The apartment Riley found himself in was clean and...well, boring. Whoever decorated the place did a good job, with all the right pieces in all the right places, but he felt like he'd walked into a department store display. His eyes fell on the movies and books on the bookshelf and he resolved to look at them at some point. They had to be more informative of his companion than this room. Than the entire apartment, probably.
He wandered towards the kitchen, where Jacob was examining the various menus, looking at them as though they were completely foreign. "Is there something wrong? If you'd rather I leave, just let me know."
"No! I mean, no I don't want you to leave, but... This is a very confusing turn of events you know, Riley."
"I know. It's confusing for me, too. In the course of one afternoon, I went from not wanting anything to do with men, to thinking I'm too submissive, to propositioning you."
The astonished expression on Jacob's face elicited a wide grin from Riley, who chose one of the menus at random and handed it over. No matter how confident and at ease he portrayed himself to be, or how certain he'd been earlier, Riley felt giant butterflies in his stomach. A moment of bravado and now he had to follow through. He probably didn't
have
to, but deep inside he didn't feel able to change his mind.
It wouldn't be fair to Jacob. He sat down on the couch, tucking his legs under his body and stared at the blank television screen. Sara might have some theory or explanation on why he was acting so contrary to his personality. Closing his eyes, Riley tried to imagine Sara's explanation.
He figured there were probably two ways she would go to help him. Either she would diagnose him with some split personality disorder, or she would laugh and say he was simply attracted to Jacob and had trouble accepting that truth. For almost a year, he had clutched at his 'decisions' as though they were a lifeline and it proved difficult to let go.
Up and down, back and forth, these changes in his feelings and emotions were exhausting. Riley knew he needed to stop thinking and analyzing everything or he'd make himself sick. All he had to remember was that Jacob was attractive and he wanted the man. He wanted to be naked with Jacob, touching and being touched.
It had been so long since he felt these emotions. If he was honest, and he rarely was about this at least, he hadn't felt much for Hunter at the end of their so-called relationship. What he had wanted to keep hold of was the idea Hunter represented, not Hunter himself.
"You're looking very serious."
Riley jumped, startled from his thoughts when Jacob came to sit beside him on the couch. "I have no clue what I'm doing here."
"Listen, we'll just share a meal and talk. Later I can give you a lift back to your..."
"No! No, that's not what I meant." Riley sat up straight, keeping his eyes on the handsome man beside him. In the low light of the living room, Jacob's fiery hair seemed to glow with a lift of its own. "One moment, all I want is to push you down and kiss you. The next moment, I think it would be wonderful if
you
would push
me
down and take total control. I just...I'm not sure which I should be."
"You don't have to choose. At times, I might take the initiative, other times you'll do it. There's nothing to say that only one partner has to be what you call 'in control'. Even in the space of a few minutes, we can alternate, going with what feels good. And if you or I want to stop, that's fine too."
This man couldn't be for real. He was so understanding and calm. Riley stared off to the side for a moment, sifting through what he knew about himself, what he'd learned and what he wanted. It all came down to one conclusion: he wanted to indulge himself and make a connection with Jacob.
Even before he formulated that thought, his breathing started to get shallow and quicker. His decision, made back in Jacob's office, was now confirmed and accepted. Riley didn't give himself time to think, knowing he would talk himself into doubting that this was the right thing to do. He reached out and slid his hands around Jacob, pulling the man close to claim his lips.
The initial touch was light and soft, tasting a new flavor. Quicker than he would have thought, the embrace wasn't enough and he pressed harder, shifting his body until it pressed against the other man. His breath hitched when Jacob let his hands drift beneath the shirt, touching the bare skin of his back. So hot! The touch nearly burned him, raising goose bumps everywhere he wasn't touched.
They both decided to try to gain admittance to the other's mouth at the same time, the tips of their tongues touching. Riley made a sound in the back of his throat, his head spinning at the delicious contact. Never in his life had he felt this way. Excitement crackled through his body, sending him forward to try to get more contact.
When the bell first sounded, neither one of the men responded to it. Slowly, however, they realized what it meant and Jacob pulled back even as Riley released him from the tight embrace. Jacob fixed his appearance as best he could before answering the door to accept delivery of their meal, but the young woman's smirk informed him that he hadn't done too good of a job.
As wonderful as kissing and touching Riley was, Jacob couldn't help but wonder at the complete turnaround in behavior. He didn't think he was taking advantage, exactly; Riley was aware of the disparity and still wanted to move forward. What he did worry about was what would happen after. He didn't know if this chemistry between them was simple lust or something more. He wanted it to be more, as much as that thought shocked him, but Riley's expectations were another matter.
Would it bother him if Riley left tonight and they never repeated what might happen later? Usually, Jacob would be fine with that, taking things as they came, but he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He had at times thought more could develop with partners, male or female, but when it didn't it didn't bother him. Would it be the same now? For some reason, he didn't think so.
