Adam:
The flower on the passenger seat was a constant reminder of how I fucked up my relationship with Josh. I sat in my car, staring blankly ahead, I dreaded going in the station, getting on shift with Mike. I didn't know how I felt about him anymore, or how I would react when I saw him, one thing I was certain though was the sadness within me.
Josh couldn't even talk to me... I don't know what to do anymore, I am a stupid fucking idiot, I let my dick control me, and now I lost my friend...my ex-boyfriend? God, I know we weren't dating, but it sure feels like a break up...I miss him already, all those blowjobs were great, but I miss talking to him, I miss kissing him, I miss waking up next to him...I think I'm genuinely in love with him...you don't know what you have until it's gone, I wished I'd have done more with him, if I wasn't so scared of admitting I'm attracted to a guy, trying new things...I'm not ready to lose him...
My eyes started getting teary, I should be inside getting on shift for work, instead I was sitting in the parking lot crying, wallowing in my sorrow. I dreaded walking in the station, facing Mike after what we did, what he did to me. He set me up, tricking me into fucking him, and sent Josh the video. He ruined my relationship, I could feel my blood boiling as I spiral, when suddenly someone knocked on the window, startling me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" It was Jack, the Captain. I quickly wiped my tears secretly, trying to act normal.
"I...I'm just resting, sir. I'm not feeling well."
"What is going on with you two? I found Mike hiding in the locker room, and now you?" Captain sighed, "Come on, come to my office. We need to talk."
I followed the Captain inside, and as we entered the captain's office, I stopped at the door when I realized Mike was already there, sitting on the chair. Mike turned to us, equally shocked by my presence, we stared at each other.
"Adam, sit down." The Captain ordered, I hesitated, but eventually I treaded forward, and sat next to Mike. The Captain sat opposite us over his desk, glaring at us. "What is going on? Either one of you is going to tell me." He paused, staring us down. "Who's going to talk?"
"Sir...nothing happened..." Mike said weakly, "Can we just get back to work?"
"No you are not! Both of you are hiding from each other instead of working as partners, I can tell something is bothering you two. I don't care what you do outside of work. But don't affect your work here." The Captain shouted, "Talk now!"
"Sir, it's private business between us, but...I don't think I can trust Mike anymore...I request to change my partner." I said. Seeing Mike for the first time after everything made me realize how angry I was with him. I could hardly hold myself together without punching him.
"What the fuck Adam! You can't trust me?" Mike said in disbelief, and clearly very hurt. "I get that you want Josh instead of me, but this is too far!"
"Don't you dare talk about Josh!" Hearing Mike said his name opened the flood gate. I darted up from the chair and stared at him with my piercing eyes. The captain was the only thing keeping me from lunging at him. "I fucked you instead of him! He's gone! Are you happy now? You ruined everything!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You set me up! You send him the video!" I screamed at him.
"What? What video?"
"Stop pretending you don't know!" I yelled, and I lost control. I stepped forward and grabbed his collar.
"Enough! Stop it, Adam!" The Captain stepped in and broke us apart, "Enough of this! You two are going solo until everything settles. Mike, go out and work. Adam, stay, we need to talk."
I slumped down on my chair as I watched Mike walk off the office, I was raging, depressed and exhausted all at once. I couldn't look at the captain, I knew I overreacted, I let my anger take over.
"You were way over the line." The captain sat on the desk in front of me, speaking with a softer voice, "This isn't like you, tell me, what is going on?" I broke down immediately, I cried and cried, letting all my emotions out. I told him everything, everything that happened with Josh, Mike and I. I had no idea how much I needed someone to talk to, and I was glad Captain was here to listen.
"So you are saying they recorded you without consent and sent it to your boyfriend?"
"Not my boyfriend...it's complicated...but yeah, that's the jist of it." I said, calmed down a little. "I can't believe him, how could he do that to me! I thought we were friends!"
"Maybe that's the problem, he doesn't want to be friends...love makes people do all sorts of crazy things" the captain sighed, and said, "I'll talk to Mike, get his side of the story..." He paused for a moment, and asked, "Are you feeling okay? You can stay in the station and work on some paperwork, I'm not risking an unstable officer out there."
"I'll be fine." I groaned, "I'm just overwhelmed, and exhausted. I thought I'll be happy, trying new things, having fun, and I even thought I could date somebody, but I guess not. Look what all that got me, nothing but pain and suffering..."
"Nothing wrong with exploring and getting out there, you will find someone eventually. I know you will, you are a catch." The captain patted my shoulder as he said, "Tell you what, my wife is having a small trip out of town leaving me alone in the house this weekend. How about having a guys night, just the two of us? You can let off some steam, relax a little."
"Thanks, captain, that sounds nice actually." I said, as I began to choke up a little. All that reminded me of Josh, all the playdates when he would come over, all the nights we spent together. I missed him, and for some twisted reason I wanted that feeling of having company back, instead of the constant void I was feeling.
"Great! Now get back to work." The Captain smiled, and patted my shoulder again, before gesturing me to go out. I took a deep breath and sauntered out.
I was laying in bed after a long day, Luke was already in bed. It was usually my time to take care of business, but I wasn't in the mood. I tried, I was naked in bed, fondling my hard cock, but it didn't feel right. I couldn't stop thinking about Josh.
Why can't I just jerk off and call it a day? Stupid brain, just stop thinking and let me shoot my load in peace! Fuck! This is just depressing, I have my erection in my hand and all I can do is whine...I miss Josh, I'm so lonely all of a sudden...I survived years of being a single dad, so why can't I be content? Why do I suddenly want someone next to me in bed, spooning me to sleep...and why does it have to be Josh, why can't I imagine anyone else...
I sighed in defeat, ignoring my throbbing hard cock, I rolled over and hugged my spare pillows. As much as I wanted to jerk off, loneliness was consuming me, I desperately needed someone to be by my side. Out of desperation, I downloaded Grindr. I wasn't expecting to hook up with anybody, but I needed someone to talk to, I couldn't stand being alone in bed anymore, and talking to a random stranger seemed like a great alternative for a distraction.
I had no idea what I was doing when I was setting up my profile, all these terms and labels, I had no clue what all that meant. One thing I was certain though was that almost everyone on the app had a sexy profile picture. I rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom, and looked into the mirror. I didn't usually check myself out, I flexed my muscles as I looked at myself, watching my beefy, hairy body as I aimed my phone camera at the reflection. I didn't look half bad, although I'd like to lose some weight, I could still see the muscles under the reddish hair, I snapped a few pictures of my naked torso, didn't show my face, and uploaded them.
As I laid back down in bed, I was mesmerized by the sheer amount of men on the app as I scrolled and scrolled. Most of them had shirtless, or nude photos barely covering their private parts. I kept on ogling on the naked pictures, absent minded scratching my pubic hair and lightly touching my hard cock.
I didn't expect to see so many people on this app, apparently I was clueless, there are so many gay people around me, and I have no idea. What am I supposed to do? There are so many hot guys out there, should I start messaging people? What do I even say? I don't even know what all these terms mean...twink, bear, vers...well I know what top and bottom means, but...am I a top, or a bottom? I don't fucking know...
