Larry and I met on Grindr. We were both married to women, loved to cheat with married men and knew how to keep a secret. I have been hooking up with guys like Larry the entire 14 years I've been married. But he was different. What made him unique is that we chatted for close to three months before meeting in person. Most of the guys I met over the internet wanted to have a one-time quickie that day or maybe the next. But Larry and I found each other on at a transitional time for both of us. We both had cheated many times and were trying to quit but just couldn't keep ourselves away from the porn and hookup apps. It was obvious from the beginning we were kindred souls.
I am not expecting anyone to understand the relationship that developed between us. It might help to know that we would both watch porn while chatting on Grindr. He would stroke his cock, while I pinched my nipples and dry humped a pillow. We often exchanged stories about previous hookups. It was as if we were carbon copies of each other. Pretty much every hookup went the same for us both: Get insanely horny while edging to porn, find a guy on the internet, usually Grindr, then meet for sex, cum and feel ashamed.
The better we got to know each other, the more I found myself wanting a special kind of relationship with Larry. I wanted to make him my "side wife." He knew my brand of sexuality better than anyone I had ever met. He understood how porn warps the brain and makes straight men want to have sex with other men. He understood the thrill of cheating with men not once, not twice, but dozens of times. He understood the deep shame that cuts to the bone after every hookup. He understood the desire to do it all again.
Don't get me wrong. Both of us were straight in "real life," but once we got into a porn-induced trance we became willing to do almost anything. Neither of us ever wanted to change that dynamic. You will never catch me wearing leather chaps and waving a rainbow flag at a gay-pride parade. I would never bring a guy home for Thanksgiving dinner. All that was fine for other people. I have nothing against fully gay people. For guys like Larry and me, it is all about indulging in the animal instinct that emerges after gooning to porn for long periods of time.
Our Grindr relationship started to take an interesting turn a few weeks ago when I decided to tell him how I felt.
"I love you," I wrote to him while edging to striptease videos. "I want to be gay married to you. Not in real life but in our fantasy world."
"I love you too, baby," Larry wrote back. "I want to make you feel so good."
That's when it hit me all of a sudden.
"I've got an idea!" I wrote. "Would you want to have a 'gay marriage' ceremony with me?"
"What do you have in mind?" Larry replied.
It took a week, but we finally found a way to meet. He invited me to his house on a Wednesday morning while his wife was at work. He lived just a couple miles from me in one of our city's more fashionable neighborhoods. We made up a whole cover story in case his wife came home while I was there. If we heard her car in the driveway, we would dress quickly and tell her I was a co-worker swinging by to drop off some documents. Hopefully, it wouldn't come to that.
I walked up the white stone path to his front door with a plastic grocery bag in my hand. My heart thumped like it was going to penetrate my chest and fall to the ground. My feet made their way up the front steps to a black door with a gold knob. I was on autopilot, lost in a lust haze. It was like having an out-of-body experience, yet I knew that as soon as I knocked there would be no turning back.
Larry saved me the trouble. The door swung open as I reached the top step. He stood there looking just like the pictures he had sent-- just an average middle-age white guy dressed like he was headed to the office. I stepped into the foyer. We nodded hellos to each other. The house smelled like a woman's perfume tinged with deep homosexual shame.
I followed him down the hall to the master bedroom. He had a gray blanket with white stripes spread across a wide king bed. A lacy black bra and matching boy-shorts panties were laid out on the side opposite the pillows. A big television mounted on the wall played a quick-cut compilation of women taking cum shots to the face.
"Are you ready to get married?" I said with a twisted smile.
Larry reflected the expression back to me. "Definitely," he said.