Decisions

The apartment Riley found himself in was clean and...well, boring. Whoever decorated the place did a good job, with all the right pieces in all the right places, but he felt like he'd walked into a department store display. His eyes fell on the movies and books on the bookshelf and he resolved to look at them at some point. They had to be more informative of his companion than this room. Than the entire apartment, probably.

He wandered towards the kitchen, where Jacob was examining the various menus, looking at them as though they were completely foreign. "Is there something wrong? If you'd rather I leave, just let me know."

"No! I mean, no I don't want you to leave, but... This is a very confusing turn of events you know, Riley."

"I know. It's confusing for me, too. In the course of one afternoon, I went from not wanting anything to do with men, to thinking I'm too submissive, to propositioning you."

The astonished expression on Jacob's face elicited a wide grin from Riley, who chose one of the menus at random and handed it over. No matter how confident and at ease he portrayed himself to be, or how certain he'd been earlier, Riley felt giant butterflies in his stomach. A moment of bravado and now he had to follow through. He probably didn't

have

to, but deep inside he didn't feel able to change his mind.

It wouldn't be fair to Jacob. He sat down on the couch, tucking his legs under his body and stared at the blank television screen. Sara might have some theory or explanation on why he was acting so contrary to his personality. Closing his eyes, Riley tried to imagine Sara's explanation.

He figured there were probably two ways she would go to help him. Either she would diagnose him with some split personality disorder, or she would laugh and say he was simply attracted to Jacob and had trouble accepting that truth. For almost a year, he had clutched at his 'decisions' as though they were a lifeline and it proved difficult to let go.

Up and down, back and forth, these changes in his feelings and emotions were exhausting. Riley knew he needed to stop thinking and analyzing everything or he'd make himself sick. All he had to remember was that Jacob was attractive and he wanted the man. He wanted to be naked with Jacob, touching and being touched.

It had been so long since he felt these emotions. If he was honest, and he rarely was about this at least, he hadn't felt much for Hunter at the end of their so-called relationship. What he had wanted to keep hold of was the idea Hunter represented, not Hunter himself.

"You're looking very serious."

Riley jumped, startled from his thoughts when Jacob came to sit beside him on the couch. "I have no clue what I'm doing here."

"Listen, we'll just share a meal and talk. Later I can give you a lift back to your..."

"No! No, that's not what I meant." Riley sat up straight, keeping his eyes on the handsome man beside him. In the low light of the living room, Jacob's fiery hair seemed to glow with a lift of its own. "One moment, all I want is to push you down and kiss you. The next moment, I think it would be wonderful if

you

would push

me

down and take total control. I just...I'm not sure which I should be."

"You don't have to choose. At times, I might take the initiative, other times you'll do it. There's nothing to say that only one partner has to be what you call 'in control'. Even in the space of a few minutes, we can alternate, going with what feels good. And if you or I want to stop, that's fine too."

This man couldn't be for real. He was so understanding and calm. Riley stared off to the side for a moment, sifting through what he knew about himself, what he'd learned and what he wanted. It all came down to one conclusion: he wanted to indulge himself and make a connection with Jacob.

Even before he formulated that thought, his breathing started to get shallow and quicker. His decision, made back in Jacob's office, was now confirmed and accepted. Riley didn't give himself time to think, knowing he would talk himself into doubting that this was the right thing to do. He reached out and slid his hands around Jacob, pulling the man close to claim his lips.

The initial touch was light and soft, tasting a new flavor. Quicker than he would have thought, the embrace wasn't enough and he pressed harder, shifting his body until it pressed against the other man. His breath hitched when Jacob let his hands drift beneath the shirt, touching the bare skin of his back. So hot! The touch nearly burned him, raising goose bumps everywhere he wasn't touched.

They both decided to try to gain admittance to the other's mouth at the same time, the tips of their tongues touching. Riley made a sound in the back of his throat, his head spinning at the delicious contact. Never in his life had he felt this way. Excitement crackled through his body, sending him forward to try to get more contact.

