Chapter Sixteen - "Now What Should I Do?"
After watching Joey blow Stephen and Stephen blow Ralph, after watching them cum in one another's mouth, I was as shocked, as much as I was disturbed by the sight of two of my best friends having gay sex. Now what should I do? Should I rat on them? Should I tell the guys that Joey and Stephen just gave one another a blowjob? Should I tell them that they're gay lovers? They'd never believe me. I still don't believe it myself.
Should I tell them that they were jerking off one another before giving one another a blowjob? Should I tell them that they were making out and French kissing? What should I tell them, if I should tell them anything at all? Or should I keep quiet and let them stay in the closet, until they admit their sexual preference and tell everyone themselves that they're gay and had gay sex? Being that they were still my friends, albeit gay friends, I decided to keep their shocking secret.
Suddenly, I felt myself maturing. Maybe it's none of my business what they do behind closed doors, but they were out in the open, as if hoping to get caught. Maybe, they were just experimenting. Yeah, that's it. They were just experimenting. Sure, a first time for everything, only, I never experimented with gay sex. Yet, what the Hell does that even mean anyway? Just as I never kissed another guy, I never gave a guy a hand job or sucked another guy's cock. I never wanted to experiment with another man. I'm happy being a straight guy and can't even imagine being a gay guy.
Maybe, in the moment, after Kathleen had gotten them so aroused by giving them both a blowjob, their first blowjob, they were caught up in the moment of receiving a blowjob and were curious what it was like to give a blowjob. Yeah, that's probably it, but I was aroused, too, when Kathleen gave me a blowjob and I didn't feel the need to blow one of my male friends. Then, I thought, what if this wasn't the first time? What if that wasn't their first blowjob?
What if they had sucked one another off before? What if they had sucked off other guys before? What if, when they're not with us, they hang out around train station and bus terminal restrooms, as in that novel, the Midnight Cowboy. I read the book in '65 and read recently that they were making a movie from the book with Dustin Hoffman and Jon Voight? Wow. Suddenly, Harry Nilsson's Midnight Cowboy theme song, Everybody's Talkin', endlessly played through my mind. Suddenly, I pictured Stephen wearing cowboy boots with a big cowboy hat and Joey playing the part of Ratso Rizzo. Suddenly, I thought of the both of them wearing black leather and nipple clips or one of them dressed as a woman Stop it!
Nah, I'm being crazy. Just because they're gay doesn't mean they're perverted and would have sex with anyone for the sake of having sex. Does it? Joey is a pervert, though, but that was when he was a straight pervert. What does that make him now, normal or a gay pervert? All of this is so confusing. Not being gay myself, I didn't understand any of it. Barely still a virgin, I've only had sex the one time with one woman.
I caught movement in the mirror and stepped back out of the reflection. Until I thought this out, I didn't want them to see me and them to know that I knew their dirty, little secret. I didn't want them to know that I saw them blowing one another. I waited a few seconds, before leaning back in to see their reflection in the mirror. They switched positions and were sitting upright now. Moving out of the way just in time, I was glad that I moved out of my reflection. Surely, they would have seen me standing there. How could they not? Without doors on any of the rooms, it wasn't that big of an apartment.
I took a step and leaned forward to look in the mirror to see what they were doing. They were just talking. Only the fact still remained that they just had gay sex and are gay. Suddenly, I envisioned them both hanging out in gay bars and loosing contact with their neighborhood buddies, the guys they grew up with, and disowning us all for their gay friends, Chad, Todd, Bruce, and Jeremy or whatever. Suddenly, I was sad. I imagined Joey becoming a famous hair designer and Stephen a fashion designer or both going in business together as home decorators. Suddenly, I was out of my mind nuts with stupid thoughts. They're gay. So what?
I wondered what reaction the guys would have. I mean, I'm fairly opened minded, but I was stunned. Having known them most of my life, I never figured Joey and Stephen were gay. Watching them together sexually was the most unbelievable thing I had ever seen. I never would have guessed that horny little Joey, who always fantasized about his mother jerking him off and blowing him was gay and Stephen, who always talked about seeing his sister naked was gay, too. I don't think Ralph and Anthony would be as understanding, as I was about such worldly things.
They blew one another. They really blew one another. They're both cocksuckers. I was still in shock. First, I couldn't believe I saw Joey and Stephen kissing one another, French kissing and making out. Then, I couldn't believe I saw them jerking one another off, stroking one another's cocks. And now, I couldn't believe that they blew one another and ejaculated in one another's mouths. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it. With gay sex trumping first time sex, seeing Joey and Stephen together superseded what happened between Kathleen and I.