeah. Hot. Um."

"Cody," Lee says, and fuck if I don't suddenly want to kiss my name off his lips.

"Hmm?"

"Look at me?" he requests. I do, because the feeling he gives me when I follow his directions makes me feel real. Or more real. I don't know, I can't explain it. "Today is absolutely no pressure. Was, did I take it too far this morning? Is that what's got you upset?"

I shake my head, the last thing I want him to do is question this morning. "No, no, it was, um," and suddenly it's really hard to continue, the horny shame filling my chest, and my little man. "It was fantastic."

He studies me for a second and I look away, feeling inadequate next to him. Also, my dick is suddenly rock hard and pinched against my pants again, but I'm not going to adjust it while he's watching me like this. "You sure?" he asks, more command in his tone than before.

I nod my head like an idiot. "My butt still hurts," I whisper, unable to say it louder. "In a good way, which I didn't know was possible. I mean, I do, like, cause I'm a bottom, like, um, my ass hurt, but this wasn't, I mean, my ass, um, outside it hurts, um, cause I've never had, um-"

He cuts me off. "Good," he praises, squeezing my hand. He lets out a breath I didn't realize he was holding, then chuckles. "Fuck, Cody. I was worried I'd pushed you too far again."

"You've never pushed me too far," I whisper, memorizing the way it feels to have my hand wrapped in Lee's soft fist. I can feel that my hands are rougher, calloused, and I want to pull away, I don't want to sully his perfect hands.

As if he can tell what I'm thinking, he squeezes my hand harder, and the pressure remains long enough that I don't pull away. When he can tell I've relaxed, he relaxes, too. Fingers brush under my chin, turning my head, and I can't look away, he's too damn perfect. He smiles and I'm done, I'm under his control completely.

He watches me for a moment, then moves in and kisses me. His kiss is slow and sweet and I'm melting for him. I kiss him back, trying to keep the kiss slow, but I'm not in charge of this kiss. His hand on my chin slides back into my hair, then cups the back of my head, holding me close. A quick squeeze has me relaxing my other hand, the one holding his, then he pulls it away and slides it behind my back.

Next thing I know he's lying me down on his couch while kissing me. I wrap my hands around his neck as my head hits the cushion, his hair is still wet from his shower, but I don't care. He shifts above me, then breaks off our kiss for just long enough to push me down the couch. I shift my legs up onto the couch and stretch out long and he smiles his killer smile at me just before taking my mouth with his again.

He climbs over me, then settles down on top of me and we're kissing again, his body weight on mine. Lee is a weighted blanket that I never knew I needed, but now that I know I won't ever feel this secure again without him. I love how he feels on top of me. I shift, threading my arms under his, then I'm trailing my hands down his back, tracing every contour on the way down.

Fuck, his ass is perfect. The way it fills my hands, I can't help but to squeeze down. He grunts, then thrusts his hips into me, and I know he's as hard as I am, I can feel him stabbing into my lower belly. He kisses me harder, faster, one fist tight in my hair, the other one under my hip, pulling me into his groin.

I'm grinding into him, fondling his perfect ass and we kiss, and kiss, and kiss. I've never been kissed like this, and I'm addicted, I know it. I want it, and I want so much more, but for now, I'd die happy as long as Lee was kissing me. I never want it to end, and I also want more. I want to be fucked so hard. I want my ass to hurt on the inside and outside.

I'm moaning, low in the back of my throat, though it takes me a second to realize it. "Fuck, Cody," Lee breaths into my mouth. "I'm fine if we never leave the house today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day."

"Me too,"I agree. I grind him into my loins again and he shifts, putting his hands under my hips. He bounces me up and my legs wrap around his waist. I don't even know what I'm doing, but if Lee's impassioned growl is anything to go by, he approves.

I'll do anything he asks me to, all he has to do is say it. I want him to make love to me. I want him to fuck me hard. I want him to use me. I want him to love me. I can't even, with all of the things I want right now, and I can't say any of them, all I can do is kiss him.

Lee kisses me back, and his hands are everywhere now that my legs are wrapped around his body. He's caressing my face, my back, squeezing my ass. His hips are moving in micromovements, I'm not sure if he knows he's doing it, but he's rubbing himself against me in the best way.

I tug at his shirt, tucked into his khakis, but it's tucked in pretty good, and my angle is bad. I'm so far gone it doesn't matter, I keep working it, but Lee's hands are there and he's pulling them away, redirecting them back to his ass. I'm a simple man, and his ass is perfection, and I'm easily distracted.

I don't even realize I'm trying to take his shirt off again until his hands redirect me again. I pull his hips into me, hard enough that I can clearly feel the shape of him against my belly. "Lee," I moan as he begins thrusting intentionally. My world narrows down to his lips, his teeth, his tongue, his hands, his weight over mine, and his hips driving his loins against me.

