I had always been curious, but much too engrained in the straight guy perception of all things gay. The gay community was all hairdressers and limp wristed wimp types.
Perhaps it was my protection against my curiosity, I was not at all like that so I must be 100% straight. I ignored the obvious signs that did not fit the image. The fact that my first wank was about a guy after watching one of those old black & white deep south cotton plantation movies. The fact that I found the sight of naked guys so arousing. The fact the thought of a hard cock made my mouth go dry and my stomach tingle.
All this was pushed out of mind because I knew I was not attracted to the stereotype gay. I married had three children and kept all those best sexy thoughts for private moments alone. I am a naturally submissive person, unfortunately so is my wife, so these feelings were also suppressed. Suppressed that is until I was thirty five years old and discovered the internet.
I first discovered the obvious porn sites, I browsed pages and pages of photographs of women sucking on cock, I knew that more and more I was looking at the cocks not the women. Then I found lots of pictures of men, sexy men, not wimps but real men. I would surf the web for hours and hours mesmerised by hard cocks and delicious pictures of oral sex. I was envious of every woman with a cock in her mouth. I found myself licking my lips and having an enormous hard-on covered in precum.
It was natural progression to find the gay sites and the revelation of the gay bear and the BDSM sites. Not a wimp in sight! I was becoming so liberated by the knowledge that I was not alone and that I could enjoy this. It seemed a natural step to go to a chat room, I was in heaven, I could communicate with guys, tell them how I really felt, I could arouse them.
I became a gay cyber slut, ignoring anyone who wanted to meet up on the first or second chat, that was way to scary! I had an alter ego who was a submissive slut and soon became to realise that it was nearer the truth than I dared believe. I built a long standing online relationship with this one guy, who was Dom but very kind too. He was Gay, 52 and was living on his own, he was out and enjoyed it to the full. I was very envious. He lived about ninety miles away, I deliberately avoided anyone too close. He never pushed but seemed happy that I would be online and do as he asked. One day, shocking myself, I suggested I could phone him. I was soon phoning him every day and now I really wanted to meet him too. He knew everything about me, he was the first person to know everything about me. I knew what he liked and I trusted him so next time he said "It would be better if I was with him for real" I suggested that we should meet, if only for coffee.