When the bell first sounded, neither one of the men responded to it. Slowly, however, they realized what it meant and Jacob pulled back even as Riley released him from the tight embrace. Jacob fixed his appearance as best he could before answering the door to accept delivery of their meal, but the young woman's smirk informed him that he hadn't done too good of a job.

As wonderful as kissing and touching Riley was, Jacob couldn't help but wonder at the complete turnaround in behavior. He didn't think he was taking advantage, exactly; Riley was aware of the disparity and still wanted to move forward. What he did worry about was what would happen after. He didn't know if this chemistry between them was simple lust or something more. He wanted it to be more, as much as that thought shocked him, but Riley's expectations were another matter.

Would it bother him if Riley left tonight and they never repeated what might happen later? Usually, Jacob would be fine with that, taking things as they came, but he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He had at times thought more could develop with partners, male or female, but when it didn't it didn't bother him. Would it be the same now? For some reason, he didn't think so.

It was on the tip of his tongue to discuss things with Riley, sound out the young man, but everything logical fled in the next moment. He felt the back of his shirt lift up and a wet tongue lick at the skin of his lower back.

"Are you very hungry right now, Jacob?" The low whisper teased at his skin, inflaming him more. "I could stand to wait a bit longer to eat. There are other things I'd rather do right at this moment."

"I'm not starving. Not for food anyway."

Riley took a small bite from just above Jacob's belt and stood up. His eyes were half-closed, burning with lust and desire, as he looked up at Jacob. The tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lips, which curved into an inviting smile.

"Good. That's very good, because I want you to get me naked and touch me

everywhere

. I want you to take me into your room. I want to undress you and put my mouth on every inch of you."

Jacob grabbed Riley and crushed their lips together. He thrust his tongue inside the welcoming, open mouth and swept it over every surface, tasting teeth, cheeks, and gums. They moved toward the bedroom, bumping into the chair and nearly tripping over their briefcases.

Halfway to the bedroom door, Riley fell back against the wall, pulling Jacob up against his body. He gasped and wrapped one leg as high as he could around Jacob's body. It wasn't easy since there was very little room between them, but he managed to shrug out of his ugly shirt. The torn t-shirt followed quickly, forcing them to part momentarily.

Whimpers emerged as Riley stroked his hands over the broad, shirt-clad chest in front of him. It felt decadent and sexy to be partially naked while Jacob was still fully clothed. It made him feel like...he didn't know how, couldn't concentrate to finish any thoughts, but he loved it. He grabbed hold of the other's hands and lifted them over his head. He was taking charge, yet he was forcing Jacob to take control, to control him in every sense. It was strange and wonderful and he wanted more.

Finally, Jacob did what Riley wanted. He transferred Riley's hands into one of his own, while the other drifted down to undo the buttons of the jeans. Riley stretched and writhed, trying to find words to encourage the other man but too out of breath to actually form them. Not being able to talk or think was so liberating for him. He knew he tended to overanalyze and overreact and that was the last thing he wanted right then.

It took several seconds for Riley to realize that Jacob was talking to him. The voice was low and husky, curling through his body, almost stroking with its delightful sensuality. "What do you want? Tell me what you're looking for with me."

"I...I want, oh god I want. Anything...everything...it's so good. I don't want to think." He managed to dart forward quickly enough to lick at the mouth that had him mesmerized. "I need to be overwhelmed by you." Riley felt his rapid breathing mingle with Jacob's, the warm air combining and caressing his skin. "I've been so worried that I shouldn't want to give everything up, to relinquish myself, but dear God it's what I want."

With a few economical movements, Jacob had Riley's pants down to the ground and moaned at the realization that there was nothing underneath. As soon as Riley stepped out of the jeans, he would be completely naked, except for his socks. Jacob placed his hands on the small, firm ass and lifted so he could move them into the bedroom and onto the bed.

For the longest time, Riley was right back in the dream he'd had what felt like ages ago. This time, however, he knew who was kissing and touching him. He whimpered and moaned at the mouth that pressed open-mouthed kisses down his jaw and throat to his chest. He sucked in his breath as teeth and tongue played at his nipples until they ached and throbbed. Riley opened his eyes and watched Jacob torture him, glad that unlike his dream he could see everything clearly.