He stops, his hands closed over mine, both of us panting. "Cody, stop," he tells me, pulling my hands away from his shirt hem, which I somehow managed to untuck even when I hadn't meant to be doing it.

"Sorry," I say, dropping my hands to the couch. I don't know what I've done wrong, but I obviously upset him.

He sighs, then unpeels himself from my body and the color in the world dulls just a bit. "Don't be sorry," he says, twisting away from me. He tucks his shirt back into his pants, and I know what I did wrong, but not why.

I go to ask, but his dick is tenting his pants so perfectly that I can't see anything else. My mouth is watering. I want it in my mouth, down my throat. He sees me looking and I want to look away but I can't, I'm too worked up to think properly.

I can see him thinking, then he's undoing his belt. My hands are already doing the same to mine and he stops me with a glance. "Just take yourself out, leave your pants on," he commands. He pulls his cock out and fuck me if it's not the nicest dick I've ever had the pleasure of seeing in person. I follow his demands and I'm out, but my zipper is in the way, chafing me instantly. I shift my hips and he's watching me curiously as I pull my jeans down just a little.

I go to sit up and he pushes me down, then mounts me again. Our cocks are touching skin to skin and... "Mmmm," I'm humming as he kisses me again, my indiscretion forgotten.

"Feel how hot my dick is for you?" Lee asks me between kisses.

"I want it," I whisper, thrusting into his cock. It's not satisfying, my precum soaked head slides to the side of his shaft. I try again, but the same thing happens and I growl in frustration. Lee chuckles and my toes curl, then he's tugging my shirt up until it's under my chin.

He moves down my body, and I'm worried I did something wrong again, but then his lips close around my left nipple. My body arches into him as he sucks hard, then tentatively nips the sensitive flesh there. I moan and he growls his approval, then the true torment starts.

Lee sucks hard, then bites the base of my nipple, right where it connects to my areola. It feels nice. He licks my erect flesh there, his tongue rough over the sensitive bud. I've never really done nipple play, but I've fantasized about it. Jace never...

There's no room for memories of Jace as Lee's bite grows firmer, then begins to sting. He's showing no sign of relenting and now I'm writhing under him as the sting turns to pain. His teeth feel hella sharp, but his tongue is dancing over my nipple and then his hand closes on my cock and I'm dancing to his tune.

"Lee, fuck, Lee," I'm moaning, panting, praying. He strokes me in slow, firm strokes, timed to how his tongue travels over the blossom of pain that is my left nipple. My hands are in his hair and it's almost dry now. It feels silky and I run my fingers through it over and over again.

The pain point of Lee's teeth subsides. He sucks once more, then releases my nipple, licking it hard one last time. He looks up at me, his eyes full of longing. He's checking on me, making sure I'm still okay. I smile at him, then move his head to my other nipple.

He growls, then sucks it hard. He doesn't warm me up like he did with my other nipple, he bites down hard, then licks my nipple like his favorite lollipop. I'm dancing under him again, moaning like a cat in heat. It seems to encourage him, and fuck, I'm suddenly super close to nutting again.

"Lee," I pant, trying to pull his head back. He fights me, and somehow bites me even harder in warning. I whine, my whole body a live wire looking for a ground. "Lee," I try again, pulling harder, but it just makes my nipple burn. He's attached, and he's not letting go until he decides it's time. "Gonna cum if you don't stop," I'm finally able to say, so close to nutting that I can feel it like a heavy weight in my balls.

His hand disappears from my cock and I whine in frustration, but also in relief. He's sucking and biting and licking my nipple in a way that I want to translate to my cock so bad, but also in a way that makes it hard to think, other than I want it happening to my cock at the same time. "Good boy," he pants, releasing my nipple after another few seconds of pure agonizing bliss.

He locks eyes with me, then climbs back up my body and leans in to kiss me, but stops just before our lips touch. His breath on my lips is a teasing torture I've never experienced before. "Grab my cock," he directs, his own hand wrapping around mine again.

I don't need to be told twice. Fuck, the amount of precum he's leaking makes my hand instantly wet. I shift to taste him and he growls as I lick his lust from my fingers.

"Hands on my cock," he demands. "Make me cum, Cody."

I'm stroking him as fast as I can, I want to make him cum, it's my only goal in life right now. He's thrusting into my hand, his fist tight around my dick, but not moving. I thrust into his fist and he's thrusting into mine, so I stop moving my hand. We're both thrusting and kissing, then he relaxes his upper body weight onto me and my sore nipples scream in pain. It's just enough to push me over the edge and I'm coming in his hands.

