TW: Mild reference to attempted suic*de.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"
"Alexander! Language!"
Alex stood up from his kitchen stool sending it clattering to the floor. He glared at his mother who had gone red in the cheeks with anger. But he was angrier.
"I'm twenty this year and you get me a fucking babysitter?"
"Alexander I will not tolerate-"
"I swear to god Mum-"
"Oh for goodness sake! He's not a babysitter!" She cried. "I just thought you could do with some company whilst your father and I are away for the next month!"
He glared at her, feeling like a hormonal fourteen year old all over again as boiling hot rage took over his body making his hands sweat and his fingers tremble. He balled them into fists, digging his nails into his palms so hard they hurt as he tried to breath out slowly, to speak at a normal volume.
"Him. Of all people you asked him?"
His mother sighed, as if he was a spoiled child complaining he hadn't got the toy he wanted. He locked his jaw against the bubbling fury he wanted to hurl at her.
"Don't be silly. You were best friends once, this could be a chance to rekindle an old friendship."
It was true. Logan Conners had been his best friend since... well he couldn't remember. Nursery maybe? As children they had been inseparable. The blond sporty boy with bright blue eyes, and the black haired bookish kid with skinny limbs couldn't have been more opposite from each other, and yet they were a balanced ying and yang, bringing out each other's strengths. That was until secondary school.
What had started as a natural drifting to different circles of friends changed over time to hatred for one another. It was a slow process over the course of the years. Alex, had grown into a bookworm and a video gamer. His 'loner' hobbies along with his naturally dark hair and eyes, paired with pale skin led people to think and gossip that Alex Drumm was an 'emo'. And of course like any secondary school kid getting picked on, he wore darker clothes to 'blend in' and hide, unintentionally increasing the stereotype.
Logan on the other hand was bright and charismatic. He was able to wrap even the strictest of teachers around his finger with his charm and wit. He joined the football team, quickly forming a circle of friends that gravitated to the top of the food chain in their year. They were the 'popular boys', the 'sporty boys', the 'hot boys'. Alex had heard it all, but preferred to refer to them all as 'dickheads'.
There had been a brief time that he had managed to maintain a sort of friendship with Logan. But things quickly started to go wrong. Like how suddenly the whole year knew about how he had wet himself in Year 4 at school when he was eight. The only person who had known about that was Logan. He had been the best friend ever and had lent his spare pair of PE shorts, not even the teacher had known.
"What the fuck?!" Alex had said when he saw Logan that day, but Logan had just shrugged it off as a joke and called him 'sensitive'.
Then there was Alison Crawford. A girl who he had dated for two weeks until eventually she dissolved into fits of giggles when he had leaned in to kiss her, and admitted she was only hanging out with him because Logan had dared her. Once again, his old friend defended himself that he was just trying to get him some action, to break him out of his shell, have some fun. But by this point their friendship was shattering quickly.
The final straw has been the worst of all. He had only glanced at Logan in the changing room for a second. Maybe two. Then suddenly he was confronted by Logan's mates.
"What are you looking at perv?"
"Yeah you gay or something? Hey Logan, emo kid was looking at you. Think he's got a crush."
"Fuck off I was not-"
"You gay, emo kid?"
"No."
"Bet you are. What you say Logan? You reckon emo kid is gay?"
There was a moment where Alex gave Logan a pleading look, the childish naive part of his brain thought Logan would rescue him, cover for him, or at the very least not engage. Instead his face twisted into a cruel smirk that he didn't recognise.
"Yeah he's always been a little fag. Why do you think I tried so hard to get rid of him?"
His world had broken apart at those words. Not because he could, correctly, predict the years of torture those words would start, or that his old best friend had been the one to say it. But that there was a small part of him that knew it was true. He had a crush on his once best friend, now bully. And he hated himself all the more for it. He was a fag, an emo kid freak. He had glared at Logan, letting the hatred roll over his skin, filling him with an anger and shame that would never leave him.
"You are a piece of shit Logan," he spat and Logan's eyes narrowed.
"Whatever emo kid."
Alex stormed out from the changing room, slipping through the broken fence behind the Sports Hall and ditching school for the first day of many.
Now, here he stood. A nineteen year old virgin with no friends, living with his parents, working in a local book shop. Facing the prospect of having Logan Conners back in his life.
"Please mum," he begged. "Tell him no."
"It's too late," she said in a clipped voice. "We're leaving for the airport shortly. I think you're being ungrateful, Logan was really pleased when I asked him. Said he'd love to see you."
He felt sick. What was Logan up to? Why had he agreed to come and visit someone who he despised?
He knew why his mum had asked him. Logan was successful, handsome, back on his summer holidays from Leeds Uni. He was still as charming as he had been as a teenager and perhaps his mother thought he could brush off some of his cheerful persona on her moody and miserable son. She had no idea of course what had happened. He had told no one, writing down his miserable thoughts in a diary that no one knew even existed. It was full of his hatred and infatuation with Logan, the tangled mess of his brain, the longing and the hurt pouring out of him. Even now years after he had last seen him in the flesh.
Not that he regularly checked up on Logan, he just sometimes found himself wandering onto his Instagram feed when he was bored and feeling particularly depressed. Wondering where it all went wrong.
He clenched his teeth and said nothing as his mother tidied the kitchen and gathered her things.
"Right, I'm off. I'm meeting your father at the train station so I'll send your love."
"Have a nice holiday," he said grudgingly and she leaned in for a kiss on his cheek.
"I love you," she said, smiling sadly. Pushing his hood back and stroking his black hair like when he was a kid. It was nice, but he was nineteen and too old for that, so he pushed her hand away and pulled up his hood. "Please dont just sit in your room in the dark for a month?"
He nodded, but said nothing. The dread of Logan still ate at him.
"Bye mum," he said and watched as she pulled her suitcase to the car, loaded it into the boot and drove away with a small wave.
He shut and locked the front door with a sigh. Although she would kill him when she came back from holiday, if he kept the door locked then Logan couldn't come in. He was safe. He grabbed a bag of crisps from the cupboard and went up to his room, sitting in his gaming chair and starting up one of his favourite games.
He was engrossed into the story as he fought as a mage through the challenges when he heard the doorbell. He paused the game, and listened. He heard knocking and the doorbell rang again. He swallowed, his heart beating quickly and then put his headphones back on. Ignoring the noise, ignoring him. He continued playing, exploring the game and admiring the graphics as he sliced through his enemies, using his magic to cast spells to clear his path. He sat with his back to the door so he didn't see or hear him until he was right there.
A body flung itself onto the bed beside him and gave him a grin.
"Hey bud!"
"Agh!" Alex cried, almost falling off his chair in surprise. He took off his headphones slowly, staring at Logan. He looked as good in real life than in his photos. A good six months older than Alex he had already turned twenty a few months back. He looked broad and strong, his sandy blonde hair cut smartly but still with a boyish tangle of effortless good looks. His eyes were light blue in a naturally olive tanned skin. If they were to stand up Logan would be considerably taller than Alex. He felt like a kid next to him, the pathetic loner once again.
"How did you get in?!" He whispered in amazement.
Logan dangled a small key on a key ring and chuckled. "Your mum thought I'd need this to check up on you. And she was right! Locking me out? Come on I thought we were friends!"
"We aren't friends."