At each touch to his nipples, invisible threads sent the sensations directly to his cock, causing it to twitch and jump. He wanted to laugh when he lifted his arms above his head and encountered the headboard. It had bars and he clutched at them tightly, panting and arching up to press more of his flesh into the wet heat at his chest.

He couldn't tell whether he lost track, or Jacob just skipped over some parts, but suddenly he could feel those wonderful teeth nibbling around his belly button. Without warning or any kind pattern, Jacob occasionally dipped his tongue into his Riley's navel, which made him jump and whine.

Riley couldn't stand anymore and moved his hands from the headboard to those broad shoulders that were almost out of reach. He alternately pulled and shoved, needing to taste and give something back to the man who was driving him insane. In so little time, Jacob showed him that it was all right to let go, to take what was offered and to ask for what he needed. He couldn't ask, couldn't make his voice work, but now he needed to put his mouth on Jacob.

"Oh, oh God, look at that!"

His eyes widened at the sight of the cock in front of his face. It wasn't so long that it would be hard to take all the way into his mouth and throat. He would just have to work at it a little bit. What might make it more difficult was that it was so thick. Riley wanted to keep staring at it, but his tongue seemed to have a mind of its own and ran up the underside. He felt the pulsing of the big vein, so hot, and made a happy noise in the back of his throat.

"Shit! Riley that feels so good. I don't usually...not without a rubber..."

"Then you're clean," Riley whispered, letting his lips brush against the hot flesh. "I haven't done anything in a year and kept up my testing. It's up to you, but I think we're good going without for oral."

He pulled back reluctantly, waiting for the decision, whichever it ended up being. He preferred without the taste of latex, but couldn't force his desire. Not about this, anyway.

Time stretched out. It felt like an eternity, but was probably no more than a few seconds. Jacob finally let his head fall back and nodded. "Go for it. I trust you if you trust me."

Some might feel smug or victorious at the capitulation, but Riley only felt grateful and somewhat awed at the trust handed to him. He wrapped his lips around the hard shaft, almost feeling it in his own aching length. His fingers stroked and petted every bit of skin he could reach and rejoiced at the different textures. The belly and hip above his head were soft and smooth, while the thighs below were hard and covered with what he considered the right amount of hair.

Jacob thought this might well be the best blowjob he'd ever received. He clenched his hands in the blankets beneath him, concentrating hard on keeping still when all he wanted was to thrust up into the hot, wet mouth and throat that worked his aroused flesh.

"Come up here," Jacob said, nearly growling as he pushed the words past clenched teeth.

"Yes! I want to. Please."

Riley didn't think he was making sense, but it didn't matter. He crawled up and attacked the mouth that was already open and waiting for him. His hands pushed through the beautiful red hair. That hair that made him think of fire and heat.

He found himself on his back. Jacob had rolled them to take control, fitting their bodies together from mouth to groin. Riley would have screamed at the electric feeling of their two cocks pressed together if his mouth were free. Instead, Jacob swallowed his ecstatic cry, sucking it in with his tongue.

Once again, Riley brought his hands up to the headboard to hang on as he wrapped his legs around Jacob. This he could do. He was glad that Jacob didn't try anything other than the wonderful grinding that stole his breath away. Letting go with one hand, Riley reached down to try and fit it between their two bodies, wanting to touch and help himself forward into orgasm. He couldn't manage it and whimpered, bucking up as much as he was able with the greater weight keeping him still.

Jacob sat up on his knees, sitting back on his heels, pulling Riley to straddle his thighs. In this position, one of Jacob's arms around his back to keep him from falling, Riley wrapped his hand around both shafts, joined after a moment by Jacob.

It didn't take long before Riley threw his head back and wailed. His voice echoed around the room as he coated both their chests, bellies and thighs with his come. He heard Jacob issue a muted shout to join him, adding to the wet heat between them.

"Jacob. Jacob, so good."

He wanted to say so much more, hampered by his panting and the drowsiness that swept through him. Never had he come so hard and it amazed him. He was barely aware of Jacob leaving the bed, returning after a few moments with a wet cloth to wipe them both off. Drifting off to sleep, he couldn't help the satisfied smile as he pressed tightly against the strong, hard body behind him.