He groans, his thrusting growing harder and faster as I lose my ability to function a little bit more with each squirt of jizz out of my little man. He shoves his other hand under my head and grabs my curls tight, kissing me in a way that feels more like he's dominating me. I'm still coming and he's riding my fist like a man on a mission. The way he pulses in my hand lets me know he's gonna shoot only a second before I feel his first shot land on my stomach, well above my belly button.

The second surge shoots even higher and I want so much, I want everything, I love how he's coming on me, marking me. His warmth melts into my skin as his third shot oozes into my fist, greasing my hand up for his thrusting. It's slippery now and I can't grip him as tight but he's too lost to his second orgasm of the day to care.

I don't know when we stopped kissing, but he's panting my name as his orgasm winds down. I feel special, amazing, like we're the only two people in the whole world. I can feel every spot of cooling cum on my chest, can feel my nipples still burning, and under that, the ache of my ass.

He rests his forehead on mine, panting slightly, then leans back and kisses the tip of my nose. "You like me playing with your nipples?" he asks after a quiet moment, pushing himself up off me.

I realize that we've gotten jizz on his shirt. "Sorry, your shirt." I feel guilty, though I know we both are at fault.

"Don't care," he says, looking down to survey the damage. "Not as much as you have on your body."

I flush, looking down to find several puddles of cum spread from my lower belly up to almost between my nipples. I don't know which puddles are mine and which are his, which is a little disappointing because I want to eat his. I'm fucked up, but knowing that doesn't make it something I can change.

He stands up, his eyes moving to each puddle of cum before he looks at me again. It's all I can do just to lay there and let him look, my body is still jelly from my orgasm, and also his eyes are so heavy I can't move anyway.

"You look good covered in cum," he says, his voice husky even though we've both already come. Again.

I shiver, locked to his couch just by the pressure of his eyes. I have no idea what to say. I love being covered in his cum. I can't say that. I love making him cum. I want him to cum on me again. Always. I want to wear it like a badge of pride. I want to eat it. I want... I'm so fucked up, and I know I can't say any of those things. I don't say anything.

Lee shakes his head as if he's coming out of a deep thought. "I'll go get you a washcloth, hang out here for a second. I hope we didn't get it on your shirt." He's a different person, he's the caring and considerate Lee, the cautious and thoughtful man I met at the Arcade.

I watch him leave, struggling with my feelings as I lay prone, open, exposed on his couch, wet patches cooling on my skin. I want to run my fingers through it and taste it, but I can't move. I'm shaking, but I can't stop.

Lee comes back, and it's so fast I know he's worried about me. "Here," he says, kneeling down next to me on the floor. He wipes a warm, wet cloth over the spot near my nipple and I hiss as the rough cloth brushes against my tender flesh. "Sorry," he says, pulling back quickly.

I miss the warmth instantly. "Nipple is super sore," I say, intently avoiding looking at him. "That's all."

"Okay," Lee says, but he still doesn't touch me. "Do you want, if you want to do it yourself-"

"Can you, um, please?" I ask, somehow slipping through my filter. I can't believe I just asked Lee to wipe the cum from me, and I go to say something else, but when the washcloth lowers to my skin again the words are washed away with it.

"Of course," Lee says. I'm feeling very open and exposed for the second time today. "We both came a lot, for it being the second shot of the day." I look at him, surprised by his statement. He's focused on wiping my belly, but his cheeks are flushed. Seeing that relaxes something inside me, makes him more relatable.

I chuckle, then bite my lip. "Yeah," I agree after a second. His hand keeps moving lower, but my little man is too sleepy to greet him properly. "That was unexpected and nice."

The washcloth is cold now, but he's finished wiping most of the results of our little couch exercise away anyway. My skin is cold where the washcloth has been, and then it's warm again as Lee licks each spot. It's ticklish now that I'm not all hot and bothered.

He looks up at me, his tongue lapping at my skin and my little man tries hard, but he's just too tired. I memorize how it looks, though, as I'm pretty sure this will be a rerun in the spankbank for a while.

"Fuck, Cody," he says, leaning back on his heels, his eyes tracing my body again. "You're so fucking hot I can't stop myself."

"I can't go again for a while," I admit.

He snorts. "Me either," he says and I instantly feel better, then laugh. "What's funny?"

"We haven't gotten much done yet today," I say. "I dunno." Still, it's funny to me, and I'm laughing.

He pulls me into a sitting position, then climbs behind me on the couch, pulling me against his chest. We squirm until we find a comfortable position, then he wraps his arms around mine, pulling me close to his body. I can feel the wet spots of our passion on his shirt against my back, but I don't say anything. I like it.