******

The room was completely dark when Jacob woke up. He found himself wrapped around a warm body and smiled as he remembered the previous evening. They never had gotten to eat their take-out and his stomach was registering its complaint with rumbling. He tried to remove his arm from around Riley's waist, but the other man was holding onto it and tightened his hand as soon as he tried.

If he couldn't move, then Jacob would enjoy himself. Gently, he stroked along the incredibly soft skin of hip and leg. The very light dusting of hair only seemed to increase the silkiness. Jacob let his fingers glide over the stomach and felt the muscles clench. When he brought his touch over to the crack of Riley's ass, however, the entire body beside him tensed up and he heard a whimper. The sound wasn't one of desire, but of fear.

"No, please, it hurts too much. I don't want you to touch me there." Jacob frowned and stilled his hand.

"Shh, I won't hurt you. I wouldn't ever hurt you."

"What?" Riley stretched and yawned before turning confused eyes to Jacob. "Did you say something?"

Jacob realized that Riley hadn't been talking to him, only talking in his sleep. "Who hurt you, honey? I know you said earlier that you didn't like full-on sex, but I didn't think it was because you'd been hurt. Will you tell me about it?"

"I don't think Hunter hurt me, only that I was hurt, if you see what I mean. I was the one who wanted it, and he did use his fingers to stretch me first, so it's probably me. Even though I asked for it, was ready for it to happen, I couldn't take it."

"Did you use lots of lube? Did he give you time to adjust to him?"

Riley ducked his head, but he didn't feel too embarrassed, perhaps because it was so dark in the room. "Lube yes, and he was a little quick. We were in the backseat of his car, because I didn't want to wait. He apologized for being fast, saying I was too...too..."

He couldn't finish. Suddenly, he felt so stupid and naïve, knowing that he had played right into Hunter's hands. Even if all those pretty words were sincere in the moment, they were based on a foundation of lies. Hunter had played him expertly with careful manipulation. Now, after all this time, he could see how one-sided the supposed relationship was.

Most of the time, after Hunter came, there was little or no reciprocating. Their encounters were always in places where they could be interrupted and so they didn't linger, like restaurant or club bathrooms, the office and the car. The few times Riley received release when they were together, it was mainly just a hand job or some grinding. Why hadn't he seen it them, when it was so blatantly obvious now?

Because of Jacob. Jacob hadn't only been after his own gratification. He had touched, caressed and made sure that Riley got as good as he gave. It was the first time in his life that someone had cared if he was enjoying himself. All of a sudden, he felt overwhelmed. Turning his head, he sobbed into the pillow, clutching at Jacob's arm all the while.

Thankfully, instead of trying to cajole him out it, Jacob simply rubbed his back and told him it was all right. Riley believed him and felt better as he drifted back to sleep.

******

Riley and Jacob didn't see each other until the Friday following their encounter. They needed to rush out the door the morning after, because Jacob got a call that someone attacked Andrew Baxter, who was then rushed to the hospital during the night. Riley needed to wait for the answers to his inquiries before doing anything else on the case, so he turned his attention to other files on his desk.

His emotions were on a rollercoaster ride over those days they were apart. He didn't regret what he'd done, but he did need to examine everything to see where that change of mind had come from. That was the biggest thing on his mind, distracting him when he was following a subject or writing up reports for clients.

How did someone go from 'I want nothing to do with people in a personal manner' to 'I want to be in bed with this person'? It didn't make sense to him. Sara was amused by his mutterings and told him the reason was clear. He really liked Jacob and his body informed him of that even if it took his mind time to catch up. It seemed so simple, but there had to be more to it than that. Right?

Early on Friday, Jacob called and asked if they could get together. He suggested a restaurant where they could meet for supper, and they could decide what else to do while they were there. The days of uneasiness vanished as he agreed immediately. The instant he hung up the phone, his only thought was what to wear. He shook his head at himself, but somehow, couldn't make himself care.

"Riley, it's good to see you."